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Coconut Flan

Dillards 79: Sex Education on the Fly

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Meh
Coconut Flan

Continued from here:

Jill continues to post ways to improve a fundie sex life.  

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Smee

I like sex better when I don’t think of the Dills doing it. 

Catching up on a few pages - I like Samuel too. Or Samson. I would have been called Samuel if I’d been a boy, and was almost Samantha. I’d have considered Sam for one of my kids if mum hadn’t named the dog that when I was 16.

All my kids were named before they were born, but my middle daughter was the earliest... I picked her name a decade before I had her, a couple of years before I met Mr Smee, and told him early on in our relationship that if we ever had a daughter that’s what we would name her. He wasn’t thinking of kids yet so he just kind of nodded along with me for years until I was actually pregnant and then the thought of calling a firstborn daughter anything else was just weird. 

Random thought... if a woman changes her name at marriage, her former name is referred to as her “maiden” name. Is there an equivalent term if a man changes his name instead? We should create one.

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lumpentheologie
2 hours ago, Smee said:

Random thought... if a woman changes her name at marriage, her former name is referred to as her “maiden” name. Is there an equivalent term if a man changes his name instead? We should create one.

I like "birth name" as a more gender-neutral option.  That's what I say for my husband's father, who changed his name when he married my mother in law. 

When husband and I got our marriage license last year, the clerk made me initial a special statement saying I understood I wasn't changing my name.  There wasn't even a place on the form for that, he made me do it additionally.  Since marriage equality they don't have 'husband' and 'wife' on the form, it's just 'spouse A' and 'spouse B'.*  Husband asked the clerk if he had to initial something to saying he wasn't changing his name either, and the clerk looked at him like he'd grown a second head. Sigh. 

*They sold T-shirts that said 'Spouse A' and 'Spouse B' and I would have loved to wear those after getting married, but they were excessively expensive. 

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Thorns

The Saga of the Dillards: The Good, Bad and (Un)Sexy.

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Fundie Bunny

To the people that said that the fact that Jill is open about sex is a good step. Remeber she is the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. let's hump in front of our daughter and her boyfriend in a public place. The Duggars are open about sex, sadly. She really isn't doing anything her parents haven't more or less done.

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ModestisHottest
1 hour ago, lumpentheologie said:

I like "birth name" as a more gender-neutral option.  That's what I say for my husband's father, who changed his name when he married my mother in law. 

When husband and I got our marriage license last year, the clerk made me initial a special statement saying I understood I wasn't changing my name.  There wasn't even a place on the form for that, he made me do it additionally.  Since marriage equality they don't have 'husband' and 'wife' on the form, it's just 'spouse A' and 'spouse B'.*  Husband asked the clerk if he had to initial something to saying he wasn't changing his name either, and the clerk looked at him like he'd grown a second head. Sigh. 

*They sold T-shirts that said 'Spouse A' and 'Spouse B' and I would have loved to wear those after getting married, but they were excessively expensive. 

When we got our marriage license (in NYC in 2015) I told them I wanted to hyphenate. I have a very Germanic birth name (think something like Schultz) and my now husband has THREE Portuguese last names (think something like Nunes Silva Ferreira) but he only uses the last one in everyday life in the US. They told me at the courthouse that if I wanted to hyphenate I needed to use all three names so I would be ModestisHottest Schultz-Nunes Silva Ferreira OR I could combine parts of my last name with parts of his like Schulva or Schuleira. THEY WERE SERIOUS!! They would not let me put Schultz-Ferreira as my new name on the license. I just put that I wasn’t changing it and then after our wedding when we got our marriage certificate back I went to the social security office and told them I wanted to be Schultz-Ferreira and they did it no problem!! It was completely insane!! 

PS He would have be fine with adding my name to his also but he already has 5 total names and living in the US with 3 last names is already a pain so I didn’t want him to have an even longer name to deal with!!

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Marly

Unfortunately I live in a country with very strict rules/laws regarding name changes. Changing your first name is relatively easy. Changing your last name is almost impossible. 
SO and I want to hyphenate when we get married. Unfortunately, this will not be possible for our potential children. If we were to have a child/children, we will be forced to choose either my last name or my SO's last name for said child/children. I hate this. I don't want my potential kids to automatically have my SO's last name, because I don't want to support a patriarchal tradition. However, I can also understand my SO not wanting our potential kids to have just my last name because they are also his kids. We talked about it a lot, and we decided that we would change our last name and make up something new, which we could then pass on to our children. Unfortunately, Dutch law does not allow for this solution.
In the Netherlands, you are not allowed to officially change your last name unless: 
1) one of your parents has a different last name than yours and that last name would die out if you don't take it on (in this case you have to be able to prove that that name will really die out otherwise);
2) someone with the same last name commited a grave crime (such as murder) and you don't want to be associated with that;
3) your name is so strange/ there is so much emotional bagage attached to your name (for instance, you were sexually abused by the parent whose name you carry) that it causes noticeable emotional suffering;
4) you have an unpronouncable/unwritable foreign name (in this case you are only allowed to change it to a Dutchified version of your official last name);
and 5) your parents got divorced at least two years before you turned 18 and the parent whose last name you don't have was your primary caretaker and you therefore want to take on that parent's name.
Neither me nor my SO can apply for a name change under these rules.
I like my country, but I really don't like these strict naming rules. This is a relatively small country. If name changes are possible in countries that have counties that are bigger than my entire country, why wouldn't it be possible here? Why is this strictness necessary? I know that looking at life in its entirety last names and the possibility of changing last names are probably  not one of the most important things to fuzz about, but I still don't like that I don't have a bigger say in my own last name and the last name of my potential children.

