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Georgiana

Dillards 80: Everybody Take a Shot!

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patsymae

I think maybe Jill is just trying in her socially awkward way to be "relatable." And I actually like that her kids are making messes without getting the crap beat out of them. Much as I loathe Cathy on so many levels, maybe she is helping Jill realize that kids don't have to be little automatons sitting on a blanket or in a chair for hours on end to learn "self-control" or being the "accountability partner" who runs to mommy to snitch on the other one (wasn't that Jill's job?) 

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Melissa1977
1 hour ago, SorenaJ said:

Could she not get Johanna or Jennifer to live there and help? Or a live-in teenage girl of one of their friends. If JB and Michelle know 1000 people, surely one of them would have a teenage daughter who could move in and help. 

I feel bad for Jill. Imagine being married to Derick. 

Absolutely all mothers are overwhelmed sometimes. It doesn't mean that they are unable to raise 2 kids. But in case they are, the solution is not to take a teenager out of her home and make her work for free. The solution is called hiring a babysitter or a maid, or putting kids in a daycare.

 

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pippi
Posted (edited)
58 minutes ago, Sweetandnice0501 said:

"If you watch them, they won't get into things and make huge messes. Where was she that all of that happened?" 

Some of you must not have kids or are perfect parents. My child has colored on the wall in my presence. I was folding clothes in the nursery and they were playing. As I was getting up, I saw that my quiet child was actually drawing a mural in the corner. It happens. I've seen worse damage done on Facebook. 

As a mom of two little ones, I found Jill's IG story to be very relatable. 

Goodness--my mother was practically Mary Poppins and my brother STILL managed to get into all kinds of trouble as a toddler! Eating markers and lipsticks while decorating with them, pulling frozen food out all over, cutting holes in the curtains...happens to the best of 'em. 

Edited by pippi
Missed a word!

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pippi

Re: Jill's insta story...I didn't necessarily get worried about, say, a laundry room breakdown, but these posts did make me sad for Jill. She's a few years younger than I am, but she seems so tired and lonely. I didn't read the video so much as trying to be relatable--seemed more like she was trying to find connection and solidarity via social media, as someone who has lived a very public life. 

I saw some posts elsewhere about having the kids learn to clean up the mess. It seemed like she was too worn-out to even deal with teaching/managing that and just wanted to get it done.I'm glad at least that she tried to take time to cool off, given what we know about some other discipline methods. It almost seemed like the video of a way of venting that wasn't directed at her kids. Not something most of us would post, but most of us weren't raised with cameras and talking head opps every which way.

To my surprise, I've softened toward Jill this year (horrible belief disclaimer per usual). I feel like she is trying to grow in some ways, but is so ill-equipped to do so. Sometimes it almost seems like she is trying on different personas or styles (influencer, #boymom, various clothing looks, etc etc), in a way most of us had an opportunity to do back in our teenage years. 

I hope she has some meaningful, non-superficial connections in her life. I hope as she does things like take the kids to the library, etc, she may meet a broader variety of people, and realize it's possible to connect with those who challenge your views. I hope she develops a sense of self-worth that isn't solely dependent on her husband. I'm not holding my breath; I realize how idealistic all that sounds, and how entrenched she is in this lifestyle (and Derrick). But her less-curated presence shows some of her frustrations and curiosities in a way we don't see from her siblings, and I guess my optimism flows into the cracks!

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Daisy0322
2 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Absolutely all mothers are overwhelmed sometimes. It doesn't mean that they are unable to raise 2 kids. But in case they are, the solution is not to take a teenager out of her home and make her work for free. The solution is called hiring a babysitter or a maid, or putting kids in a daycare.

 

Yes! My mental health takes a big toll while pregnant and the best thing we did was hire a part time nanny to help out and do some light cleaning 

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Georgiana
2 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Absolutely all mothers are overwhelmed sometimes. It doesn't mean that they are unable to raise 2 kids. But in case they are, the solution is not to take a teenager out of her home and make her work for free. The solution is called hiring a babysitter or a maid, or putting kids in a daycare.

