Andrea Mills 3: Still Buying Junk Food

[under siege]

13 hours ago, justlooking said:

YES!  THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING TOO!  Those are the perfect times that you sit down and hold her and explain heaven and Jesus and how much Claudia was loved by her Mommy and that hes there for her and loves her.........etc.....Hugs, let her cry.......Mommy Died,You know that!!!!!!   I saw that too. Infuriating......Absolutely infuriating........

Tom has no idea how to be a parent. He was never involved in the raising of his kids before Andrea's passing. Add to the fact his own father's passing when he was young although he did have a step-father from some point in his childhood/teenage years.
Now, this isn't giving him a pass. Not at all. Tom is not someone I like in any way.  His involvement with his children pre-Andrea's passing was to breed, show up at events and occasionally give Sophia cuddles. I think that's why he favours her a bit, she would go to him for attention whether he likes it or not and it became a special bond.

Now that he has to be the parent, he's clueless. His ego doesn't allow him to read 'how-to-parent' books, or seek advice. Why would he when he has his devoted cluster telling him he's such a great father and that he's doing a great job.

Given that Claudia is more than just a bit of a handful, he would have no idea how a little gentleness plus constant reminding her of things is the way to handle her. She's gone from having that gentleness and patient parent (that we saw anyway) to a parent who has absolutely no idea of his children's needs.

Someone made a good point about Tom's mother. She watches his lives, she's very present in her grandchildren's lives AND she was a teacher.  Makes you wonder what kind of parent & teacher she was/is if she's letting the neglect continue.

[sdjp123]

55 minutes ago, under siege said:

Someone made a good point about Tom's mother. She watches his lives, she's very present in her grandchildren's lives AND she was a teacher.  Makes you wonder what kind of parent & teacher she was/is if she's letting the neglect continue.

My guess is that she was the type of parent  that ends up with an adult child like Tom. I've noticed in previous videos that she seems to defer and fawn over him even now. I don't see her as someone who will ever challenge Tom's behavior.

[Justsum1twothree]

I’m sure his mom just wants to keep a close relationship with Tom and her grandkids. Giving someone like him suggestions or advice is just going to make him want to push her away and I’m sure she knows that. I mean she has already lost a child and thinking of having a strained relationship with the others would probably be too hard of a pill to swallow. I couldn’t imagine. 

[OMG]

14 hours ago, Olivia Marie said:

Claudia constantly asks “Where’s Mommy.”    Tom is always so harsh and says “Mommy DIED, you know that.”   He says it as he completely ignores her and walks away.    He doesn’t even take her in her arms for comfort, explain that Mommy is in Heaven, etc.....only that she is DEAD.   BASTARD!!!!   I wish I could slap him into next year!

I rely on y'alls comments and recaps of these 'live' videos Tom does. Does he do this on camera?? And if so, has he done it more than once? Because that's.....harsh. Wow.

Little ones at that age are so attached to their mommas. They're IN LOVE with their mommies. Can't imagine how upset/confused these younger kids are. And even worse, it's going to affect them in the future. Sounds like it's already starting to with regards to the licking thing.  

9 hours ago, louannems said:

I hate the way ACE has to have god in every sentence!

LOL I hate ACE period!

[Petronella]

5 hours ago, Saywha? said:

Tom made a comment about how the school would raise your kids and he doesn’t want them to do that. Nope totally wrong. Raising your kid is exactly what you’re doing… Activities at night like carving pumpkins and hanging out. That’s raising a child. Just let them go to school and get real education for goodness sake’s Tom

IF ONLY he were raising his kids. He’s ignoring his kids. He’s using his kids.

Home educating is SO MUCH MORE than just not going to school. Grrr. Makes me so mad when parents do that. Homeschooling can be done really well, but you have to DO IT. Not just keep your kids in the house and toss them a workbook and chore list.

[Caroline]

16 hours ago, sableduck said:

My 2nd grade daughter hasn’t done any science this year. Her teacher sent a note explaining that they will do it starting in January. She’s had no social studies, either, save a picture book on Indigenous peoples.  I asked, her teacher just said they haven’t had time.

I was homeschooled in an academically rigorous manner and started college at sixteen.  I don’t really understand how things are done in the public school.

