M is for Mama 5: Praying for Lunch

[SassyPants]

55 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’ve learned that with preschool age children, you have to ask specific questions. For example: “were you too busy playing that you waited too long to go potty?” Actually I have to ask specific questions to my 7 year old as well. If I say, “how was your day at school?” I will get a one word response. But if I ask him, “did you do anything new or different at school today?” I’ll get a longer answer. Braggie has 8 kids. She should know this shit by now.

Although she has 8 kids, how much actual parenting has she done? She doesn’t know or interact with her 8 any more (I might say much less actually) than most people do with 1,2 or 3 kids. Like someone said earlier, Abbie is essentially Abbie focused. The only reason she even has all those kids is because the attention and perceived Jesus love that those kids provide her! 

[feministxtian]

My sons are oil and water...they don't really get along, they've been known to come to blows as adults...BUT...if one is in trouble the other one has his back. Its just the way they are...and that's all up to them. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Braggie is a pro at putting down working moms while patting herself on the back. Too bad most of the parenting rests on the shoulders of her oldest 3.

[danvillebelle]

"So I'm saying it: every single unremembered act of service to your children places a stamp of love on their hearts that burns itself so deep into their unconscious memories that, though they may not be able to recall the specifics, they will never doubt that their mama adored them and took her profession seriously."

What a crock of shit.

I got news for you, Braggie.  Just doing all the physical caring isn't enough, nor does it guarantee happy results.  I'm sure my mother loves me.  However, she fucked up so utterly royally in several other key areas that all the baby to preschool caring doesn't really mean much to me any more.  I can't stand her and I can't stand to be around her.  Because I figured out, through therapy, that she's a rare breed of narcissist - one that makes herself look like an utter saint (to everyone outside the family) and is so clueless that she does not in fact realize that she IS a narcissist.

Good luck with that theory (that your kids will adore you forever because you wiped their noses and bums and corrected their grammar).  You're going to need it when they realize what actually transpired.

ETA: and unlike those of us who grew up pre-internet, the evidence is right there for your kids to see.  All of it.  Forever.  

 

Edited February 12, 2020 by danvillebelle

[SuperNova]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Braggie is a pro at putting down working moms while patting herself on the back. Too bad most of the parenting rests on the shoulders of her oldest 3.

She never actually comes out and says it directly, I'll give her that. The message is clear though. She only offers encouragement to women who homeschool or have toddlers because screw those lazy unloving working moms who somehow manage to put food on the table and still raise great kids. Abbie has no idea what it means to raise kids and be in the trenches of life. To have no car and still have to get your kid to school and then take three buses to get to a minimum wage job two towns over. To arrive at your last bus stop and still have to walk 5 blocks in the pouring rain, get to work soaking wet, with only a small space heater to warm you up because your job is in a freezing warehouse. And then uh oh!, it's christmas break and luckily your boss agrees to let your bring your kid to the freezing warehouse where you now have to do your job and entertain a 8 year old who's cold. That was my life when I was a newly divorced 23 year old mom with no support system.

I'm not gatekeeping the motherhood struggle but this is hard to take from an upper middle class woman who had had access to all the benefits life has to offer. Only offering encouragement to those you find worthy of bestowing your blessings is a shitty thing to do.

[JermajestyDuggar]

17 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

She never actually comes out and says it directly, I'll give her that. The message is clear though. She only offers encouragement to women who homeschool or have toddlers because screw those lazy unloving working moms who somehow manage to put food on the table and still raise great kids. Abbie has no idea what it means to raise kids and be in the trenches of life. To have no car and still have to get your kid to school and then take three buses to get to a minimum wage job two towns over. To arrive at your last bus stop and still have to walk 5 blocks in the pouring rain, get to work soaking wet, with only a small space heater to warm you up because your job is in a freezing warehouse. And then uh oh!, it's christmas break and luckily your boss agrees to let your bring your kid to the freezing warehouse where you now have to do your job and entertain a 8 year old who's cold. That was my life when I was a newly divorced 23 year old mom with no support system.

