Andrea Mills 3: Still Buying Junk Food

[Caroline]

5 hours ago, waltraute said:

This is not necessarily true. The cherished, golden children in a dysfunctional family often end up with their own struggles that are greater than what their 'discarded' siblings encounter. The attention they receive is not a healthy, nurturing love and can set them up with unreal expectations of what life will be like in the real world. Meanwhile, their neglected siblings on their own are learning coping and life skills out of necessity.

No child wins in this scenario. Some might fare marginally better in the short term, but no one wins.

The preferential treatment he bestows on some will go a long way in damaging the relationships between all the siblings as well.

[Daisybear85]

9 hours ago, Olivia Marie said:

  True confessions, I’ve always wondered if Tom is one of those creepers in his basement enjoying “entertainment” on his computers.  I get that vibe from him.   

Tom confessed in one of his first “lives” that he was previously addicted to PORN. I found it weird no one here had mentioned it.... gross! (Not judging him on his addiction ... any addiction it hard and respect is deserved by anyone that can overcome it!) 

 

[WhatAlife]

When Tom shows appreciation to Asher, it is more like an acknowledgement or sigh of relief that things get done despite Tom being clueless ( read:unwilling to roll up his sleeves and get to work) He assumes this boy is just there to do all of those tasks. He takes this precious help and sacrifice for granted. Sure he is “ appreciative “  but it is really lip service. If he cared about his kids, he would want to lighten their load, not just allow them to pick up the slack. If he cared, he would pull them aside and ask them “ how are you really doing?” But he ignores that because “ Asher is fine” like the rest of the kids.  
This boy should be at school and doing extra curriculars, or a job or ANY hobby his heart desires! Not filling sippy cups and changing diapers and loading the dishwasher and brushing hair- or whatever else he is tasked with! 
All while the selfish jerk of a father maintains a relationship with YouTube people and a harem of dumb ladies.  
During the gift opening video Thomas was reading the texts off of Toms phone as he was seated next to him and read it over Tom’s shoulder. 
 

[Olivia Marie]

1 hour ago, Daisybear85 said:

Tom confessed in one of his first “lives” that he was previously addicted to PORN. I found it weird no one here had mentioned it.... gross! (Not judging him on his addiction ... any addiction it hard and respect is deserved by anyone that can overcome it!) 

 

Thank you.  I didn’t see the Live with Tom’s confession.  I’ve just always had that feeling about him.  Smarmy and not at all who he “tries” to present himself to his adoring chicks.    Jerk face!

1 hour ago, WhatAlife said:

When Tom shows appreciation to Asher, it is more like an acknowledgement or sigh of relief that things get done despite Tom being clueless ( read:unwilling to roll up his sleeves and get to work) He assumes this boy is just there to do all of those tasks. He takes this precious help and sacrifice for granted. Sure he is “ appreciative “  but it is really lip service. If he cared about his kids, he would want to lighten their load, not just allow them to pick up the slack. If he cared, he would pull them aside and ask them “ how are you really doing?” But he ignores that because “ Asher is fine” like the rest of the kids.  
This boy should be at school and doing extra curriculars, or a job or ANY hobby his heart desires! Not filling sippy cups and changing diapers and loading the dishwasher and brushing hair- or whatever else he is tasked with! 
All while the selfish jerk of a father maintains a relationship with YouTube people and a harem of dumb ladies.  
During the gift opening video Thomas was reading the texts off of Toms phone as he was seated next to him and read it over Tom’s shoulder. 
 

Tom is a first class narcissist, and male chauvinist.   He thinks he walks on water.   

[Renee]

1 hour ago, Olivia Marie said:

Tom is a first class narcissist, and male chauvinist.   He thinks he walks on water.   

I wonder whether Andrea was entirely happy with him, or did she feel disappointment with him as a partner?

