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Andrea Mills 2: Watching Tom Appear to Lose His Mind


Coconut Flan

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He is a man-child who was coddled by his wife. Andrea made all the decisions and ran the household, after a fashion, with some help from the kids.  The way he guzzles candy is bizarre. He looks at bags of candy like they are precious gold.  Andrea once said they believe it's okay to eat anything, but didn't her herb books say anything about buckets of sugar? Also, "YouTube people" is a rude way to refer to people who send money and gifts (and even more candy!)  Tommy reminds me of another man-child, Danny: the husband of a woman who drove an SUV the wrong way on a highway in New York and killed eight people including herself and her toddler daughter. (Netflix, I think, has a doc, "There's Something Wrong with Aunt Diane.")  I hope the Mills children, especially Judah, can preserve their spirit under a deadbeat dad. 

 

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I watched "There's Something Wrong With Aunt Diane".  I agree with you- just totally checked out, and I am pretty sure I remember not being too impressed by the way he treated his surviving son.  I can't remember what it was, but I know I was disturbed by it.

 

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6 hours ago, Petronella said:

Wait, what?? Why...why is he focused on "the England flag"?

Maybe because someone sent them candy with the British flag on the top of the box. It's all about the candy, it seems.

I've been following these threads without commenting, so far, because I really didn't know about this family. But I've been learning. I've watched Andrea's "false flag" video, the tours of the kids' bedrooms, and a few other videos.

Some of her organizing ideas were great -- I like the idea of a bedroom like her boys' room, with curtained, personal sleeping cubbies - for one or two kids, though, not for five, and with extra-long twin or full-size beds. It struck me that she was so into the organizing systems, and the crafting and sewing that went with them, that it seemed almost like a child playing with her dollhouse, but with real live people.

I get the sense that they were, before her death, one of those families that puts a pleasant facade on horrible beliefs and substandard education and health care.

And, of course, now that she's gone, the person who did most of the work is missing, and the facade seems to be crumbling.

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@thoughtfulhtful I agree about the "boy's room" video. I actually sent it to my husband to illustrate what I'd like in an RV for the kids. Living in a tiny dark ("MANLY color" for those who have never watched it) crawl space for your entire childhood, adolescence and young adulthood is nightmarish.

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10 minutes ago, FecundFundieFundus said:

Living in a tiny dark ("MANLY color" for those who have never watched it) crawl space for your entire childhood, adolescence and young adulthood is nightmarish.

It's the lack of choice that gets to me. I can see that it might be someone's personal style to want a small cozy space for alone time. As a kid, I would have loved walls around my bed, so the many stuffed animals and books wouldn't fall on the floor! But I would have also wanted the rest of my bedroom for other uses, not to be shared with four other people.

It might be natural for some people to only use their bed to sleep, and to read or relax when there is chaos around them in other rooms. Some kids are able to play in a small space, and, to a certain extent, keeping some play/work to a defined space is a skill we all need to develop gradually (hence Montessori rugs, game boards, desks, etc.).

But an introvert who doesn't like tight spaces would be SOL in that house, as would anyone who needs quiet to study, or who wants to have a chat with just one sibling or a parent, or who has a project that requires more space (and to be left out until finished), or who wants to learn music, or who wants to be able to move around like a normal young human. The tightness of the space in the game night video gave me the willies.

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I love small enclosed spaces* but you need to be able to stretch out SOMEWHERE without something touching you. The entire house is cramped. 

 

* I used to hide in/sometimes sleep in closets or under beds as a kid? As a teen I thought that was a cute funny story about me being a weird little kid but now I think it's one of those "that isn't a quirk it's a coping mechanism for abuse" type of things. 

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I've read this thread some, but decided to watch the video myself and yeah, wow, just disgusting. Asher gets up from his dinner, trying to calm Hannah. He ends up leaving the room to try and calm her, having barely eaten his own dinner while Tom slurps away at his soup and answers YT questions. I wanted to scream at Tom to get off his ass and comfort his baby daughter. Seriously, Tom, Hannah is your daughter, not Asher's. However, Asher clearly gives more of a shit about her well-being than Tom. 

My niece is only two months older than Hannah, so it really breaks my heart to see Tom seem so dismissive towards her. I think my BIL is worthless, but I know that if my niece (his daughter) was crying like that and my sister wasn't around, he wouldn't just leave her screaming like that. 

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1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

It's the lack of choice that gets to me. I can see that it might be someone's personal style to want a small cozy space for alone time. As a kid, I would have loved walls around my bed, so the many stuffed animals and books wouldn't fall on the floor! But I would have also wanted the rest of my bedroom for other uses, not to be shared with four other people.

