Dillards 79: Sex Education on the Fly

[Smee]

I’m of the general opinion that deciding to breed or adopt a dog should involve a similar level of serious thought as deciding to have another child. Which unfortunately isn’t much, for fundies.

I know a few purebred breeders and they are deeply enmeshed in the dog showing and obedience trialling worlds, have full health and behaviour screenings of parents and grandparents, generally keep at least one puppy from every litter, and stay in touch with as many owners as they can post-adoption, including taking back any puppies that aren’t working out. It’s a huge amount of work and not something I’d ever choose for myself.

My family has had some beautiful dogs, but I don’t ever want a puppy again. And since my old amazing doggy died last year (I’d had her since I was 18)  I know I won’t get another dog at least until my kids are much older. Anyone I know with young kids who asks about a dog gets warned they should wait a few years.

[LacyMay]

3 hours ago, HumbleJillyMuffin said:

Can we talk about the Instagram Live story JillyMuffin did on Saturday evening? Apparently the church has a Saturday night babysitting program so mom and dad can go out on a date, so Jill dropped the kids off there. Dreck was delivered food for GrubHub, and Muffy was hoping for a rendezvous with him so she was sitting in a random parking lot waiting for him. I didn't see it but it sounded seriously stalkerish. I get it, it sucks your husband has to work on Saturday nights, but enjoy your time without kids and the man child! 

I wouldn't say stalkerish but certainly...strange? A little odd? Like how long was she really able to see him for? 30 minutes max? I can't help but think of the time and effort to get the two boys out the door checked in at daycare over to the parking lot and then check them out of day care and back home. That's a lot of work to hang out in a random parking lot with a distracted husband for half an hour. 

It does suck for her that derek is so busy, I'm sure she's lonely and I'm sure this is a bit of a culture shock to her with two parents that "worked" from home and had more flexibility. But I would love to see her find some fulfilling ways to fill her time especially at night. Even taking a college course by distance that she could work on after the boys were in bed. Just something to keep her busy and help her find some joy in time without derick. 

[acheronbeach]

3 hours ago, HumbleJillyMuffin said:

Can we talk about the Instagram Live story JillyMuffin did on Saturday evening? Apparently the church has a Saturday night babysitting program so mom and dad can go out on a date, so Jill dropped the kids off there. Dreck was delivered food for GrubHub, and Muffy was hoping for a rendezvous with him so she was sitting in a random parking lot waiting for him. I didn't see it but it sounded seriously stalkerish. I get it, it sucks your husband has to work on Saturday nights, but enjoy your time without kids and the man child! 

This is why people say Jill is clingy.  She's spent all this time in a darkened car, so bored that she streamed it to social media, in the hopes of a few fleeting minutes with #worldsbesthubby.  She comes across as a woman who isn't having her needs satisfied in her marriage; she doesn't seem content and satisfied.  Is she lonely?  Is it the culty conditioning that she always needs to be with her man?  Does she think it's selfish to spend some time on Jill?  

Most of my girlfriends with kids really enjoy the little time they get sans-kids, sans-spouse.  They invite me or their sisters over for drinks and cheesy girly movies.  They get their nails done or go (window) shopping.  They go for a hike.  They watch live hockey.  You catch my drift.  

Jill literally got a few hours to enjoy her own interests and chill, and instead, she parked in the dark waiting for Derick.  I know I'm not the only one who finds that really concerning.  

[Shouldabeenacowboy]

46 minutes ago, acheronbeach said:

This is why people say Jill is clingy.  She's spent all this time in a darkened car, so bored that she streamed it to social media, in the hopes of a few fleeting minutes with #worldsbesthubby.  She comes across as a woman who isn't having her needs satisfied in her marriage; she doesn't seem content and satisfied.  Is she lonely?  Is it the culty conditioning that she always needs to be with her man?  Does she think it's selfish to spend some time on Jill?  

