Andrea Mills 2: Watching Tom Appear to Lose His Mind

[Palimpsest]

Others, perhaps @Earth Mama, have mentioned getting support from online groups and boards.  And this is a perfectly valid and often helpful choice. 

But that is a bit different from what Tom is doing.  He's rambling on about himself for hours, ignoring his children, and begging for mothering and sympathy (and gifts) from a gaggle of well-meaning (or rapacious husband-hunting) women.  I did scroll down through some of the comments on facebook this morning and checked several profiles.  They are a motley crew of Fundies, homeschoolers with big families, and oddities.  Grandma Kitty and Tom's old friend from CA were also on that chat.  Kitty was rather lapping up Tom's reflected glory,

3 hours ago, formergothardite said:

To quote @Escadora from the very first thread about the family:

I'm sure he is grieving, but Tom is doing what Tom has always done. He only cares about himself. It is his way or no way. He has now found a way to be surrounded by what appears to be mostly women telling him he is soooo wonderful. Of course he loves this! 

And it doesn't seem reciprocal in the way a grief support chatroom or facegroup group would be.  People on his chats have shared losses and apparently Tom rambles on by.  He claims to read ALL the comments, so surely he could respond personally to those who have shared losses.

3 hours ago, Earth Mama said:

How selfish of him!!  I'm really worried about the kids.... they need counseling!!

In a past stream he said that he's been reported to Child Protective Services over 30 times.  I hope a family member is taking note of the lack of help for these kids and reports him again.  If the children are removed from the home, the foster home of choice is with an extended family member... so I hope that's what happens.  But NOT with "Papa Gary" if he's on the sexual predator list like I've read about here.

Gawd, what a mess! 

Yeah, the claims of CPS reports supposedly due to the ebil snark sites.  I can see those coming more from concerned locals in reality.  

TBH, when Andrea was alive I don't think any of the conditions in that house would have met the standards for "serious" abuse and neglect.  The children were fed, educated, kept reasonably clean, not obviously physically abused, and they did take one child to the doctor and could prove it.  Being herby, anti-vax, and religious nuts are not reportable conditions and spanking is still legal.  Unfortunately. 

I think the unassisted homebirthing and Andrea's strangeness about rh factor might have triggered a few CPS calls though.  Her midwife basically fired her, for reason.  Andrea seemed to think she was the only one at risk (not the baby) over Rh factor.  She got the RhoGAM shot after the baby was born in the last few pregnancies.  I don't think that is the way it works, but I am not a medical professional.

3 hours ago, HeadacheLife said:

I forgot to quote this in my last post - but homeschoolers in most states can issue their own diplomas.  There are accredited homeschools that issue them - ACE is one of them, but you have to be enrolled.  I'm not sure the kids are enrolled as that costs extra and based on their life choices I doubt Tom would think they would need an "official" diploma.   (homeschooler here) 

Do we know if they are enrolled to receive official diplomas? They could do alright either way, but given that the plan is to have them go into trade jobs, its going to be a challenge if they don't get the diploma or GED. 

All Wyoming requires is that the homeschooler files a curriculum annually, that the child is educated between the ages of 7 and 16, and that the curriculum includes instruction in reading, writing, mathematics, civics, history, literature, and science.  ACE "science" probably gets a pass in WY.  And that is better than in some states.

But Thomas and co would be very wise to try to get GEDs.

[Escadora]

5 hours ago, formergothardite said:

I'm sure he is grieving, but Tom is doing what Tom has always done. He only cares about himself. It is his way or no way. He has now found a way to be surrounded by what appears to be mostly women telling him he is soooo wonderful. Of course he loves this! 

I had a big thing typed out but really all it comes down to is how ridiculous it is that none of his behaviour since her death has been even a little bit surprising (perhaps shocking, but certainly not surprising). Tom's an ass; I don't know why I had bothered wasting the breath of hoping that if any good would have come out of Andrea's death at all it'd be that he stopped fucking around and started being a decent parent. 

