Andrea Mills 3: Still Buying Junk Food

[mollysmom]

25 minutes ago, Xan said:

Posting on wrong thread.  Sorry.

(Wrote an entire post about Jill Rodrigues and realized I was reading on the Tom Mills thread.  Argh.)

Slinking away....

Lol if you think about it, in a way he's kind of the male version of Jill!

[louannems]

6 hours ago, formergothardite said:

I wouldn't be surprised if Tom eventually sticks the kids in a private Christian school if he can afford it. A lot of the rabid, giving kids a shitty education was Andrea. Tom played along, but it seems like Andrea called all the shots on the education of their children. 

As reality starts setting in, I bet a lot of Andrea's harebrained ideas will start falling to the wayside. The only reason their life sort of worked(obviously it wasn't working in the best interest of the children) was because Andrea was living out her fantasies with her children as props. Tom isn't interested in that, so the whole thing is falling apart. Their life was never sustainable but with the driving force behind it gone it can't last. 

What I can never understand is that Tom and Andrea used to "run" the town's Christian school.  I didn't think Andrea was a college graduate and Tom just had his community college computer program degree.  I think they discussed this in the video where they talked about meeting each other.  Andrea chose the ACE curriculum for her children because she was experienced with it since that Christian school taught it.  And obviously hired non accredited teachers.

[Justsum1twothree]

5 hours ago, Saywha? said:

I hope if a parent never gets to see their kids they’d go back to school or consider a career change. 

 

5 hours ago, 3splenty said:

I work in healthcare, so that means sometimes I work weekends, holidays, and weird hours.  However, I'm usually home between 3 and 4 days every week.

It's not just about the quantity of time I spend with my kids, it's the quality of time.  My oldest lives in a dorm (high school), but we still talk at least every other day and text daily (and she's home most weekends).  My younger two are at a different school, home every night.  I help with homework where I can, we talk about their days, etc.  I also handle appointments--more time for a one-on-one conversation.

I want them to know I'll be there, but not smother them or live through them.

That’s so nice that things are that way for you, 3splenty. You’re lucky.

That can be easier said than done sometimes, Saywha? 
 

I went to a “bad” school in the rough part of town growing up. Out of high school, I married an abusive, controlling man, moved states away from family, forced to be a stay at home mom, never being able to go to college, mustering up the strength to leave but had nothing to stand on, no family to help and children to provide for. I worked two jobs, just to get by until they were grown. I missed a lot and feel terrible about that. I also feel that I did what I had to do and I know there are others in the same boat unfortunately. I hope they are able to get out of that sort of life situation and do better.
Now that I’ve aired my embarrassing life story, I think I need to be done with this website. It was fun ladies. I hope Tom gets hisself together one day.

@whooping_butt I’m not sure what issue you have with my other post but in my day, us black folk were indoctrinated with the idea that we couldn’t amount to anything in school and I, like so many others, bought into that crap. Of course that was wrong! 
 

 

[under siege]

1 hour ago, louannems said:

What I can never understand is that Tom and Andrea used to "run" the town's Christian school.  I didn't think Andrea was a college graduate and Tom just had his community college computer program degree.  I think they discussed this in the video where they talked about meeting each other.  Andrea chose the ACE curriculum for her children because she was experienced with it since that Christian school taught it.  And obviously hired non accredited teachers.

THIS!! I think that fact alone highlights how bad ACE is. However, I think she was more administrator rather than a teacher at the Christian school (though I could be wrong on that. Scary how so many little private/Christian schools hire non-accredited teachers though) The school asked her to take over the running of it and Tom's step-father worked there as a pastor. It was suggested to Tom to go there on the pretence of checking the computers but to actually go there to meet Andrea (someone's aunt, someone's mother was involved in all that)

First few minutes of this video is where they discuss meeting. I watched when Andrea first shared it but haven't since.