I've been a public school high school teacher for the least 37 years.  I teach foreign languages, something most of my students don't start studying until 7th grade.  My curriculum is different from other subject area teachers' because it is communication based and we don't rely on text books.  I can't explain the method we use in such a short space, but it is vastly different (fortunately)  from the way I learned the languages I teach.  I don't know the current curricula for science and history in our elementary school, but I know  that when my own daughter was young my husband and I would have to supplement her education in many areas.   Teachers in many public schools are stressed to the max because they have to teach to a test and they have such a varied clientele.  I'm not surprised that they don't have time to teach the things I think are important, so that is why  I knew we would be doing lots of things outside of school in order to expose our daughter to the things we think are important academically.  (We traveled a lot to other countries,  visited museums, we read on all subjects, we talked a lot about current events, watched documentaries, encouraged different kinds of art and music,  etc.)  I'm afraid that a lot of parents think that schools can do it all, but that's just not the case.  I also know that all parents can't do the things we did because of time and financial constraints.  Something that all of parents mistakenly think public school guidance departments have time for is the college application process.  In reality guidance counselors are putting out fires every day, and it is best if parents take on the job of helping kids with the much more complex than it used to be college application process  My husband and I were actively involved in the process most because of what I've seen.   Just my two cents about what I've learned during the almost four decades of my career.  

[Olivia Marie]

9 hours ago, OMG said:

I rely on y'alls comments and recaps of these 'live' videos Tom does. Does he do this on camera?? And if so, has he done it more than once? Because that's.....harsh. Wow.

Little ones at that age are so attached to their mommas. They're IN LOVE with their mommies. Can't imagine how upset/confused these younger kids are. And even worse, it's going to affect them in the future. Sounds like it's already starting to with regards to the licking thing.  

LOL I hate ACE period!

Yes, Tom does it on camera, and he has done it repeatedly.  I detest him!!

[Saywha?]

I’m not sure I get the point above about having to supplement education. But I would totally agree that school needs to be supplemented by parents but is an opportunity that kid should not be refused. The fact that Tom forbids his kid from going to school, and even makes them think that school is bad… Is what I have a problem with. Tom can easily supplement at home with life experiences, values, additional education and interests, but he is forbidding them from the experience of social setting, seeing how other kids learn and then learning from that, things like student council and field trips and team activities and group interaction. That is what school is all about. And the fact that Tom  Has it in his mind that he doesn’t want to send them because he doesn’t want school to “raise his kids” is just bananas, ignorant, and frankly shows his own lack of education and worldviews

Edited November 16, 2019 by Saywha?

[can'tstopwatching]

17 minutes ago, Saywha? said:

I’m not sure I get the point above about having to supplement education. But I would totally agree that school needs to be supplemented by parents but is an opportunity that kid should not be refused. The fact that Tom forbids his kid from going to school, and even makes them think that school is bad… Is what I have a problem with. Tom can easily supplement at home with life experiences, values, additional education and interests, but he is forbidding them from the experience of social setting, seeing how other kids learn and then learning from that, things like student council and field trips and team activities and group interaction. That is what school is all about. And the fact that Tom  Has it in his mind that he doesn’t want to send them because he doesn’t want school to “raise his kids” is just bananas, ignorant, and frankly shows his own lack of education and worldviews

Exactly. I love the idea of homeschooling, but he doesn't allow his kids to do extracurriculars (speaks for them saying they don't even want to, but it's because they've taught them to not want that), he thinks the homeschool curriculum teaches the kids on its own without him, and he teaches his kids that school is bad and that they are better than those dummies in public school. That's what I have a problem with. Public school is amazing and he thinks he's so much better than it and demonizes it to his poor kids, while denying them any education at all.

[Saywha?]

3 minutes ago, can'tstopwatching said:

Exactly. I love the idea of homeschooling, but he doesn't allow his kids to do extracurriculars (speaks for them saying they don't even want to, but it's because they've taught them to not want that), he thinks the homeschool curriculum teaches the kids on its own without him, and he teaches his kids that school is bad and that they are better than those dummies in public school. That's what I have a problem with. Public school is amazing and he thinks he's so much better than it and demonizes it to his poor kids, while denying them any education at all.

I saw one video and he had a t shirt that said “my home school kid will be your public school kids boss someday”. Or some thing to that effect. Beyond ignorant (and definitely wrong if he continues to keep his kids brain washed thinking education isn t necessary). 

Edited November 16, 2019 by Saywha?

[Jana814]

2 minutes ago, Saywha? said:

I saw one video and he had a t shirt that said “my home school kid will be your public school kids boss someday”. Or some thing to that effect. Beyond ignorant (and definitely wrong if he continues to keep his kids brain washed thinking education isn t necessary). 

Oh my. I have never seen a shirt like that. But it doesn’t surprise me that Tom would have one. It also sounds like a shirt that Steven Anderson would have, wear & believe.  

