Mrs. Anna T seems to be changing her mind regarding women working and other things

[Curious]

3 minutes ago, Anna T said:

OK. I did dig them up (and now I wish I hadn't). Some thoughts right off the bat:

1. Whoa, someone (more than one person) actually had the time not just to read the ramblings of little ol' me, but actually to discuss them so exhaustively? Man, I had no idea I was that interesting ? 

2. Never assume you really know someone from reading their blog. Some things inevitably get twisted out of context (I was never on birth control, but I did suffer from some hormonal imbalances that led to fertility issues.). 

3. Generally, the older I get, the less I care what other people think of me. This is a gift I appreciate to the utmost when reading someone describe me as "vicious piece of excrement" (classy) and "bitch" (boring). Ten years ago I might have cried. Today I shrug and move on. 

I went and looked for the old threads and though I haven't read them I feel safe saying a couple things.   As you are probably aware 5 years is a lifetime in internet time.  FJ has changed in a multitude of ways over the last 5 years and if I had to guess based on your quotes the members that called names are likely not members anymore.

I am not a fan of name calling (though I feel like bitch is marginal.  I've been known to say "bitch, please" and not mean it in a very personal way, just a "oh come on!" type of way) and prefer members discuss ideas rather than make personal insults, but it's not against our rules and we are a snark forum.

We have been accused of being "kinder and gentler" now and I'm ok with the intended insult.  I still hope you will stick around because like you, we have also grown and changed.

 

[Curious]

21 minutes ago, Anna T said:

This is a gift I appreciate to the utmost when reading someone describe me as "vicious piece of excrement" (classy)

I went and looked for this comment because it's making me cringe and it was made before I was owner.  I'm sure you can find equally bad posts since I've been the owner so I probably sound like I'm trying to get out of responsibility or something.  Before I was owner the tone here was much nastier, including from myself at times, I admit.  However, t9here was a group of people that were just downright mean (snark, IMO, should be witty) and I do not miss their participation here.

 I am not even sure where I am going with this so I'll just stop.

[nelliebelle1197]

@Curious what you are trying to say is that the Merry Band of Bitches is gone and the world is more pleasant for it. And that we apologize for their behavior, even though many us of either weren't here or didn't participate.

[Briefly]

1 hour ago, Anna T said:

OK. I did dig them up (and now I wish I hadn't). Some thoughts right off the bat:

1. Whoa, someone (more than one person) actually had the time not just to read the ramblings of little ol' me, but actually to discuss them so exhaustively? Man, I had no idea I was that interesting ? 

2. Never assume you really know someone from reading their blog. Some things inevitably get twisted out of context (I was never on birth control, but I did suffer from some hormonal imbalances that led to fertility issues.). 

3. Generally, the older I get, the less I care what other people think of me. This is a gift I appreciate to the utmost when reading someone describe me as "vicious piece of excrement" (classy) and "bitch" (boring). Ten years ago I might have cried. Today I shrug and move on. 

I wasn't on FJ back then, but that was just wrong of whomever said that. (I'm referring to # 3).

I did wonder if you might have had fertility issues because of some of your blog posts. As someone who also had fertility difficulties, it's pretty hard to deal with. Especially with people who didn't know what was going on, but seemed to think it was their job to lecture me on the need to hurry up and get pregnant.  It was rough and very hard to deal with. Thank you for trusting us with that.

 

[Coconut Flan]

On 10/9/2019 at 5:36 PM, Caroline said:

Is it too late for Lori?

Lori is too spoiled and Ken has probably set things up so that if he goes before her, she'll still be set well enough to never suffer financially unless she does something stupid with the money.  All she'd have to do is sell the house and invest the proceeds wisely and she'd be set for the rest of her life.  

[Caroline]

2 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

Lori is too spoiled and Ken has probably set things up so that if he goes before her, she'll still be set well enough to never suffer financially unless she does something stupid with the money.  All she'd have to do is sell the house and invest the proceeds wisely and she'd be set for the rest of her life.  

And she lacks the drive, self-awareness, and need to change (as you say above).  Sounds like a boring and unfulfilling life to never grow emotionally or intellectually .

[Anna T]

10 hours ago, Briefly said:

I wasn't on FJ back then, but that was just wrong of whomever said that. (I'm referring to # 3).