It might be natural for some people to only use their bed to sleep, and to read or relax when there is chaos around them in other rooms. Some kids are able to play in a small space, and, to a certain extent, keeping some play/work to a defined space is a skill we all need to develop gradually (hence Montessori rugs, game boards, desks, etc.).

But an introvert who doesn't like tight spaces would be SOL in that house, as would anyone who needs quiet to study, or who wants to have a chat with just one sibling or a parent, or who has a project that requires more space (and to be left out until finished), or who wants to learn music, or who wants to be able to move around like a normal young human. The tightness of the space in the game night video gave me the willies.

It's astounding how a lot of these parents of many children really don't care at all about their children's individual tolerance for things and situations.  I too would have gone crazy in that tiny house, and I grew up with three siblings in a typically small ranch house in the 60's.  I have no problem with kids sharing space, but those kids have no chance to be alone with their thoughts.  Is it my imagination, or are a lot of these parents natural extroverts who expect all of their many kids to be the same?  Part of the job of good parenting is making allowances for the differences in your children's personalities as well as their interests.  As usual, poor kids.

3 hours ago, Zenyatta said:

He is a man-child who was coddled by his wife. Andrea made all the decisions and ran the household, after a fashion, with some help from the kids.  The way he guzzles candy is bizarre. He looks at bags of candy like they are precious gold.  Andrea once said they believe it's okay to eat anything, but didn't her herb books say anything about buckets of sugar? Also, "YouTube people" is a rude way to refer to people who send money and gifts (and even more candy!)  Tommy reminds me of another man-child, Danny: the husband of a woman who drove an SUV the wrong way on a highway in New York and killed eight people including herself and her toddler daughter. (Netflix, I think, has a doc, "There's Something Wrong with Aunt Diane.")  I hope the Mills children, especially Judah, can preserve their spirit under a deadbeat dad. 

 

I wonder if since Tom lost his own mother so young he married a super maternal person in Andrea. Just wondering.

Doesn't help his kids though.

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6 hours ago, LaPeleona said:

 I learned this as well but from public schools in Alabama. In fact, we took Alabama history in 8th grade and then again in 10th and used the same book based on Alabama's motto "We dare defend our rights". 

I learned these terms in elementary school in New England in the 60's, but only as information.  We used the term Civil War and learned that the war was about slavery primarily.

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17 hours ago, under siege said:

Thank you for the recap.

1) Yesterday I decided to check out Judah's channel and on his community page, he apologized for not being able to do as many videos because school is taking up a lot of time.
Andrea used to work with the kids having trouble with certain subjects and work out a plan of attack to help them through it. Still used ACE but she tried different approached to how that kid studies. Judah was the main one I remember she did that will so I hope Grandma Kitty can either (a)work out  how to make ACE work best with each kid or (b) convince Tom other curricula should be incorporated (wishful thinking probably)

 

I was meaning to watch Judah’s video-I’m wondering if one reason it’s hard is because he’s had to take on extra responsibilities at home. 

Maybe this is me reading into things but I feel like he and Judah were a little defiant toward Tom in the livestream. The more responsibility he puts on them, the more they may try to assert some power and autonomy to separate from Tom.

My heart breaks for those older boys. My own son is 14 and I just want to hug them. They deserve to be teens and not be overwhelmed with adult problems.

1 hour ago, Caroline said:

It's astounding how a lot of these parents of many children really don't care at all about their children's individual tolerance for things and situations.  I too would have gone crazy in that tiny house, and I grew up with three siblings in a typically small ranch house in the 60's.  I have no problem with kids sharing space, but those kids have no chance to be alone with their thoughts.  Is it my imagination, or are a lot of these parents natural extroverts who expect all of their many kids to be the same?  Part of the job of good parenting is making allowances for the differences in your children's personalities as well as their interests.  As usual, poor kids.

I wonder if since Tom lost his own mother so young he married a super maternal person in Andrea. Just wondering.

Doesn't help his kids though.

Tom’s mother is alive and well-she’s the Grandma Kitty in the videos. His father died when he was young but he had a stepfather. IMO he has an aloof kind of personality and chose Andrea because she took up the slack socially and with the kids.

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3 minutes ago, Pleiades_06 said:

I was meaning to watch Judah’s video-I’m wondering if one reason it’s hard is because he’s had to take on extra responsibilities at home. 

Maybe this is me reading into things but I feel like he and Judah were a little defiant toward Tom in the livestream. The more responsibility he puts on them, the more they may try to assert some power and autonomy to separate from Tom.