 

Right.  And I think one of the problems is that Jill probably thought that she knew exactly what it would be like to raise kids since she did it basically all her life for Michelle.  But Jill only remembered the times AFTER the girls were old enough to help.  When she was raising Michelle's kids, she was doing it in tandem with her sisters, who she could ask for help.  And at least nominally, she had her parents there too.

So she probably didn't know what it was like to still have to be a mom when you're sick.  Or not be able to take breaks when you just need a minute.  Or to have to do 15 things at once because you're the only one there to do them.  That's the stuff that is overwhelming.  I hang out with my niece all the time, but I always forget how much more tiring it is to actually be watching her...when I can't turn ask my mom to get her a glass of milk while I'm busy, when I have to get her situated before running to the bathroom...that mental load is a LOT MORE when it's just you.  

But you have to figure it out.  And like you said, the solution is not "force a child to do it for you for free".  That's one of the things that is so wrong about the Duggar worldview: they use children to solve adult problems.  Instead, you either need to hire someone to come in and help or responsibly utilize your community.  Lots of churches have groups for mothers, some even focused on pre-school mothers, and those are often great resources for childcare. Jill, since she stays home, could really benefit because she'd easily be able to do a care-share, where she watches kids for a part time working mom, and that mom provides care for her to give her a break.  She'd also get a lot of supportive adult relationships that would help her bear the mental strain.  

Jill is sort of stuck in the isolationist Duggar mentality, but without the easy access to family resources that make their isolationist lifestyle work.  She can't do it on her own, but she doesn't seem to be seeking out community support or resources to help her do it.  And I think part of that is guilt.  After all, where she comes from, you're expected to be able to handle 20 kids.  Even Michelle didn't have a breakdown until she had 4 close in age.  I think Jill feels like a failure for needing help with two kids, and so she's afraid to ask for help.  Just do it, Jill.  Your parents are idiots who leveraged your childhood to solve their problems. It is better to be overwhelmed with two kids than to handle 19 the way they did.  You're doing just fine, and if you need help to be the best mom you can be, that's NORMAL.   

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patsymae
1 hour ago, pippi said:

Goodness--my mother was practically Mary Poppins and my brother STILL managed to get into all kinds of trouble as a toddler! Eating markers and lipsticks while decorating with them, pulling frozen food out all over, cutting holes in the curtains...happens to the best of 'em. 

Seriously. They can be speedy. I can't even describe things that happened when I was a young, single working mother (luckily no mommy shaming back then), but when I did nothing but watch my twin granddaughters one managed to cut her hair while I was doing something irresponsible like chasing after the other one or going to the bathroom. Luckily her mom is an actual human and everybody just laughed (cutting hair is a right of passage for 4 year old girls in our family) and took her to the salon for an emergency re-style.

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patsymae
4 hours ago, SorenaJ said:

Could she not get Johanna or Jennifer to live there and help? Or a live-in teenage girl of one of their friends. If JB and Michelle know 1000 people, surely one of them would have a teenage daughter who could move in and help. 

I feel bad for Jill. Imagine being married to Derick. 

May be it's just me, but I don't see enslaving a helpless teenager as a really good option.

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Virago

Some kids are just a handful. We’ve seen many indicators that Israel might just be a busy guy - climbing on perilous stools, falling and knocking his teeth (maybe falling often enough that explains why Jill doesn’t know when the injury happened). Some kids just never stop never stopping and the sheer volume of movement and shenanigans they get into is really high. Calvin and Hobbes is popular for a reason! 
 

Hover all the time and you’re a helicopter parent, you’re stifling your children. Let them be a bit wild and you’re a bad mom when they have one of those days where they’re into everything and on your very last nerve. Some kids can be hard to parent and stay sane, kudos to Jill for realizing her own emotional regulation is the best way to help her boys learn to make better choices. 

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DundeeUnFundie

https://storiesig.com/

for anyone wanting to view public account stories without leaving any evidence, or doesn't have an account :) Highlight stories don't save viewers names after 24 hours anymore, fun fact.

