Fundie Divorces

[Palimpsest]

9 minutes ago, Briefly said:

I've always wondered if they really did any investigation of the guy when he wanted to court her, or if they just blindly followed the directives of the church they attended.

I found the original thread on yuku.  https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/freejinger/snarkworthy-or-downright-criminal-t706.html

The answer is not much investigation.  And Jon lied.   They were full on courtship model types but sensible enough to draw the line at abuse.

I've added a  c & p of Tracy's setting us straight on what happened below.   The important things to remember are: 1.  that it would have been Statutory Rape had the parents not consented to the marriage, and 2.  that the family took responsibility for their mistakes, modified their views, and that Autumn is a happy, apparently healthy, college grad today.

Quote

Hello; this is Tracy from Unless the Lord. I want to set the record straight. Autumn is not pregnant, thankfully. Though, if her marriage were what it was intended to be, we would be thrilled with a grandbaby to love and cherish. Unfortunately, her marriage is not what it was intended to be.

I know this site is for snarking. I know, I KNOW! However, you all claim to be educated women, and yet continue to talk about statutory rape, child neglect, etc. None of that has been an issue in our family. On the contrary, we'll go to any lengths to protect our children from harm. We are not some patriarchal society that thinks that men have the right to treat their families however they wish with no consequences. We are a family who believes that men have a duty to protect and serve their families.

Two weeks ago, Autumn let me in on a secret. Jon was being abusive. Verbally. Physically. ( He never hit her, but there are other ways to be physical.) He was angry each and every day. She walked on broken glass trying to avoid it. It didn't work. He grabbed her, pinned her to the couch and bed. He got right in her face and shouted for long periods of time. He told her she was lazy, immature, and couldn't think for herself. She was stupid, and had no idea what the real world was like. He threw and broke dishes. But she still loved him.

I was mortified, and asked her to go to the church elders. She did. She held back, not wanting to bring up every fight they ever had, but wanting them to know just the same. Their advice? "Every couple goes through transition during the first year of marriage. It's hard to adjust." "Try to be submissive. Don't push his buttons."

You can imagine how that flew with Verne and me. She went back home with him, and he was silent. He didn't yell. He didn't touch her, because he knew that the elders were aware. She called a previous pastor, and he contacted a counselor for them. She talked with the counselor on the phone, and he sent paperwork.

Our pastor started calling Jon every day. Jon was telling lie after lie. Slowly, the pastor was catching on. Autumn threatened suicide. Jon told our pastor. The pastor counseled Jon with exactly what to say to her. When the pastor called Jon the next day and asked Jon how the talk went, Jon responded, "It didn't come up." "IT DIDN'T COME UP?????" Your wife is thinking about killing herself, but you FORGOT????

Our pastor asked if his wife could talk to Autumn. Autumn obliged. She told K EVERYTHING. That night, Jon told Autumn he thought divorce would be best, but he filled out the paperwork for counseling.

In writing, he admitted that he has abused her, mentally and physically. The papers were mailed, and the counselor received them. Jon won't admit the abuse to our pastor or elders. That was last Saturday. Our pastor drove to our home last Sunday and was here for 8 hours. We told him little things clear back from the courtship... things that now, in hindsight were signs. We were so stupid, and I'm tormented.

Monday, Autumn called and asked if she could come home. Verne was there to get her within 20 minutes. We had planned on taking her Monday night anyway, even if it was going against her will. I couldn't take it anymore.

Jon didn't call her until yesterday. No begging to come back, no apology. He wanted to know if she was going to file for divorce, or if he needed to get things started. We'll talk to a lawyer on Monday. He doesn't want to change... he just wants out.

You can't imagine the hell that we are going through. Yes, we made mistakes, but women who get married at 35 can make mistakes, too.

Autumn is living with us, and she is safe, praise the Lord!

 

[Briefly]

Thanks for posting that, @Palimpsest. That was before I got to FJ. I used to read Autumn's blog and also her mom's. Some of that was addressed in their blogs but not as much detail. I knew that he lied to her/her parents. I'm just glad she got out and is safe. She really does seem to be doing well. It could have turned out so much worse for her.