I feel like her primary relationship was with her job as Mom. She loved everything she created and organized and made happen at that house. Literally every square foot, except perhaps the office, was her plan and execution. I just watched an old video from St. Patrick's Day a couple years ago. She did an unbelievable amount of special stuff for the holiday.....handmade treats for the kids, decorations, corned beef and cabbage, green fruit, 3 leaf clover rolls, a game, a video on St. Patrick,etc. Just a ton of things to make it a fun, educational and memorable day.

It never seemed like Tom was her focus, because she was primarily tuned into her projects and running the house the way she liked.

I just can't help but wonder how she viewed him. Was she disappointed?

[Petronella]

10 hours ago, can'tstopwatching said:

Something that really hit me hard was in a recent live (maybe game night jenga?) Tom said it was time for bed for Hannah and said something like "lets let her give everyone a goodnight kiss!" and I thought oh okay that's sweet to let her say goodnight to each of the boys that were there, but no, he took her and shoved her face in the camera to kiss the youtube people goodnight, then didn't even kiss her himself and gave her to Thomas (I think) to put to bed.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my. That's horrendous.

[moreorlessnu]

5 hours ago, Renee said:

I just can't help but wonder how she viewed him. Was she disappointed?

She always looked at him as though she genuinely adored him. She did seem to care for him very much. You can see that clearly in the video titled, "Before There Were 10, There Were 2║ Our Wedding & How We Met │ Mills Family Archives #1".

It's very sad, in retrospect, at the end of the video, Andrea talks about seeing the videos of her family gathered at their wedding, and how much she is looking forward to having those family reunions/weddings with their nine children, and how she is looking forward to "growing old and fat" together with Tom. 

 

Edited November 8, 2019 by moreorlessnu

[Grandma D]

25 minutes ago, moreorlessnu said:

She always looked at him as though she genuinely adored him. She did seem to care for him very much. You can see that clearly in the video titled, "Before There Were 10, There Were 2║ Our Wedding & How We Met │ Mills Family Archives #1".

It's very sad, in retrospect, at the end of the video, Andrea talks about seeing the videos of her family gathered at their wedding, and how much she is looking forward to having those family reunions/weddings with their nine children, and how she is looking forward to "growing old and fat" together with Tom. 

 

There might be something to this. If you've watched the wedding video you can see her big transformation. What might she be trying to hide or cover? Or it might just be all the junk food, no emotions involved, and she was happy with what she had. 

[under siege]

19 minutes ago, Grandma D said:

There might be something to this. If you've watched the wedding video you can see her big transformation. What might she be trying to hide or cover? Or it might just be all the junk food, no emotions involved, and she was happy with what she had. 

I agree with the fact that Andrea absolutely adored Tom. From not only her vlog and photos, but also those shared by family, there was never any doubt of how much she was devoted to him.
Andrea wanted a large family so even though the reality may not have quite met the fantasy of it, I doubt she regretted her decisions. She was definitely the pilot of their adventures in parenthood.

Over time, with the babies, the miscarriages, her mental health etc it would have all contributed to her appearance (plus a bad diet) She certainly suffered PND to some degree after the last few babies, especially Hannah. It was a very obvious change after her birth. 

That's one of the many issues with Tom. He has had absolute devoting and adoration for 20 odd years. Of course he's used to it. When Andrea became so ill it must have been the start of changes in her focus so thinking back a few months he's been without (and I don't mean just physically) for months, not just since Andrea's passing.

[Nikedagain?]

3 hours ago, under siege said:

Over time, with the babies, the miscarriages, her mental health etc it would have all contributed to her appearance (plus a bad diet) She certainly suffered PND to some degree after the last few babies, especially Hannah. It was a very obvious change after her birth. 

And quite possibly some childhood trauma...