ETA: Had a thought, I guess that the good then, in all of this, is that Tom simply doesn't have what it takes to sustain Andrea's audience for long. Of course, maybe I'm being optimistic, but I've always thought it kind of chapped his ass that Andrea had so many more subscribers than he did. Simply put, far fewer people have been interested in his preachy tone and lack of warmness or welcoming than have been interested in Andrea's life (and death) and the way she led her family. Without her there to flatteringly edit and glorify his meager contributions to family life, the ugly truth about his complete lack of regard for his children in favour of his own comfort shines through. What he hopes to gain monetarily through the takeover of Andrea's channel and audience will eventually dwindle into being worth neither the time or effort, and he'll be forced to make some more levelheaded, adult decisions.

Two, three years from now I fully expect The Mills Family to be nothing more than a cautionary tale about having far more many kids than you can parent and care for. And that's something Tom should be grateful for, because they both (Tom and Andrea) have promoted far more evil and disgusting things than that in their time.

Edited October 22, 2019 by Escadora
i can't help myself apparently

[FecundFundieFundus]

4 hours ago, Justsum1twothree said:

 

 I’m sure Rachel wants to be with Tom but I don’t see it being mutual. It seems like he’s just using her because she’s doing something for him by monitoring the chat & answering questions. 

I could be wrong but don’t think he would really go for her. She has a Youtube channel herself and she looks pretty rough. She’s married or has been married and would be bringing more kids into the mix as well. I’m sure he wants someone like how Andrea was when he met her: young, thin, no prior children, not divorced, keeps up with their looks, etc-all things opposite of Rachel. I can’t see him settling for someone homey. I’m sure he thinks he looks good wants someone to “match”. But, I could very well be wrong though. 

He IS on the list. His name is Gary Schelling of Moorcroft. Look him up yourself.

Rachel looks a lot like Andrea imo. But Tom doesn't seem to enjoy his OWN kids, I don't want to think how he'd respond to being a stepfather. Young/er fundies who don't want to have babies or adopt babies but are happy to full time parent a gaggle of kids for the next 17 years are probably pretty thin on the ground. Or maybe Tom would be smart for once and get the ol snip snip beforehand.

[Earth Mama]

6 hours ago, Justsum1twothree said:

 

He IS on the list. His name is Gary Schelling of Moorcroft. Look him up yourself.

*gawd*  Immoral and indecent acts with a minor; sexual abuse of a minor in the third degree. 

Sec. 11.41.438. Sexual abuse of a minor in the third degree:

 (a) An offender commits the crime of sexual abuse of a minor in the third degree if being 17 years of age or older, the offender engages in sexual contact with a person who is 13, 14, or 15 years of age and at least four years younger than the offender.

 (b) Sexual abuse of a minor in the third degree is a class C felony.

 

"Papa Gary" sexually abused a child between 13-15 years old... when he was 39 years old!  

And in videos of the Mills family, there were little girls sitting on his lap, for gawd sake!!  Are these people crazy?!  ? 

[luv2laugh]

7 hours ago, can'tstopwatching said:

Tom's current status in the wife-search as of last night: "not not looking". Oh my hahaha.

What the ever loving fuck???

[Earth Mama]

2 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

She got the RhoGAM shot after the baby was born in the last few pregnancies.  I don't think that is the way it works, but I am not a medical professional.

Yes, RH- moms get RhoGAM after an RH+ baby is born.... which is basically "before" the next baby is born. But she can get RhoGAM during the pregnancy too.  I'm a retired RN & obstetrics was my specialty.  No big deal but that's why I know this.

2 hours ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

It looks like Mileena has removed this video.  I feel very sad for her being thrust into a spotlight she likely didn't want all because Tom's love affair with his You Tube People.

