Dillards 79: Sex Education on the Fly

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

I can see doing something like this during the summer, but it would be far to difficult with kids under driving age during school between homework, after school activities, dinner showers and a reasonable bed time.  We could easily do it now, but our kids are both in college but it would have been impossible to do even 5 years ago. 

[Lillymuffin]

15 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

I'm pretty sure I beat you in this category. I fast forwards parts of shows that I feel are going to give me second hand embarrassment. Not even kidding. I loathe awkward so much that I don't even want to watch it on tv!

I watch the seriously cringeworthy stuff with my hands over my eyes, peering through my fingers, the same way I watch anything scary. Not sure which one is worse, actually. 

[CarrotCake]

6 hours ago, Honeysuckle said:

Okay, you'll have to help me out on this one. I have been wracking my brain and can't figure out what's so weird about a Monday evening weekly game night. Some friends and I have a weekly Tuesday game night. We are adults with jobs, we get together after work, order takeout or someone cooks, and we play for a few hours. Weeknights work better for us considering our jobs, because that leaves weekend days free for families and significant others. Is it really that odd to have a 2-3 hour social commitment on a weekday?

Do you have children? 

I also hang out with friends during the week but I can imagine that this is a completely different story when you have (school age) kids. 

[apandaaries]

On 8/19/2019 at 10:36 PM, Smee said:

 

Catching up on a few pages - I like Samuel too. Or Samson. I would have been called Samuel if I’d been a boy, and was almost Samantha. I’d have considered Sam for one of my kids if mum hadn’t named the dog that when I was 16.

Wait, so your mom liked Sam enough that she decided to use it on the dog after she ran out of kids? 

Not criticizing, I love that plan. Dogs are family, too.

Edited August 21, 2019 by apandaaries

[Iamtheway]

1 hour ago, Lillymuffin said:

I watch the seriously cringeworthy stuff with my hands over my eyes, peering through my fingers, the same way I watch anything scary. Not sure which one is worse, actually. 

I do this. I also slam books shut, cringe and then open them again very slowly, often just enough so I can see what it says and read on with caution.

Yes, yes I AM a bit weird actually ... 

[StraightOuttaArkansas]

We have off and on had family game night. Now that we are moved I am trying to make sure we do it every week. If I planned well we could do it on a week night, but that is stress and unpredictability that would take away from the point in my opinion. We are not social people at all, I am a SAHM and Mr. Outta has very flexible hours, our only old enough for that kind of thing kid is 15 and not really a extracurriculars kind of kid (not that Germany seems to offer that many, though it looks like that may be getting better? or just this school?). Even with that kind "easy set up" I would still find it hard to commit to it on a week night. We decided on Friday evenings, so I am hoping we can follow through. I think it is a great idea and remember it being a pushed concept through commercials when I was kid. My mom tried to have us do it and it worked for several months. I enjoyed it a lot.

All that and I really have to say, with so many people, I don't know how the Duggars manage it. I mean other than with the thought: "well we are so many people that enough for any type of game are bound to show up."

[JillyO]

5 hours ago, StraightOuttaArkansas said:

We have off and on had family game night. Now that we are moved I am trying to make sure we do it every week. If I planned well we could do it on a week night, but that is stress and unpredictability that would take away from the point in my opinion. We are not social people at all, I am a SAHM and Mr. Outta has very flexible hours, our only old enough for that kind of thing kid is 15 and not really a extracurriculars kind of kid (not that Germany seems to offer that many, though it looks like that may be getting better? or just this school?). Even with that kind "easy set up" I would still find it hard to commit to it on a week night. We decided on Friday evenings, so I am hoping we can follow through. I think it is a great idea and remember it being a pushed concept through commercials when I was kid. My mom tried to have us do it and it worked for several months. I enjoyed it a lot.

All that and I really have to say, with so many people, I don't know how the Duggars manage it. I mean other than with the thought: "well we are so many people that enough for any type of game are bound to show up."

On the first bolded section: I believe you just moved to Germany, but had lived there previously, so you may or may not already be aware of this, but I'm going to say it anyway in case it helps you or anyone else. Very few extracurricular activities in Germany are run through the schools. There may be a small number of school clubs for a few different activities (choir, possibly band if it's a big school or one with a music focus, a few random sports), but most activities in Germany are run through clubs. Club culture is huge in Germany. Growing up, I was involved in running, swimming, gymnastics, judo, and triathlon, all for a VERY low cost through a local club. If your son is at all athletic, or even just curious about trying out a new sport, get him involved in a local club. There's bound to be soccer and tennis and swimming and track & field and karate and pretty much whatever you can think of for a minimal cost. I also sang in our small-town choir for a few years, which was again very low-cost (instrument lessons will of course be more expensive) and had small-group painting lessons for several years (not going to pretend those were cheap). So I was definitely busy with PLENTY of extracurriculars, as were most of my friends. It's just that most things are not run through the schools in Germany.