I'm not gatekeeping the motherhood struggle but this is hard to take from an upper middle class woman who had had access to all the benefits life has to offer. Only offering encouragement to those you find worthy of bestowing your blessings is a shitty thing to do.

It’s hard to take from a middle class SAHM like myself! Because I’m incredibly aware of other people’s struggles. And Braggie has much more support, finances, and physical help than most moms in the US. 

[SassyPants]

I think the thing that pisses me off the most about this lady is she has the gall to pat herself on the back and point out how her way is better, yet if it wasn’t for her parents and ILs ,her life and lifestyle wouldn’t even be possible, and she and her husband’s current decisions are pretty much handicapping their own children to ultimately succeed. She and Shaun are educated and employable because their parents made sure that they could make higher education happen. Currently her mother is a third parent and her ILs seemingly help out as well. How will her kids end up and will their mother be there to help THEM ? It’s all utter BS. All AH cares about is herself. 

[SuperNova]

8 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It’s hard to take from a middle class SAHM like myself! Because I’m incredibly aware of other people’s struggles. And Braggie has much more support, finances, and physical help than most moms in the US. 

Exactly my point. I'm not knocking her for not having to struggle but it would be nice if she had a little self awareness and compassion for others. 

7 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I think the thing that pisses me off the most about this lady is she has the gall to pat herself on the back and point out how her way is better

I think she's just trying to convince herself that her way is better. She would have been so much happier (and maybe nicer) if she never had all those kids. 

[TuringMachine]

Both my parents worked full time for most of my childhood. I have never doubted either love me. You know why Braggie? Because despite working all day, when they were home they did the best they could to make us feel loved and wanted. They weren't constantly handing us off to grandparents (or older siblings I guess) so they could hang out with friends or workout. They didn't complain about us wanting them to play in the snow with us. They didn't get mad if we made art out of our toys (seriously this one still perplexes me). They didn't constantly point out our flaws. And while I'm sure they probably vented their frustrations with us or parenting in general to friends, they didn't post it publicly where everyone, us included could read it.

I can tell you from my friend who is currently cutting her own mother out of her life, providing basic necessities isn't going to mean much when your kids don't think you care about them as a person, and holding the difficulty of parenting over their heads isn't going to help.

[SassyPants]

4 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

Exactly my point. I'm not knocking her for not having to struggle but it would be nice if she had a little self awareness and compassion for others. 

I think she's just trying to convince herself that her way is better. She would have been so much happier (and maybe nicer) if she never had all those kids. 

And you know what, MOST people do not have the personality to happily and healthfully parent 8 kids. All this means is that AH is just like the majority of  other people on the planet, ill-suited for a lifestyle filled with constant pregnancies, butt and nose wiping and noise. Get the vapors, AH is just like most everyone else, rather ordinary, not extraordinary.

[feministxtian]

4 hours ago, TuringMachine said:

I can tell you from my friend who is currently cutting her own mother out of her life, providing basic necessities isn't going to mean much when your kids don't think you care about them as a person, and holding the difficulty of parenting over their heads isn't going to help.

I was the mother's prop...where she could show off her achievements..."oh look, I went back to work to afford private school for my daughter"...shit like that. 

I seriously enjoy that my children value me as much as I value them. Yes, that's included school work (college). #1 son sends me his papers for proofreading and editing. He also values my advice, even on serious matters. #2 son had me proofread a couple of papers last night...and he also discusses his relationship with his girlfriend with me. Daughter...much more independent, but still getting hit up about wedding details, Mel Brooks, Star Trek. 