[WhatAlife]

No doubt she worshipped the ground he walked on. I think the reason might be because he didn’t oppose any of her visions of the “ perfect family “.  He may not have been on board for many of her plans at first , but he eventually toed the line. Example of that is the matching colored clothes. In one of the videos she said she and the kids wore matching clothes but at first Tom didn’t. He then finally got on board and Andrea ordered him and Thomas a bunch of shirts to match her and the kids but theirs had the logos for his company. 
I think she appreciated that he didn’t interfere with her little fantasy which gave her full freedom to chose the curriculum, preferred health habits, clothing and else.  He completed the image by being the “ breadwinner husband “  

I wonder if she wished he was a little more interested in the kids, a little more emotionally attached to them, a little more involved in their upbringing. 
 One thing I found interesting is when Andrea was in the hospital he had to go out to get a shirt and he chose a bright orange one which he said Andrea hated, but he was so happy to wear it despite that! I’m sure he could have chosen a different color but he did it on purpose and had a chuckle over it on video. 
Similarly with the name Cyrus. She hated the name but gave him permission to name the last baby that, he jumped on the opportunity instead of saying, no- let’s find a name we both love. 
I don’t know, those 2 instances gave me a cringe when it was all happening. Of course then it evolved into even more insensitive treatment which leads me to believe he felt suffocated by Andrea and didn’t really love her all that much. He loved that she loved him, which is what narcissists do. 

“ You love me and I love me, let’s both love me!” ??

[under siege]

1 hour ago, Nikedagain? said:

And quite possibly some childhood trauma...

Definitely would have affected her.
When I first read her comment about her experience as a teen I did wonder what help she got with coping with that.  From personal experience, that kind of thing can come back to haunt you over and over.  I can't imagine coping with just prayer and herbs.

[justlooking]

What happened in her teens?  Have I missed something in the feeds?  I didn't know she had a bad childhood....That would be very interesting to hear about.  I also wish I could find where Tom said he had been addicted to Porn early on.......THAT would have been interesting too!  UGH!!!  I'm totally not surprised about that.  At all.

[ViolaSebastian]

2 hours ago, Nikedagain? said:

And quite possibly some childhood trauma...

In this comment, she says that she is a survivor of abuse. The abuser apparently went to prison. It must have been serious. She's definitely experienced childhood trauma.

 

Edited November 8, 2019 by ViolaSebastian

[justlooking]

Wow that is crazy - sounds really bad.....So sad that she was struggling and scared of someone around her as she gets more famous....

 

[ViolaSebastian]

2 minutes ago, justlooking said:

Wow that is crazy - sounds really bad.....So sad that she was struggling and scared of someone around her as she gets more famous....

 

And a history of child abuse is associated with adult obesity through a number of mechanisms. 

[formergothardite]

3 hours ago, WhatAlife said:

think the reason might be because he didn’t oppose any of her visions of the “ perfect family “.  He may not have been on board for many of her plans at first , but he eventually toed the line. Example of that is the matching colored clothes. In one of the videos she said she and the kids wore matching clothes but at first Tom didn’t. He then finally got on board and Andrea ordered him and Thomas a bunch of shirts to match her and the kids but theirs had the logos for his company. 
I think she appreciated that he didn’t interfere with her little fantasy which gave her full freedom to chose the curriculum, preferred health habits, clothing and else.  He completed the image by being the “ breadwinner husband “

It seems like their relationship worked because they both enabled each other in unhealthy ways. She enabled him to do whatever he wanted and he helped her live out her child collecting fantasies. If either of them had spoken up and stopped the unhealthy cycle, I think the relationship would have been in trouble. Andrea wouldn't have accepted being told that she needed to properly educate her children and get them medical care. And Tom wouldn't have accepted being told that he needed to actually parent the children he helped create. 

Tom seems to be looking for someone who will enable him to go back to the life he like and he will enable that person who do whatever they like as long as it doesn't interfere with him. 