Most of my girlfriends with kids really enjoy the little time they get sans-kids, sans-spouse.  They invite me or their sisters over for drinks and cheesy girly movies.  They get their nails done or go (window) shopping.  They go for a hike.  They watch live hockey.  You catch my drift.  

Jill literally got a few hours to enjoy her own interests and chill, and instead, she parked in the dark waiting for Derick.  I know I'm not the only one who finds that really concerning.  

I agree, but this is how we think in the normal world.

I don't think her "helpmeet training" included lessons on critical thinking, how to be productive with her time, and independent pursuits. I'd be surprised if she has any independent interests. Not only that, she does not have any role models in that sense. Her mom and dad "worked" from home, she can't really look up to her sisters in that way, does she even have any friends? (don't think do). 

I often think that Jill & co. would benefit from a strong, independent woman as a role model in their lives. Sadly, they would probably write her off as an ebil heathen.

Edited September 30, 2019 by Shouldabeenacowboy

[SassyPants]

55 minutes ago, Shouldabeenacowboy said:

I agree, but this is how we think in the normal world.

I don't think her "helpmeet training" included lessons on critical thinking, how to be productive with her time, and independent pursuits. I'd be surprised if she has any independent interests. Not only that, she does not have any role models in that sense. Her mom and dad "worked" from home, she can't really look up to her sisters in that way, does she even have any friends? (don't think do). 

I often think that Jill & co. would benefit from a strong, independent woman as a role model in their lives. Sadly, they would probably write her off as an ebil heathen.

The Duggars “kids” could have used any and all age appropriate male or female role models. The isolation from work a day, solid citizen, contributing adults in those Duggar kids’ lives was and is close to criminal. 

[Sonic the Whoredgehog]

1 hour ago, Shouldabeenacowboy said:

I don't think her "helpmeet training" included lessons on critical thinking, how to be productive with her time, and independent pursuits. 

Why should it? That's the MAN'S job, donchaknow. Our womanly brains are too soft and delicate and easily decieved to be concerned with such things. Our only independent pursuit should be paying for the sins of Eve. 

Sarcasm aside, if she really does feel neglected or lonely enough to wait around in the dark for a few minutes with her husband... That's really sad. Is that what's happening here, or is she actually that clingy? Also, maybe I'm paranoid but even with the doors locked I would never just sit in a random parking lot at night. I guess my faith isn't strong enough for Jesus to protect me from potential carjackers. 

[feministxtian]

If/when I finally have my house, I can guarantee you that there will be 2 pups joining my household. I'm partial to large breeds, working/herding dogs mostly, just as long as that large breed is rescue! My cats would probably spazz over 2 hyperactive 4 legged toddlers in the house but they'll get over it. I've raised big dogs before (hell, anything under 50lbs is small to me), I'd have plenty of time for training and playing, dog parks not too far away and nothing better to do with my time for the most part. 

OH, did I mention I also have a large-ish SUV to transport said 4 legged beasts? IF the fates smile on me, I'll have a nice-sized house with a decent yard, a pool, room for the beasts to run in the yard, time to go to doggie classes and the dog park. I have no intention of working again (long story) so I'd have time to work with said pups. 

Jilly doesn't seem a good candidate for puppy parenting. Puppies are MORE work than kids. At least kids learn to speak English. I had a lab/x that was a typical lab for years...they tend to stay very puppy-ish for years. He sure did. Crate instead of him eating the house (god forbid he got bored), lots of outside throw the ball and swim time. Very smart pup, easily trainable to basic commands but that whole "don't eat the damn house just because you're bored" thing never stuck. Therefore crated when left alone (like if we went out). This is the damn dog who took just ONE BRAND NEW SHOE out of the BOX on the table and ATE it!!!!

 

[PurpleCats]

The woman needs a Netflix subscription.  I am a hardcore extrovert, but some evenings I enjoy my live in partner being away so I can watch whatever the hell I feel like. 

