Dillards 79: Sex Education on the Fly

[Silas]

I know a couple with a similar rule (they aren't religious...just toxic) and they've pretty much pushed all of their friends away with this behavior. They both seem confused when other couples/friends find it insulting. The wife actually needed help when she was stuck on the side of the road with car trouble and had to refuse any man that stopped! (Like...WTF). I'd love to remove these people from my own life but...family. Ugh.

They can regurgitate saliva skittles into each other's mouths like a baby bird all day long but it's clearly not working if they don't feel secure enough to trust the other around a repairman.

[Screamapillar]

I can see a female colleague going straight to HR if Derick tells them he can't be alone with them. He has discrimination complaint written all over him.

[FluffySnowball]

Derick’s advice makes me believe (once again) that Jill has issues in the whole healthy-father-relationship department. Being a “daddy’s girl” isn’t bad in and of itself but can at times indicate a solid and positive relationship with one’s father, but Jim Bob gives me weird vibes. Don’t get me wrong, not in a sexual manner, but on a spiritual and emotional level. He just doesn’t act appropriately but constantly oversteps boundaries (the whole dry humping Michelle in front of the kids, the courtship model in itself, accountability partners, him acting as a premarital counselor...). 

[lumpentheologie]

So they admit they're not quiverfull.  Interesting what can happen when one of the kids stops being on the show.  I think not being on the show is pretty much the best we can hope for in terms of change among the 2nd gen.  

[Glasgowghirl]

I do suspect they do use some form of family planning even if it isn't birth control. I do think Jill will be next to be pregnant.

[JordynDarby5]

I didn't realize that was a Billy Graham rule, but it so completely stupid. If you can't handle being alone in a room with the opposite sex that says a lot about you and its not your "devotion" to your faith or spouse or how "great" you are. It shows the exact opposite. 

Millions of people of faith and non-faith manage all the time without anything happening. Not only that men and women can be friends without it ever becoming romantic or sexual. I know shocking!

[justmy2cents]

Maybe it’s the repairman he doesn’t trust. Remember how men are always tempted by women.

[Alisamer]

1 minute ago, justmy2cents said:

Maybe it’s the repairman he doesn’t trust. Remember how men are always tempted by women.

Honestly my first thought was that maybe Derrick had seen one too many cheapo porn movies that start with an unsuspecting repairman showing up. 

In any case, that's a stupid rule. I don't think they realize that people don't admiringly look at them and say "Oh, how godly and righteous they are!" because of it, but are more likely to say "wow, are they both so horny and untrustworthy that they can't keep themselves from jumping on anybody they happen to be sharing a room with?"

Fundamentalists seem to structure their entire lives around sex. And then call the rest of the world "sluts" and similar things.

[SassyPants]

3 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

I think Cathy has a lot to do with that. She probably sat him down and said ‘get your head out of your a__?’ (Maybe not those exact words.) Get a career and limit the size of your family. 

Wait...is Cathy me? Because it would be realllllllllllllllly hard for me to hold my tongue if any of my kids were as limited as this bunch, yet thought they needed to out breed the planet.

[finnlassie]

THANK GOD FOR BIRTH CONTROL LESS DUGGARINOS

[AliceInFundyland]

Everything about this continues to scream... I still want babies too! Look at me over here! I'm having sex. I'm going to have a baby soon, I swear it guys, really!?

[apandaaries]

Apparently they've never spent a single night apart since their wedding day:

"-Take the challenge to spend every night together during your first year of marriage…and be intentional about minimizing the nights you have to spend apart in the future!  It may not always be this way, but so far, Jill and I have managed to spend every single night together since we’ve been married.  Again, we’ve only been married a little over 5 years, but so far as it’s possible, we hope to continue the trend. "

That's...something. Now we know why she and the boys went to Mexico with him, I suppose.  It's part of their marriage challenge.

I don't know about you, but if I were to look for a marriage to emulate, it would not be the Dillards' union.

Edited August 21, 2019 by apandaaries

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Me (and probably a lot of you guys) reacting to Dickwreck’s sex advice.

[Denim Jumper]

3 hours ago, HideousGreenShirt said:

Lawd ham mercury, another bizarre blog post. 

I think the most disturbing part is that they refuse to be alone in a room with a member of the opposite sex. What if Derick has a private session with a law professor or a performance review at work or Jill has a doctor's appointment? They're just gonna leave the door open or take chaperones? The level of distrust is unbelievable. 

I am entertained by Derick's Chuck E. Cheese nights. Not sure if it's his attempt at a joke, a reference to spending time with his kids or he really does have guys nights there. Seems about on par with his maturity level. 

It’s funny how Duggar/Dillard safeguards are inherently about sex. If I have a friend over while there is a repairman there, it’s because I’m paranoid about being murdered or assaulted, not because there is an off chance I might see fit to bone him or her. 

[finnlassie]

If Durrick wasn't doing his law degree and have the smarts, I think the next step for Jill would've been to become a Pure Romance *pukes* consultant.

[HideousGreenShirt]

2 hours ago, AtlanticTug said:

Doesn't it also cheapen their faith? I mean if they have such low standards of morality that being in the same (1,800 square foot) house as a repairman is likely to lead to both parties sinning, then what does that tell us about the sort of people they are?

This too. I'm going to assume that the Dillards prefer to hire trade/repair people from openly Christian companies, (just a guess based on their general assholery) so what does this say about their faith? Your marriage is super strong and you are constantly having sex, but if you are left alone with anyone of the opposite sex for even a minute you'll cheat/be led astray? 

