Dillards 80: Everybody Take a Shot!

[coffeebean7]

Jill is almost like a single parent. Not the same as actually being a single parent obviously, but Derrick being in law school has to be rough. When I was in law school, some of my classmates' spouses called themselves law school widows.  Even if Derrick is helping more, I feel for Jill. I have two boys almost exactly the same age as hers (each of my boys were born within days of hers). It's rough! And I'm not taking care of them 24/7  because they go to daycare during the week.

I also suspect she's pregnant and in her first trimester which is awful to deal with while caring for other kids. Time will tell!

Edited October 5, 2019 by coffeebean7

[Pretzel]

22 minutes ago, coffeebean7 said:

Jill is almost like a single parent. Not the same as actually being a single parent obviously, but Derrick being in law school has to be rough. When I was in law school, some of my classmates' spouses called themselves law school widows.  Even if Derrick is helping more, I feel for Jill. I have two boys almost exactly the same age as hers (each of my boys were born within days of hers). It's rough! And I'm not taking care of them 24/7  because they go to daycare during the week.

I also suspect she's pregnant and in her first trimester which is awful to deal with while caring for other kids. Time will tell!

What makes you think she's pregnant? I don't think so, but what do I know. 

I feel sorry for Jill. I think she's really lonely. Doesn't have real close friends apart from maybe a few church acquaintances, is obviously not as close to any of her similarly aged sisters, and Derick is away from home all the time. Israel is basically her day-to-day buddy, takes her pics for insta, probably the only one she has a full conversation with on some days. I actually think it's a pity that this is her life right now. Maybe she sees that as well and that's what's bumming her out these days. She'd probably do better if the kids were at school during the day and she had a job where she could talk to other adults, earn her own money, and maybe make friends with people that are neither associated with her parents nor her husband. Jessa and Jinger have each other, Jana has Laura, and Joy is more like a daughter to her. Jill needs a bestie asap. I noticed she mentioned that Sierra had reached out to her when she was feeling down, crickets about her siblings though. She surely would've mentioned them too otherwise, wouldn't she? 

Edited October 5, 2019 by Pretzel

[BookwormExtraordinaire]

If there is a rift between the Dillards and the Duggars, I do feel sorry for Jill. Being brought up in such an isolated environment without any strong friendships outside the family, and then as an adult essentially losing your entire social circle because your husband and father don’t get along must be difficult. I’m sure that the Dillards see Jill’s family occasionally, but it is obviously not something that happens every day or every week, maybe not even every month, and if Jill doesn’t have much else in the way of a social life, she must be very lonely.

[SassyPants]

I wonder if they have car dependability/reliability issues too. For a time I thought that maybe they only had 1 car, but if Derick is at school or work and Jill goes to visit him as she’s mentioned several times now, I’m assuming they do have 2 vehicles. Or maybe she borrows one from one of the Duggar lots for those special visits? 

She does present as very lonely. Jill needs to find a hobby or interest other than Derick. If he intends to practice law, he’s not going to be around 24/7 for her entertainment.

[Peaches-n-Beans]

9 hours ago, Charliemae said:

She explained that the magic eraser sometimes takes off paint.  In the video, they have very textured walls. This is where I think snark starts to veer into mom shamming. Why care how exactly she's cleaning? That's really splitting hairs. 

Calm yourself I'm not trying to mom shame her or split hairs, it just seems like there would've been an easier way then a pink eraser especially when you have 2 little kids. I personally would've gone for magic earaser and dealt with a little bit of discoloration. 

Personally I don't think she's pregnant. I think she's just exhausted because Derick is never around, especially as both boys are at such a rambunctious trouble causing age. She never seems to get a break, not even long enough to run out and grab a coffee on her own. I haven't really been following the Dillards closely so I don't know where they're living now but surely if Derick is that busy (and from what law school FJers say he would be) one of her sisters could bring the kids to theirs for a playdate or bring their kids over for a couple of hours so Jill can have a break

Edited October 5, 2019 by Peaches-n-Beans
edited as I caught up on thread, and again to get rid of the screenshot the dog added with her giant ass paw

[ifosterkittens]

Has Jill ever really made friends? Growing up she had her siblings, and interacted with like minded families her parents approved of like the Bates. She doesn't appear to have done things on her own, volunteer fire fighting with John David and Jana, and began the midwife program with Jana. She completed the midwife program, but doesn't appear to use her degree to work or volunteer, so doubt she has that opportunity to make friends. In Central America it sounded like she and Israel were essentially housebound with concerns of the Zika virus and they stated concerns for safety from violence. Now she is no longer next-door to her parents, and doesn't seem to be as involved with her family's day to day activities. Her siblings are all getting married and having kids so they have their own lives. Her husband is busy with school, so perhaps for the first time she is really forced to make friends if she wants them. I wish Jill the best of luck!