[theotherelise]

I mean, Jill has rarely been alone in her entire life. I’ve always thought that’s part of what she disliked about Central America. She was alone or just with Israel while Derick was out doing whatever. 

Jill has three older siblings and fifteen younger (?). It’s possible she has never slept in a bedroom alone ever. She goes out with friends a ton and now whenever she is alone she goes on the internet to feel like she is connecting to people.

She definitely clings to Derick, but also she just seems to not know how to be alone!

[Iamtheway]

5 hours ago, Sonic the Whoredgehog said:

Also, maybe I'm paranoid but even with the doors locked I would never just sit in a random parking lot at night. I guess my faith isn't strong enough for Jesus to protect me from potential carjackers. 

If you get to know Jesus you will never be alone. 

[StraightOuttaArkansas]

I didn't see the video, but I think we are all missing the subtext here. Jilly's been talking about sex a looooootttttttt. I mean she could have been trying to make up for lost out on high school fun she missed out on and heard about if you catch my drift...

On a serious note, I get her not knowing what to do with time all by herself. I am really struggling with that lately, but really Jilly, just stay home and force yourself to be alone, you will learn to like it and then even look forward to it, speaking of if she really needs something to do I have 17 month old she can babysit and I can take her alone time ?. I agree though with those above who said she really doesn't know how to do this. Isn't it a thing in fundiedom (or their flavor at least) that it is "dangerous" to be alone because you have no one to be accountable for your thoughts (because they are all mind readers). She may be struggling with that aspect of being "ok" with alone time instead of seeing it as a bad/dangerous situation.

[front hugs > duggs]

My husband and I rescued a puppy a few months ago. We got really lucky with her size in that we thought she was a shepherd mix and were expecting a larger dog, but our 38 pound husky mix fits perfectly in our little townhouse. We LOVE and ADORE her and agree rescuing her is one of the best things we've ever done (in addition to also rescuing two cats).  But yes, we also will never get another puppy lol. So much hard work that I'm not sure we will want to commit to when we have children.

[JesSky03]

Hell, I find even having older pets (the youngest is 7) with kids is more work than I care for. I almost regret taking in all these animals without thinking long term about how much work that would be when kids came into the picture. I've already told my husband that we are so not getting another dog until our kids are much, much older and I'm honestly so disenchanted with cats that I can't see myself adopting anymore in the future. I love animals, but they can be exhausting and I prefer to appreciate them in other people's homes now...never thought I would feel this way but kids change you I guess.

[Charliemae]

Every time I start to think a puppy sounds like a good idea I foster one.  Then I remember how insanely destructive, and straight-up gross,  those adorable fur beasts can be. 

[PennySycamore]

I think my Lab mix has basically outgrown chewing on the furniture although she isn't above dining on a wooden block she finds.   She LOVES to eat paper, too.  She's lying here asleep on the sofa.  Her tongue is sticking out a wee bit and I think she was dreaming of her puppyhood a minute ago,  She was making nursing movements in her sleep.

[bella8050]

I saw that video, it made me sad. Jill seemed more upset that Derick wasn't able/willing to meet up with her more than anything. She kept saying she brought things to work on in the car (what you can work on in a car in the dark I'm not quite sure of). Apparently when D said he couldn't meet her she asked what should she do then, and it was Derick who told her "ask people on IG" which is such a weird thought to me. After watching that I wonder if his delivery days are numbered because it's going to continue to stress Jill out if she can't meet up with him.

[AtlanticTug]

She is a people pleaser and not a leader. So it's natural for her to ask Derick what she should do. If he had half a brain in his head, he'd tell her to go home and watch Netflix.

[ifosterkittens]

Right after Jill and Derick got married when Derick worked as an accountant for Walmart (I believe that was his profession/employer but could be mistaken) didn't Jill bring lunch to Derick almost daily, and they ate lunch together in the car?

This was before she had Israel, but while she was pregnant. That job didn't last long maybe a year or so and then he pursued the missionary program that took them to Central America. 