It's the same BS that the Duggar parents touted with the "we trust that our children are Godly and have beaten them into submission; they will behave. Buutttt also they must always have accountability partners and chaperones and cannot have any physical contact more than a 3 second side hug before marriage because we are terrified that we can't trust them."

[FluffySnowball]

41 minutes ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

Me (and probably a lot of you guys) reacting to Dickwreck’s sex advice.

THIS! IS! ME!

How did you manage to take a photo of me, @Don'tlikekoolaid? Sneaky sneaky... 

[Iamtheway]

7 hours ago, Antipatriarch said:

Tangent: @OyToTheVey @Lillymuffin @Iamtheway and others: Do you make a noise when thinking about or remembering something embarrassing?

I don’t think I do a sound. At least not often. But definitly a face. And I absolutely overthink embarrassing things that had happened to me. 

3 hours ago, AtlanticTug said:

What normal, healthy adult thinks that such a situation would lead to cheating?? 

One that watches way too much porn. 

Mr Way shares an office with a female colleauge and they seem to have really fun at work. They even text fun things to eachother in their free time. They have a chat grop with a third colleauge. I think it’s great that he enjoys work and likes his colleauges. I don’t think for a moment that the two of them are having sex because they sit together in a room all day long. And despite the fact that neither Mr Way nor me has been thought how to behave godly we do manage to keep it in our pants.

[HarleyQuinn]

Whoa, whoa whoa guys...

That birth control comment is classic Wreck. He dances around answering the question and instead poses a condescending remark that could go multiple ways. He can't straight up say "we use contraception" because that isn't true. He just wants the attention of people wondering. 

 

And man I hope his "guys night at Chuck E Cheese" is with his own children because if not that's creepy AF.

[Satan'sFortress]

To be fair, Derick didn't ever say that they are or are not using birth control.  He said "we never said we don't believe in birth control."  But, since this is Derick we're talking about, that could very well mean that they actually don't believe in it (at least for them) but that they've just never said that.  You know what I mean? He does that double-speak, obfuscation thing  so that he often won't give a definitive answer. Interesting, nonetheless. 

I do admit to laughing at his misconception pun, however.

 

Edited to add:  @HarleyQuinn said what I was trying to say about 10 seconds sooner than I did!

Edited August 21, 2019 by Satan'sFortress

[Scoodilypoop]

4 minutes ago, Satan'sFortress said:

To be fair, Derick didn't ever say that they are or are not using birth control.  He said "we never said we don't believe in birth control."  But, since this is Derick we're talking about, that could very well mean that they actually don't believe in it (at least for them) but that they've just never said that.  You know what I mean? He does that double-speak, obfuscation thing  so that he often won't give a definitive answer. Interesting, nonetheless. 

I do admit to laughing at his misconception pun, however.

 

Edited to add:  @HarleyQuinn said what I was trying to say about 10 seconds sooner than I did!

Question: wouldn’t part of their beliefs be to spread their conviction if they were not using birth control of some sort? Wouldn’t that show how godly they are and give all of us heathens something to emulate? I believe that they likely do use some form of birth control, not that that makes them less despicable, just a different kind of despicable. 

[BlondeIdol]

Derick and Jill obviously have a lot of issues but it’s good they aren’t quiverfull and Derick seems to be giving a career a shot. I mean, at least I like Derick working towards something to support the kids they already have instead of having more and being a missionary. Not that a slow drift away from the Duggar clan excuses the other bizarre behavior.

Anyway, as far as the whole not being alone room with the opposite sex goes, that is straight up not going to be practical. I guess Mike Pence does this but if my husband and I put that rule on ourselves, both of our jobs would be impossible and we work together. 

Honestly, I can only assume that  Jill and Derick weren’t raised to have healthy non-sexual relationships with the opposite sex and they just wouldn’t even know how to keep it in their pants. Hence this rule. Fundie’s lives revolve a lot more around sex then the average person’s. They’re telling us.

Also, along those lines, I wonder if Jill and Derick realize that having issues telling the difference between your father and your husband isn’t a common marital issue. They really shouldn’t be trying to give any kind of advice. 

 

Edited August 22, 2019 by BlondeIdol

[nickelodeon]

32 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

Whoa, whoa whoa guys...

That birth control comment is classic Wreck. He dances around answering the question and instead poses a condescending remark that could go multiple ways. He can't straight up say "we use contraception" because that isn't true. He just wants the attention of people wondering. 

Assumptions? You mean “misconception #547324”

It is weird that Derick says “my parents used BC” and “some Christian families use BC” instead of actually addressing the commenter’s statement that he doesn’t use it. There must be some reason that he can’t just come out and say it (and it’s clearly not because he values taste and privacy...)

[coffeebean7]

I haven't read the article (I don't know if I can lol), but I did see the birth control comment. I know he didn't come right out and say it but I wouldn't be surprised if they were using birth control that was beyond just natural family planning. I bet nothing hormonal, but something.  So that's good if that's the case....

Edited August 22, 2019 by coffeebean7

[Giraffe]

***I feel the need to preemptively say I’m aware I may be overreacting on this one and I need to walk away***

What The everloving F?!? “Don’t let your wife think you’re her father”!!! ? This squicks me out! Why are you sharing these things in public?! This doesn’t make you sound like a loving husband, this makes you sound like an asshole who has no qualms about sharing inappropriate info that’s not yours to share - ironically, just like your wife’s father!!

If you want people to think you love & cherish your wife, try acting like it and not sharing details that are not yours to share! In fact, how about you take your brief marriage and your lack of psychologically sound advice and get off the internet for a while!