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Andrea Mills 2: Watching Tom Appear to Lose His Mind


Coconut Flan

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@Coconut Flan, with respect (and I know it is practically impossible to keep up with everything), could we tweak this thread title to "Watch Tom (Tommy) Apparently Lose His Mind."   

Not "Thomas."  Tom (Tommy) is the Husband and Dad.  Who is making many, many, questionable decisions.

Thomas is the eldest son.  He is only 17.  And he seems to be attempting to temper some of Tom's many less than perfect parenting decisions. 

Like feeding huge amounts of chocolate chips to a miserable and teething baby who is missing her mother.  Because pacifying youtube "fans" for their cash is far more important than caring for tiny mourning babies.

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I don't recall him mentioning it but I thought he had gone back to work.  Poor Asher and Judah raising a family as young teens. 

When you think about Andrea being sick for 3 mos and in bed for the last whole month and all they did was visit the ER twice is it any wonder they are letting that poor dog be in pain and waste away? That's essentially what happened to Andrea also.  I just hope none of the kids ever get sick. 

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On tonight's live stream, a YouTube friend sent a huge Costco box with winter coats for the whole family.  Someone else made brown dresses for all the girls for brown shirt day.  Someone else sent a big box of candy. Someone sent Eden a book on hair care and design, brushes, barrettes, and bows.

17 or 18 months old Hanna stood up on the long kitchen table, and amidst the siblings all cheering her on, she took several first steps down the table.  No crying from Hanna tonight, thank god.

There hasn't been any update on Thomas and his job.

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On the Update video about the dog I made a comment that was erased, because I mentioned the fact that the dog was suffering and nobody pets him or takes care of him anyway. So for him to pass away was finally finding some rest.

Some people are mentioning that Andrea is in the sky watching them, or waiting next to the rainbow door. How much fantasy and myths do people take in their lives??? really??? All we need is to follow the yellow brick road and she will be waiting for us there (just being ironic) 😕

Is it my impression but Tom has nothing of a grieving husband. Only a month has passed and he is all smiles and mentioning things about getting a mommy for his kids and a new wife... How much did he treasured and valued his wife, Andrea, that he can easily be substituted in a question of a couple of months??? I feel like she wasn't so special for him at all, but she treated him like a king, valuing his needs and taking care of everything else so he didn't have to have responsibilities. That's why the stupid decisions that he has been taking, he's like a big child, with no sense of responsibility in life, he doesn't know how to be a father (because Andrea was the mother and the father in the family).

For him the kids are allright, Hannah doesn't remember mommy… how delusional can he be? Denying that the kids are suffering but insisting that he needs support from "the youtube family" so much, specially people telling him how such a good man and a father he is... OMFG!!!!

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18 minutes ago, Tekas_76 said:

Some people are mentioning that Andrea is in the sky watching them, or waiting next to the rainbow door. How much fantasy and myths do people take in their lives???

Is it my impression but Tom has nothing of a grieving husband. Only a month has passed and he is all smiles and mentioning things about getting a mommy for his kids and a new wife... How much did he treasured and valued his wife, Andrea, that he can easily be substituted in a question of a couple of months???

For him the kids are allright, Hannah doesn't remember mommy… how delusional can he be? Denying that the kids are suffering but insisting that he needs support from "the youtube family" so much, specially people telling him how such a good man and a father he is... OMFG!!!!

2

It's a general comfort thing. Many people refer to their loved ones as 'watching over me' but I do agree that Tom's 'Youtube people' are going overboard with that concept.

In all honesty, Tom needs a wife. He's going to run with the 'Andrea knew I'd remarry' thing he mentioned in one of his lives.
He certainly has never had to be a parent (breadwinner and husband, yes; parent, no) He can't function alone because he hasn't had to before. Andrea did all the bookkeeping/admin stuff along with being the parent and running a household.  All the planning for holidays, all the gifts, all the dad-to-day things. Everything.  Even when she was so ill, she planned out Claudia's Birthday.
Now's the time to focus on settling into some sort of new routine and learn how to do all the things he needs to do to continue on to some kind of 'normal' but I doubt very much he'll go it alone for too long.
Not saying that the grieving has to stop, that's naturally going to continue, but he needs to be that great Dad all his 'youtube people' tell him he is.