I did wonder if you might have had fertility issues because of some of your blog posts. As someone who also had fertility difficulties, it's pretty hard to deal with. Especially with people who didn't know what was going on, but seemed to think it was their job to lecture me on the need to hurry up and get pregnant.  It was rough and very hard to deal with. Thank you for trusting us with that.

 

It was actually fascinating to read those old threads. Much of the speculation was wildly off the mark (such as my "perfectionism" in housework, ?)  but some things I wasn't even aware came out through my writing and the observations of people were pretty accurate. I did indeed suffer from postpartum depression, which morphed into low-key overall depression and then anxiety later on. I was eventually diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, which skyrocketed with the murder of our neighbor, Rabbi Raziel Shevach, by a scum of the earth Arab terrorist, nearly two years ago. 

However, therapy, moving to a different place, and new occupations have turned my life around and I'm feeling a whole lot better now. I have four children today (aged 10 to 1.5 years), and I can tell that taking care of them all is MUCH easier on me now than things were back in the day with just ONE baby. Plus I have learned to appreciate how sweet and straightforward little ones are compared to preteens who talk back and think they are smarter than their parents (and that's before we've even hit the teen years yet. Oy vey). 

[VVV]

11 hours ago, Anna T said:

Plus I have learned to appreciate how sweet and straightforward little ones are compared to preteens who talk back and think they are smarter than their parents (and that's before we've even hit the teen years yet. Oy vey). 

As the mother of adult kids ages 24, 22, and 18, I am happy to tell you that they eventually turn into human beings again (and pretty awesome ones in the case of my kids) once you get through the eye-rolling years. But those tween - teen years could be brutal at times, and that was with basically good kids. You have my warmest thoughts for an easy passage through the next dozen or so years.

[hoipolloi]

48 minutes ago, VVV said:

But those tween - teen years could be brutal at times, and that was with basically good kids.

Same here. DS was a good kid but boy was I glad to see the teen years in the rearview mirror.

OTOH, it did give me some insight into why so many of our snarkees fall into these delusional & destructive rule-based systems for raising kids. The world for teens can be so scary and the belief that "if a parent just follows the rules correctly, the teens will be fine" is so seductive.

As I've said here before, most parents -- fundie or secular -- would do just about anything for a guarantee that their kids, especially teens, will grow up to be good people. 

Edited October 16, 2019 by hoipolloi
Clarity

[Anna T]

49 minutes ago, hoipolloi said:

Same here. DS was a good kid but boy was I glad to see the teen years in the rearview mirror.

OTOH, it did give me some insight into why so many of our snarkees fall into these delusional & destructive rule-based systems for raising kids. The world for teens can be so scary and the belief that "if a parent just follows the rules correctly, the teens will be fine" is so seductive.

As I've said here before, most parents -- fundie or secular -- would do just about anything for a guarantee that their kids, especially teens, will grow up to be good people. 

I don't think there are any guarantees, ever, that the kids will turn out fine or otherwise. We're doing our best but at the bottom line, our kids are their own people who will make their own choices (and bear the consequences). It's a scary thought, but we can't live life for them. 

Would you say there's a middle road between secular and fundie? Hey, there might even be such a thing as a *secular fundie* (like extreme raw foodists or environmentalists. Or that person from the thread in 2012 who expressed the sentiment that all Israelis living in the "occupied territories" deserve to die).

[Caroline]

53 minutes ago, Anna T said:

I don't think there are any guarantees, ever, that the kids will turn out fine or otherwise. We're doing our best but at the bottom line, our kids are their own people who will make their own choices (and bear the consequences). It's a scary thought, but we can't live life for them. 

Would you say there's a middle road between secular and fundie? Hey, there might even be such a thing as a *secular fundie* (like extreme raw foodists or environmentalists. Or that person from the thread in 2012 who expressed the sentiment that all Israelis living in the "occupied territories" deserve to die).

I have one lovely friend who attends a very conservative church, and she is definitely a fundamentalist Christian.  But she's so unusual because she just lives what she believes and really listens to others.  She doesn't judge and knows that everyone struggles with something and is not necessarily evil and hell-bound because of it.  I think the difference is that she is highly intelligent and kind in equal measure.  She is, however, the only person of that particular belief system who is like that in my experience.  She's secular in that she embraces the world without fear, but fundie because she has a strong faith in the traditional idea of the Protestant God but doesn't overtly try to change anyone or necessarily believe that hers is the only way of believing.    Is this what you mean?

