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Dillards 79: Sex Education on the Fly


Coconut Flan

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When I was a rookie teacher, the older teachers all told me never be alone with a student. It’s just a way to protect yourself. You’re always one call away from being reported for something that never happen. I know someone whose students parents reported her. Thank gd the daycare had cameras to prove them wrong. But it was her  reputation and there’s a record that never goes away. 

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14 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

Bindi Irwin was named after a crocodile AND a dog.

Another reason I think fundie men like this Billy Garaham rule is ego. They like to imagine these scenarios where all women throw themselves at them and they need the accountability. 

I'm from the same area as the Irwin's, Bindi is Aborinal for young girl, in the 60's and 70's it was common to call a girl Bindi, even though it wasn't her name. A lot of female animals included. I don't hear it used nowadays. I found it odd when they gave it to her as her offical birth name. 

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1 hour ago, Godly grifting said:

I'm from the same area as the Irwin's, Bindi is Aborinal for young girl, in the 60's and 70's it was common to call a girl Bindi, even though it wasn't her name. A lot of female animals included. I don't hear it used nowadays. I found it odd when they gave it to her as her offical birth name. 

I think the cheap cigarette paper teens used for rolling weed were called Bindis too... never liked smoking, but that might explain a lot :D.

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My sister, BIL, and a bunch of people I know are all teachers and they’re all extremely careful about only interacting with students in places where anyone can see and hear what’s going on as well.  My sister had a student accuse her of physically hurting him once - the student actually really liked my sister and enjoyed having her as a teacher, but he got pissed over something minor that she called him out on and made a stupid accusation without thinking it through (because Middle Schoolers don’t always think things through.) Luckily, they were in a hallway with security cameras that caught everything that happened, others were ready to vouch for her if needed, and it was extremely easy to prove the kid was lying. He later offered her a genuine apology, but the damage was done and she absolutely kept some distance from him after that. My sister was very fortunate that the cameras proved she never laid a finger on that student. She could have lost her job or worse all because a kid got angry and told a lie because he wasn’t thinking of the consequences.

So I definitely don’t blame teachers or those who work with children for taking extra precautions at all because even the slightest hint of impropriety could be enough to ruin a career or worse. It sucks that anyone has to think that way, but especially teachers in the States who are already expected to teach, act as counselors, parents, friends, and literally are expected to take a bullet for their students - all while being underpaid, constantly nagged by parents and Administrators, blamed when their students aren’t doing well (regardless of why), and are responsible for stocking their own classrooms with supplies. 

That said, I still maintain Fundies don’t actually care about any of that when they follow the Billy Graham rule. All they want is to control who can fully participate in the professional and public world. Anyone who isn’t a straight, cis, hetero, white male is at risk when they use this rule because it could easily limit their professional opportunities or how they’re able to function in daily life. It’s a blatant abuse of very legitimate concerns many people have for their own personal gain. 

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5 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

When I was a rookie teacher, the older teachers all told me never be alone with a student. It’s just a way to protect yourself. You’re always one call away from being reported for something that never happen. I know someone whose students parents reported her. Thank gd the daycare had cameras to prove them wrong. But it was her  reputation and there’s a record that never goes away. 

I was in that situation working (alone) for a private family, accused by a third party who never met me.  Cameras proved them wrong, but because of the record of investigation, I'm scared to ever work with kids again or to be a foster parent.  I'm afraid I would be rejected for the record existing.  I'm pregnant with my first now and fear losing my baby if that record comes up, too.  

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My uncle passed away 13 year's ago and his friend, who happens to live in my street named his cat after him, he usually went by a nickname that came from his last name, I had been told this year's ago but had forgotten until I heard him shouting that name to the cat, for a few seconds I thought he was going mad until I remembered about the cat being named after him, the cat has now passed away too. 

I don't plan on using any name that has been in my family human or pet wise as a first name for any children I have, the last pets in my immediate family were my nephew's goldfish supper and special, I don't think any children would like those names anyway.

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I don’t understand the fundies who follow the Billy Graham rule but had no problem allowing their daughters to be alone with Bill Gothard. 

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My female pets have had very human names, and I do plan to use some of those.  I grew up very bonded to my pets, one dying in my arms.