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Smash!
I like my country, but I really don't like these strict naming rules.

 

Same here unfortunately. Until like 10 or 15 years ago, a woman could only keep her name if she put her spouses name after hers, like Miller Rodriguez, whereas her spouses name was only Rodriguez. Their children would automatically get the man's name, in this case Rodriguez.

They changed the law tough, with the idea that every person keep their birth name a lifetime. Now there's basically two options: 1) both keep their birthname and choose one of those two names as family name for their children or 2) one of the spouses change their name. While I see that this law is progress in gender equality I wish there was an option to add the SO's name to the own last name. I personally would prefer to be able to put my SO's name after my birthname without hyphenating (as long as my SO does the same). Because at least in the region where my parents are from, if you write a letter (or similar) to both married people or family you use the hypenathed names. Like if it's Mr. and Mrs. Rodriguez, but her maiden name is Miller, you would address a letter to R.+G. Rodriguez-Miller and the mailboxes are named this way.

 

 

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OyToTheVey
12 hours ago, Iamtheway said:

I am the queen of second hand embarrasment. :my_blush:

I'm pretty sure I beat you in this category. I fast forwards parts of shows that I feel are going to give me second hand embarrassment. Not even kidding. I loathe awkward so much that I don't even want to watch it on tv!

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SassyPants
4 hours ago, Fundie Bunny said:

To the people that said that the fact that Jill is open about sex is a good step. Remeber she is the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. let's hump in front of our daughter and her boyfriend in a public place. The Duggars are open about sex, sadly. She really isn't doing anything her parents haven't more or less done.

I remember JB and M dry humping in front of Jessa and Ben on one of their first accompanied dates, but did they also act out in front of Jill and Dill?

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theotherelise

Thought I'd share my alternate take on Jill's pro-sex push lately... I actually have really benefited from dating divas stuff in the past. I only had one single sexual experience before my wedding night. It was my first boyfriend ever and as soon as we were done, he told me he was still into his ex-gf who lived across the hall at his college dorm six hours away from where I was at college. Turns out he'd already cheated on me with a few people.

I also grew up conservatively and my husband and I decided to wait together for marriage even though we'd both had past experience. I don't regret that choice, I think it was really healthy for us and reduced a lot of anxiety. But it turns out I still have a lot of hang ups from the first bf. Beyond the terrible first time, he was constantly pushing my boundaries and making me feel like I had to go past my comfort zone to be a good girlfriend. 

So I actually read a lot of things on the dating divas website (along with other, more secular sites) to help me breakdown some of my hangups. I never really executed any of their specific games or whatever, but the idea of having fun with it, focus on foreplay, and overall sex-positivity was really helpful to me. Honestly, I think their stuff is more pro-female than much of the stuff in cosmo or whatever.

It's a bit weird to have Jill promoting the stuff so heavily. But I will say, I'm 100% convinced they are using some form of birth control, so in my reality, Jill has made a stride in her beliefs by endorsing non-procreative sex where the woman is encouraged to enjoy herself. That said, I don't really need/want to know about it!

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samurai_sarah

@potato

I can see the issue and then... I don't. If he's attached to his last name and you're attached to yours, then the solution seems obvious. :)

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Fundie Bunny
37 minutes ago, theotherelise said:

It's a bit weird to have Jill promoting the stuff so heavily. But I will say, I'm 100% convinced they are using some form of birth control, so in my reality, Jill has made a stride in her beliefs by endorsing non-procreative sex where the woman is encouraged to enjoy herself. That said, I don't really need/want to know about it!

Only because she is endorsing sex for fun doesn't mean she is using birth control. I remember a few years ago i saw an opus dei couple talk about sex. Their main stance was that sex was for fun, and to show love betweeen spouses, and if kids came out of it, let them be welcome. This is probably what she thinks right now, and her parents have talked extensibly about enjoying sex. This is not new, she is just monetizing it. 

3 hours ago, SassyPants said:

I remember JB and M dry humping in front of Jessa and Ben on one of their first accompanied dates, but did they also act out in front of Jill and Dill?

I mean, probably, just not on TV. 

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Icea
4 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

I'm pretty sure I beat you in this category. I fast forwards parts of shows that I feel are going to give me second hand embarrassment. Not even kidding. I loathe awkward so much that I don't even want to watch it on tv!