[Justsum1twothree]

1 hour ago, can'tstopwatching said:

Exactly. I love the idea of homeschooling, but he doesn't allow his kids to do extracurriculars (speaks for them saying they don't even want to, but it's because they've taught them to not want that), he thinks the homeschool curriculum teaches the kids on its own without him, and he teaches his kids that school is bad and that they are better than those dummies in public school. That's what I have a problem with. Public school is amazing and he thinks he's so much better than it and demonizes it to his poor kids, while denying them any education at all.

I think him not having the kids in extra curricular activities comes down to not wanting to spend money on that sort of thing as well. Imagine the amount it would come to having that many kids involved in activities.

I can’t agree on your point on public education being amazing as a general statement. The public school system like so many other things has major flaws, in my opinion. It also depends on where you live as to how “good” your public schools are. There are so many adults that have graduated public school who don’t even know the difference between your and you’re. There is also a clear indoctrination of certain ideas being taught to children in public schools...

 

(I was a public school student from kindergarten to graduation.)

[Saywha?]

42 minutes ago, Justsum1twothree said:

I think him not having the kids in extra curricular activities comes down to not wanting to spend money on that sort of thing as well. Imagine the amount it would come to having that many kids involved in activities.

I can’t agree on your point on public education being amazing as a general statement. The public school system like so many other things has major flaws, in my opinion. It also depends on where you live as to how “good” your public schools are. There are so many adults that have graduated public school who don’t even know the difference between your and you’re. There is also a clear indoctrination of certain ideas being taught to children in public schools...

 

(I was a public school student from kindergarten to graduation.)

I agree that a lot of kids come out with gaps. But that’s where I think it’s the role of the parent to be involved and supplement. Do one on one. Review tests to see where they failed and teach in the gaps. If the student doesn’t know something it doesn’t mean it wasn’t taught.... sometimes they just don’t grasp. 

[Caroline]

2 hours ago, Saywha? said:

I’m not sure I get the point above about having to supplement education. But I would totally agree that school needs to be supplemented by parents but is an opportunity that kid should not be refused. The fact that Tom forbids his kid from going to school, and even makes them think that school is bad… Is what I have a problem with. Tom can easily supplement at home with life experiences, values, additional education and interests, but he is forbidding them from the experience of social setting, seeing how other kids learn and then learning from that, things like student council and field trips and team activities and group interaction. That is what school is all about. And the fact that Tom  Has it in his mind that he doesn’t want to send them because he doesn’t want school to “raise his kids” is just bananas, ignorant, and frankly shows his own lack of education and worldviews

I (think) I made the point about supplementing public school education above.  I meant things like teaching a foreign language earlier than when languages are commonly taught in most communities (we could do that because we speak other languages), exposing our daughter to extra music and art opportunities outside of school, reading a lot more and a bigger variety of books than what the whole class was reading at the same time (for example, some other parents and I offered a monthly book club for kids for several years of their education),  participating in a sport not offered in our local school district because it was what she was good at and liked.  I know these things are not possible for everyone, but I've seen the holes in the traditional public school curriculum from the inside (for reasons we teachers cannot always control), and I wanted our daughter to have more academically.   I hate how parents like Tom assume that they are doing a superior job simply because their children don't set foot in an actual school.  So much more is necessary and beneficial for all children no matter how they are formally educated.  

[Caroline]

1 hour ago, Justsum1twothree said:

I think him not having the kids in extra curricular activities comes down to not wanting to spend money on that sort of thing as well. Imagine the amount it would come to having that many kids involved in activities.

I can’t agree on your point on public education being amazing as a general statement. The public school system like so many other things has major flaws, in my opinion. It also depends on where you live as to how “good” your public schools are. There are so many adults that have graduated public school who don’t even know the difference between your and you’re. There is also a clear indoctrination of certain ideas being taught to children in public schools...

 

(I was a public school student from kindergarten to graduation.)

I agree with you that in the US the quality of public schools has a lot to do with where you live.  And that's just wrong.

But speaking of poor writing skills...I have a friend whose son is the most atrocious writer (not as bad as Bro.Gary, but pretty bad).  He is a product of Christian schools and a PhD program (at a private non-Christian college)  in physical therapy.  He is successful in his career which is all that matters, I suppose, but it is painful to read his FB posts which contain no punctuation whatsoever and sometimes poor spelling.  

[formergothardite]

I wouldn't be surprised if Tom eventually sticks the kids in a private Christian school if he can afford it. A lot of the rabid, giving kids a shitty education was Andrea. Tom played along, but it seems like Andrea called all the shots on the education of their children. 