None of Abbie's kids are going to have that sort of relationship with her as adults. Valuing them as PEOPLE goes a helluva lot further than making sure their butts were dry all the time in terms of them feeling valued, validated, secure. Honest to God lady, I'm SO not impressed with the number of kids you have...I knew families with more, 10-12 kids...and I know these families were tight-knit and that continued into adult hood. Why? Because none of them were expected to be parents. I know one couple where the mom REFUSED to ask any of the older children for help with the latest baby and toddlers. Her philosophy was that God gave HER and her husband those children and her job/duty/whatever was to be mom to them. They weren't the other children's responsibility. She said the bigger kids' responsibility was to get good grades (scholarships!!!), be kids and do their chores. The 2 oldest boys took over the family business, and the next 3-4 were all in college or grad school last I heard. 

[AliceInFundyland]

On 2/11/2020 at 10:11 AM, SuperNova said:

I'm not a fan of "how are you" and literally everyone asks. I always say "fine" because I assume that the asker is going through the motions of social niceties and doesn't really care. Also, I'm a private person and I don't want to share how I really feel. 

Depending on the person I tend to respond with, could you be more specific?"

Saves a lot of energy. ?

 

[anachronistic]

I remember my mom working. I remember her being a computer programmer in a time when (although I didn’t know it) few women were in tech, and the assumption in our house that women were just as good or better at math and science than men. That’s what my mom’s job taught me. I remember too, the babysitters I played with, the teachers who cared, the science labs, the school plays and field trips and special programs and chorus and independence that going to school taught me. Plus one thing that Braggies method of schooling and mine had in common: I learned that sometimes, you just have to put up with a terrible teacher or a terrible subject, sit still, shut up and deal with it. But I never had a teacher that I hated for more than a year. Her kids are stuck with her for 18!

And let’s be realistic, Honor won’t remember Braggie caring for him. He’ll remember a Braggie taking pictures, and yelling, and driving, and taking pictures, and telling him what to do. But he’ll remember Ezra helping him to the bathroom, and changing into the clothes that Braggie picked, and cutting his food, and brushing his teeth. He’ll remember his sisters playing with and teaching him. He’ll remember his grandma giving him breakfast because he’s hungry - gasp! - before he’s done schoolwork. Actions speak louder than words, and actions are what the kids will remember. 

[nellautumngirl]

Exactly, children know when you don't care about them. You just have to look at how Joy Duggar used to adore Jill versus how she was around Michelle. Children know. 

[AmazonGrace]

She seems to imagine that working moms don't have to drag their weary bodies out of bed to feed the baby again.

[JermajestyDuggar]

12 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

She seems to imagine that working moms don't have to drag their weary bodies out of bed to feed the baby again.

Right? And working dads too. I may be a SAHM but my husband works. And there were times when he had to be up all night with one sick kid while I was up all night with the other. And then went to work the next day. Like millions of other parents in the world. 

[SassyPants]

On the issue of working parents and getting up at night, both my husband and I worked while raising kids. He worked FT + and I worked PT and often times off hours. During the years when I worked DT hours, we traded nights. So one night I’d get up and the next night he would be “on duty” if anyone needed middle of the night help. Thankfully, getting up was very, very rare. Perhaps it was because our entire family was  wry routine oriented. We had to be, or we would have never survived. I do not miss those days. Also, since I was PT, and often had days off in the middle of the week in lieu of working weekends, if I was off work the next day, I would get up for middle of the night issues, and on the weekends when I was working, he would get up for nighttime issues. Sleep was and still is very much a priority. 

[SuperNova]

Abbie, a grown-ass woman with 8 kids, doesn't understand why the entire world doesn't stop to revolve around Valentine's Day. Of course, the answer can't be that Valentine's doesn't really count as a real holiday. No, the answer is that some old dude without a date deliberately sabotaged her night out with Shaun. She had to smell cow poop and hang out with her kids. Sometimes the world is just out to get poor Abbie. But really it's all ok cuz Europe.