[squiddysquid]

1 hour ago, bella8050 said:

and it was Derick who told her "ask people on IG" which is such a weird thought to me

I'd say he was being sarcastic and she didn't get it (raised in Duggarland after all) or she did get it and her actually asking was retaliation.

[raspberrymint]

On 9/28/2019 at 7:44 PM, PennySycamore said:

 

@raspberrymint,  PLEASE do not breed your doodle!  There are way too many puppies and older dogs already in shelters to "make doodle puppies".  She will be healthier if she never is bred and is spayed too.  There's a thread or two on the Maxwell forum about the nightmare that Sarah and Ellie, her Golden went through earlier this year when Ellie was pregnant and developed pyometra.  She was extremely ill and could have died if not for an emergency spay.  This sweet dog means the world to Sarah and I think she would have been absolutely devastated if Ellie had died.

I don't have a doodle.  I have a poodle who has doodle half-siblings.  I've always planned to breed her with another poodle, paying extra for her breeding rights, buying a house instead of renting -- in very large part because of tenant rules about dogs, not letting her out unsupervised, etc etc.  My dog is an investment.  My wife grew up with labs, so between her experiences with labs and the popularity of doodles, we've tossed around the idea of doodles.  It's just a thought.  Poodles are a definant, unless she's infertile.  She's older than her mother was when she had her -- and her mother had her as an adult, not a puppy.  I've been waiting for the right time to breed her, with all going on in my own life, and that's her next heat.  

I had a different dog, different breed, who went through what Ellie went through, back in the '90s.  As a result, every pet that entered my childhood after was spayed.  It's in part because of this that I want to try again.  When my childhood pets died, they weren't survived by anyone, and I don't want that to happen again if I can help it.

Edited October 2, 2019 by raspberrymint
Second paragraph

[Bad Wolf]

We went to the pound to get our last dog. We were.looking for a young, smaller dog, not a puppy. Out bounced this small.dog they said was 2 years old. Already spayed. Got her to the vet for follow up shots at the place she'd been spayed, and discovered she was actually 10 months old, and had been returned twice. That was ten years ago, and her behavior is still crazy. She is known as Molly the Monster. Oh well, we love her anyway.

[kiwi]

I think my Lab mix has basically outgrown chewing on the furniture although she isn't above dining on a wooden block she finds.   She LOVES to eat paper, too.  She's lying here asleep on the sofa.  Her tongue is sticking out a wee bit and I think she was dreaming of her puppyhood a minute ago,  She was making nursing movements in her sleep.

Ours hunts lego car tyres [emoji2360] shes 13, and only developed this eating habit about 6mths ago!! Our kids have a sleepout type room off our garage where the lego lives and she used to just sleep on the couch in there while they played. It appears she had been sneaky too!

[BemusedByFundamentalism]

I think it's nice to see that Jill is slowly getting it. Her latest sponsored post for Citrus & Lemon (still can't wrap my head around that name...) looks significantly better than what we are used from her. And added note: that sweater looks so comfortable! I would buy it if I saw it hanging in a store. 
 

 

[princessmahina]

2 hours ago, BemusedByFundamentalism said:

I think it's nice to see that Jill is slowly getting it. Her latest sponsored post for Citrus & Lemon (still can't wrap my head around that name...) looks significantly better than what we are used from her. And added note: that sweater looks so comfortable! I would buy it if I saw it hanging in a store. 
 

 

Wow. She isn’t rumpled, squinting, or wearing a sack. I’m impressed, Jilly Muffin. 

[Chewing Gum]

2 hours ago, BemusedByFundamentalism said:

I think it's nice to see that Jill is slowly getting it. Her latest sponsored post for Citrus & Lemon (still can't wrap my head around that name...) looks significantly better than what we are used from her. And added note: that sweater looks so comfortable! I would buy it if I saw it hanging in a store.

 

It looks great, I agree and the picture are nice, but isn't that sweater 2 sizes too big?