As reality starts setting in, I bet a lot of Andrea's harebrained ideas will start falling to the wayside. The only reason their life sort of worked(obviously it wasn't working in the best interest of the children) was because Andrea was living out her fantasies with her children as props. Tom isn't interested in that, so the whole thing is falling apart. Their life was never sustainable but with the driving force behind it gone it can't last. 

[Justsum1twothree]

1 hour ago, Saywha? said:

I agree that a lot of kids come out with gaps. But that’s where I think it’s the role of the parent to be involved and supplement. Do one on one. Review tests to see where they failed and teach in the gaps. If the student doesn’t know something it doesn’t mean it wasn’t taught.... sometimes they just don’t grasp. 

If only all parents could actually do that. It’s too bad that some have to work so much that they seriously don’t have the time! 

[Saywha?]

17 minutes ago, Justsum1twothree said:

If only all parents could actually do that. It’s too bad that some have to work so much that they seriously don’t have the time! 

That is super sad. I hope all parents have at least some time during evenings, weekends, holidays and school breaks. Breaks my heart if they don’t... when would they see their kids ?

[Justsum1twothree]

21 minutes ago, Saywha? said:

That is super sad. I hope all parents have at least some time during evenings, weekends, holidays and school breaks. Breaks my heart if they don’t... when would they see their kids ?

Yes, it is really sad! Especially when you use before and after school programs, etc. they take away more family time but are a necessity when you just have to work. This alone is sad especially since the book No Regrets Parenting states that there are only 940 Saturdays between the time your child is born to when they go to college. By the time your child is 5, 260 are already gone. And not everyone gets to be off weekends. ?

[Kailash]

Some of you may know that my husband and I have homeschooled our daughter for the last 3 years. She has recently been very lonely without friends her age so we decided to look at her options for public school. Right now she is taking 2 classes a day, Monday through Friday. I also had her tested to see where she is in relation to her math and reading levels. (She is at or above grade level according to the tests used.) 

There are so many resources online for homeschooling. It’s a shame when parents don’t use them to give their children the very best education possible to their abilities if they insist on homeschooling. Refusing to use any available services from public schools is also a complete disservice to the child. I wish more people (especially fundy families!) would educate themselves about homeschooling done well. 

[moreorlessnu]

2 hours ago, formergothardite said:

As reality starts setting in, I bet a lot of Andrea's harebrained ideas will start falling to the wayside. 

I never got the feeling that Tom was as committed to herbal remedies as Andrea was, and now you hear nothing from Tom about herbal remedies (other than when someone on a live video mentioned some sort of herbal remedy when the family was sick, Tom said something along the lines of he was sure that had that herb among Andrea's herb collection). 

On a separate note, during the Halloween video, when Claudia was trying the "Greek Kit-Kat" candy bar, she looked absolutely exhausted. Hannah also often looks exhausted to me.

[formergothardite]

6 minutes ago, moreorlessnu said:

I never got the feeling that Tom was as committed to herbal remedies as Andrea was,

My feeling is that Tom has only been committed to playing his games and getting to do what he wants. He seems a devoted Trump fan, which isn't surprising and is invested in some of his religious teachings, but most of the things with the kids seem to be all Andrea. 

I was thinking how Tom has never parented, but I also think that Andrea kept it that way. I don't think she would have taken it well if he actually got deeply involved with the children and started to have ideas of his own. Now Tom is left with parenting and I really don't think he is going to stick with Andrea's fantasies. 

[Saywha?]

1 hour ago, Justsum1twothree said:

Yes, it is really sad! Especially when you use before and after school programs, etc. they take away more family time but are a necessity when you just have to work. This alone is sad especially since the book No Regrets Parenting states that there are only 940 Saturdays between the time your child is born to when they go to college. By the time your child is 5, 260 are already gone. And not everyone gets to be off weekends. ?

I hope if a parent never gets to see their kids they’d go back to school or consider a career change. 

[3splenty]

I work in healthcare, so that means sometimes I work weekends, holidays, and weird hours.  However, I'm usually home between 3 and 4 days every week.

It's not just about the quantity of time I spend with my kids, it's the quality of time.  My oldest lives in a dorm (high school), but we still talk at least every other day and text daily (and she's home most weekends).  My younger two are at a different school, home every night.  I help with homework where I can, we talk about their days, etc.  I also handle appointments--more time for a one-on-one conversation.

I want them to know I'll be there, but not smother them or live through them.

[Xan]

Posting on wrong thread.  Sorry.

(Wrote an entire post about Jill Rodrigues and realized I was reading on the Tom Mills thread.  Argh.)

Slinking away....

Edited November 17, 2019 by Xan