Any Big Bang Theory fans out there? I am thinking of the episode where Sheldon goes to the children's section of the bookstore to find a book on how to make a friend, meets a young girl and innocently makes plans to go to the zoo with her, and Leonard rushes him out of there. 

[indianabones]

34 minutes ago, HA88 said:

Has Jill ever really made friends?

Judging by her Instagram, it seems like she has plenty of friends outside her family. She usually posts at least once a week about some activity she's done with other moms. She's been bridesmaids in weddings for women we don't discuss on here, who are also Christian but not fundamentalists. She's the godmother of a little girl who she's posted about once or twice. She's been tagged plenty of times by other moms in her area thanking her for coming to their event or watching their kids for them- she's mentioned MOPs before, so she's probably met people through there. She hangs out with Derick's side of the family pretty regularly too, which is great because Deena, her sister in law, is a working mother with a nanny! I think she's actually become pretty healthily independent of the larger Duggar family and her parents.

Edited October 6, 2019 by indianabones

[HarleyQuinn]

10 hours ago, Belugaloo said:

Maybe I'm too relaxed but parents have lives and I wouldn't expect anyone to have eyes on their kids at all times. Let them wander, let them have independence. I think its good Jill doesnt hover around them. 

 

I don't think you need to have eyes on your kids at all times,  but I do think if you have stuff you don't want your kids to get into it's your responsibility to keep it out of their reach and/or locked up. If you leave markers laying around of course they're going to try to color on walls. It's not hard to put child safety locks on cupboards or doors. 

[ifosterkittens]

 

1 hour ago, indianabones said:

She's been tagged plenty of times by other moms in her area thanking her for coming to their event or watching their kids for them- she's mentioned MOPs before, so she's probably met people through there.

That's wonderful. I hope she is creating a life she loves. I would hate for anyone to feel lonely and isolated. 

[Perrierwithlemon]

13 hours ago, SassyPants said:

I wonder if they have car dependability/reliability issues too. For a time I thought that maybe they only had 1 car, but if Derick is at school or work and Jill goes to visit him as she’s mentioned several times now, I’m assuming they do have 2 vehicles. Or maybe she borrows one from one of the Duggar lots for those special visits? 

I was wondering this too. Another alternative is that they do only have one vehicle and Derick takes the bus. Many universities have extremely steep discounts on bus passes in order to encourage taking the bus and free up some parking space. 

[PennySycamore]

7 hours ago, Perrierwithlemon said:

I was wondering this too. Another alternative is that they do only have one vehicle and Derick takes the bus. Many universities have extremely steep discounts on bus passes in order to encourage taking the bus and free up some parking space. 

Or they even have their own bus service that is free.  It not only goes around to campus buildings and dorms, but also to apartment complexes and neighborhoods nearby.  When I was at the University of Georgia, there was the North-South bus that connected North and South campuses, there was East-West, East-West/Married Housing, Milledge Avenue and maybe Russell Hall.  There are even more bus routes now than there were 40 years ago.  Clemson University has the CAT bus.  

[StraightOuttaArkansas]

9 hours ago, Perrierwithlemon said:

I was wondering this too. Another alternative is that they do only have one vehicle and Derick takes the bus. Many universities have extremely steep discounts on bus passes in order to encourage taking the bus and free up some parking space. 