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Bobology

@DundeeUnFundie You just made my weekend! I went to that site and looked up Jana, scrolled down and came across a photo of what may be Anna's kids mesmerized by a huge (of course) saguaro in its native state of arousal. You bet I saved it!

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Peaches-n-Beans

I personally couldn't figure out why the hell she was using a pink eraser for pencil. One light sweep with a magic eraser would clear it without damaging the paint and the job is done in about 30 seconds. I mean to each their own but that one really felt like making more work for yourself. 

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Wine time!
allthegoodnamesrgone
7 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Yes and no. Yes, they make messes, but all those messes in 1 day? It takes time to spread chocolate all over the kitchen and pencil marks to happen on the walls. I have a feeling that Jill ( and Derick) check out a lot, probably to follow in JB and M’s favorite activity. I don’t think Jill remembers the early days when JB and M were realllllly busy and before she and Jana stepped in to help. Jill is now living those early days as the parent, and one who is alone a lot. Michelle clearly was made of much tougher stuff than her own kids. Again, likely because she operated in the real world for her formative years. Jill seems to lake basic common sense.

Not necessarily, when there are two or more kids. It took my kids less than 5 minute to spray an entire tube of toothpaste all over themselves and the bathroom.  I was just making them lunch while they were "playing" in my sons bedroom.  Mischief, like toddlers running away from you, moves at the speed of light.  

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PennySycamore

@allthegoodnamesrgone,  it's been a good while since I had little kids, but I do know what kind of shenanigans that one of my grandkids can get into.  She is famous for getting up early, going into the kitchen, opening the fridge and making a picnic for herself and her big brother.  Earlier this summer, she'd typed the Passcode on my daughter's phone wrong so many times that it took several days for my daughter to get it working again.  (Granddaughter likes to watch cartoons on the phone before her mom and dad get up.)  It's just stiuff like that.  One of my daughters liked to write on the whiteboard in the kitchen.  She did not understand why it was OK to write on the whiteboard and not the walls.  They were the same color after all!  She also used to hit the button on the computer to turn it on every time she passed it.   

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Charliemae
12 hours ago, Peaches-n-Beans said:

I personally couldn't figure out why the hell she was using a pink eraser for pencil. One light sweep with a magic eraser would clear it without damaging the paint and the job is done in about 30 seconds. I mean to each their own but that one really felt like making more work for yourself. 

She explained that the magic eraser sometimes takes off paint.  In the video, they have very textured walls. This is where I think snark starts to veer into mom shamming. Why care how exactly she's cleaning? That's really splitting hairs. 

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HarleyQuinn
20 hours ago, patsymae said:

"If you watch them, they won't get into things and make huge messes."

 

This is a joke, right?

 

No, believe it or not paying attention to your kids does wonders. And note I specified "huge." Your kid playing with a toliet paper roll isn't huge, but drawing all over walls? Emptying food in your kitchen? That's huge.

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SorenaJ
20 hours ago, SorenaJ said:

Could she not get Johanna or Jennifer to live there and help? Or a live-in teenage girl of one of their friends. If JB and Michelle know 1000 people, surely one of them would have a teenage daughter who could move in and help. 

I feel bad for Jill. Imagine being married to Derick. 

So apparently my post wasn't clear, since y'all misunderstood. I was not arguing from a normal person perspective but from a Duggar perspective, who are not exactly known for their stellar parenting choices. 

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Belugaloo
Posted (edited)
49 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

No, believe it or not paying attention to your kids does wonders. And note I specified "huge." Your kid playing with a toliet paper roll isn't huge, but drawing all over walls? Emptying food in your kitchen? That's huge.

Maybe I'm too relaxed but parents have lives and I wouldn't expect anyone to have eyes on their kids at all times. Let them wander, let them have independence. I think its good Jill doesnt hover around them. 

 

Sure id be pissed if my kids drew on the walls. Id likely decide "need to keep the markers hidden and only let them use them when they are being watched" rather than thinking "I should watch them every second of the day" 

 

 

Edited to say: Im guilty of "turning around for 5 seconds and turning back around to see a smiley face on the wall". AND IT WASNT MY KID!!! I was in a clients home and during the end of our session I stopped to write a session note. I made a rookie mistake and didnt have her clean up our coloring books and markers before I started writing. I looked up and- yep!- a smiley face on the wall.