 

[luv2laugh]

11 hours ago, Justsum1twothree said:

There is also a clear indoctrination of certain ideas being taught to children in public schools...

What do you mean by that? Care to elaborate?

For what it’s worth, I think it’s wonderful that kids are being taught to accept all people regardless of their religion, race, gender, sexual orientation, and other differences. Clearly, it still doesn’t “sink in” for all kids as bullying is a massive problem.

We live in a society where Trump-like narcissists run rampant and the more compassion that public schools encourage, the better. 

Edited November 17, 2019 by luv2laugh

[OMG]

6 hours ago, Saywha? said:

I hope if a parent never gets to see their kids they’d go back to school or consider a career change. 

Hoo boy. I may regret this but: that's an awfully privileged view of working parents, I'm sorry to say.  I'm sure you meant no harm. Please remember that "going back to school", ie - comm.college or uni, is beyond expensive! Not only that but class hours can be scheduled for evenings and weekends. And then there's the actual, clinical, hands-on training that comes with many educational programs. That training can be of all hours - day and/or night shift. So really, "going back to school" isn't the easy catch-all solution.

 

And a career change? Do you know how difficult it is to find a job w/benefits, vacay pay, and a straight Mon-Fri  8hr day? What about those that work the service industry? They're barely making minimum wage (living on tips). Looking for a 'career' change is EXPENSIVE. A parent is already working eighthour, or even twelvehour, days and now has to find the time to research for new positions. Add more time for filling out job applications, and spending more money on transportation to get those applications in.

 

Saying things like "find a better job!" or "go back to school!" are, in reality, MUCH easier said than done. IMO.

@Saywha? I'm quite sure you mean well and we certainly agree that Tom is an asshole of the highest order - but we don't agree here. Sorry if I came off harsh.

[luv2laugh]

6 hours ago, Saywha? said:

I hope if a parent never gets to see their kids they’d go back to school or consider a career change. 

Would you say that about a man? Also, I agree with the above post that this is a privileged comment. Talk about “mommy guilt”. A lot of people are stuck and can’t simply quit. I don’t think we should stoop to Lori’s level. 

Edited November 17, 2019 by luv2laugh

[Justsum1twothree]

57 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

What do you mean by that? Care to elaborate?

For what it’s worth, I think it’s wonderful that kids are being taught to accept all people regardless of their religion, race, gender, sexual orientation, and other differences. Clearly, it still doesn’t “sink in” for all kids as bullying is a massive problem.

We live in a society where Trump-like narcissists run rampant and the more compassion that public schools encourage, the better. 

I am guessing that you didn’t see my last post...I’ll say it again:

In my day, us black folk were indoctrinated with the idea that we couldn’t amount to anything in school and I, like so many others, bought into that crap. Of course that was wrong! 

[Petronella]

36 minutes ago, Justsum1twothree said:

I am guessing that you didn’t see my last post...I’ll say it again:

In my day, us black folk were indoctrinated with the idea that we couldn’t amount to anything in school and I, like so many others, bought into that crap. Of course that was wrong! 

Ah, I didn’t realise that comment was in relation to the “just go back to school or change jobs” discussion.

I’m so sorry you were surrounded by such toxic views, and really glad you were able to overcome them (and sad that you had to face such hurdles in the first place).

I’m still not sure how it relates to solving the problem of not seeing one’s children often enough. If one goes back to school or changes jobs *in advance* of having kids, it could make a huge difference. But once you have kids, the transition could be more time-expensive than the status quo. So it’s a complicated trade-off. It could mean, say, two or three years of seeing the kids even less to eventually get to the job that lets you see them more often. Depending on the ages/needs of the kids, it’s a complicated balancing act, not at all simple.