[fundiefollower]

In the same live video that he mentioned the prior porn addiction, he also said he used to be addicted to video games.  Which reminded me that that in a really old house tour they posted (before the store and boys room were in the basement) the area that has been Andrea's office was his video game playing area.  I'm about 99% sure he mentioned playing World of Warcraft.  My first husband was addicted to playing that game in particular.... it eventually led to me divorcing him, there were other games and many other reasons, but his addiction to that game in particular really did our marriage in.  My ex was also addicted to porn.  I think he is actually very much like Tom in many ways - just the attitude and "air" about him.  They both very much like having their ego stroked.  Good for Tom that he overcame those addictions but I wonder if they will resurface now.

Edited November 8, 2019 by fundiefollower

[Queen Of Hearts]

WOW can be an addicting game even for those who don't suffer from video game addiction!  I've played in the past and it was just 'fun' but I valued my family and SLEEP  too much to ever really get into it hard core.  I could see a gamer with an addictive personality really getting sucked in and spending all night defending the Horde! 

[Olivia Marie]

I could be mistaken, but in quite a few videos I think remember Tom and Thomas talking about game(s) they play.    Possibly Judah as well, not sure.   It also seems like they were with some other gamers several times in their videos.      I think at the religious meeting they went to in another state, Tom and Thomas spent their evenings with other men there who played the same game(s).   

I always thought it was odd because those type of addicting games didn’t seem to go along with their strict beliefs on everything else in their lives.  I’m also surprised that they participate in Halloween.  It doesn’t seem to fit into their puzzling puzzle.  Maybe it’s for the candy that they cherish so dearly.  

Whether porn or games, Tom definitely has the time and private place in his basement.   With Andrea he was free to come and go as he pleased.   

 

[waltraute]

27 minutes ago, fundiefollower said:

Good for Tom that he overcame those addictions but I wonder if they will resurface now.

I think they already have in the form of constantly seeking the adoration of YouTube followers.

[Olivia Marie]

4 hours ago, WhatAlife said:

No doubt she worshipped the ground he walked on. I think the reason might be because he didn’t oppose any of her visions of the “ perfect family “.  He may not have been on board for many of her plans at first , but he eventually toed the line. Example of that is the matching colored clothes. In one of the videos she said she and the kids wore matching clothes but at first Tom didn’t. He then finally got on board and Andrea ordered him and Thomas a bunch of shirts to match her and the kids but theirs had the logos for his company. 
I think she appreciated that he didn’t interfere with her little fantasy which gave her full freedom to chose the curriculum, preferred health habits, clothing and else.  He completed the image by being the “ breadwinner husband “  

I wonder if she wished he was a little more interested in the kids, a little more emotionally attached to them, a little more involved in their upbringing. 
 One thing I found interesting is when Andrea was in the hospital he had to go out to get a shirt and he chose a bright orange one which he said Andrea hated, but he was so happy to wear it despite that! I’m sure he could have chosen a different color but he did it on purpose and had a chuckle over it on video. 
Similarly with the name Cyrus. She hated the name but gave him permission to name the last baby that, he jumped on the opportunity instead of saying, no- let’s find a name we both love. 
I don’t know, those 2 instances gave me a cringe when it was all happening. Of course then it evolved into even more insensitive treatment which leads me to believe he felt suffocated by Andrea and didn’t really love her all that much. He loved that she loved him, which is what narcissists do. 

“ You love me and I love me, let’s both love me!” ??

Your quote at the end of your comments is fabulous, and so perfectly fitting.  Tom could not have said it better ?

I didn’t  know about the  abuse Andrea endured in her childhood/teens.  I cannot begin to imagine.   Quite possibly that’s why Andrea kept her kids closed off from the world.   

[moreorlessnu]

10 hours ago, WhatAlife said:

Similarly with the name Cyrus. She hated the name but gave him permission to name the last baby that, he jumped on the opportunity instead of saying, no- let’s find a name we both love. 