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23 minutes ago, treehugger said:

I've made this point before, but will reiterate it again.  A student/teacher relationship is totally different than a professional working relationship.  The one involves working with minors, the other does not.  The dynamics should be different. You cannot compare a teacher refusing to meet alone with a minor (a sensible and cautious approach, designed to protect the minor from abuse), to a male co-worker/employer refusing to meet alone with a female co-worker/employee (a male-centered power move designed to infantilize women ). 

I assume the purpose is the same in theory, not in practice.  

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Just in the last month I've seen two news stories about female journalists being barred from shadowing (Republican) male political candidates unless they provide a male chaperone.  The candidates say it's out of respect for their wives, and for women in general, but that basically means they only respect women who stay home in the woman's sphere and don't go out trying to interact with the dirty world.  This absolutely interfere's with women's opportunities to do their jobs. 

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The problem with fundies and people like them is that they aren't doing it to protect anyone from an unsafe situation. They're doing it because they think if you're alone with a person you're gonna bang them. I can't imagine being in relationship where my partner did not trust me around members of the sex I was attracted to. It's bullshit and quite frankly, abusive.  If my friend told me she didn't want me running to the store (random example) alone with her husband because we might sleep together I'd absolutely drop the friendship. If my partner told me I couldn't be alone with my male friends because he thinks we might sleep together...again, I'd drop the relationship. 

Earlier I spoke about a couple I know with a similar rule. They do it purely because of a lack of trust. I can't imagine spending my life with a person who didn't trust me to that extent. It's toxic as heck.  Nor could I imagine being with someone I didn't trust. I've seen the toll this takes on people's mental health and it's not good.  Fundies can preach about their perfectly happy relationships until they're blue in the face but I fail to see how this type of environment could make anyone happy. Constantly living in fear that you're one closed door away from being cheated on? Nah. 

 

Edited by Silas
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Jill’s latest IG Live was painful to watch.  Between the bright sun in her eyes causing her to squint and how out of breath she appears to be. She looks so uncomfortable-

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2 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

Just in the last month I've seen two news stories about female journalists being barred from shadowing (Republican) male political candidates unless they provide a male chaperone.  The candidates say it's out of respect for their wives, and for women in general, but that basically means they only respect women who stay home in the woman's sphere and don't go out trying to interact with the dirty world.  This absolutely interfere's with women's opportunities to do their jobs. 

That makes me so stabby. So very stabby.  What a disgusting mindset.  Women can't be real professionals in those sorts of assholes eyes.  Because vagina and Jesus.  Bunch of misogynistic perverts! 

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I've been in a work situation where my male boss decided to disallow the women from running off site meetings with customers because one of the women was hit on by a customer. Those meetings were a huge part of our job duties, so having to be babysat while doing our jobs was limiting. It was a small company, so no real HR department to speak of either and it was in a right to work state, so not much legal recourse either. 

Patriarchal rules have real consequences for women, even those who do their best to try to avoid such systems. 

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Out of curiosity, are there Fundie law firms that don't employ women at all? (Not even as administrative assistants or paralegals)? How is Derek going to be able to get a totally female free jobs unless he just hangs out his own shingle?

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Being alone with someone of the opposite sex thing in this context was about marriage advice, specifically as a way to make your partner feel more secure in the relationship. Derick puts it in the same category as using internet filters and sharing passwords. I can totally understand other reasons for not being alone with someone. 

I've lived on my own for 15 years, I'm not always crazy about having to deal with servicemen in my home, unless I've used them before and feel comfortable with them. I've never felt phycially threatened by someone, but have had my share of sexist asses who talk down to me. If I were married I would be happy to leave those things up to my husband just for the sake of my blood pressure, but that's a rant for another day. 

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-Regularly discuss ways you can help each other feel more secure in your relationship and then do it! For example, it is really important to both of us that we have some kind of internet filtering service on our phones and laptops, so we decided to pay for a monthly Covenant Eyes filtering subscription and also limit some accessibility on our devices to help us be accountable to each other. We also share our social media passwords with each other. Another thing we purpose to do is to never be alone in the same room with someone of the opposite gender. Sometimes this is hard and requires more intentionality. For example, if I have a private meeting with a female, I may choose to leave the door open, or if Jill needs a repairman to come work on something at the house when I’m gone then she might invite a friend over while he’s there. We realize though that safeguards alone aren’t enough…it is more about the heart and commitment to purity, but they may be helpful in reducing the prevalence of some situations, or even just the appearance of evil.