[Grandma D]

4 hours ago, under siege said:

THIS!! I think that fact alone highlights how bad ACE is. However, I think she was more administrator rather than a teacher at the Christian school (though I could be wrong on that. Scary how so many little private/Christian schools hire non-accredited teachers though) The school asked her to take over the running of it and Tom's step-father worked there as a pastor. It was suggested to Tom to go there on the pretence of checking the computers but to actually go there to meet Andrea (someone's aunt, someone's mother was involved in all that)

First few minutes of this video is where they discuss meeting. I watched when Andrea first shared it but haven't since.

 

I watched this and was struck with how sure and aggressive Andrea was about marrying Tom. They met and married within a very short amount of time and  she kept saying let's hurry up and get engaged already. I know sometimes people know when it's right but this seemed odd especially since he had already been married to someone who wasnt  a great choice and had a child.  

[can'tstopwatching]

1 hour ago, Grandma D said:

I watched this and was struck with how sure and aggressive Andrea was about marrying Tom. They met and married within a very short amount of time and  she kept saying let's hurry up and get engaged already. I know sometimes people know when it's right but this seemed odd especially since he had already been married to someone who wasnt  a great choice and had a child.  

She was very eager to start a family young no matter their life or financial situation and she took the first opportunity of a man who would go along with that for her. It’s good for them that their marriage turned out well, but shows why him now being stuck with his 9 kids isn’t going super well. 

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, Grandma D said:

I watched this and was struck with how sure and aggressive Andrea was about marrying Tom. They met and married within a very short amount of time and  she kept saying let's hurry up and get engaged already. I know sometimes people know when it's right but this seemed odd especially since he had already been married to someone who wasnt  a great choice and had a child.  

What jumped out at me was that she graduated at 16 and thought she should get married right away. And then she had to wait "four long years" till she was 20 to get married. It seems like she was just going to marry the first person she could. It reminds me of Miss Raquel who had a similar plan but luckily didn't manage to get a man to marry her. Andrea said she was very anxious to get on with life by getting married. She was desperate to start living out all her fantasies regarding children. 

It also jumps out how she is very into this discussion but he looks so uncomfortable. He says he never could get a girlfriend and never got to go to any of the school dances and all he wanted was to find someone who would love him 

So a socially awkward man who was desperate for love and who had one failed marriage found a woman who wanted to marry the first man she could get to marry her. I don't think that marriage was actually that happy. They seemed to live pretty separate lives. She lived out her fantasies with children and he got do what he wanted. He didn't seem to want these children, but at the same time if he had told her no large family I suspect she would have lost it and I wouldn't be shocked if the ended up divorced if he had only agreed to one or two kids and refused to go along with her crazy beliefs. I think he went along because he didn't want to cause problems and end up divorced again. 

 

[Pleiades_06]

1 hour ago, Grandma D said:

I watched this and was struck with how sure and aggressive Andrea was about marrying Tom. They met and married within a very short amount of time and  she kept saying let's hurry up and get engaged already. I know sometimes people know when it's right but this seemed odd especially since he had already been married to someone who wasnt  a great choice and had a child.  

Her life ambition was to be married with children the way some people aspire to get a career. I think it’s fine to aspire to this, but it feels so self limiting to me. Her mom and Tom’s mom both had jobs/careers and I don’t get where that came from. I also felt like Andrea seemed so much older than Kitty and the other women presented in her videos, like she was from another decade

[3splenty]

7 hours ago, Justsum1twothree said:

I am guessing that you didn’t see my last post...I’ll say it again:

In my day, us black folk were indoctrinated with the idea that we couldn’t amount to anything in school and I, like so many others, bought into that crap. Of course that was wrong! 

I hate the idea that just because of race, sex, etc. people are seen as less-than.  We're all human.  I wish I could reach out and give you a hug.  My kids have ADHD and some other issues, but that is just another part of what makes them amazing.  You had hurdles, you overcame them, and you are stronger because of it.  

It took time for me to find a position that could balance work and family, and I'm thankful for it.  

[Saywha?]