Is Mileena Tom's daughter's real name?  If so, she was probably named after a character in Mortal Kombat, a video game.  Tom's been hooked on video games since he was a kid, from what I understand. 

Edited October 22, 2019 by Earth Mama

[Justsum1twothree]

2 hours ago, FecundFundieFundus said:

Rachel looks a lot like Andrea imo. But Tom doesn't seem to enjoy his OWN kids, I don't want to think how he'd respond to being a stepfather. Young/er fundies who don't want to have babies or adopt babies but are happy to full time parent a gaggle of kids for the next 17 years are probably pretty thin on the ground. Or maybe Tom would be smart for once and get the ol snip snip beforehand.

I get the feeling that he may not have particularly liked Andrea’s looks after having many kids. In the video, “Before there were 10”, there were pictures (and video) of Andrea before having kids and I could see him longing to going back to that look (slim and brunette). Will it happen? Probably not but who knows. 

I’ve mentioned previously that I can see him with a mail order bride or a younger (than him) Asian woman maybe. It would be great if he did get snipped but I can see him having another kid with his new bride “for her sake”.*Shudders*  Hopefully I’m wrong. 

Editing to add: I agree, it doesn’t seem like he likes his own kids to me either, especially Claudia. 

Edited October 23, 2019 by Justsum1twothree

[Nikedagain?]

7 hours ago, Earth Mama said:

In a past stream he said that he's been reported to Child Protective Services over 30 times

Like, recently?!

[moreorlessnu]

I believe it started after Andrea posted the video on the boys' bedroom.

[Queen Of Hearts]

1 hour ago, Earth Mama said:

Yes, RH- moms get RhoGAM after an RH+ baby is born.... which is basically "before" the next baby is born. But she can get RhoGAM during the pregnancy too.  I'm a retired RN & obstetrics was my specialty.  No big deal but that's why I know this.

Is Mileena Tom's daughter's real name?  If so, she was probably named after a character in Mortal Kombat, a video game.  Tom's been hooked on video games since he was a kid, from what I understand. 

Yep. That's exactly what inspired the name. A video game. He said it in last night's Livestream.

[Dandruff]

I won't be surprised if Tom has more children.  Wouldn't that imply a new wife to help take care of his current flock?  Probably a net decrease in work for him.

Also, he seemed really broken over the loss of Cyrus (understandable) and I'm wondering if a new baby might give him some solace.

[FecundFundieFundus]

5 minutes ago, Dandruff said:

 

Also, he seemed really broken over the loss of Cyrus (understandable) and I'm wondering if a new baby might give him some solace.

He has existing children to seek solace with. He prefers The YouTube People. And to people who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, a new pregnancy is not a replacement for those that died.

[under siege]

 

 

 

 

1 hour ago, Earth Mama said:

Is Mileena Tom's daughter's real name?  If so, she was probably named after a character in Mortal Kombat, a video game.  Tom's been hooked on video games since he was a kid, from what I understand. 

Yes, that's her real name. Also yes, that's where the name came from.

[Dandruff]

2 minutes ago, FecundFundieFundus said:

He has existing children to seek solace with. He prefers The YouTube People. And to people who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, a new pregnancy is not a replacement for those that died.

I'm not agreeing with what he does or whatever he might be thinking, nor am I suggesting that he have more children.  I'm speculating that he might want or be willing to have another baby...especially in light of the baby he was so sorry to lose.

Didn't say a thing about a replacement.

[under siege]

Just now, Dandruff said:

I'm not agreeing with what he does or whatever he might be thinking, nor am I suggesting that he have more children.  I'm speculating that he might want or be willing to have another baby...especially in light of the baby he was so sorry to lose.

Didn't say a thing about a replacement.