[Tatar-tot]

33 minutes ago, justwatching said:

Is there a thread? This sounds interesting.

I think she was always Catholic until she decided to go Jewish.    I am not clear if she ever understood the Jewish faith on any level.  It was strictly a food thing with her. 

[Bbfamteam]

Hey folks, Don’t forget good ol’ Gary and Becky of the good weens Hawkins. Both were previously divorced before they somehow hooked up and embarked on their epic train wreck of a saga.

[Palimpsest]

11 hours ago, justwatching said:

Is there a thread? This sounds interesting.

https://www.freejinger.org/forum/254-lina/

Lina, somewhat to her parents horror, decided all by herself to become a SAHD.  As I said, I missed the declining action with Lina but I remember thinking Taliban Tony was very creepy.

10 hours ago, Tatar-tot said:

I think she was always Catholic until she decided to go Jewish.    I am not clear if she ever understood the Jewish faith on any level.  It was strictly a food thing with her. 

Messianic Fake Jewish.  But she rocked those headcoverings too.  Yes, IIRC the family was always Catholic.

[justwatching]

Oh my. From just the thread titles alone it’s quite the train wreck. Thanks for the link; I’m looking forward to digging in.

 

[VVV]

20 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

I found the original thread on yuku.  https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/freejinger/snarkworthy-or-downright-criminal-t706.html

The answer is not much investigation.  And Jon lied.   They were full on courtship model types but sensible enough to draw the line at abuse.

I've added a  c & p of Tracy's setting us straight on what happened below.   The important things to remember are: 1.  that it would have been Statutory Rape had the parents not consented to the marriage, and 2.  that the family took responsibility for their mistakes, modified their views, and that Autumn is a happy, apparently healthy, college grad today.

 

Thanks for this. I always admired Autumn; I'm glad she continues to do well.

[Glasgowghirl]

On 9/24/2019 at 8:23 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

So I would have been married at 12 and two months. Lovely. 

I would have been married age 10

[PurpleCats]

If I were his daughter, I’d have appreciated being a late bloomer (15) due to some heath issues... but they likely would have never gotten me the help I needed and I wouldn’t have survived childhood.

[ophelia]

On 9/24/2019 at 3:23 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

Emily Case Brower and Ben Brower.

Ben has remarried since, but his new wife and he already split up again.

[JermajestyDuggar]

4 hours ago, ophelia said:

Ben has remarried since, but his new wife and he already split up again.

Oh no! I didn’t know that. It must have been recent. Last time I checked in on them she had said they had been trying a long time to get pregnant and they finally did. But then she had a miscarriage. 

[ophelia]

20 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Oh no! I didn’t know that. It must have been recent. Last time I checked in on them she had said they had been trying a long time to get pregnant and they finally did. But then she had a miscarriage. 

I saw it on her facebook. Looks like they have been separated since the beginning of August. She also ditched her new last name on her social media.

[fluffy]

On 9/27/2019 at 6:54 AM, Palimpsest said:

Messianic Fake Jewish.  But she rocked those headcoverings too.  Yes, IIRC the family was always Catholic.

I actually think "Lina," who now goes by Paulina Marie, was raised in an evangelical church. She is the lone Catholic in her family. It is very strange. Her father wants her to go to school (community college) and find a career to support her two sons. Despite her rhetoric of being a SAHD under her father's authority, she refuses to heed his advice. For a while she debated whether she would try to become a nurse or teacher but came to the conclusion that she lacked the energy for either. She tried very hard to win back her ex Tony and was desperate to remarry him. She blamed her parents for her divorce. She is a grade A nutter. 

[NachosFlandersStyle]

Jessiqua Wittman filed for divorce this summer. The filing (available in Oklahoma court records search) cites irreconcilable differences, which I assume is short for "I was pressured into this marriage while still a child but am now an adult."

 

[smittykins]

Question: is “Jessiqua’ pronounced Jessica or Jessi-KWAH?

[NachosFlandersStyle]

3 minutes ago, smittykins said:

Question: is “Jessiqua’ pronounced Jessica or Jessi-KWAH?