This a rational argument and I would hope he uses public transport if they only have one car (assuming that there is any, AR can be very behind on that, I was amazed at how many bus stops they now have in North Little Rock last time I visited). Having said that, I could absolutely believe he left stranded with out a car. My ex did exactly that to me everyday. He even had a bus pass included in the price of attending Uni (not tuition, more like the admin costs and the ticket is part of that even if you don't want it). I used to beg to be allowed to keep the care once a week so I could take my kid to his sports class and do the grocery shopping and any other errands I might need to do in addition to getting home a smidge earlier from school myself (I took my bike because my bus pass would have been an extra cost unlike his). He would shame me all the time and call me lazy and I felt like crap when I did get to keep it. So yes though it would be logical I can believe he could do that.

Having said that, how does he do the Grub Hub thing if they only have one car and Jill made a video waiting for him in a car. Is that on a bike?

[Perrierwithlemon]

20 minutes ago, StraightOuttaArkansas said:

Having said that, how does he do the Grub Hub thing if they only have one car and Jill made a video waiting for him in a car. Is that on a bike?

I didn't know about the Grub Hub thing -- I try not to keep up with every little thing on social media... Jill posts a lot and it's just a little too overwhelming and cringeworthy for me! ? I prefer to check here every once in a while because I like the snarky community here.

According to the GrubHub website, you can do car, scooter, motorcycle, or bike. Maybe they do have two cars. Do we have any evidence/pictures of them having two cars? Maybe it's just because I live in an expensive area, but where I live, having two cars, a house, and a family to provide for (as Jill doesn't have a traditional job), and going to university is pretty much nonexistent. Maybe this is why they do the odd jobs like the GrubHub and Jill's sponsored Instagram posts? I think Derick can get a decent amount of financial aid for his schooling because he's independent (tax-wise), over 26, and has dependents. Still, I don't know where they get all the money because they're not on Counting On anymore, right? JimBob maybe?

 

[Giraffe]

I would be surprised if they only had one car. It would give her another few hashtags: onecarfamily, twoboymombutonlyonecar, onecarsahm, sahmonecarlife, onecarfam, and on and on. 

[NonSOTDRT Teacher]

3 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

Or they even have their own bus service that is free.  It not only goes around to campus buildings and dorms, but also to apartment complexes and neighborhoods nearby.  When I was at the University of Georgia, there was the North-South bus that connected North and South campuses, there was East-West, East-West/Married Housing, Milledge Avenue and maybe Russell Hall.  There are even more bus routes now than there were 40 years ago.  Clemson University has the CAT bus.  

Nothing to do with the topic, but GO DAWGS! 

[theotherelise]

I’m pretty sure they live about 40 minutes from his school. Carpooling would be his only real option from the town they live in to Fayetteville. 

I expect they have two cars. 

[JustEnough]

On 10/5/2019 at 12:48 PM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

But we haven't seen Jill with the lost girls since Derricks twitter tantrum got them fired from CO.  

Someone may have covered this but it isn't true we haven't seen her with the younger girls since then. I remembered a set of pictures so I double checked and found two instances of her in photos with them from 2019 alone, and there could be more on there, I didn't open every set, just scrolled through quickly. 

Also I'm assuming her Dad didn't skip the family Christmas party since it was his family and his house, which would mean they were in the same space at least once in the last year (twice actually because Grandma Mary's funeral). Though who knows if they had any contact. 

I am not saying there isn't a relationship problem there, I'm not sure really. But she's definitely been around her siblings at least some, who knows how often though. Not very often by pictures alone, but who knows other than that. 

Edited October 7, 2019 by JustEnough

[Someone Out There]

5 minutes ago, JustEnough said:

I am not saying there isn't a relationship problem there, I'm not sure really. But she's definitely been around her siblings at least some, who knows how often though. Not very often by pictures alone, but who knows other than that. 

FrozenSmile has also previously indicated that Jill is at the TTH more than we think.

[BemusedByFundamentalism]

I think Derick delivers by bike, because we have seen him in a picture with a large delivery bag on his back. I'm not familiar with delivery by car (over here it's only bike or scooter but our country is very densely populated), but I only know this type of bag from bike delivery. 

Spoiler

 

 

Edited October 7, 2019 by BemusedByFundamentalism
added picture and corrected spelling

[justmy2cents]

6 hours ago, JustEnough said:

Also I'm assuming her Dad didn't skip the family Christmas party since it was his family and his house, which would mean they were in the same space at least once in the last year (twice actually because Grandma Mary's funeral). Though who knows if they had any contact. 