My heart breaks for those older boys. My own son is 14 and I just want to hug them. They deserve to be teens and not be overwhelmed with adult problems.

I have a soft spot for younger teenage boys.  I teach ninth graders, and I know so many delightful young teens who are lucky enough to be living life the way they should:  sports, time with friends, a little silliness, some flirting with girls,  and not having to worry about adult things yet.  I also know a few who have too many responsibilities, but at least they have a school life as an outlet/escape.  

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4 minutes ago, Caroline said:

I have a soft spot for younger teenage boys.  I teach ninth graders, and I know so many delightful young teens who are lucky enough to be living life the way they should:  sports, time with friends, a little silliness, some flirting with girls,  and not having to worry about adult things yet.  I also know a few who have too many responsibilities, but at least they have a school life as an outlet/escape.  

I’m also a high school teacher! The 14 year olds are so cute when they are the youngest in the building. It’s a fun age to teach because they are old enough to start having intelligent conversations but young enough to play games and be silly. They need both and I don’t know if Judah and Asher are getting the chance for  intelligent discourse or to be silly.

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14 minutes ago, Caroline said:

I have a soft spot for younger teenage boys.  I teach ninth graders, and I know so many delightful young teens who are lucky enough to be living life the way they should:  sports, time with friends, a little silliness, some flirting with girls,  and not having to worry about adult things yet.  I also know a few who have too many responsibilities, but at least they have a school life as an outlet/escape.  

 

5 minutes ago, Pleiades_06 said:

I’m also a high school teacher! The 14 year olds are so cute when they are the youngest in the building. It’s a fun age to teach because they are old enough to start having intelligent conversations but young enough to play games and be silly. They need both and I don’t know if Judah and Asher are getting the chance for  intelligent discourse or to be silly.

Bless you both. 

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20 minutes ago, Pleiades_06 said:

I was meaning to watch Judah’s video-I’m wondering if one reason it’s hard is because he’s had to take on extra responsibilities at home. 

Maybe this is me reading into things but I feel like he and Judah were a little defiant toward Tom in the livestream. The more responsibility he puts on them, the more they may try to assert some power and autonomy to separate from Tom.

My heart breaks for those older boys. My own son is 14 and I just want to hug them. They deserve to be teens and not be overwhelmed with adult problems.

Tom’s mother is alive and well-she’s the Grandma Kitty in the videos. His father died when he was young but he had a stepfather. IMO he has an aloof kind of personality and chose Andrea because she took up the slack socially and with the kids.

Oh, I totally missed that.  For some reason I thought it was his mother who died.  If his mother is helping out, she's obviously alive and well!  He must be a typical kind of self-absorbed man.  I've known a few :(

 

 

2 minutes ago, ViolaSebastian said:

 

Bless you both. 

There's more good than bad about teaching teenagers despite what you hear :)

 

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2 minutes ago, Caroline said:

There's more good than bad about teaching teenagers despite what you hear :)

I just wrapped up a research grant that had me sitting in on classes in our local high schools during a pension-related struggle with the governor in my state. Teachers deserve all the kudos. ?

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Maybe when this topic strand is full the next can be Andrea Mills 3: Free Judah

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Starting to watch his latest livestream:

1. The second I tune in, the kids are screaming and one of the kids is scream/crying. He shouts "you're okay, baby girl!" The kids continue to fight in the background.

2. Tom is having trouble sleeping. He wakes up at night and just lays there and then between four and seven he decides to get up. He is going to try melatonin tonight. He is tired all the time.

3. He has not considered seeing someone professionally. He says he needs to have a connection with someone to talk to them. He says he feels better from talking to "you guys," e.g. the Youtube People. The irony of this is completely lost on him.

4. The van is having some issues. He mentions a lose battery cable.

5. If you want to give some money, just do it through Go Fund Me and not through Superchat.

6. The next project is cleaning in the attic and the girls' room. He will also build the table he promised Andrea.

7. His tears have "been flowing pretty good." 

8. He mentions that Andrea told the doctor she had miscarried three times. He did not know about two, "so they must have been pretty early on."

9. He's going to give the kids some money and let them pick out their own Halloween costumes. He mentions that he doesn't know when costumes sell out. "I'm just not good at any of this." Some people in the chat give him static about celebrating Halloween. He replies with some verses and he's pretty cool about it, honestly.

10. He's never considered public school. "That's not for us."

11. Dinner tonight was leftover hamburgers from the other night and macaroni and cheese.

12. He signs off saying it was really helpful to get to talk and that he's really grateful to "you guys" (the Youtube People).