Same for me. I ”watched” the entire first season of Desperate Housewives before I realised that I fastforwarded almost 80% of each episode because the only scenes I could stand without grabbing the nearest pillow and muting the sound were the ones with Lynette and her family.

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OyToTheVey

@Icea I "watch" so much TV like that, that I don't even know the plot to a lot of what I watch lol 

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justmy2cents

Apparently the Duggars have family game night every Monday according to Joy’s latest Instagram post. It’s not surprising that Jill wouldn’t be there as they’re not living close right now but what I find strange is that Jill hasn’t left a comment. I mean she comments on everything. She didn’t comment on Jabbie ‘s reveal today either, not that I saw anyway.

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SassyPants
Just now, justmy2cents said:

Apparently the Duggars have family game night every Monday according to Joy’s latest Instagram post. It’s not surprising that Jill wouldn’t be there as they’re not living close right now but what I find strange is that Jill hasn’t left a comment. I mean she comments on everything. She didn’t comment on Jabbie ‘s reveal today either, not that I saw anyway.

On a Monday night. Pretty much tells us everything we need to know about these folks and their work schedules. And I totally get that not everyone works M-Fr or daytime hours, but it looks like Monday evenings work well for a whole lot of them. Sometimes it might be nice to live in a world where you are very comfortable and don’t have to expend much energy or have much education to support it all.

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Iamtheway

I want to have a family game night every monday too! I love playing board games. My husband does not. He’ll still play with me sometimes and I have made an effort to find games that he enjoys. It’s one of my top parenting goals to get Miniway to enjoy playing boardgames so I’ll have a gaming buddy when he’s older. 

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allthegoodnamesrgone
Posted (edited)

I wonder if they watched Netflixs Sex Education? :laughing-jumpingpurple:  In case any of you haven't you need too.  

Spoiler

NSFW maybe but this is the BBC & Netflix they don't fuck around, pun intended. 

 

 

Edited by allthegoodnamesrgone

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AtlanticTug

The further that Jill stays away from these freaks, the better.

Derrick, for all his zillion faults, appears to be doing reasonably well in law school, with more than a respectable legal job and could actually make something of himself if he sticks with it, graduates and works hard after. Jill has had a rough start as an adult, but there is possibly hope on the horizon, however miniscule.

She already has more potential for a better outcome than Josh/Anna (no comment necessary), Jessa/Bin (total freeloaders), Joe/Kendra (happy but dumb and will have way too many kids) and Josiah/Lauren (I don't even understand what their relationship is). Jury's out on Jabbie, Jinjer and Jostin.

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SilverBeach
3 hours ago, theotherelise said:

I don't really need/want to know about it!

Ding-ding, we have a winner!

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Honeysuckle
5 hours ago, SassyPants said:

On a Monday night. Pretty much tells us everything we need to know about these folks and their work schedules. And I totally get that not everyone works M-Fr or daytime hours, but it looks like Monday evenings work well for a whole lot of them. Sometimes it might be nice to live in a world where you are very comfortable and don’t have to expend much energy or have much education to support it all.

Okay, you'll have to help me out on this one. I have been wracking my brain and can't figure out what's so weird about a Monday evening weekly game night. Some friends and I have a weekly Tuesday game night. We are adults with jobs, we get together after work, order takeout or someone cooks, and we play for a few hours. Weeknights work better for us considering our jobs, because that leaves weekend days free for families and significant others. Is it really that odd to have a 2-3 hour social commitment on a weekday?

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Snarkasarus Rex
16 minutes ago, Honeysuckle said:

 Is it really that odd to have a 2-3 hour social commitment on a weekday?

For my family (two working parents, two school-age kids), yes it would be very odd.  I’m glad you and your friends get to do that since no one in my social circle would ever commit to that. 😂

We do family game nights on the weekend because no homework, no after school activities, later bedtime, etc.  The Duggars don’t have these constraints.

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SassyPants
26 minutes ago, Honeysuckle said:

Okay, you'll have to help me out on this one. I have been wracking my brain and can't figure out what's so weird about a Monday evening weekly game night. Some friends and I have a weekly Tuesday game night. We are adults with jobs, we get together after work, order takeout or someone cooks, and we play for a few hours. Weeknights work better for us considering our jobs, because that leaves weekend days free for families and significant others. Is it really that odd to have a 2-3 hour social commitment on a weekday?

See snark’s response. I’d venture to say that most people with kids and jobs are far busier on weeknights than they are on maybe a Friday night, especially for a weekly entertainment event.

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Nervous
Audrey2

It's not unprecedented. The LDS church (Mormons) have Family Home Evening every week, and it's Monday night, if I recall correctly. There are no church activities on Monday night, and the family is encouraged to stay in. Maybe someone with more facts can comment on this.

I can see the Duggars using the idea of family togetherness, and encouraging adults to return for this.

 

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