M is for Mama 5: Praying for Lunch

[danvillebelle]

Blah blah blah blah blah.  she talks too much...she talks about herself....

I do not and will never get decorating as entertainment.  It seems so incredibly wasteful to me.  ETA: I don't care how cheap your "anthro" (gag) crap was - it still had to be made and shipped and transported and sold which all uses up resources. 

Edited February 7, 2020 by danvillebelle

[JermajestyDuggar]

7 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

Agreed, her pants are definitely on fire. Remember when she wallpapered her closet while Ezra played daddy? 

All the various incarnations of the dining room highlights just how much time and money she wastes. She can talk all day about her deal scrounging and after christmas sales but discounts at high end stores are still more expensive than a lot of people can afford. She may also be getting some good second hand deals but I know from experience that it takes a great deal of time to find quality secondhand furniture at a good price that specifically matches your decor. And where are her kids while she spends all that time searching? Abbie's "See? I'm just like you only better!" schtick is so transparent. Who among her Insta following actually believes this shit?

As someone who spent hours going from one second hand store to another in search of decent pants for my kids, I 100% agree. You have to wade through so much crap to find one good thing to buy. 

Funny coincidence. I found a mug from Anthropologie at Goodwill the other day. I laughed and immediately thought of Braggie. It’s a cat mug that I adore. I Didn’t even care that it’s originally from Anthropologie. Just that it had cats on it that I love. But it takes time to look through their shelves of coffee mugs to find just one that you like! I don’t even buy anything on clearance from Anthropologie because I still think it’s too expensive! She’s spending plenty of money on this shit.

[SuperNova]

13 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

I do not and will never get decorating as entertainment.  It seems so incredibly wasteful to me.  ETA: I don't care how cheap your "anthro" (gag) crap was - it still had to be made and shipped and transported and sold which all uses up resources. 

Mr. Nova and I love to shop for home decor. We've spent the last 15 years collecting only original mid-century furniture and accessories. We've spent countless hours sifting through garage and estate sales, thrift stores, antiques malls, you get the idea. Each room has a color scheme and style so it's taken years to assemble because unlike Abbie, we don't have an unlimited budget. To us, it's a win/win/win: it gives us a mutual hobby, we don't buy new so it's eco-friendly, it never goes out of style and its better made than modern so there's little need to replace anything. 

I personally have no interest in Abbie's stupid "anthro" either. They have some nice things but their mark-ups are insane. I worked for a company that bought from some of the same distributors and an item we would sell for $20 and be more than keystoning, they would sell for $50.

Edited February 8, 2020 by SuperNova

[danvillebelle]

4 hours ago, SuperNova said:

Mr. Nova and I love to shop for home decor. We've spent the last 15 years collecting only original mid-century furniture and accessories. We've spent countless hours sifting through garage and estate sales, thrift stores, antiques malls, you get the idea. Each room has a color scheme and style so it's taken years to assemble because unlike Abbie, we don't have an unlimited budget. To us, it's a win/win/win: it gives us a mutual hobby, we don't buy new so it's eco-friendly, it never goes out of style and its better made than modern so there's little need to replace anything. 

Exactly - you just made my point (and I love mid-century, I'm just into minimalism also so I don't have much of anything lately in the way of decor...but I have 3 years worth of Atomic Ranch magazine (2009-2012) that I will never part with).  You have a carefully curated, personal collection of vintage items that speaks volumes about your taste and style.  

You haven't re-decorated over and over in an attempt to stave off boredom/impress other people/have new images on your instagram in order to gain more followers.  Your shelves are not full of meaningless tchotchkes whose sole purpose is to take up space and fill the frame in a photo, or look hip and trendy.

The improvements we plan to make over the years to our circa 1970 house would probably tickle your fancy...Nelson pendant lamps in the living room, VCT or slate flooring throughout, a Saarinen-style round table and chairs for the dining area, and bullet planters on the front stoop. 

ETA:  there's also something to be said for heirloom pieces.  I know they're not everyone's cup of tea...but Braggie's kids won't have any furniture or decor heirlooms that hold memories of their childhoods and growing-up years because their mother changes it all every couple of years.  