Also saw Jill's latest IG stories...I don't know much about carseats and how much of a pain it would be to move it over or how far they were traveling. Jill did post something about a road trip this weekend though. (They put plastic over a messed up back window next to Sam and he was not happy about it flapping away while they were driving. Hopefully it was a short trip.)

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@bella8050  I know what you mean about service guys or mechanics or construction.  It usually starts with treating me like I'm 100% ignorant of how cars/appliances/house repairs work. In the case of cars, um, most of my family were/are mechanics.  I grew up helping. Same with construction.  The other half did that and I married into a generations deep building family. I actually know my shit. When I bring my car in, I know what's wrong. I am asking them to verify and fix it. They all just assume I have no clue.  

Then there is the time I went to simply get gas. I had cash so had to go inside. The sleazy cashier and an equally skeezy patron immediately asked me if I would have sex with the guy who walked out the door as I came in. I didn't notice him much, nevermind wanting the sex from him. I said " wtf is wrong with you?!  $40 on number 6" and walked out. Flabbergasted.  Wtaf?!  I should've filed a complaint.  I guess. Does that ever do anything in that situation? 

Interactions with men can be tricky. Especially when in my home. I usually ask them to try and be quiet because my husband is sleeping.  IF they were creepy-ish, it usually stops. How fucking sad is that?  Of course, not all but too many.  I feel safer stating husband in the house. 

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Also saw Jill's latest IG stories...I don't know much about carseats and how much of a pain it would be to move it over or how far they were traveling. Jill did post something about a road trip this weekend though. (They put plastic over a messed up back window next to Sam and he was not happy about it flapping away while they were driving. Hopefully it was a short trip.)

 

 

 

He was quite distressed my it. It was awful to watch. Sorry but you dont film that shit. The whole time i was thinking - stupid cow. Move yourself to the back middle seat and comfort him. Swap him and Israel around in the seats. Anything but film your distressed child [emoji2959]

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On 8/24/2019 at 12:08 PM, princessmahina said:

I wouldn’t say I’m the kind of person who lives her life in a constant state of fear, but for me, not being alone with a man feels like a basic thing.

I have never, ever felt this way and I just don't understand it.  I don't think this is basic at all. All men are not predatory monsters, and it is unfair to prejudge them. Some are probably gay anyway, LOL. I have owed my own home for decades and never gave a second thought to being alone with tradespeople working on my home. I never had anyone behave inappropriately. I didn't have anyone to come sit with me anyway. I just can't consider half the human race as a risk. 

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Discussions of how often couples have sex always make me think of Annie Hall:

Diane Keaton complaining to her therapist: “We have sex all the time!”

Woody Allen complaining to his therapist: “We hardly ever have sex!”

Both, in split screen, whining: “It’s three times a week!!”

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4 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

@Beermeet, your mention about knowing about automotive mechanics made me think of this:

 

One of my favorite movies!

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14 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

When I was a rookie teacher, the older teachers all told me never be alone with a student. It’s just a way to protect yourself. You’re always one call away from being reported for something that never happen. I know someone whose students parents reported her. Thank gd the daycare had cameras to prove them wrong. But it was her  reputation and there’s a record that never goes away. 

My daughter is starting her first real teaching job - 10th graders - tomorrow.   Thank you, I'm passing on the advice. 

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23 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

I have never, ever felt this way and I just don't understand it.  I don't think this is basic at all. All men are not predatory monsters, and it is unfair to prejudge them. Some are probably gay anyway, LOL. I have owed my own home for decades and never gave a second thought to being alone with tradespeople working on my home. I never had anyone behave inappropriately. I didn't have anyone to come sit with me anyway. I just can't consider half the human race as a risk. 

I've had enough uncomfortable experiences to make me cautious.  One of the best things about getting older is I don't encounter it much anymore and can be more relaxed.  I wouldn't go so far as to say I felt legitimately in danger but the comments and looks were not welcome or appropriate.  I learned to be cautious.  Leaving windows and doors open.   I won't demonize half the population but I will be very cautious.  

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