Dillards 79: Sex Education on the Fly

[squiddysquid]

The 5-6 times sex a week and the-over-the-top public love confessions make me think it is all made up.

You usually see those gushy insta stunts right before a couple is breaking up. Methinks there's trouble.

Edited August 22, 2019 by squiddysquid

[TZmom]

Just now, front hugs > duggs said:

While I personally am not interested in/don't have time for sex 5-6 times/week, we also shouldn't act like it's shameful. Some people have very high sex drives and would not at all get bored of having sex that frequently or losing the anticipation to do so. 

I definitely did mean for my post to come off as shaming anyone who can/does have sex that often, so I apologize for being unintentionally offensive. 

I think my judgment is clouded by my disgust in thinking about this particular couple having sex. Barf.

[StraightOuttaArkansas]

I don't think anyone is saying we should shame anyone who has a sex-drive, like @front hugs > duggs suggests. That is a completely valid way to be. I think more people are a bit miffed that Dills are basically saying we should be ashamed if we don't to it that much. I can count on just my fingers the number of times Mr. Outta and I have had sex since Little Outta 2 was born nearly 16 months ago. We just aren't that into it at the moment. Then again in the past 6 years we have been together we were never anywhere near 5-6 (or even 3-4) times a week. Sex seems just not be our thing. We have other ways we enjoy being intimate. A seriously good teenage style make out session and getting to second base (is that the boob touch one? I was a total nerd for most high school) can be just as fun. My point is more that the Dills really need to get off their high sex horse and embrace differences in other people and more importantly, themselves.

[princessmahina]

Just now, StraightOuttaArkansas said:

I don't think anyone is saying we should shame anyone who has a sex-drive, like @front hugs > duggs suggests. That is a completely valid way to be. I think more people are a bit miffed that Dills are basically saying we should be ashamed if we don't to it that much. I can count on just my fingers the number of times Mr. Outta and I have had sex since Little Outta 2 was born nearly 16 months ago. We just aren't that into it at the moment. Then again in the past 6 years we have been together we were never anywhere near 5-6 (or even 3-4) times a week. Sex seems just not be our thing. We have other ways we enjoy being intimate. A seriously good teenage style make out session and getting to second base (is that the boob touch one? I was a total nerd for most high school) can be just as fun. My point is more that the Dills really need to get off their high sex horse and embrace differences in other people and more importantly, themselves.

Yes, absolutely. If they weren’t telling us that we should also be having sex 3-6 days a week (depending on whether you’re going by Jill or Derick), then I don’t think people would be marveling at it so much. I think better (and less TMI) advice would be “make time for intimacy with your spouse, being sure to account for their needs. Every couple is different, so you should speak frankly about your needs and desires and disregard other advice telling you how often to do it.” 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

23 hours ago, AtlanticTug said:

It's absolutely bonkers to me that they think that a woman needs a chaperone when a repairman (!!) comes over. Newsflash: they're there to fix your fridge/air conditioner/cable service not to boink your wife. What normal, healthy adult thinks that such a situation would lead to cheating?? And also, Derick, in your career you will have (gasp!) women clients and will work with women lawyers, paralegals, clerks and so on. Get your head out of your ass.

 My poor headship, having  to deal with all those loose women, throwing themselves at him while he's fixing their kitchen sinks. I guess he wasn't making up all those stories, about naked women meeting him at the door with food and booze for sexy times all over the place.  I can't believe our nearly 23 year marriage has survived this. 

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, princessmahina said:

Yes, absolutely. If they weren’t telling us that we should also be having sex 3-6 days a week (depending on whether you’re going by Jill or Derick), then I don’t think people would be marveling at it so much. I think better (and less TMI) advice would be “make time for intimacy with your spouse, being sure to account for their needs. Every couple is different, so you should speak frankly about your needs and desires and disregard other advice telling you how often to do it.” 

This would require a certain level of maturation that is missing in these 2-

[nickelodeon]

Quote

if Jill needs a repairman to come work on something at the house when I’m gone then she might invite a friend over while he’s there. We realize though that safeguards alone aren’t enough…it is more about the heart and commitment to purity, but they may be helpful in reducing the prevalence of some situations, or even just the appearance of evil.

I wonder what the Bates women whose husbands are plumbers and carpenters think about this bit.