Pretty sure it's just Jessica with an extra special spelling 

[hoipolloi]

1 hour ago, NachosFlandersStyle said:

The filing (available in Oklahoma court records search) cites irreconcilable differences, which I assume is short for "I was pressured into this marriage while still a child but am now an adult."

I hope that's all it is, though it's plenty reason enough.

How many children does she have? Given what she's written about her parents -- especially that "courtship" -- it's hard to imagine they'll be very supportive of her.

[NachosFlandersStyle]

1 hour ago, hoipolloi said:

I hope that's all it is, though it's plenty reason enough.

How many children does she have? Given what she's written about her parents -- especially that "courtship" -- it's hard to imagine they'll be very supportive of her.

She has four kids, and the filing states that they will share custody. On her Instagram she says that she got a job in a casino, which ought to be a bit of a culture shock!

[NakedKnees]

1 hour ago, NachosFlandersStyle said:

She has four kids, and the filing states that they will share custody. On her Instagram she says that she got a job in a casino, which ought to be a bit of a culture shock!

I love hearing about fundies entering worlds where you know they're going to be exposed to a lot of different mindsets. Hopefully she doesnt recoil at the change.

[EmainMacha]

@NachosFlandersStyle it was you I think who found evidence that Jessiqua's husband had multiple restraining orders from other women. If he has been in any way abusive I hope Jessiqua can get the support she needs emotionally to be able to come through the other side.

Spoiler

 

 

[Briefly]

I had to go search to remember who Jessiqua Wittman is,  now I remember catching up on her. Either when I was still lurking here or right after I officially joined.  I also thought that her parents married her off as soon as they could so that they would not have to support her anymore.  I got the distinct feeling that they really didn't do much in the way of background checking, he was pretty obviously coming across as a predator and they didn't seem to see that. She was so young, and very sheltered when she got married. It's not unusual for people to realize how much they missed in their teen age years when they get married so young, but her situation sounds a lot worse.  There are casinos all over Oklahoma, they employ a lot of people. I'm glad she was able to get a job and I hope she is going to be ok.

Also, I'm pretty sure her name is pronounced Jessica.

Edited October 14, 2019 by Briefly
Forgot the last sentence.

[NachosFlandersStyle]

2 hours ago, EmainMacha said:

@NachosFlandersStyle it was you I think who found evidence that Jessiqua's husband had multiple restraining orders from other women.

Yes, there are two different women who have protective orders against him citing domestic abuse, one from 1999 and one from 2001. I didn't bring it up because the divorce papers I found seem to indicate that this was not the case with Jessiqua, but of course we don't know the personal details.

[uber frau]

Even if the state allows for alternatives, a no-fault divorce is still probably the quickest and easiest option anyway.  Proving cruelty or abuse is often far more trouble than it's worth (and there are plenty of abusive people who know exactly how to tread that line that is definitely abusive but not exactly illegal).

[VVV]

4 hours ago, NachosFlandersStyle said:

Yes, there are two different women who have protective orders against him citing domestic abuse, one from 1999 and one from 2001. I didn't bring it up because the divorce papers I found seem to indicate that this was not the case with Jessiqua, but of course we don't know the personal details.

I thought I saw three different women with protective orders against him.

Here's the link if anyone wants to do their own search (it's all public information)--searching on her name will turn up the recent filing for separation in Okmulgee County, and then you can search on his name from that. He's a real prince. Wow. https://www.oscn.net/dockets/search.aspx

[Anna T]

On 9/27/2019 at 3:38 AM, Briefly said:

Thanks for posting that, @Palimpsest. That was before I got to FJ. I used to read Autumn's blog and also her mom's. Some of that was addressed in their blogs but not as much detail. I knew that he lied to her/her parents. I'm just glad she got out and is safe. She really does seem to be doing well. It could have turned out so much worse for her.

I'm in touch with both Tracy and Autumn on Facebook and am always glad to see updates. Autumn was (and is) extremely lucky to have a family that considered the wellbeing of their child to be of higher importance than any misguided ideals or what people would think.