Going by what he has said in the past I doubt he would want more. A new child may bring a new joy, a 'fresh start'. It may ease the heartache of losing both wife and child a little AND it would bring a little bit of unity to a merged family if he married someone with children. However, my concern with this is the fact he didn't really want half the children he has now. He's said himself that Andrea had to really convince him to have the youngest

[Dana723]

12 hours ago, louannems said:

Andrea did a video on child discipline.  They believe in natural consequences and she went into some detail of how it works.  A comment about spare the rod spoil the children went unanswered. I don't believe they spank at all.  I don't think Andrea believed in any punishment as she believed natural consequences were enough to teach them a lesson.

As for the kids fending for themselves for dinner, that was only for the three oldest teenagers.  Except for baby Hannah, the five youngest kids were spending the night at a cousin's birthday party. And Hannah's dinner seemed to be marshmallows.

 

My parents believed in spanking.  I didn't spank my daughter so much as a swat on the legs or hiney occasionally.  And there were a few times when she was a teenager I could have popped her mouth...?...but I didn't.

[louannems]

8 hours ago, can'tstopwatching said:

It was good to see Tom rock and cuddle Hannah in the last 1/4 of the live stream (don't ask why I'm watching all this...). She seems reluctant to let him hold her which is sad but, she's probably pretty distraught often now, and as long as he works on that connection I think he can fix it. At least until she really starts walking and wants to be down all the time ?.

This last live stream seemed a little better to me for some reason, maybe because we got to see him interact with the kids a little bit and he wasn't shut away in his office. Definitely not perfect obviously, and it was 3 hours that he could've been doing something better but I understand the difficulty in being productive when you're sad.

I could only watch the first 20 minutes before falling asleep, but the video began with Tom holding Hanna.  She was actually really relaxed on his lap and laughing at herself on the screen.  She was quite adorable.  Tom even tickled her and she really enjoyed it?  Then she wanted down, which is normal for her age.

[Koala]

39 minutes ago, Dana723 said:

My parents believed in spanking.  I didn't spank my daughter so much as a swat on the legs or hiney occasionally.  And there were a few times when she was a teenager I could have popped her mouth...?...but I didn't.

There is no reason for a grown ass adult to hit a child.  Thank god you restrained yourself enough not to hit her in the face.

[Renee]

Tom went nice and slow with gift opening tonight; he showed each item, talked about it, named and thanked the giver. He showed the gifts to the kids and shared in their excitement. Tom is listening and responding to feedback.

There was no Hannah incident, actually no incidents, just normal kid stuff. Wiggly and excited. Sophia cried at the end of the game because she lost. Tom leaned down and spoke to her. He comforted her, gave her a hug.

I won't take the time to tell you about the father I had, but I'll tell you what .... I'd take Tom as a dad waaaaay ahead of my absent, abusive, addict father.

[Giraffe]

14 minutes ago, Renee said:

Tom went nice and slow with gift opening tonight; he showed each item, talked about it, named and thanked the giver. He showed the gifts to the kids and shared in their excitement. Tom is listening and responding to feedback.

There was no Hannah incident, actually no incidents, just normal kid stuff. Wiggly and excited. Sophia cried at the end of the game because she lost. Tom leaned down and spoke to her. He comforted her, gave her a hug.

I won't take the time to tell you about the father I had, but I'll tell you what .... I'd take Tom as a dad waaaaay ahead of my absent, abusive, addict father.

My condolences that the bar is set so low for you.
 

I scrolled through the entire video. He ignored the baby the entire almost 2 hours of the video. The son (I’m guessing Asher) was her caregiver anytime she needed anything. Tom didn’t interact with her at all.  I’m paraphrasing Ghandi: how a family treats its most vulnerable is the measure of that family. 
 

Nope, I’m not impressed.

Edited October 23, 2019 by Giraffe
I’m pissed and came back to say more.

[under siege]

There have been a few mentions of this video up-thread. For those interested but didn't want to go searching, here it is ...until Tom or Rachel make it private that is ?

And as there has been some discussion on this video I thought I'd share it for those who may be interested. Watching this again makes me realise just how claustrophobic I am.

