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Above Rubies: More is Easier


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4 minutes ago, VVV said:

We have three kids, which was our maximum--we paid for private music lessons, other activities, college (still have one in college)--it has been a strain, and I don't think we could have managed any more kids. That being said, I loved being pregnant. I had very easy pregnancies, was never sick, and although my labors and births were painful, there were no complications. If it weren't for actually ending up with another human to care for, feed, clothe, and educate, I wouldn't have minded another pregnancy.

I'll show myself out now.

You are the unicorn I was insanely jealous of when pregnant and miserable. If anyone told me about how easy breezy their pregnancies were while I was pregnant, I would shoot them daggers with my eyes! But now that I’m past that stage of life I’m over it. I wish everyone could have good pregnancies. But pregnancies are all different just like babies. 

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I’ll put it this way. 

I would rather go through my unmedicated vaginal birth of my second child (that included a second degree tear), than go through 9 months of pregnancy again. When childbirth is easy compared to your pregnancy, you know your pregnancy sucked ?

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I loved being pregnant, felt great, had an uneventful birth, and had no trouble nursing. I wanted more kids, but life intervened. Maybe subsequent pregnancies wouldn’t have been so easy—who knows?

My daughter also had a healthy pregnancy, birth, and nursing experience, but felt emotionally “off” throughout her entire pregnancy. I wonder whether it might have resulted in part from body dysmorphia. As much as I would have liked to have more grandkids, her reproductive choices are her own business, and there’s no way I’d ever pull the Italian Mother Guilt Card to beg her to have another. (Besides, my grandson was an insanely easy baby and is a freaking angel, so any subsequent kid would most likely be an axe murderer.)

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4 hours ago, VVV said:

That being said, I loved being pregnant. I had very easy pregnancies, was never sick, and although my labors and births were painful, there were no complications. If it weren't for actually ending up with another human to care for, feed, clothe, and educate, I wouldn't have minded another pregnancy.

I'll show myself out now.

My pregnancies were not too bad (especially compared to some), and first delivery was pretty painful, but my second labor was so good that I could see myself becoming addicted to pregnancies if I could be guaranteed that experience. I just felt so in control of my responses to labor, and like I really knew what to do.

However, I'm fairly realistic:

  1. We were having kids to have a family, with the 18 years plus of love and care that entails, not just so that I could give birth. Two kids was our ideal before we had any, and after we got our two, it still seemed like the right size.
  2. No two pregnancies are alike, even with the same parents. There was no reason to believe that a third labor and delivery would go smoothly. 

Plus, I was 40 years old the second time, and I had my tubes tied the next day. :pb_lol:

Edited by WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
clarity
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1 hour ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

Plus, I was 40 years old the second time, and I had my tubes tied the next day. :pb_lol:

I was forty with my third, which was definitely another reason to stop. But that was my most enjoyable pregnancy, most enjoyable birth, and easiest infant. She is still quite satisfactory. ?

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Other than placenta previa with my first (which corrected itself after 2 months or so), my pregnancies were pretty uneventful and easy.  

My poor SIL had hyperemesis gravidarum - she literally puked multiple times every single day until my niece arrived.  She is an only child!

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21 hours ago, elliha said:

I actually think no birth control was more important in why you had a lot of kids than having spare ones in case some died. Often 1-2 kids died unless you lived near contaminated water, that would only mean that you would need perhaps 5-6 kids to have someone to help both mom and dad. Many families were much larger than that and women had children more or less their whole lives from marriage to 40+ but usually less frequently after 35. 

That, plus more kids=more farm hands(in agricultural areas).

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Yuck. I know a lot of large homeschooling families and yeah, no. Life is not easier the more kids you have. The ones I know are constantly tired, gaunt, and often have a quite bitter and fatalistic view of life. They are generally also a hairs breadth above poverty, which certainly doesn't make living easier. They are good parents, they aren't making their big kids raise their little kids! And that is probably why it is so hard for them. 