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8 minutes ago, ViolaSebastian said:

Starting to watch his latest livestream:

1. The second I tune in, the kids are screaming and one of the kids is scream/crying. He shouts "you're okay, baby girl!" The kids continue to fight in the background.

2. Tom is having trouble sleeping. He wakes up at night and just lays there and then between four and seven he decides to get up. He is going to try melatonin tonight. He is tired all the time.

3. He has not considered seeing someone professionally. He says he needs to have a connection with someone to talk to them. He says he feels better from talking to "you guys," e.g. the Youtube People. The irony of this is completely lost on him.

4. The van is having some issues. He mentions a lose battery cable.

5. If you want to give some money, just do it through Go Fund Me and not through Superchat.

6. The next project is cleaning in the attic and the girls' room. He will also build the table he promised Andrea.

7. His tears have "been flowing pretty good." 

8. He mentions that Andrea told the doctor she had miscarried three times. He did not know about two, "so they must have been pretty early on."

9. He's going to give the kids some money and let them pick out their own Halloween costumes. He mentions that he doesn't know when costumes sell out. "I'm just not good at any of this." Some people in the chat give him static about celebrating Halloween. He replies with some verses and he's pretty cool about it, honestly.

10. He's never considered public school. "That's not for us."

11. Dinner tonight was leftover hamburgers from the other night and macaroni and cheese.

12. He signs off saying it was really helpful to get to talk and that he's really grateful to "you guys" (the Youtube People).

OMG!   How can you live with someone who believes her most important job on Earth is to have babies and not know that she miscarried TWICE!   I only have one child, and don't have the same quiverful convictions as these people, and when I had a miscarriage it was not possible emotionally for me not to lean on my husband (who had such a hard time with it too).   I would love to have a long discussion with him about why public schools aren't for his kids. i guess he'd be just as shocked if I said man-made religion wasn't for me....

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Public school is not for him...until the day when his oldest boys leave at 18 to go live the life they should be allowed to live now.
 

I feel glad to hear a couple of you mention Asher & Judah are disagreeing with Tom sometimes. Gives me hope they’ll leave on their 18th birthday. I’m sure they’ll feel guilty but for their sakes I hope they bust out. 
 

Sad Tom himself is making it clear his role for his marriage to Andrea was as a sperm donor and nothing else. 
 

I don’t recall who mentioned up thread about normally not wanting to split siblings up and yet wishing someone could take the youngest two. I am right there with you at this point. The neglect these kids are experiencing is unbearable!

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2 minutes ago, Caroline said:

OMG!   How can you live with someone who believes her most important job on Earth is to have babies and not know that she miscarried TWICE!   I only have one child, and don't have the same quiverful convictions as these people, and when I had a miscarriage it was not possible emotionally for me not to lean on my husband (who had such a hard time with it too).   I would love to have a long discussion with him about why public schools aren't for his kids. i guess he'd be just as shocked if I said man-made religion wasn't for me....

That gobsmacked me too. A person has to be pretty out-of-touch to not realize that their wife had a miscarriage.

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In the Christmas Gifts 2018 video, Andrea showed that she had put together a “living out of home” kit for Thomas. A slow cooker, kitchen utensils and a blank cookbook that she could work with him on to create some dinners that he would like and be able to make easily enough for himself. So it does seem like her plan was for these boys to move out of home once they were done with school perhaps. I hope Thomas feels he is able to move out when that time comes.
 

I worry more about Asher. Hannah is very attached to him and he to her. I get that. My oldest is 11 and he adores his baby sister (20 months), she often prefers to snuggle with him if she’s hurt or Upset. I love that they have that connection, but I won’t take advantage of that and expect him to feed her and put her down for naps/bedtime. 

 

im also concerned about the level of responsibility the teenagers have. What happens if a minor (or major) incident occurs at home. A burn or a fall for instance, a broken bone maybe. They would feel terrible guilt about that and frankly it’s unfair to put them in any situation where that may happen. 
 

so far in the last fortnight, Tom has spent well over 5 hours live on YouTube. Imagine the constructive things one could do with that time, especially a single dad of 9 with a home business to run and at least 6 or 7 children to educate. Add to that the other videos (filming time, editing time etc).... 

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I noticed a few YouTube friends asking if he had received their cards. At one point at the end he told one he didn’t know because they had received so many-then the video turned off. 

One kept asking about him collecting social security. Apparently she sent him 500 dollars. She posted this (see attachment). What was that all about?? 

026C174B-10F0-4315-8147-B8FB1113CB48.png

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Okay, we're back with part #2, apparently.