9 hours ago, OMG said:

Hoo boy. I may regret this but: that's an awfully privileged view of working parents, I'm sorry to say.  I'm sure you meant no harm. Please remember that "going back to school", ie - comm.college or uni, is beyond expensive! Not only that but class hours can be scheduled for evenings and weekends. And then there's the actual, clinical, hands-on training that comes with many educational programs. That training can be of all hours - day and/or night shift. So really, "going back to school" isn't the easy catch-all solution.

 

And a career change? Do you know how difficult it is to find a job w/benefits, vacay pay, and a straight Mon-Fri  8hr day? What about those that work the service industry? They're barely making minimum wage (living on tips). Looking for a 'career' change is EXPENSIVE. A parent is already working eighthour, or even twelvehour, days and now has to find the time to research for new positions. Add more time for filling out job applications, and spending more money on transportation to get those applications in.

 

Saying things like "find a better job!" or "go back to school!" are, in reality, MUCH easier said than done. IMO.

@Saywha? I'm quite sure you mean well and we certainly agree that Tom is an asshole of the highest order - but we don't agree here. Sorry if I came off harsh.

No one disagrees that it’s easier said than done. Point was. It can be done. 

[Saywha?]

9 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

Would you say that about a man? Also, I agree with the above post that this is a privileged comment. Talk about “mommy guilt”. A lot of people are stuck and can’t simply quit. I don’t think we should stoop to Lori’s level. 

Absolutely. Man. Woman. Two men raising kids. Two women. You betcha!

[thoughtful]

15 hours ago, Justsum1twothree said:

Now that I’ve aired my embarrassing life story, I think I need to be done with this website. It was fun ladies. I hope Tom gets hisself together one day.

@whooping_butt I’m not sure what issue you have with my other post but in my day, us black folk were indoctrinated with the idea that we couldn’t amount to anything in school and I, like so many others, bought into that crap.

:::Grabs @Justsum1twothree's cyber-hand, pulls her back:::

Wait! I think this would be a great place for you, and you'd be great for us. There is a very ironic misunderstanding going on.

An explanation might help. FJ is mostly dedicated to discussing the horrors of fundamentalism, mostly Protestant. I'd say that the vast percentage of things we read from fundies about "indoctrination in schools" is decrying the liberal side of things. Usually when we see that, it is followed up by someone wishing schools would go back to being as racist, sexist, and homophobic (and sometimes pro-Confederacy) as possible, and line up with whatever their flavor of Christianity is.

We don't just read it on their social media -- some fundies also visit us here. If someone is new and mostly sticks to one thread (especially a thread that has not been discussing fundamentalism or politics very much), it is impossible to know what they think of the other issues we discuss. You hadn't mentioned anything about yourself, and someone disliking the way Tom treats his kids does not automatically equal their also disliking right-wing, racist and sexist schools.

So I think some people thought you were on that "these schools today, teaching all that liberal crap" bandwagon. Clearly, you were not.

If anything, I think you'll find that FJers despise racism, and would agree that the "they can't achieve anyway" crap that POC have encountered in schools is disgusting.

And your life story is certainly one with which many of us identify and empathize.

[Olivia Marie]

9 hours ago, formergothardite said:

What jumped out at me was that she graduated at 16 and thought she should get married right away. And then she had to wait "four long years" till she was 20 to get married. It seems like she was just going to marry the first person she could. It reminds me of Miss Raquel who had a similar plan but luckily didn't manage to get a man to marry her. Andrea said she was very anxious to get on with life by getting married. She was desperate to start living out all her fantasies regarding children. 

It also jumps out how she is very into this discussion but he looks so uncomfortable. He says he never could get a girlfriend and never got to go to any of the school dances and all he wanted was to find someone who would love him 

So a socially awkward man who was desperate for love and who had one failed marriage found a woman who wanted to marry the first man she could get to marry her. I don't think that marriage was actually that happy. They seemed to live pretty separate lives. She lived out her fantasies with children and he got do what he wanted. He didn't seem to want these children, but at the same time if he had told her no large family I suspect she would have lost it and I wouldn't be shocked if the ended up divorced if he had only agreed to one or two kids and refused to go along with her crazy beliefs. I think he went along because he didn't want to cause problems and end up divorced again. 