My older daughter has my great-grandmother's 120+ year old marble-top dresser in her room.  My younger daughter has the sewing cabinet my grandfather made for my aunt.  Our dining table, chairs and sideboard (which currently resides in the living room because our kitchen/dining area has a built-in sideboard and china cabinet) were made by my grandfather the year I was born.  I had Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners at this table, for 30 years.  As soon as they have a bigger place, the table and chairs will go to my son and his wife.  It means a LOT to him to have things made by his great-grandfather.  My bathroom counter holds a pink Depression glass candy dish that I chose myself when the family went through my great-grandma's house after her death in 1976.  It holds seashells from a special trip to the beach my husband and I had several years ago.  These things hold loving energy and make our lives richer.  

 

Edited February 8, 2020 by danvillebelle

[JermajestyDuggar]

I would love some more antique furniture but my kids will do something to harm it and then I’ll get pissed. Our Kitchen table is a Duncan Phyfe but I keep a vinyl tablecloth on it at all times. Because I don’t want the kids ruining it. I’ve been thinking about replacing some side tables but I’m afraid the kids will spill shot all over them and ruin them. So I’m not sure what I’ll do just yet.

[Pecansforeveryone]

Yes, constant shifting thru clothes is one reason I shop less at second hand stores than I used to. However, there was a time in my life where that's where my budget was, and I was grateful for them. I just assumed mega families shopped by default at 2nd hand stores exclusively even if the provider makes very good money because of the very real expense of so many children. 

[anachronistic]

Also, her kids are little. They most definitely still need help getting ready for bed. A two or three year old can’t change into pajamas, brush teeth, etc, without both physical help and a lot of prompting. It’s her older kids doing the parenting, though, not her - it probably never occurs to her how much help the little kids actually need because she’s always getting so much help. And where is the baby when they’re doing all this decorating? Or is the baby also in the steady hands of a sibling? Ugh.

[JermajestyDuggar]

15 minutes ago, anachronistic said:

Also, her kids are little. They most definitely still need help getting ready for bed. A two or three year old can’t change into pajamas, brush teeth, etc, without both physical help and a lot of prompting. It’s her older kids doing the parenting, though, not her - it probably never occurs to her how much help the little kids actually need because she’s always getting so much help. And where is the baby when they’re doing all this decorating? Or is the baby also in the steady hands of a sibling? Ugh.

She actually posted a video of her oldest daughter (age 9) putting the baby to sleep for his nap. She thought it was cute because she was singing to the baby. Yes, a 9 year old was putting a baby down for his nap. Her kids do all the parenting. That 9 year old also gave the baby a bath while Braggie recorded it. And that’s when Shiloh turned the cold water on himself and freaked out.

Edited February 8, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[TuringMachine]

Not exactly furniture, but my favorite item I have is a quilt my grandmother had made for my mom when she went to college. It was on my bed growing up, and I want to give it to my own future kid. It's not the prettiest or trendiest or whatever, but it connects me with my mom and grandmother. The only reason I don't use it now is because it's meant for a twin bed.

[danvillebelle]

2 hours ago, TuringMachine said:

Not exactly furniture, but my favorite item I have is a quilt my grandmother had made for my mom when she went to college. It was on my bed growing up, and I want to give it to my own future kid. It's not the prettiest or trendiest or whatever, but it connects me with my mom and grandmother.

Same here - I have 2 quilts made by the same g-gma who the Depression glass belonged to.  They look their age (70+ years) but I will never part with them and love to curl up under them and read.  I also have HER mother's crazy quilt made by her friends when she got married, circa 1890 - all velvets and silks with unique embroidery.  

 

[Melissa1977]

20 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

She actually posted a video of her oldest daughter (age 9) putting the baby to sleep for his nap. She thought it was cute because she was singing to the baby. Yes, a 9 year old was putting a baby down for his nap. Her kids do all the parenting. That 9 year old also gave the baby a bath while Braggie recorded it. And that’s when Shiloh turned the cold water on himself and freaked out.

IMG. Bathtubs/showers and soap and toddlers and a 9 year old on charge. What a recipe for a disaster. A big disaster! I wonder how many accidents Braggie does not report to her followers.

I thought Michelle reached the very bottom on mothering. But at least she was like the company manager, supervising. Well, at least while they were living in the small house and her daughters were young. Not defending her!!! Kelly Bates and other fundie mothers strike me the same way. Bosses, not moms. But Braggie is not even the typical fundie mom... is even more irresponsible and unattached! 

[milkteeth]

On 2/7/2020 at 8:52 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

Braggie is lying. She does a lot of her decorating when the kids are at her mother’s house for the weekend. When the oldest three are taking care of all the younger ones. 