Delusional or just extremely self-centred. Or both.
As I shared a video in the last thread, he can not deny that Hannah does indeed remember her 'mama'. The video was shared to Tom's facebook page by his mother and it's heartbreaking bittersweet. That sweet baby certainly knows who her Mom is.
 

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I forgot to mention on last night's video, Tom makes light of Knuckles.  And this time, instead of his intestines hanging out of his gut, he thinks it's only a hernia.  But he still hasn't taken him to the vet.

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Just checked out Grandma Kitty’s FB page. She mentioned in a reply that she’s homeschooling 3x/week. That’s great as she’s a retired teacher-on other words, trained-but I’m curious about what she’s using (ACE still?) Also, I feel bad for Thomas and the older ones who should really be challenged at this point. Anyone know anything about this curriculum or what Kitty taught?

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5 hours ago, Pleiades_06 said:

Just checked out Grandma Kitty’s FB page. She mentioned in a reply that she’s homeschooling 3x/week. That’s great as she’s a retired teacher-on other words, trained-but I’m curious about what she’s using (ACE still?) Also, I feel bad for Thomas and the older ones who should really be challenged at this point. Anyone know anything about this curriculum or what Kitty taught?

I think she worked in Public school system.

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New video up. What Happened to Andrea. Some very sobering moments. Especially having to get the doctor to explain to her twice that she had 24 hours to live. I was really happy to hear that the children had been able to visit her at Gillette hospital before they flew her to Denver.

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18 hours ago, Tekas_76 said:

Only a month has passed and he is all smiles and mentioning things about getting a mommy for his kids and a new wife... How much did he treasured and valued his wife, Andrea, that he can easily be substituted in a question of a couple of months???

I am always surprised by these Patriarchal Dads who think they are a great catch. Really? What is he bringing to the table? A tiny house full of grieving children and a business that  doesn’t earn enough to support his current family? Why would some women want to take that on ? He makes it sound like he will go to town and bring home a wife. (Maybe Seven Brides for Seven Brothers is his favorite movie? 🙄)
 

I feel bad for the children. It’s a terrible loss and they are all so young. But it’s encouraging that Grandma Kitty is there.

Edited by Starrynight
I’m horrible at grammar
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The "The Death of Andrea Mills ¦ What Actually Happened?" video summarizes all the lives Tom was doing.
I guess people kept asking what happened out of disbelief that it was such a rapid decline for Andrea.

*I'm so glad that the kids got to see their Mom before she went to Denver. (Tom discussed that at approx 7-9minute mark)
*The first few minutes were about the months before the surgery and Denver hospital. ER took bloods but they were more focused on her blood pressure (she had major white-coat syndrome). It was only when they went to Emergency Care and transferred to ER from there that the decision of gall-bladder surgery happened.
*At approx 18.50 mark he said that Andrea was still hopeful of getting home and taking her herbs. When she finally accepted it was her end, she was determined to get home anyway.
*He discussed how she would respond to him when he shook her (about the 24minute mark). That makes far more sense now in hindsight but the 'do you want to say something to Youtube' is still unfathomable.
*Hannah was still breastfeeding right up to the time Andrea went into the hospital.  My heart breaks for that little one. She was still getting so much of her mother's time and attention (because Andrea REALLY made the most of baby time) to not much at all. Thank goodness for Asher!
*Tom believes the cancer spread so quickly at the end due to Andrea no longer breastfeeding Hannah. At the end of the video, he stated that he believes the breastfeeding was what had been slowing the cancer's progress up until that point.

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1 hour ago, under siege said:

*Tom believes the cancer spread so quickly at the end due to Andrea no longer breastfeeding Hannah. At the end of the video, he stated that he believes the breastfeeding was what had been slowing the cancer's progress up until that point.

This seems highly unlikely, right? Or is there some kind of scientific basis for this? Because I have no idea what would link cancer spread to breast feeding.