Teenagers:  I know many because I'm a high school teacher and the parent of a daughter who was one not too long ago.  Most who have been raised with diligence and love turn our absolutely fine.  There's always a small percentage who go off the rails for no one knows what reasons.  At school we talk a lot about the negative role of social media on teenagers and the higher levels of anxiety and depression that seem to follow too much time spent on line worrying about what others are thinking of you.   One thing I know we did right at home was to limit our teen's access to social media and to keep her busy with things she loved and could do well:  swimming, piano, art classes, and just a slower pace of life that didn't involve plugging in to excess.  She's a competent, confident, and fun young adult now and we both have fond memories of her teenage years.

I'll bet you'll be very successful with your children when they're teens.  Just hang on to your sense of humor in those inevitable rough patches

[OyHiOh]

1 hour ago, Anna T said:

 

Would you say there's a middle road between secular and fundie? Hey, there might even be such a thing as a *secular fundie* (like extreme raw foodists or environmentalists. Or that person from the thread in 2012 who expressed the sentiment that all Israelis living in the "occupied territories" deserve to die).

"Secular fundies" facinate me almost more than the religious ones.  The way that people search for order in chaos outside of religious culture.  

[Caroline]

5 minutes ago, OyHiOh said:

"Secular fundies" facinate me almost more than the religious ones.  The way that people search for order in chaos outside of religious culture.  

I definitely missed the point of secular fundie!  

[Briefly]

14 hours ago, Anna T said:

It was actually fascinating to read those old threads. Much of the speculation was wildly off the mark (such as my "perfectionism" in housework, ?)  but some things I wasn't even aware came out through my writing and the observations of people were pretty accurate. I did indeed suffer from postpartum depression, which morphed into low-key overall depression and then anxiety later on. I was eventually diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, which skyrocketed with the murder of our neighbor, Rabbi Raziel Shevach, by a scum of the earth Arab terrorist, nearly two years ago. 

However, therapy, moving to a different place, and new occupations have turned my life around and I'm feeling a whole lot better now. I have four children today (aged 10 to 1.5 years), and I can tell that taking care of them all is MUCH easier on me now than things were back in the day with just ONE baby. Plus I have learned to appreciate how sweet and straightforward little ones are compared to preteens who talk back and think they are smarter than their parents (and that's before we've even hit the teen years yet. Oy vey). 

I remember reading your blog about your neighbor's death. It was horrifying and must have been terrifying because it was so close to you.  I was glad when you posted that your family had moved out of that area and that you are in a safer spot. I deal with anxiety often and I understand completely why that would have made it harder.  I'm glad you got some therapy and are in a better emotional place as well as safer physically.

[Anna T]

4 hours ago, Briefly said:

I remember reading your blog about your neighbor's death. It was horrifying and must have been terrifying because it was so close to you.  I was glad when you posted that your family had moved out of that area and that you are in a safer spot. I deal with anxiety often and I understand completely why that would have made it harder.  I'm glad you got some therapy and are in a better emotional place as well as safer physically.

Thank you. We actually almost witnessed the murder and would have been where he was when he was shot if my husband hadn't insisted on just popping into a shop for a moment while we were driving. 

What made this so much harder was that he was absolutely the sweetest, kindest, loveliest person in that whole out-in-the-boonies settlement of ridiculous isolated clannish a*holes. He and his wife were about the only friends we had left after our righteous neighbors tried their hardest to get us to move, failed (they had no idea what thick-skinned people they were dealing with), and resolved to make a social ban on us. The rabbi and his wife, however, kept trying to make things better, invited us over, and in general were the bright patch among the storm clouds of our social horizon.

And it wasn't just us. They were just amazing people. An amazing family. Happy, fun, loving. Anyone who would visit them would have decided that being Orthodox Jewish was the brightest, most fun lifestyle ever. The loss was enormous on so many levels. 

It will sound extremely unkind, but I can think right off the bat of a dozen different neighbors I probably wouldn't have cried over.... 

[Anna T]

5 hours ago, Caroline said:

I have one lovely friend who attends a very conservative church, and she is definitely a fundamentalist Christian.  But she's so unusual because she just lives what she believes and really listens to others.  She doesn't judge and knows that everyone struggles with something and is not necessarily evil and hell-bound because of it.  I think the difference is that she is highly intelligent and kind in equal measure.  She is, however, the only person of that particular belief system who is like that in my experience.  She's secular in that she embraces the world without fear, but fundie because she has a strong faith in the traditional idea of the Protestant God but doesn't overtly try to change anyone or necessarily believe that hers is the only way of believing.    Is this what you mean?