Spoiler

We spent the weekend in San Antonio with the big boys + Shiloh for Ezra's and Simon's 4-H Robotics meet.
It was hosted at a stock show, and I think I JUST got the scent of cow poop to leave my nostrils. ??? I'm not sure which old dude without a date thought it would be a grand idea to schedule said event for Valentine's Day (I picture his staring at his calendar and thinking, "The 14th? Sure, why not? I'm free!" ?), but Shaun and I were initially less-than-enthused about the timing.
We ended up having a "date" with E, S, and Shi-guy, complete with greasy burgers, TWO attempts at bowling (#lol #twohourwait #valentinesday), and dessert.
It might not have been romantic or fancy or even terribly successful, but it was fun because we were together, and we like/love each other.
And now we're ALL together again, and I couldn't be more excited (tinged with a touch of nervousness) for our time in Europe in just a little over two months!! ?

Sure do love all of my funny Valentines!

 

Edited February 17, 2020 by SuperNova

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, SuperNova said:

Abbie, a grown-ass woman with 8 kids, doesn't understand why the entire world doesn't stop to revolve around Valentine's Day. Of course, the answer can't be that Valentine's doesn't really count as a real holiday. No, the answer is that some old dude without a date deliberately sabotaged her night out with Shaun. She had to smell cow poop and hang out with her kids. Sometimes the world is just out to get poor Abbie. But really it's all ok cuz Europe.

  Reveal hidden contents

We spent the weekend in San Antonio with the big boys + Shiloh for Ezra's and Simon's 4-H Robotics meet.
It was hosted at a stock show, and I think I JUST got the scent of cow poop to leave my nostrils. ??? I'm not sure which old dude without a date thought it would be a grand idea to schedule said event for Valentine's Day (I picture his staring at his calendar and thinking, "The 14th? Sure, why not? I'm free!" ?), but Shaun and I were initially less-than-enthused about the timing.
We ended up having a "date" with E, S, and Shi-guy, complete with greasy burgers, TWO attempts at bowling (#lol #twohourwait #valentinesday), and dessert.
It might not have been romantic or fancy or even terribly successful, but it was fun because we were together, and we like/love each other.
And now we're ALL together again, and I couldn't be more excited (tinged with a touch of nervousness) for our time in Europe in just a little over two months!! ?

Sure do love all of my funny Valentines!

 

Correction...she had to hang out with 3/8ths of her kids, a far cry from a full load. And, although I am generally not this person, but does AH look like she could possible be PG in these last pics on IG? Please god, no. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Her 2 oldest children are mini adults thanks to Braggie. Therefore the only child she had to actively parent for the entire weekend was Shiloh. And Shaun was there to help. So she complained about a weekend away where she had to do no cooking, cleaning, and probably no parenting. But she had to smell barn smells. The horror! 

[SuperNova]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

Correction...she had to hang out with 3/8ths of her kids

This made me laugh. For some reason my mind pictured 3/8ths of one kid. 

[danvillebelle]

8 hours ago, SassyPants said:

And, although I am generally not this person, but does AH look like she could possible be PG in these last pics on IG? Please god, no. 

I was just thinking the other day it's about time for this to happen.  Shiloh is 1, after all.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, danvillebelle said:

I was just thinking the other day it's about time for this to happen.  Shiloh is 1, after all.

Her last few kids are all 2 years and 1 month apart. So I’m hoping she isn’t pregnant quite yet.

[Melissa1977]

14 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Her last few kids are all 2 years and 1 month apart. So I’m hoping she isn’t pregnant quite yet.

What can be worse than travelling overseas with 7 children? Yeah, travelling overseas with 7 children and pregnant. #hardisnotthesameasbad #braggieisdumb

[JermajestyDuggar]

Just now, Melissa1977 said:

What can be worse than travelling overseas with 7 children? Yeah, travelling overseas with 7 children and pregnant. #hardisnotthesameasbad #braggieisdumb

8 children! But to be fair, the oldest two don’t act like children.