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20 hours ago, Tekas_76 said:

On the Update video about the dog I made a comment that was erased, because I mentioned the fact that the dog was suffering and nobody pets him or takes care of him anyway. So for him to pass away was finally finding some rest.

Some people are mentioning that Andrea is in the sky watching them, or waiting next to the rainbow door. How much fantasy and myths do people take in their lives??? really??? All we need is to follow the yellow brick road and she will be waiting for us there (just being ironic) 😕

Is it my impression but Tom has nothing of a grieving husband. Only a month has passed and he is all smiles and mentioning things about getting a mommy for his kids and a new wife... How much did he treasured and valued his wife, Andrea, that he can easily be substituted in a question of a couple of months??? I feel like she wasn't so special for him at all, but she treated him like a king, valuing his needs and taking care of everything else so he didn't have to have responsibilities. That's why the stupid decisions that he has been taking, he's like a big child, with no sense of responsibility in life, he doesn't know how to be a father (because Andrea was the mother and the father in the family).

For him the kids are allright, Hannah doesn't remember mommy… how delusional can he be? Denying that the kids are suffering but insisting that he needs support from "the youtube family" so much, specially people telling him how such a good man and a father he is... OMFG!!!!

Tom sees it in a “Christian” way: God has ordained man to wed. A biblical woman such as Andrea, is sure to share that view. The end. /s

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There are studies that show that women who breastfeed have a lower incidence of breast cancer - maybe he’s confusing hearing something like that with Andrea’s situation. 

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42 minutes ago, Petronella said:

This seems highly unlikely, right? Or is there some kind of scientific basis for this? Because I have no idea what would link cancer spread to breast feeding.

I've been discussing this with a work colleague tonight as she often works shifts in a Cancer Unit.
Breastfeeding can result in lower estrogen levels so yes, in the case of breast cancer, it can affect the progress of cancer and it spreading. A sudden change in breastfeeding can mean a sudden change in hormones and so there can be a sudden shift in a cancer's containment/spread.

(please note: we're not medically trained - we're in the counselling sector - but she has worked with cancer patients and their families for many years)

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On 10/8/2019 at 11:09 PM, louannems said:

On tonight's live stream, a YouTube friend sent a huge Costco box with winter coats for the whole family.  Someone else made brown dresses for all the girls for brown shirt day.  Someone else sent a big box of candy. Someone sent Eden a book on hair care and design, brushes, barrettes, and bows.

 

The brown dresses were sewn in the same style that Andrea used to sew, complete with a small bow at the neckline. They were really cute. The same sewer made a tiered skirt for Eden using the same brown fabric (as the little girls' dresses), and again using the same pattern that Andrea used. Andrea made a great video showing how to make that tiered ruffled skirt without a pattern. She explained how to calculate the width of each tier, depending on how long and wide the skirt needed to be (for kids or adults).

That same sewer added toys/games for the kids to enjoy. Each item in the box was individually wrapped. It pains me to see the time and care people put into creating and packaging a box for the family, and then Tom tearing through it like the house is on fire, tossing items aside with a quick, half-hearted thank you. I don't know what the rush is. I think the people sending these boxes would enjoy seeing the family take the time to appreciate the items, and I think viewers would like to see that, too. Tom appears to think that viewers would rather be rushed through the gift opening, so that there's more time to watch the family playing games. 

After Eden opened her brown tiered skirt, in the same box was a long sleeved yellow shirt to wear with the skirt. Several times she tried to show Tom that she had received a shirt that she could wear with her skirt, but he was too busy tearing open the next item. 

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6 hours ago, Starrynight said:

But it’s encouraging that Grandma Kitty is there.

I haven't followed this after Andrea passed, but likely Grandma Kitty is holding things together, or at least I hope she is, that anyone is.  Does Grandma Kitty live close by?  Doe anyone from Andrea's family live close by? 

To be talking about getting a new helpmeet A MONTH after your wife has passed is certifiable, not to mention the  trauma of bringing a new woman into your life while your children are still grieving.  

It also sheds light on what an incredibly hard worker and incredibly smart homemaker Andrea was.  RIP. 