Teenagers:  I know many because I'm a high school teacher and the parent of a daughter who was one not too long ago.  Most who have been raised with diligence and love turn our absolutely fine.  There's always a small percentage who go off the rails for no one knows what reasons.  At school we talk a lot about the negative role of social media on teenagers and the higher levels of anxiety and depression that seem to follow too much time spent on line worrying about what others are thinking of you.   One thing I know we did right at home was to limit our teen's access to social media and to keep her busy with things she loved and could do well:  swimming, piano, art classes, and just a slower pace of life that didn't involve plugging in to excess.  She's a competent, confident, and fun young adult now and we both have fond memories of her teenage years.

I'll bet you'll be very successful with your children when they're teens.  Just hang on to your sense of humor in those inevitable rough patches

I guess what I mean by "middle road" is living out your beliefs without judging others or being terrified of letting foreign opinions into your cloistered little world. 

For a decade, I had lived among people who mostly looked, spoke, and prayed like me. You'd think I would feel socially safe and accepted. Not so. I feel like I belong a whole lot more in our new neighborhood where some people dress and live about the same as us, others a little differently, and yet others very differently. 

There's also a large Hassidic enclave which the readers of this forum would define as uber fundie. They all dress the same, speak Yiddish, and were the source of such lovely experiences as me getting a faceful of water dropped on me in the synagogue on Yom Kippur, and my friend having a stone thrown at her and being called "ugly negro". Ugh. 

[justwatching]

I rarely post and haven’t followed your blog, but feel compelled to say that you are a breath of fresh air. I have been touched by this conversation and will be following both it and your blog (and the crochet is a bonus!). I wish you all the best!

[Anna T]

2 hours ago, justwatching said:

I rarely post and haven’t followed your blog, but feel compelled to say that you are a breath of fresh air. I have been touched by this conversation and will be following both it and your blog (and the crochet is a bonus!). I wish you all the best!

Thank you so much!

[Shouldabeenacowboy]

Anna, I am glad to see you here. I have followed you for many years, and, regardless of differences in beliefs and lifestyle, I always thought (hoped) that common sense would prevail at some point. Why did I think that? Unlike other people we discuss on here, you are educated, intelligent, and...multilingual!

I have been reading* about how languages affect the brain. I found numerous studies that link brain plasticity and bi- and multilingualism. Also, several studies show that it is not "just" the language, but the ability to look at the world from a different perspective/view point that comes with being bi/multilingual. In other words, it appears that there is scientific evidence that bi- and multi-lingual folks have a more holistic worldview, and have an easier time understanding the "other side". 

You are going to laugh, but I thought- she's multilingual, she will be able to see things from a different angle eventually. She will be fine  

*Frantically, since becoming the mother of a child who is being raised with 3 mother tongues, and being worried that this would somehow slow down his development! (stupid worry, but you know...first time mom and all). 

[Curious]

On 10/16/2019 at 5:18 AM, Anna T said:

Plus I have learned to appreciate how sweet and straightforward little ones are compared to preteens who talk back and think they are smarter than their parents (and that's before we've even hit the teen years yet. Oy vey). 

If you have boys be prepared to hear "I don't know" about 23949807234098 times and for every. single. question.

It was impossible to hold a conversation on anything with my son from about 12-18.  Thankfully, that phase is gone and I actually enjoy talking to him again  

[Anna T]

39 minutes ago, Shouldabeenacowboy said:

Anna, I am glad to see you here. I have followed you for many years, and, regardless of differences in beliefs and lifestyle, I always thought (hoped) that common sense would prevail at some point. Why did I think that? Unlike other people we discuss on here, you are educated, intelligent, and...multilingual!

I have been reading* about how languages affect the brain. I found numerous studies that link brain plasticity and bi- and multilingualism. Also, several studies show that it is not "just" the language, but the ability to look at the world from a different perspective/view point that comes with being bi/multilingual. In other words, it appears that there is scientific evidence that bi- and multi-lingual folks have a more holistic worldview, and have an easier time understanding the "other side". 

You are going to laugh, but I thought- she's multilingual, she will be able to see things from a different angle eventually. She will be fine  

*Frantically, since becoming the mother of a child who is being raised with 3 mother tongues, and being worried that this would somehow slow down his development! (stupid worry, but you know...first time mom and all). 