Thankfully her Mom was dealing with regular drawing on walls and was not upset at all. :) 

Edited by Belugaloo
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Wine time!
allthegoodnamesrgone

The good news in the boys being children thing here, it tells me she's NOT blanket training them. No way JB & M would have allowed the kids to get away with something like this.  She vented on Insta instead of beating her kids.  I'll listen to these people vent all day long knowing that they could be physically abusing their children instead.  

As for why one of Jill's little sisters isn't over there helping, the Dullards are are apparently not on good terms, to say the least, with Jim Bob, we haven't seen Jill and JB together in close to a year. We haven't seen JB with Izzy or Sam since shortly after Sam was born.  We only see Michelle with Jill when or the boys when they have a "girls & kids only" birthday parties.  We sill Jill & Jessa at play date and things like that, but Jill is only at the big house when JB & M are gone.  We never see Jill with her siblings anymore, beyond the occasional photo with Jessa on girls night out, and Jill was at Joy's bedside when she had to deliver Annabell. But we haven't seen Jill with the lost girls since Derricks twitter tantrum got them fired from CO.  That tells me Jill isn't allowed to be alone with them as she isn't a "good influence" on them.  I'm guessing Pa & Ma don't want their possessions kids tarnished with thoughts that are different from what JB & M tell them to think. 

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indianabones

I'm guessing it's a combination of things- Jill wearing pants and having a facial piercing, her and Derick's theological differences from her parents, them preventing pregancy, maybe an attempt at her setting healthy boundaries (based on some of her Instagram posts?) I also think a lot of the "fun family events" Anna always posts about are filmed by TLC and it's easier for Jill to stay away than be cut out of multiple shots. I do agree with @allthegoodnamesrgone that the Dillards and Duggars aren't on the best terms right now. I hadn't realized until I double checked that Jill hasn't spent any time alone with her younger siblings in forever- it's been over a year since she's posted about it. I think that Jim Bob and Derick probably had some kind of argument and Jill chose to stand with her husband over her father.

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JordynDarby5

Yeah kids are crazy fast at making messes and getting into stuff they shouldn't be getting too. When I used to watch my nephew when he was two I prayed I'd never have to use the bathroom because he could be crazy fast. Worrying when I heard a crash, worrying when it was too quiet. There's so much he could do in that 20 second bathroom and his cute but very suspicious 'nothin' when I asked what he was doing. Watching him constantly because he would want to draw on the walls or play with knobs on the stove. By the end of babysitting him my house still managed to look like it hit by a tornado. A 2 two year old tornado. 

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twoandthrough
On 10/4/2019 at 12:35 PM, viii said:

Everyone: I wish they would talk about *real* subjects in life and be open and honest!

Jill: *open and honest*

Everyone: She's headed for a mental breakdown

In reality, Jill looks tired to me, and annoyed with her kids. So she basically looks like a mom LOL she doesn't look like she's so overwhelmed she's about to snap. I didn't find her videos alarming, personally. 

I agree completely, but I'm also in the thick of it with two similar aged kids at home myself, so I feel her on a VERY real level. 

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Giraffe

It’s also possible the families get together and don’t post it on anyone’s social media. I’m not saying this is what happens but I do think it’s naive to say she hasn’t been permitted to be alone with them simply because of “pix or it didn’t happen.”

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acheronbeach
21 minutes ago, Giraffe said:

It’s also possible the families get together and don’t post it on anyone’s social media. I’m not saying this is what happens but I do think it’s naive to say she hasn’t been permitted to be alone with them simply because of “pix or it didn’t happen.”

I'd agree if it was anyone but the Duggars.  Dim Bulb and Meech aren't gonna pass up an opportunity to publicly broadcast their private lives if it makes them look good. And hanging out with Jill would definitely show CHRISTIAN family  TOGETHERNESS. 

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