[Iamtheway]

TMI coming up here. There was a time in the beginning of my relationship with Mr Way where we had an avarage of more then once a day.

We were young, horny heathens that met on holiday and went right at it. That phase passed and over the years we’ve been together there have definitly been periods where we havn’t even done it once a month. Pretty sure it’s been a reasonably healthy relationship during all those times. Probably least so in the beginning. But obviously Jesus disagrees. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

4 minutes ago, Iamtheway said:

TMI coming up here. There was a time in the beginning of my relationship with Mr Way where we had an avarage of more then once a day.

We were young, horny heathens that met on holiday and went right at it. That phase passed and over the years we’ve been together there have definitly been periods where we havn’t even done it once a month. Pretty sure it’s been a reasonably healthy relationship during all those times. Probably least so in the beginning. But obviously Jesus disagrees. 

We were the same and yeah, we're in a period of nothing as he deals with ED and me depression/body issues, its been a LONG LONG LOOOOOOONG ass time but we're still going. 

[bal maiden]

Oh, for goodness’ sake. No one is shaming people who shag daily bar the Sabbath. And I doubt anyone who shags daily bar Sabbath is sitting behind their computer feeling shamed about their great sex life because someone on the internet thinks it’s too frequent - partly because they’re too busy shagging to read this thread or give a toss, but mostly because it’s perfectly evident that people commenting on here about their quotidian hump sessions are speaking about their own personal preferences, not stating moral judgments. 

[byzant]

23 hours ago, Denim Jumper said:

It’s funny how Duggar/Dillard safeguards are inherently about sex. If I have a friend over while there is a repairman there, it’s because I’m paranoid about being murdered or assaulted, not because there is an off chance I might see fit to bone him or her. 

Yep I'm the same; clearly I need less true crime podcasts and more 1980 s porn

[singsingsing]

Have sex ten times a week or zero times a week, but mandating a set number of times seems to take all the fun out of it, doesn't it? Like if it's Friday and they've only managed it twice, does Jill sit there fretting about getting in at least a couple more sessions on the weekend? Is Derick pointing at the calendar, complaining that they haven't met their weekly quota? Why not just relax and enjoy your marriage/sex life and just bring it up if it becomes an issue?

[Cheetah]

1 hour ago, bal maiden said:

Oh, for goodness’ sake. No one is shaming people who shag daily bar the Sabbath. And I doubt anyone who shags daily bar Sabbath is sitting behind their computer feeling shamed about their great sex life because someone on the internet thinks it’s too frequent - partly because they’re too busy shagging to read this thread or give a toss, but mostly because it’s perfectly evident that people commenting on here about their quotidian hump sessions are speaking about their own personal preferences, not stating moral judgments. 

Wait, I thought it was supposed to be once a day and TWICE on Sundays... you mean we could have been having a day off all this time ...   ??

LOL!!!

[mollysmom]

11 hours ago, Pretzel said:

I don't know if it's been mentioned yet, but IIRC Jill stated that "3-4 times is a good start" but Derick says "5-6 times is a good start". Now I'm no math genius but I know that 3-4=/= 5-6. WHO is Derick having sex with the other two times? ? JK. 

 

His hand.

 

I'll be in the prayer closet if anyone is looking for me. 

 

 

[Palimpsest]

46 minutes ago, mollysmom said:

His hand.

 

I'll be in the prayer closet if anyone is looking for me. 

Can I come and sit beside you, please.  I have chocolate.

To me, Derick and Jill's sex advice is hilarious.  I think they are making it all up for hits and cash.

 

[mollysmom]

5 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

Can I come and sit beside you, please.  I have chocolate.

To me, Derick and Jill's sex advice is hilarious.  I think they are making it all up for hits and cash.

 

Hell yeah! The more the merrier! And I will never turn down chocolate! 

[Georgiana]

The thing is, I think a lot of 2nd Gen fundies would be unable to process healthy sex advice, which is essentially "Have it when you want, don't have it when you don't want, and always be communicating with your partner and willing to work together when issues arise".  These are people who were brainwashed out of their critical thinking skills.  They were never presented with ambiguity or how to work through it growing up, they lack the cognitive skills to handle ambiguity well, and they crave things to be presented in black and white terms.  They want a number.  They NEED a number.  They don't want to self-determine or find their way.  They don't know how to do that.  They want what they were given growing up and are used to: a simple rule or number they can use to shove their life into a box and call it godly.