And then in regards to the second bolded, I think you're spot on. They're not really trying to find a time that works for everyone, which would probably be impossible with a group of that size, but they're pretty much guaranteed to have more than enough people around to have game night. If none of the married kids show up, they still have a big enough group. And if some of them make it, even better. Apart from Josh and Anna, none of them even have kids old enough to be involved in any kind of activity, and they discourage those anyway. So tbh, apart from the ones who live too far away (JinJer and currently Jill and Derrick), I don't really see what else they'd be doing on a Monday night.

[Antipatriarch]

On 8/20/2019 at 8:17 AM, OyToTheVey said:

I'm pretty sure I beat you in this category. I fast forwards parts of shows that I feel are going to give me second hand embarrassment. Not even kidding. I loathe awkward so much that I don't even want to watch it on tv!

I can relate to this. I also have a hard time listening to talk radio where people are arguing and not letting each other talk.

Tangent: @OyToTheVey @Lillymuffin @Iamtheway and others: Do you make a noise when thinking about or remembering something embarrassing?

Several years ago I found a whole online forum for people like me who are "compelled to blurt" when remembering something embarrassing. I was relieved to find out I wasn't the only one. I do this regularly; I'll be with family, nobody's talking, my mind will wander to something embarrassing I did or experienced, and I will blurt out "UGH!" involuntarily; it happens before I realize or can control it. Of course then, everyone says, "What?" And the last thing I want to do is tell them the embarrassing thing.

Edited August 21, 2019 by Antipatriarch

[OyToTheVey]

5 minutes ago, Antipatriarch said:

I can relate to this. I also have a hard time listening to talk radio where people are arguing and not letting each other talk.

Tangent: @OyToTheVey @Lillymuffin @Iamtheway and others: Do you make a noise when thinking about or remembering something embarrassing?

Several years ago I found a whole online forum for people like me who are "compelled to blurt" when remembering something embarrassing. I was relieved to find out I wasn't the only one. I do this regularly; I'll be with family, nobody's talking, my mind will wander to something embarrassing I did or experienced, and I will blurt out "UGH!" involuntarily; it happens before I realize or can control it. Of course then, everyone says, "What?" And the last thing I want to do is tell them the embarrassing thing.

I noticed that! I don't blurt anything out but I make a face and people look at me like why is she making a face I haven't even said anything! The worst is Z100 has those morning things where they call people and play a prank. I switch channels. I can't listen to that. 

[princessmahina]

Derick has posted his companion blog post to Jill’s on their blog. The very first thing is to always be joyfully available to your wife and keep her needs in mind. Interesting! 

[Laura2730]

54 minutes ago, princessmahina said:

Derick has posted his companion blog post to Jill’s on their blog. The very first thing is to always be joyfully available to your wife and keep her needs in mind. Interesting! 

Yeah apparently one needs to have sex 5-6 times at least- or more- no wonder Jill always looks so exhausted- I wonder if they kept that going in Central America 

Edited August 21, 2019 by Laura2730
mistake

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On 8/20/2019 at 8:17 AM, OyToTheVey said:

I'm pretty sure I beat you in this category. I fast forwards parts of shows that I feel are going to give me second hand embarrassment. Not even kidding. I loathe awkward so much that I don't even want to watch it on tv!

I do the same thing, I HATE watching second hand embarrassment, I either FF or stop watching all together. 

[picklepizzas]

anyone seen this interesting comment by Derrick yet? Hmm. Wouldn’t it be shocking if parent-pleasing jill were really the first Duggar child to use family planning? Acknowledging Derrick hasn’t technically admitted they are using bc. 

 

Edited August 21, 2019 by picklepizzas

[justmy2cents]

Interesting @picklepizzas. I guess when they said they’d be leaving it up to God when they got married that included birth control. Does that mean that Derick lied on the questionnaire? 

Edited August 21, 2019 by justmy2cents

[picklepizzas]

8 minutes ago, justmy2cents said:

Interesting @picklepizzas. I guess when they said they’d be leaving it up to God when they got married that included birth control. Does that mean that Derick lied on the questionnaire? 

I don’t give him enough credit for that kind of deception. I feel like it’s more likely he didn’t lie but was new to the idea of no bc, taken in by the perfect Duggar family and was ready to go all-in on their wacky beliefs, and has slowly drifted back to his original starting point (conservative but secular Christian) and dragged Jill with him. 

Reversion to the mean. 

Edited August 21, 2019 by picklepizzas

[justmy2cents]

6 minutes ago, picklepizzas said:

I don’t give him enough credit for that kind of deception. I feel like it’s more likely he didn’t lie but was new to the idea of no bc, taken in by the perfect Duggar family and was ready to go all-in on their wacky beliefs, and has slowly drifted back to his original starting point (conservative but secular Christian) and dragged Jill with him. 

Reversion to the mean. 

I think Cathy has a lot to do with that. She probably sat him down and said ‘get your head out of your a__?’ (Maybe not those exact words.) Get a career and limit the size of your family. 

[princessmahina]

17 minutes ago, picklepizzas said:

I don’t give him enough credit for that kind of deception. I feel like it’s more likely he didn’t lie but was new to the idea of no bc, taken in by the perfect Duggar family and was ready to go all-in on their wacky beliefs, and has slowly drifted back to his original starting point (conservative but secular Christian) and dragged Jill with him. 