And lastly this one. I know some people have questioned the Mills church/faith situation so this may help some who are curious.

(can you tell it's a quiet night here at work, lol!!)

[Spanger]

Doesn’t sound to me like Tom really wants more kids on his own, but I could see him ‘conceding’ to having a few more if it would help win over a new wife... which it sounds to me like he REALLY wants a new wife, whether for companionship, help with kids, whatever.  Not in a date around and see where it goes kind of way, but more like a fundie courtship with intent for immediate marriage kind of way.  I wonder what his limit for ‘settling’ is- anything he wouldn’t be willing to do/put up with if it means getting a new wife?

He doesn’t seem to be preparing for any sort of inter-rim where life settles into a new routine with himself as the only parent- I think he’ll just be in some kind of holding pattern til someone steps in to make things right again.  And who knows- it may not take long, especially if he does ‘settle’ on some aspects (and if someone decides to ‘settle’ for him.)  But there’s no way of knowing how long that could take, if it even happens at all.

Hed probably end up way better off if he’d focus on finding a PAID helper/employee to help take up any slack at home- whether that’s a nanny, house cleaner, etc.  Then when/if he’s ready, look for a wife/partner just for the sake of having a companion and a connection, rather than looking for the same person to fill a dual role of wife/home helper.

This idea that he’s going to find one lady to fill every hole that Andrea left behind is just ridiculous and unhealthy, and frankly reminds me of some of those in-cel types.  He is not entitled to this magic replacement woman, no matter how badly he might want one.  I wish him the best life with his family moving forward, but I don’t think it’s going to happen if he’s focused on bringing in a new wife as the only way to do that.

[Curious]

Because so much has been said about the boy's room I decided to brave that video. I'm glad I did.  Taking into account the usual disclaimers about these folks horrendous beliefs and the fact that the boys are stacked like cordwood in that room it's clear that Andrea is a few steps above the average fundie mom we discuss.

She knew each child's name and which space was theirs.   The kids are allowed to pick their own fabrics and paint their space showing their individual personalities.  I was impressed they had their own fridge (even though it was empty).  That is some more autonomy that we wouldn't see with most of the people we discuss.

It's obvious that Andrea loved her children and spent time with them, which only makes her loss that much more devastating to the kids.

In a family like the Duggars, the littles are more attached to their sister mom from what we have seen so while losing Michelle would be sad and they would grieve, they would still have their sister mom to comfort them and help them through the process.

I loved the lego type ceiling. That is a fun little touch for the kids.   I actually liked the bed set up so they can have some privacy as well.  There should have been fewer kids in there and the beds a more standard size (are they crib size?  I'm a short person 5'3"ish and those beds looked short to me).

I loved the closet as well.  I hate losing all the space from the clothes hanging at the top.  I realize it probably wouldn't work quite as well for adults, but I still really like the idea.

[formergothardite]

19 minutes ago, Curious said:

She knew each child's name and which space was theirs. 

It is rather sad that our standard for fundie mothers is so low that it is a big deal when they know their children's names and some basic things about them. 

Michelle can't tell you a thing about her kids and Kelly Bates can't even recite the names of her children. So in comparison, Andrea was a pretty good mom. 

[Petronella]

3 hours ago, under siege said:

And as there has been some discussion on this video I thought I'd share it for those who may be interested. Watching this again makes me realise just how claustrophobic I am.

 

Hooboy, yeah, my introverted self would feel agony being crammed in like that with so many other people. I know that's just reality for many people all over the world, but I'm glad that I'm in a position to have some personal space.

Speaking of personal preference, I haaaaaaaaate watching videos like this. Just hate it. I know a lot of FJers have said how soothing they are etc but my personality just gets antsy. Like, get to the point! I like written words and pictures, so I can scroll to what I want at my own speed. Thanks to those who summarize so I don't have to watch!