I'm not sure if being able to speak several languages has anything to do with flexibility of the mind... Technically, the racist Hassidic fundies I had mentioned above are multilingual too (They speak Yiddish and Hebrew, and many also speak English to some degree). But thank you ? 

In my case, the shift in thinking was mostly due to my husband's repeated periods of unemployment, his one-sided MAJOR financial screw-ups, and the huge resulting crisis. I woke up one day with the realization that I'm terrified of being so utterly helpless and dependent on a man who has been so reckless with money. 

If he had kept his job, most likely I would still be living in an outpost herding goats and humbly waiting for my husband to drive me to trivial errands such as the doctor and post office, and asking his permission to buy 5$ worth of yarn from eBay. 

I do not want to sound bitter. I loved raising goats, and in fact got pretty excited when a neighbor told me she used to have a few in her backyard. I love my chicken coop. Another neighbor has a whole backyard heritage chicken farm (we live in a very, very laid-back town). But I digress. 

Compared to some other people discussed on this forum, I remained more or less the same. I didn't suddenly flip. I'm still the same Orthodox Jewish gal in long skirts and head covering. I still love breastfeeding and attachment parenting. I'm still an introverted homebody who loves gardening, baking and crochet. I still home educate my younger kids (though the older girls started regular school last year, when we moved). The main thing that changed about me is yearning for independence, financial, but not only. 

 Being forced out of my comfort zone by my husband's unemployment was absolutely the BEST thing that could have happened to me. It taught me I'm capable of so much more than I thought. Working and earning my own money has done wonders for my peace of mind, self-esteem, and confidence. 

It's still a very flexible at-home position and I'm not going to get rich anytime soon, but it felt absolutely wonderful to get a credit card in my name for the first time in my life, and pay the electricity bills and property tax, etc. I was practically doing a little happy jig.

What I'd really love is to be in a position where I know I can survive financially even if my husband never finds regular employment again. I'm not even close to being there yet, but I'm working towards that goal. 

5 minutes ago, Curious said:

If you have boys be prepared to hear "I don't know" about 23949807234098 times and for every. single. question.

It was impossible to hold a conversation on anything with my son from about 12-18.  Thankfully, that phase is gone and I actually enjoy talking to him again  

I have a 4 year-old son I love to bits, but he can be impossible to talk to when he's in one of his stubborn moods ? 

[Curious]

 

 

 

 

20 hours ago, Anna T said:

I don't think there are any guarantees, ever, that the kids will turn out fine or otherwise. We're doing our best but at the bottom line, our kids are their own people who will make their own choices (and bear the consequences). It's a scary thought, but we can't live life for them. 

This is something I really wish that the Christian Fundamentalists we discuss would understand.  So many of them seem to expect their kids to be exact replicas of each other and oftentimes an extension of a parent.  I know we only see what they put out in public, but it seems so often that the children are not allowed to make any independent choices.

Jill Rodrigues is a good example of this.  Starting around 13, she starts letting her girls wear makeup, but from what we see it seems as though they are expected to wear their makeup exactly like Jill.  It's a real shame because those girls are lovely and don't need to wear 10 pounds of makeup every day.

On 10/16/2019 at 5:18 AM, Anna T said:

therapy

This is a snoopy question so feel free to not answer.  Did you get religious therapy or secular?  or both?

Most people we discuss here don't approve of therapy and the few that do never go to secular therapists.  From what I have seen Christian therapy seems to involve a lot of guilt (for women) and making everything the womans fault.

I don't know anything about the Jewish version or even if there is one, so I'm not casting aspirations.  Just curious

[Curious]

25 minutes ago, Anna T said:

I'm not sure if being able to speak several languages has anything to do with flexibility of the mind... Technically, the racist Hassidic fundies I had mentioned above are multilingual too (They speak Yiddish and Hebrew, and many also speak English to some degree). But thank you ? 

In my case, the shift in thinking was mostly due to my husband's repeated periods of unemployment, his one-sided MAJOR financial screw-ups, and the huge resulting crisis. I woke up one day with the realization that I'm terrified of being so utterly helpless and dependent on a man who has been so reckless with money. 

If he had kept his job, most likely I would still be living in an outpost herding goats and humbly waiting for my husband to drive me to trivial errands such as the doctor and post office, and asking his permission to buy 5$ worth of yarn from eBay. 