 

Braggie sounds like one of those celebrity interviews where the actress/model claims "Oh I eat burgers, pizza and drink beer all the time! I mostly just try to squeeze in a gym session when I can, but it must be genetics that keeps me so thin and toned!" It's all 100% bullshit but being honest about the team of people it takes to keep them looking the way that they do would completely shatter the illusion of perfection that they try so hard to cultivate. It's so sad that people truly believe it and then blame themselves for their life not looking like what they see on Instagram. 

 

Edited February 9, 2020 by milkteeth
Typo!

[Snarkasarus Rex]

Why the hell are they rearranging so much?  Does she really redecorate so often that she spends an inordinate amount of time looking for sales to feed her habit?  Never mind, I already answered my own question...

[JermajestyDuggar]

23 minutes ago, milkteeth said:

 

Braggie sounds like one of those celebrity interviews where the actress/model claims "Oh I eat burgers, pizza and drink beer all the time! I mostly just try to squeeze in a gym session when I can, but it must be genetics that keeps me so thin and toned!" It's all 100% bullshit but being honest about the team of people it takes to keep them looking the way that they do would completely shatter the illusion of perfection that they try so hard to cultivate. It's so sad that people truly believe it and then blame themselves for their life not looking like what they see on Instagram. 

 

When I was a teen, I believed this kind of stuff. It was the 90s so I read this type of real life celebrity talk in magazines. I believed it because it never occurred to me that they would lie. If I was a teen in 2020, I would probably believe these posts on Instagram. What’s sad is that adult women and mothers believe Braggie. 

[3splenty]

My mother-in-law is one of those people who thinks everything has to be Instagram or Facebook worthy.  The kids can't just do something, it has to be documented.  Everyone has to look just so, things have to be just right.  Its exhausting!

Life isn't meant to be curated and fussed over til every detail is flawless, it's meant to be lived!  Mud, sweat, dirt, raw emotions and all.

So, Abbie, stop the constant decorating.  Stop the carefully crafted photos.  Stop the martyrdom posts.  Learn who your children are as individuals, love them for it, take back the work that is rightfully yours, and walk the walk.

Edited February 9, 2020 by 3splenty

[milkteeth]

58 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

When I was a teen, I believed this kind of stuff. It was the 90s so I read this type of real life celebrity talk in magazines. I believed it because it never occurred to me that they would lie. If I was a teen in 2020, I would probably believe these posts on Instagram. What’s sad is that adult women and mothers believe Braggie. 

 

It's sad but this is so common across entirely disparate groups of people who are on social media, but especially Instagram.  Personally, I've stopped looking at Instagram for my own mental health because I was following a bunch of travel instagrams as well as 'influencers' in the various hobbies that I liked. I know that these are all very carefully curated pages that show exactly what the person who runs it wants you to see. It still sucks to see post after post of 'Oh look, here I am relaxing at a beautiful hot spring in Iceland! Next up, we're flying to Bali!' or 'Here is the beautiful cottage garden I planted at the charming 19th-century farm house my fellow Millennial husband and I own.' when you're living your very normal, not-curated life with a boring job, rent that's due, loans to pay off and zero hot springs to relax in. 

My partner's main hobby is house plants, and right now we have around 125 houseplants in our two bedroom apartment. He enjoys posting pictures of them on his Instagram, but he never posts as often or gets as many likes as any of the major influencers you see on "Plantstagram" accounts...because we both work full time jobs and live in a two bedroom apartment. Neither of us have the time or energy to try to make people think we don't have a pile of junk mail that needs to be gone through or old tea mugs that need to be taken to the kitchen and washed. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, 3splenty said:

My mother-in-law is one of those people who thinks everything has to be Instagram or Facebook worthy.  The kids can't just do something, it has to be documented.  Everyone has to look just so, things have to be just right.  Its exhausting!

Life isn't meant to be curated and fussed over til every detail is flawless, it's meant to be lived!  Mud, sweat, dirt, raw emotions and all.

So, Abbie, stop the constant decorating.  Stop the carefully crafted photos.  Stop the martyrdom posts.  Learn who your children are as individuals, love them for it, take back the work that is rightfully yours, and walk the walk.

My sister posts A LOT on Facebook. My sister and I are pretty opposite in personality so she is more exhibitionistic and I’m very private. She’s super outgoing and social while I am very private and don’t go out of my way to make new friends or meet new people. So I know she will post pictures of family gatherings while I might post one or none to my tiny list of FB friends.