Edited by Howl
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12 hours ago, Pleiades_06 said:

Just checked out Grandma Kitty’s FB page. She mentioned in a reply that she’s homeschooling 3x/week. That’s great as she’s a retired teacher-on other words, trained-but I’m curious about what she’s using (ACE still?) Also, I feel bad for Thomas and the older ones who should really be challenged at this point. Anyone know anything about this curriculum or what Kitty taught?

Tom seems determined to have the children continue with the ACE curriculum.  I hope Grandma Kitty can sneak in some better stuff.  

We have discussed the ACE curriculum quite frequently and negatively on FJ.  It isn't good but it is designed to have children work independently.  I'm linking to a critique I made of it on the last Andrea thread to save time (scroll down past where I responded to Koala to get to ACE), but other members also chimed in with more information on that thread. 

 

53 minutes ago, moreorlessnu said:

That same sewer added toys/games for the kids to enjoy. Each item in the box was individually wrapped. It pains me to see the time and care people put into creating and packaging a box for the family, and then Tom tearing through it like the house is on fire, tossing items aside with a quick, half-hearted thank you. I don't know what the rush is. I think the people sending these boxes would enjoy seeing the family take the time to appreciate the items, and I think viewers would like to see that, too. Tom appears to think that viewers would rather be rushed through the gift opening, so that there's more time to watch the family playing games. 

After Eden opened her brown tiered skirt, in the same box was a long sleeved yellow shirt to wear with the skirt. Several times she tried to show Tom that she had received a shirt that she could wear with her skirt, but he was too busy tearing open the next item. 

The dresses and skirt and top were really thoughtful and sweet gifts for the girls.  And I agree some of the fans are putting a lot of effort into packaging their gifts.  But Tom's responses and thanks are perfunctory at best.  And watching him tearing into the loot is not pleasant viewing.  I'm thinking these people are going to get tired of watching and giving soon too.

Dresses, socks, coats, games, candy, hair stuff, what else can Tom claim they need.  Oh, right.  Hannah needs a new burgundy dress.  I expect he'll be opening 6 burgundy dresses next week.

Poor Eden.  She seems so sweet, quiet, and subdued.  She also seemed quite concerned because she'd been given so many presents her "box" was overloaded and they were falling out.  

5 hours ago, under siege said:

The "The Death of Andrea Mills ¦ What Actually Happened?" video

Thanks for the recap.  No way do I want to watch that one. :(

 

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23 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

Thanks for the recap.  No way do I want to watch that one. :(

 

 

YW. I watched as I wanted to find out if more would be discussed about the lead up to the surgery and transfer to Denver. Tom had previously discussed Andrea going to doctors and the ER briefly but I am grateful that he did this video.
My heart did break a little more for the kids though. When they saw their Mom before her Denver journey she tried to reassure them that she'd be fine. However, her voice was damaged due to the gallbladder surgery so that must have been been a shock. Then next time they see her again she was so close to passing she couldn't say more than a faint 'hi'? That alone should be enough for Tom to get all the support he can get ongoing until they really are 'fine'. 😟

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On 10/8/2019 at 11:09 PM, louannems said:

Someone else made brown dresses for all the girls for brown shirt day.

Please tell me that has nothing to do with this.

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1 minute ago, FecundFundieFundus said:

They go through 9+ colors. Brown is one.

Oh, thank God.

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1 hour ago, under siege said:

That alone should be enough for Tom to get all the support he can get ongoing until they really are 'fine'.

Sorry, but unfortunately the type of support Tom is asking for and accepting on youtube is not going to make them "fine."  

Absolutely, the money raised will help the family, if he spends it wisely.  People sending the children clothes helps him in the short term.  The children are now expecting presents piled up every week.  Once the gifts and attention dwindle away and the candy is eaten their mother still won't be there.   And their father seems more interested in piling up the loot than in taking care of them in a meaningful way.

All the candy and gifts in the world won't help the children process their grief.  They need parenting too.  Tom is not focused on that as I can see.

Edited by Palimpsest
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