Actually, if you’re referring to the Crazy Sweater party, JB & Michelle we’re away at the time. Grandma Mary was there instead.

I’m convinced there’s a rift there. Ironic that JB is OK with Josh and spends plenty of time with his family, but not with Jill when she’s only doing what she was taught, standing by her man.

[Timetostoplurking]

4 hours ago, BemusedByFundamentalism said:

I think Derick delivers by bike, because we have seen him in a picture with a large delivery bag on his back. I'm not familiar with delivery by car (over here it's only bike or scooter but our country is very densely populated), but I only know this type of bag from bike delivery. 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

I would be very surprised if he is delivering by bike in that part of the country. I live in a similarly dense area to NW Arkansas and we only have car deliveries.  I have seen those bags too.  I could be wrong but I would assume delivery by car.  

[CarrotCake]

I wonder if Jill is reading here, since she just posted a picture of a get together with friends.

She calls it 'small fellowship' while there are 22 people around?

[Screamapillar]

I can't be the only cynic who thinks Jill is playing up the whole overwhelmed mom of little kids #boymom thing a bit on social media as part of her brand. Her video of sitting alone in the car waiting for Derrick was slightly concerning, but I don't find her overwhelmed #boymom stuff that unusual. Stay at home moms with small children have had messy, annoying days since the dawn of time, but they've never had such an easy platform for sharing their woes.

Who knows, if Instagram had been a thing 25 years ago Michelle might have been photographing her laundry room meltdowns to share with a global audience, complete with felt letter board quotes and Light Room presets.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

2 hours ago, CarrotCake said:

I wonder if Jill is reading here, since she just posted a picture of a get together with friends.

She calls it 'small fellowship' while there are 22 people around?

In her defense 22 people is just family dinner time where she grew up. 

[HideousGreenShirt]

I have a slightly different read on Jill. I suspect it may not be popular here.

I recently rewatched a bunch of old 19kac episodes, then the courtship/wedding ones and listened to as much as I could bear of that awful Growing Up Duggar audiobook.

I'm beginning to suspect that Jill was so vocal about all their rules and convictions to convince others and perhaps herself, that this was the one correct way to live and she was going to be the best one at it. I'm not certain that she bought into it fully and I think the Josh molestations/lack of consequences may have hit harder with her. 

I look at her on those old shows and I don't see the sweet, compliant helpmeet-in-training that she was supposed to be.

She's bossy, given special privileges, frequently talks back to her parents and takes control of situations.

One of the episodes in Asia, she cuts Jim Bob off, demands extra money and then is allowed to go off alone with just the older girls and camera crew.

She is the only sister to have been allowed (with accountability buddy) to pursue so many extra curriculars: midwifery, volunteer fire fighter, EMT (maybe?) training, College Plus courses. She is the lead speaker on the audiobook, probably 65% is her and the rest is shared between the other girls. She insisted that she and Jim Bob travel to meet Derick in Nepal instead of waiting a couple of months - sure TLC probably encouraged it because it was a good "look how insane these people are" storyline. But compare it to every other daughter's relationship. 

It could be viewed that she was allowed these extras because she was the perfect, Godly daughter and "earned" them, or it could be that she pushed for them more aggressively. 

Look at her behaviour compared to Jana, Jessa and Jinger. Sure, Jessa would organise and occasionally sass her parents, but aside from that one coffee making volunteer day with Jinger, what special treatments did she receive and what rebellious attitude has she really displayed?

Don't get me wrong; Jill and Derick hold and spout despicable, hateful beliefs and they're always going to be conservative Christians, but Jill is interesting to me. I'm not convinced she is/was the truest believer in the bunch. Her wardrobe changes, the sex posts/blogs, the current lifestyle... I'm interested to see what the Dillards will get up to in the next few years. 

I agree with the posters who say Jill comes across as lonely. I've long thought she desperately needs some close friends to hang out with and/or a job. I would love to see her boys in day care and her in a part time job. She is so good with people and seems to really crave interaction with others. I think waitressing a couple days a week would be perfect for her. And later on if she had the kids in school and limited her family size, perhaps she could train or study for a legit career that she actually loves. I don't think Derick would prevent her from choosing this path, especially if he ever settles into a real job himself for more than a couple of months.