[3splenty]

23 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My sister posts A LOT on Facebook. My sister and I are pretty opposite in personality so she is more exhibitionistic and I’m very private. She’s super outgoing and social while I am very private and don’t go out of my way to make new friends or meet new people. So I know she will post pictures of family gatherings while I might post one or none to my tiny list of FB friends.

I'm very private, also.  It bugs the crap out of me when people think I have to be a social butterfly because they are (I have no issue with them being more social until they try to "fix my flaw").  My in-laws are banned from visiting whenever I'm in the hospital because my mother-in-law takes pics and runs to social media.  It's all for sympathy and attention.  And she makes fun of me when I can't find the words I want to use.  Trust me, having my right side facial droop, bloodshot eyes, and bloody drool is not the look I'm going for.

I won't post my kids' pics on social media without getting their ok.  I might post a meme, something nurse related, or even something I've been thinking about.  

But the carefully curated appearance brings out my inner cynic--what exactly are you hiding, and why? 

Edited February 9, 2020 by 3splenty

[JermajestyDuggar]

33 minutes ago, 3splenty said:

I'm very private, also.  It bugs the crap out of me when people think I have to be a social butterfly because they are (I have no issue with them being more social until they try to "fix my flaw").  My in-laws are banned from visiting whenever I'm in the hospital because my mother-in-law takes pics and runs to social media.  It's all for sympathy and attention.  And she makes fun of me when I can't find the words I want to use.  Trust me, having my right side facial droop, bloodshot eyes, and bloody drool is not the look I'm going for.

I won't post my kids' pics on social media without getting their ok.  I might post a meme, something nurse related, or even something I've been thinking about.  

But the carefully curated appearance brings out my inner cynic--what exactly are you hiding, and why? 

My sister HATES unflattering pictures of herself posted online so she will usually ask me if she can post a picture of me. I just think that’s common courtesy. If my friends and I get together, we always have to ok the picture amongst ourselves if it gets posted. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I don’t think she’s totally kidding. She reminds me of Zoo. She thinks she’s special because she has a big family. 

[Snarkasarus Rex]

People who are happy with the number of kids they have don’t make comments about people with fewer children (or none).  

They also don’t constantly remind you of how many they have.

And finally, they talk about their children as individuals with hopes, dreams, and unique personalities, instead of telling the world how obedient they are or how much they help you.

Some food for thought, Braggie (hi!!)?

 

 

[danvillebelle]

5 hours ago, 3splenty said:

  My in-laws are banned from visiting whenever I'm in the hospital because my mother-in-law takes pics and runs to social media.  It's all for sympathy and attention.

UGH - I'm so sorry.  My MIL (now deceased) did that when our son was deathly ill (literally, PICU) in the hospital as a child and I nearly lost my shit over it.  Didn't speak to her for months after.

Kidding my ass - that picture shows her true self, IMO.  Narcissistic bitch on wheels.

[Ozlsn]

8 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I don’t think she’s totally kidding. She reminds me of Zoo. She thinks she’s special because she has a big family. 

That is just weird to me. I mean, for starters it's likely to be a smaller order, so... yeah? I mean if you had a hangry child going off in the back I can understand thinking it, but I don't get posting it.

On 2/8/2020 at 11:38 PM, danvillebelle said:

You haven't re-decorated over and over in an attempt to stave off boredom/

Seriously if she's got time to be bored she's doing something wrong.

[Eternalbluepearl]

How's this for suffering martyrdom, B? My grocery store....the one we can afford on one income..doesn't do any sort of delivery or food pick up. We go in each and every week and spend an hour of our weekend physically shopping for food as a family like its 1998. We also have our child with us because we have no family nearby so never once has she been babysat. Boom. Suffering more than you. Where's MY bright lipstick and car selfies?

I've never seen a more insufferable group than these "moms of many." Get over yourselves. I don't want your Bible verses or your "sweet momma" crap where you tell others how to live their lives all within the only framework you understand which is patriarchy. Bleh. No thanks. I wasn't raised to just sit in Walmart pick up lines and pop out baby after baby for some reward after I die. That's straight lunacy. 

[Walking Cat Bed]

I traded in most of the Instagram accounts I follow for kitten fostering. Because when I need a mental break at work, kittens playing or cuddling does it for me. And when I feel the new-kitten-NEED, I donate to local shelters.

 

 

(I follow a handful of actors as well, but mostly those that do interesting things and don't just pose in front of sunsets.)