Reversion to the mean. 

I think it’s great that he’s not quiverfull and not putting Jill’s body through risky pregnancy after risky pregnancy, but I do hope that he and Jill have come to their new (or maybe not new?) beliefs together and that he hasn’t pushed the headship card to make her go against her beliefs and get more sex. 

[Galbin]

I came here after seeing that Instagram post. I guess our suspicions were correct as someone as young and apparently fertile* as Jill seems to be spacing her children well. I am glad that they aren't ignoring medical advice re: conceiving after c sections, but I sense Derick makes the decisions and not Jill.

* As an infertile woman myself, I know that secondary infertility exists. However, she appears to be young and fertile, so this is what I meant. 

[HideousGreenShirt]

Lawd ham mercury, another bizarre blog post. 

I think the most disturbing part is that they refuse to be alone in a room with a member of the opposite sex. What if Derick has a private session with a law professor or a performance review at work or Jill has a doctor's appointment? They're just gonna leave the door open or take chaperones? The level of distrust is unbelievable. 

I am entertained by Derick's Chuck E. Cheese nights. Not sure if it's his attempt at a joke, a reference to spending time with his kids or he really does have guys nights there. Seems about on par with his maturity level. 

[Antipatriarch]

33 minutes ago, HideousGreenShirt said:

I think the most disturbing part is that they refuse to be alone in a room with a member of the opposite sex. What if Derick has a private session with a law professor or a performance review at work

Ah yes, the "Billy Graham Rule," as adopted by Mike Pence and others. If they can make it work, I'm sure Dwreck can too.

The way he writes about it here, it sounds so equal (both he and Jill do it). But many have noted how this unequally affects women's career advancement, when male bosses adopt this rule in the workplace. Think about all the bonding, the informal and ad-hoc conversations (both professional and personal), that one of his male subordinates can get but his female subordinates can't. Think about the missed opportunities; "Sorry Carol, I can't take you to be my co-presenter at this important sales presentation next week, we'd be travelling alone together. I have to take Bill." Think about how this ridiculous message of "I can't trust you to be alone with me without us doing something inappropriate" works against building healthy workplace relationships.

It's all of a piece with outdated, patriarchal, gender-based ideas about what's "appropriate" for women. Gah! Can we please get beyond this idea that every human relationship and interaction has to be contextualized with sex?

[AtlanticTug]

It's absolutely bonkers to me that they think that a woman needs a chaperone when a repairman (!!) comes over. Newsflash: they're there to fix your fridge/air conditioner/cable service not to boink your wife. What normal, healthy adult thinks that such a situation would lead to cheating?? And also, Derick, in your career you will have (gasp!) women clients and will work with women lawyers, paralegals, clerks and so on. Get your head out of your ass.

[Kayleigh83]

2 minutes ago, Antipatriarch said:

Ah yes, the "Billy Graham Rule," as adopted by Mike Pence and others. If they can make it work, I'm sure Dwreck can too.

The way he writes about it here, it sounds so equal (both he and Jill do it). But many have noted how this unequally affects women's career advancement, when male bosses adopt this rule in the workplace. Think about all the bonding, the informal and ad-hoc conversations (both professional and personal), that one of his male subordinates can get but his female subordinates can't. Think about the missed opportunities; "Sorry Carol, I can't take you to be my co-presenter at this important sales presentation next week, we'd be travelling alone together. I have to take Bill." Think about how this ridiculous message of "I can't trust you to be alone with me without us doing something inappropriate" works against building healthy workplace relationships.

It's all of a piece with outdated, patriarchal, gender-based ideas about what's "appropriate" for women. Gah! Can we please get beyond this idea that every human relationship and interaction has to be contextualized with sex?

YES.

I know I can’t just post a reply with only the word yes but really, what more is there to be said! It promotes not just an atmosphere of suspicion and distrust in relationships but also an old boys club mentality in the workplace. Instead of trying to show respect for your spouse by never being alone with a member of the opposite sex, how about just don’t bone one of them!

[AtlanticTug]

Doesn't it also cheapen their faith? I mean if they have such low standards of morality that being in the same (1,800 square foot) house as a repairman is likely to lead to both parties sinning, then what does that tell us about the sort of people they are?

The rest of humanity is able to go about doing their jobs without dropping trou at the first person who enters their office.

[indianabones]

Okay, now he's just trolling us. FFS, Derick, read the room ?

[Scrabblemaster]

Well... we have weekly family game night every monday. With my sister-in-law and her husband. We chose Monday because Tuesday and Wednesday are occupied with other activities of them and us. On Thursdays I was always so fucked of from the four days of work (I am never fucked off at Friday, because of the weekend), that we had to change the day. Really. Took us one year to realise it. And none of us wanted to give up the Friday evening. The weekends are normally packed with various activities, we wanted a fix day for the game night, and on weekends we are often spontanious. We do spend time together on weekends too, with their kids of course. But the Monday evening is adult time. (And wine time)

They have kids, we don't have kids. That makes it easy for us to go to their place. If we had kids, that arrangement would be not possible.