 

I agree completely.  I do not think they were happy, as a married couple.  The only thing that kept them together is that Andrea could pop out babies as quickly as possible, and Tom could do or not do whatever his heart desired.   As a couple they were odd, awkward, and unfilled, but individually they each had what worked for them to keep it together.  A good possibility why Tom was addicted to porn.  I can’t imagine that they were Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton in bed.  

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, Olivia Marie said:

 I do not think they were happy, as a married couple.  

I wonder how often Tom thought this:

Spoiler

It seems like Andrea was the happier one in that marriage. It really isn't surprising that he is ready to move on so fast. They did not seem to have a happy marriage where they genuinely enjoyed each other's company. If he wasn't treating his kids so poorly I would have more sympathy for him. 

Edited November 18, 2019 by formergothardite

[feministxtian]

14 hours ago, Petronella said:

Ah, I didn’t realise that comment was in relation to the “just go back to school or change jobs” discussion.

I’m so sorry you were surrounded by such toxic views, and really glad you were able to overcome them (and sad that you had to face such hurdles in the first place).

I’m still not sure how it relates to solving the problem of not seeing one’s children often enough. If one goes back to school or changes jobs *in advance* of having kids, it could make a huge difference. But once you have kids, the transition could be more time-expensive than the status quo. So it’s a complicated trade-off. It could mean, say, two or three years of seeing the kids even less to eventually get to the job that lets you see them more often. Depending on the ages/needs of the kids, it’s a complicated balancing act, not at all simple.

I finished college when my kids were growing up. It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. I was in class Mon-Thurs from 5 to 10pm. Labs were usually on Saturdays (Chemistry and Physics) and they ran all day. I missed and I mean missed about 3 years of their lives. I missed school plays, sporting events, all that stuff. The only thing that made it worthwhile was that once I graduated I was able to pull us out of a hand to mouth existence. 

[WhatAlife]

32 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

I wonder how often Tom thought this:

  Reveal hidden contents

It seems like Andrea was the happier one in that marriage. It really isn't surprising that he is ready to move on so fast. They did not seem to have a happy marriage where they genuinely enjoyed each other's company. If he wasn't treated his kids so poorly I would have more sympathy for him. 

I noticed that too! They seemed to tolerate each other enough , kind of living parallel lives. 
I know marriage isn’t romance and roses like on Hollywood movies, but in quite a few videos you can get that sense of him dismissing Andrea, just going through the motions and acting a little patronizing. 
  She, on the other hand,played the role of adoring wife but she managed to get her little digs in here and there. Like in the video about Hannah’s birth, she shows him putting Hannah’s diaper on and says,” That will most likely be the only diaper you will put on her “  which is a bit of a dig calling him out for being a hands off dad. 
 

[Justsum1twothree]

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

:::Grabs @Justsum1twothree's cyber-hand, pulls her back:::

Wait! I think this would be a great place for you, and you'd be great for us. There is a very ironic misunderstanding going on.

An explanation might help. FJ is mostly dedicated to discussing the horrors of fundamentalism, mostly Protestant. I'd say that the vast percentage of things we read from fundies about "indoctrination in schools" is decrying the liberal side of things. Usually when we see that, it is followed up by someone wishing schools would go back to being as racist, sexist, and homophobic (and sometimes pro-Confederacy) as possible, and line up with whatever their flavor of Christianity is.

We don't just read it on their social media -- some fundies also visit us here. If someone is new and mostly sticks to one thread (especially a thread that has not been discussing fundamentalism or politics very much), it is impossible to know what they think of the other issues we discuss. You hadn't mentioned anything about yourself, and someone disliking the way Tom treats his kids does not automatically equal their also disliking right-wing, racist and sexist schools.