I do not want to sound bitter. I loved raising goats, and in fact got pretty excited when a neighbor told me she used to have a few in her backyard. I love my chicken coop. Another neighbor has a whole backyard heritage chicken farm (we live in a very, very laid-back town). But I digress. 

Compared to some other people discussed on this forum, I remained more or less the same. I didn't suddenly flip. I'm still the same Orthodox Jewish gal in long skirts and head covering. I still love breastfeeding and attachment parenting. I'm still an introverted homebody who loves gardening, baking and crochet. I still home educate my younger kids (though the older girls started regular school last year, when we moved). The main thing that changed about me is yearning for independence, financial, but not only. 

 Being forced out of my comfort zone by my husband's unemployment was absolutely the BEST thing that could have happened to me. It taught me I'm capable of so much more than I thought. Working and earning my own money has done wonders for my peace of mind, self-esteem, and confidence. 

It's still a very flexible at-home position and I'm not going to get rich anytime soon, but it felt absolutely wonderful to get a credit card in my name for the first time in my life, and pay the electricity bills and property tax, etc. I was practically doing a little happy jig.

What I'd really love is to be in a position where I know I can survive financially even if my husband never finds regular employment again. I'm not even close to being there yet, but I'm working towards that goal. 

I have a 4 year-old son I love to bits, but he can be impossible to talk to when he's in one of his stubborn moods ? 

This is another post that young Christian Fundamentalist maidens should read, IMO. 

So many of them expect (and are expected) to depend on others (men usually) and never have any kind of self-sufficiency.  The general philosophy on FJ is that we wish these young women would be allowed to have a decent education and pursue employment of their choice at least until they are married and start popping out Irish twins for the entirety of their reproductive season of life.

It's refreshing to see someone admit their life is not perfect and you sometimes have to just roll with the punches and play the hand you are dealt, but that doesn't mean you have to give up your faith.

I also want to add that I'm glad you came back.  I was a little concerned that reading the old threads would turn you off and I think you absolutely will provide viewpoints we probably normally would not get.

I forgot I wanted to ask if your son happened to be a late talker? 

Edited October 17, 2019 by Curious
added thought

[Anna T]

17 minutes ago, Curious said:

This is another post that young Christian Fundamentalist maidens should read, IMO. 

So many of them expect (and are expected) to depend on others (men usually) and never have any kind of self-sufficiency.  The general philosophy on FJ is that we wish these young women would be allowed to have a decent education and pursue employment of their choice at least until they are married and start popping out Irish twins for the entirety of their reproductive season of life.

It's refreshing to see someone admit their life is not perfect and you sometimes have to just roll with the punches and play the hand you are dealt, but that doesn't mean you have to give up your faith.

I also want to add that I'm glad you came back.  I was a little concerned that reading the old threads would turn you off and I think you absolutely will provide viewpoints we probably normally would not get.

I forgot I wanted to ask if your son happened to be a late talker? 

I got plain old nonreligious therapy for anxiety and depression. I also participated in group therapy. I saw no direct connection between those mental health issues and my faith, so seeking out a religious therapist seemed kind of unnecessary (this wasn't marriage/family counseling). I also got medications but I'm slowly weaning off them. I'm a lot more open about this now since a dear friend of mine ended her life after struggling with depression. She never got help. Her voice was never heard. So if anyone out there needs help and is reading this, GET HELP. You deserve so much better. 

My son actually happened to be an early and very articulate talker with an extensive vocabulary. ☺ 

[AuntCloud]

Anna, thank you for allowing us to share the story of your journey, As a former Israeli, presently in Canada (although from the State of Tel-Aviv, that is as far removed from your old place as it is from the Canadian Big City I'm at now), it's so good to read the perspective of someone who has lived there. I can't imagine living where you have with no way to get around.

A question, if you don't mind. One of the biggest differences I have noticed between Israel and Canada is that virtually all Israeli women work. Israelis value women's education as much as men's, and women who choose to stay home are looked down upon ("aren't you bored? what do you even do when the kids are at Gan? (*preschool/kindergarten) Don't you feel like you're wasting your educations?). I don't think I've known a single religious woman who hasn't worked. Was this mindset helpful in making your personal decision to work?

So sorry to hear about your neighbour and the general neighbour situation. Small, isolated settlements can get... weird.