Although Tom said that Andrea "hated" the name Cyrus, in Andrea's video explaining each of the children's names, she explained that Claudia would have been named "Cyrus" had she been a boy, and I'm assuming Cyrus was the selected boy name for Hannah also. It seems that Cyrus was the next boy name for the past several years. In her video, Andrea didn't seem to have a negative reaction when she was explaining that Claudia would have been named Cyrus. 

[louannems]

I watched a few minutes of Tom's latest bible study.  Once again Tom shows off his lackadaisical parenting skills.  He complained that the bible study is at 8, which is also bedtime, so it's chaotic.  He doesn't seem to consider changing the time though.

If I saw the kids rosy cheeked fresh from their baths, in clean pajamas, then I could assume that teeth had also been brushed and the bedtime stories had already been read.

But instead, Alexa orders the kid to bed and Tom tells weepy, exhausted Claudia to go to bed.  She has her usual unbrushed hair, but gosh darned, that sweet girl is still in her day clothes.  She was wearing one of the printed peasant dresses that Andrea had sewn with too tight elastic short sleeves.

Several times Tom told Claudia to go to bed without mentioning putting on her pajamas.  I'm guessing all the kids no routinely sleep in their food encrusted clothing.

And Hannah routinely gets dumped into her crib without pajamas or nighttime routine or teeth brushing after her nightly dose of chocolate chips.

Pathetic, Tom. 

[Olivia Marie]

2 hours ago, louannems said:

I watched a few minutes of Tom's latest bible study.  Once again Tom shows off his lackadaisical parenting skills.  He complained that the bible study is at 8, which is also bedtime, so it's chaotic.  He doesn't seem to consider changing the time though.

If I saw the kids rosy cheeked fresh from their baths, in clean pajamas, then I could assume that teeth had also been brushed and the bedtime stories had already been read.

But instead, Alexa orders the kid to bed and Tom tells weepy, exhausted Claudia to go to bed.  She has her usual unbrushed hair, but gosh darned, that sweet girl is still in her day clothes.  She was wearing one of the printed peasant dresses that Andrea had sewn with too tight elastic short sleeves.

Several times Tom told Claudia to go to bed without mentioning putting on her pajamas.  I'm guessing all the kids no routinely sleep in their food encrusted clothing.

And Hannah routinely gets dumped into her crib without pajamas or nighttime routine or teeth brushing after her nightly dose of chocolate chips.

Pathetic, Tom. 

I haven’t watched the video yet.  I’m not sure if I will.  Tom.Infuriates.Me!   I also cannot cope with seeing the blatant neglect of the children   I consider the little ones to be orphans.  The older ones can at least get their own food and change their clothes.    

I was up late last night.  He posted his video somewhere around 1:30 a.m. his time.  When I discovered the video there was already one comment.  You guessed it, his ever faithful and ever present, Rachel Day.   Head chief and bottle washer of Tom’s dysfunctional harem.  

This is only what we see on YouTube.   I cannot imagine what it is like in that house.  It is not a home, it’s a house.   

I read several of the comments on the video this morning.  I stopped because it was rinse and repeat.   Same old comments, same old drooling and praising.    

Tom’s Bible study is ridiculous.   He has to be the commander and expert of everything in the universe.  His #1 reason is it gives him more “air” time so his adoring and desperate herd can gaze upon him, hang on his every word, and then post comments of absolute love and adoration.  I can barely stand the suspense of who the next Mrs. Worship Tom will be.  The possibilities are endless.  

Do the little ones ever go to bed in jammies, clean hair/bodies, full tummies, teeth brushed,  hair combed, cuddled and loved, tucked in, favorite toy and/or blanket, etc.    No.    Tom, you are a useless waste of space.  A disgrace to loving and caring Dads.  You only care about one person, Y-O-U.   You are disgusting.  

Get rid of that flippin’ Alexa, and the Bible, or anything playing 24 hours a day.   For gawd sakes, your house is like POW camp, or Jim Jones compound.   You are a complete failure.  Your children should not be in your care.