I deeply loath the Above Rubies crap. It's a load of quiverfull BS to keep the wives (acting) sweet and popping out babies even when your mind, body, and better sense keep saying no more.  I remember reading it in my early parenting days and it always made me feel absolutely awful. I was never inspired by it. It just made me feel like I was doing everything wrong because all these supposedly happy families did more with less and here I was drowning in 4 kids in 6 years.

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This winter, I was in line behind a group of teens at a concession at a sporting venue. Two of them were brother and sister, and their friends were asking them about their family; they were the youngest children in a family of about 8 and I eavesdropped while we were waiting. They were very both clear that they did not like being in a large family: their parents didn't have enough time or energy to go to their events or spend one-on-one time. These kids were well-equipped in good quality new clothes and expensive sports gear, so there didn't seem to be any money concerns or neglect occurring, and there didn't seem to be any weird cult background as far as I could tell.

Even with all the money and practical support in the world, the kids still felt that their parents didn't have enough time for their large family.

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On 8/29/2019 at 3:15 PM, refugee said:

I remember hearing that mumps can make males sterile.

"If you get 'em as a kid, you don't get 'em as an adult..."

Spoiler

tumblr_ool5heZuRo1r9c1i6o3_500.jpg

 

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It took me 7 years to get pregnant, but being pregnant was actually enjoyable.  I'd wanted it for so long. But there were unpleasant things, and every pregnancy is different.  If we'd managed to have a second child, it might have been 9 moths of agony. But I did enjoy the experience.

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Yeah. Let's all produce more servants. Not even armies for any god, just servants. Because what is life for a female that doesn't include raising & caring for her mother's children? 

These people are disgusting. 

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On 8/30/2019 at 4:58 AM, danvillebelle said:

Other than placenta previa with my first (which corrected itself after 2 months or so), my pregnancies were pretty uneventful and easy.  

My poor SIL had hyperemesis gravidarum - she literally puked multiple times every single day until my niece arrived.  She is an only child!

I had hyperemesis gravidarum as well, and you can bet my kid is an only child. My Catholic ex-inlaws were always telling me 'You can't stop just because of that, every pregnancy is different!' Nope. I told them that may be, buy why on Earth would I take that chance?

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35 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

Yeah. Let's all produce more servants. Not even armies for any god, just servants. Because what is life for a female that doesn't include raising & caring for her mother's children? 

These people are disgusting. 

If these idiots had a tiny bit of sense, they would actually have less children. You can isolate and brainwash your kids into your heinous belief system so much easier if you only have 2 or 3. If you have 19 like Kelly or Michelle, your older children will be the parents and they might do a poor job. You also won’t be able to supervise 19 like you would supervise 3. Some of the huge group will be able to sneak around the rules a little easier.

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2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

You also won’t be able to supervise 19 like you would supervise 3.

I'm the youngest of 4, and my older sister still sometimes complains of the way the rules (curfew, etc.) were relaxed by the time I was a teenager. (In my parent's defense, I was mostly a goody-two-shoes rule follower, so it didn't make much difference to how I acted. For example, I got to stay out about 3 hours later on prom night than my sister, but I spent that time at a private home with a group of friends, watching a PG rated movie and drinking virgin daquiris.)

I can't imagine parents with 19 kids supervising very much by the time kid #19 is a teenager.

Edited by WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
added a detail
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A close friend of mine has 6 kids. She told me once that the most difficult time was when she had 3 under age 3 (#2 and #3 were twins). She felt like after that she could pretty much handle anything (and that experience also helped her let go of perfectionist tendencies in her parenting, as you can imagine). Her life with six kids (and they are great, fun, creative, happy kids) is by all accounts easier than her life with three, partly because that experience forced her to "adapt and overcome" and partly because after the 3-under-3 fiasco she and her husband were VERY motivated to start spacing pregnancies! But as an absolute statement, the idea that more is inherently easier is totally crazy.

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