So I think some people thought you were on that "these schools today, teaching all that liberal crap" bandwagon. Clearly, you were not.

If anything, I think you'll find that FJers despise racism, and would agree that the "they can't achieve anyway" crap that POC have encountered in schools is disgusting.

And your life story is certainly one with which many of us identify and empathize.

Honestly, your post has brought tears to my eyes. I see that there was a big misunderstanding. To be certain everyone knows, I believe that teaching compassion is a great strength in the schools today!  The children that are growing up now are so lucky to be in such an accepting time. Thank you for taking the time to reach out and kindly explaining things the way you did. I really appreciate it. ❤️

[Pleiades_06]

23 minutes ago, Justsum1twothree said:

Honestly, your post has brought tears to my eyes. I see that there was a big misunderstanding. To be certain everyone knows, I believe that teaching compassion is a great strength in the schools today!  The children that are growing up now are so lucky to be in such an accepting time. Thank you for taking the time to reach out and kindly explaining things the way you did. I really appreciate it. ❤️

I just wanted to add that your original ideas on the problems of public schools are also 100% correct. There is still a lot that needs to be done-districts are still inequitable and policy makers push their (mostly white upper middle class) values and prejudices on kids. I speak as a public school teacher in the US who has also lived abroad and is married to a non-white, non-American. I have experienced public schools in Germany too and they are no better in this regard. So keep speaking truth to power. 

[Olivia Marie]

Tom just STFU.  Get off of YouTube.  All you can do is cough!!   It irritates the living H*ll out of me.  So rude and inconsiderate.  He loves the attention, yes he does.   It is, however, all about Tommy Boy.    In the few minutes I’ve watched he has said he doesn’t feel better no less than six times   Waa waa Tom, let me call the wambulance for you.   

Eden looks like she has lost a ton of weight, and so pale.   

Opening gifts, again.  Candy candy candy, and I’ve just started watching.   I will probably only last a few more minutes   He makes me ragey.  

When these gifts end, and they will, the kids are in for a big fall.    It is hurting them more than anything else.  

Great job Tom, most unfit Father of the year.....having your son as the moderator   It’s just fabulous that he sees every single thing people are saying. Judah as well.  Azz wipe!

 

 

7 minutes ago, Olivia Marie said:

Tom just STFU.  Get off of YouTube.  All you can do is cough!!   It irritates the living H*ll out of me.  So rude and inconsiderate.  He loves the attention, yes he does.   It is, however, all about Tommy Boy.    In the few minutes I’ve watched he has said he doesn’t feel better no less than six times   Waa waa Tom, let me call the wambulance for you.   

Eden looks like she has lost a ton of weight, and so pale.   

Opening gifts, again.  Candy candy candy, and I’ve just started watching.   I will probably only last a few more minutes   He makes me ragey.  

When these gifts end, and they will, the kids are in for a big fall.    It is hurting them more than anything else.  

Great job Tom, most unfit Father of the year....having your son as the moderator   It’s just fabulous that he sees every single thing people are saying.   I saw that Judah is watching the comments as well.  Tom, you’re  Azz wipe!

 

 

 

Edited November 18, 2019 by Olivia Marie

[thoughtful]

36 minutes ago, Justsum1twothree said:

Thank you for taking the time to reach out and kindly explaining things the way you did. I really appreciate it. ❤️

You're very welcome!

And, if you have any interest in snarking on other people besides Tom who think they are (literally) God's gift to the world, have a look around FJ.

Jill Rodrigues is good for sheer WTFism - she generally tops all of the narcissists who ever narcissisted (look -- I made up a word!). Then there's Bro Gary and his word salads, the ever-rigid Maxwells, and John Shrader, an obnoxious doofus who thinks he's saving Africa.

Believe me, Tom's an amateur!