1. Tom is talking about the notes he kept on the Cloud, which included a list he kept for Andrea which had gift ideas for him. Youtube people are asking him what he wants. He says he doesn't want anything. They're trying to get him to post the list. He said he'll show us the list. He then starts to cry. "No one was supposed to see this list. This wasn't a list I was supposed to look at." He waivers on showing people and said he only wants to share some things. Items include: Haribou roulette ("a variety of fruit-flavored gummies packaged in convenient rolls to satisfy your craving wherever you go."), stuff from DudeIWantThat.com, Therma Pen, strawberry melts.

2. He says that he likes to go to the Chinese place on birthdays. They have all you can eat tapioca, cream cheese wontons, etc. "Random stuff." He told the kids that tapioca was frog eyes, so now no one likes it but Judah. He and Judah are "tapioca buddies." The kids like it because you can eat ice cream and "get a whole plate of gummy bear toppings."

3. He talks about tapioca and gummy bears for a long time. You can hear the kids in the background. 

4. He's asked who his favorite kid is. (The fuck kind of question is that, people???) He says that they're all his favorites at different times.

5. He says it's been a hard day. He feels better talking. Tiramisu is great.

6. They still have the kid snack basket.

7. Tom takes time to leave and come back with the gummy bears. The gummy bears have sprinkles. They're pretty tasty. Someone idiotically mentions not to trust unsealed bags.

8. He mentions that Thomas should be getting off work soon. (I think someone asked if he still had his job: apparently so). Asher and Judah are "just lounging around."

9. His system goes off, telling everyone to clock in and do their chores.

10. Andrea never worked, so there's no SSI for the kids. He says "we're taking people out of other people's pockets because she didn't earn any money." There was some other reason why it didn't work out as well. He says they're doing fine. Andrea did work at the Christian school, but Tom says it's different with a 401-c3. (501-c3, methinks). God's taking good care of them. Tom pays a lot of social security taxes.

11. Back to tapioca.

12. Andrea did not have a will. Tom says he now has a will.

13. Tom has 20 or so school vlogs to edit. He's been dragging his feet doing it because it really "wrecks" him to edit and see Andrea.

14. Tom talks about some video he did about preterism. He says you have to have an open mind when you watch it, though.

15. Someone asks if he's ever thought about being a pastor. He says on pure principle alone, he would not go to seminary. He thinks that "having a piece of paper saying "here I am, certified to teach you about God" is a terrible thing. He'd like to go to seminary to learn stuff, though.

16. Bananas are Hannah's favorite food.

17. Tom mentions that he really enjoys talking to everyone and that it's really therapeutic. 

18. Asher's birthday is coming up. Once they're over 13 the parties stop and they just get presents and go out to eat. Next birthday is Sophia. Tom's birthday is also coming up.

19. Tom does the cooking now. They have tacos on Tuesday and pizza on Thursday.

20. He goes on and on about food some more. Peanut butter. Jelly bellies. Pineapple. Pepperoni pizza. 

21. About a month before Andrea died, they had a conversation where Andrea said "if you ever die I'll never get remarried." Tom said "I don't know what I'd do." and Andrea told him "oh, you'd get remarried. That's just what you'd do." Asher apparently remembers this conversation. He sighs and says, "my girls do need a mommy." He clarifies that "Andrea is not being replaced. Andrea can't be replaced." But his girls need a mommy. He says "I don't know how we got on this topic."

22. Sophia is the biggest daddy's girl.

23. His favorite meal that Andrea made was french bread pizza.

24. Someone asks if any of the boys are into dating. He says "to tell you the truth, all of them are thinking about it, except for Solly. But no one will talk about it."

25. Tom has never had a drop of alcohol in his life. He says he has no issues with it, he just has a perfect record going and doesn't want to break it.

26. Tom has not taken the kids to visit Andrea, but "he's still trying to figure out how to live life right now." Tom says he talks to Andrea "all the time."

27. Tom sighs. The dog is "doing okay."

Okay. It's been an hour and I'm done with this. More tomorrow.

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1 hour ago, ViolaSebastian said:

He has not considered seeing someone professionally. He says he needs to have a connection with someone to talk to them. He says he feels better from talking to "you guys," e.g. the Youtube People. The irony of this is completely lost on him.

I can imagine what a professional might say to him about his family's current situation and his responsibilities.  He can probably imagine it too. 

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47 minutes ago, Dandruff said:

I can imagine what a professional might say to him about his family's current situation and his responsibilities.  He can probably imagine it too. 

I’m not sure he can. He’s posting some pretty damning child neglect & animal cruelty on YouTube and whining at how incompetent he is because Andrea used to do everything for him. He seems to have zero self-awareness. 

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