I mean, think about Jill.  I don't think I've ever seen an original thought come out of that woman's brain.  Every single thing is recycled from some "trusted source".  She has no frame of reference, no experience, and no cognitive skills with which to assess her and Derick's bedroom relationship. You could give her the best advice in the world, and she'd never be able to apply it. Neither would a lot of people she knows, so she probably thinks that's normal.  And she'd never be able to express her sex life in those ambiguous terms either.  The advice that is actually useful to her and the assessment of her life that she is actually able to provide is this: 

These couples have sex X times a week and are happy/satisfied. 
We have sex Y times a week and Derick is happy/satisfied.  
Ergo, to have a healthy married sex life, you should have sex X-Y times a week.

That's advice she can come up with, it's advice she and her peers can actually use, and so it's really no wonder that she thinks it's really great advice.  

[HarleyQuinn]

Their advice got me wondering - how much does Wreck gaslight Jill with these safeguards while he's at school? She's dumb as a rock, so I can see him freaking her out with all these stories of him having to protect himself from these heathen women in "meetings" and needing to keep doors open. What happens if he has a job interview with a woman? How ever will he control himself?

[DarkAnts]

I do love that he took Michelle Duggar's joyfully available quote and applied it to men. She published it originally right after Ashley Josh scandal. It was her way of publicity shaming and blaming Anna for Josh cheating. I think Jill  May have come quite a lot of baggage in some of these areas. I hope she is getting professional help.

 

Thinking about it, I would not put it past DimBob to partially blame the older girls for Joshes sexual assaults. They were willing to shave one of the girls heads. They were willing to let him stay in the house until he did it to a 5 year old. Derick is a dick but at least he is not DimBob.

Edited August 23, 2019 by DarkAnts

[PennySycamore]

If Jill is still nursing Sam and if Jill has read some stuff about lactation amenorrhea and if she's really lucky,  her fertility might not have returned yet.  There are things that mothers can do to prolong their infertile period and things they do that hasten the return of their periods and fertility.  Many mothers who use natural child spacing (lactational amenorrhea) do recognize the signs that their fertility is returning.  

[nst]

i read when Tea leoni was dating David D she ended up with a bladder infection because they went at it so much....so where is Jill's bladder infection at 5-6 a week....

[PennySycamore]

48 minutes ago, nst said:

i read when Tea leoni was dating David D she ended up with a bladder infection because they went at it so much....so where is Jill's bladder infection at 5-6 a week....

I remember reading in The Eternal Bliss Machine, a book about American marriage customs, that nurses at Pocono resorts treated many cases of "honeymoon cystitis" in brides.  

Do people still go to the Poconos for their honeymoons?  I can remember seeing the ads for resorts with their heart shaped bathtubs.  A few places did have tubs shaped like champagne coupes (that saucer shaped glass).

[neurogirl]

@StraightOuttaArkansas THANK YOU for sharing your experience. My husband and I are currently having sex once a month, if that. We have been married just over a year with no kids, but with a whiny puppy. We have been through a lot in this year of marriage, but we've never had a lot of sex. BUT we cuddle every day, and a heavy makeout session honestly does a lot for both of us. The only time I feel bad about it is when people joke about newlyweds or people like Derick and Jill say we "should" have a 1600% increase in our under-the-covers time to have a stable marriage. We may not be jumping each others bones, but we still got a lot of love. 

[SportsgalAnnie]

I say this in the most pg way possible; maybe Derrick counts the times he does it in his sleep too.
 

[DarkAnts]

1 hour ago, PennySycamore said:

I remember reading in The Eternal Bliss Machine, a book about American marriage customs, that nurses at Pocono resorts treated many cases of "honeymoon cystitis" in brides.  

Do people still go to the Poconos for their honeymoons?  I can remember seeing the ads for resorts with their heart shaped bathtubs.  A few places did have tubs shaped like champagne coupes (that saucer shaped glass).

They have been abandoned and are now an urban explorers dream.

https://roadtrippers.com/magazine/abandoned-honeymoon-resorts/