Andrea Mills of YouTube infamy Had Cancer and Died

[louannems]

52 minutes ago, Dandruff said:

Maybe he'll reconsider, at least as far as dental care is concerned, since Andrea can no longer try to do it.  I'm hoping.

Plus, poor Judah looks like he needs braces.

[under siege]

I'm not going to watch the game night live video but I wanted to check to see if Tom had posted a response to the concerns (as he does following most videos now)  and he did... 

"Yes this is a crazy, loud wild game night...as they all are, as they always have been for years. You can watch any of our live dinner streams even after Andrea died and see that our kids are well mannered and peaceful. But all kids need fun and crazy times, and game night is one of those times. I understand this is not a side you have seen as much of on our channel, so may come as a shock. But I am not failing my kids, this is not all the time -this wore me out too! But as soon as the game night ended, the kids got back to their after dinner chores and things went back to normal. No we don't always give Hannah chocolate to make her stop crying, but she was causing distress to some people on the chat so we got he back up. She was over tired and grouchy, she slept very late the next morning. Sometimes "life with a big family is crazy...crazy full of love" to quote Andreas opening on her channel. Perhaps game night isn't for everyone, but it's needed at out house for them, they look forward to it, and are sad if we don't do it, life is wild sometimes, small or large family."

also "We also just realized Hannah is teething."

Rachel makes another appearance by responding to him (she's certainly a constant in all their videos and facebook stuff now)

There was also this gem " debbieomi 3 hours ago   Everyone parents differently and unless a child is in immediate danger, it should be a MYOB situation. Folks in chat last night were a bit manic. Between everyone finding fault and then others demanding people be blocked for daring to share an opinion, the fun was getting lost. Everyone just needs to chill and realize that if you feel the need to tell others how to live their lives, sit on your fingers or move on to another video."

[Koala]

I finally watched it.  Going to call it now- Tom is a horrible parent.

**Recap, for those who don't want to watch**

Hannah was put to bed by her teenage brother.  More correctly, she was put down in the clothes she wore that day, without a diaper change, without a bath, without lullabies or stories, without as much as a "good night, I love you" from Dad.  

At some point her screams got so loud and pitiful that "the Youtube people" became distressed.  Thomas (the son) was monitoring comments regarding the treatment of Hannah, and at one point warns his dad that people are talking about her.  Another teen boy finally announces that he's going to get her.  When he brings her back, Tom advises feeding her choc. chips.  When she runs out, Tom says to give her more, to which Thomas (the son) replies that she's already had 28.  Tom, says to give her more anyway.  NOT EVEN KIDDING.  

Eventually they put her back to bed, and this time Tom insists that they close the door.  Can't have "the Youtube people" getting upset.

At no point did it occur to him to turn the camera off and take care of his baby.  At no point did it seem to occur to him that she NEEDS a bedtime routine.  She needs to have her teeth brushed (especially since they don't get any damn dental care for those kids).  She needs a clean diaper and pajamas before bed.  She needs lullabies and bedtime stories, and someone to rock her.  She just lost her mother for God's sake.

But no- Hannah gets none of those things, because her Dad is too busy hamming it up for Youtube (which was exactly what I suspected when this whole thing started- Tom loves attention, and the silly notion that he's a famous guy with lots of "fans").

In other news, the household is pretty much chaos on "game night".  Tom goes back and forth between snapping at the kids and ignoring them, but not to worry, because he tries to include "the Youtube people" in the game (seriously, WTF), and I guess that's what REALLY matters (<--- raging sarcasm).

He also puts in orders for dresses from the "fans" (<---because folks clearly haven't done enough), and opens more of the never ending packages.  

The end.

Edited October 3, 2019 by Koala

[Giraffe]

@Koala, thanks for the recap. This is destined to be a family similar to those on Nanny 911 and its variations. 

[FecundFundieFundus]

I wonder if the older boys are going to stick around to parent the littles. Tom doesn't seem to give a shit about any of them.

[Jana814]

46 minutes ago, FecundFundieFundus said:

I wonder if the older boys are going to stick around to parent the littles. Tom doesn't seem to give a shit about any of them.

No he does not. 

[mollysmom]

8 hours ago, Koala said:

I finally watched it.  Going to call it now- Tom is a horrible parent.

**Recap, for those who don't want to watch**

Hannah was put to bed by her teenage brother.  More correctly, she was put down in the clothes she wore that day, without a diaper change, without a bath, without lullabies or stories, without as much as a "good night, I love you" from Dad.  

At some point her screams got so loud and pitiful that "the Youtube people" became distressed.  Thomas (the son) was monitoring comments regarding the treatment of Hannah, and at one point warns his dad that people are talking about her.  Another teen boy finally announces that he's going to get her.  When he brings her back, Tom advises feeding her choc. chips.  When she runs out, Tom says to give her more, to which Thomas (the son) replies that she's already had 28.  Tom, says to give her more anyway.  NOT EVEN KIDDING.  

Eventually they put her back to bed, and this time Tom insists that they close the door.  Can't have "the Youtube people" getting upset.

At no point did it occur to him to turn the camera off and take care of his baby.  At no point did it seem to occur to him that she NEEDS a bedtime routine.  She needs to have her teeth brushed (especially since they don't get any damn dental care for those kids).  She needs a clean diaper and pajamas before bed.  She needs lullabies and bedtime stories, and someone to rock her.  She just lost her mother for God's sake.

But no- Hannah gets none of those things, because her Dad is too busy hamming it up for Youtube (which was exactly what I suspected when this whole thing started- Tom loves attention, and the silly notion that he's a famous guy with lots of "fans").

In other news, the household is pretty much chaos on "game night".  Tom goes back and forth between snapping at the kids and ignoring them, but not to worry, because he tries to include "the Youtube people" in the game (seriously, WTF), and I guess that's what REALLY matters (<--- raging sarcasm).

He also puts in orders for dresses from the "fans" (<---because folks clearly haven't done enough), and opens more of the never ending packages.  

The end.

I wish I could say you were exaggerating but I watched it & your recap is spot on. Makes me so sad for these kids. 

[Caroline]

27 minutes ago, mollysmom said:

I wish I could say you were exaggerating but I watched it & your recap is spot on. Makes me so sad for these kids. 

 

I work in a high school and teach three out of four periods per day.  That's the most commotion I can take in a day. (and this week is Homecoming Week  to add to the crazy!)

I'm a reluctant extrovert, and living in a small house with that many children would drive me crazy in a number of ways.  I like kids a lot, and Tom's kids seem charming, but that's too much noise, stuff, and lack of organization.

I kind of admire the family time thing through playing games, but I don't understand the exhibitionist aspect of filming it for a bunch of strangers (some of whom really seem s-t-r-a-n-g-e....)  It looks to me like Tom is just escaping to avoid his grief.  I get that he could be doing worse things, but those kids need so much more structure than normal, and I don't have the impression there was lots of that even when their mother was alive.  Tom ignoring the baby really bothered me.  I get that babies cry, get overtired, etc., but these are extraordinary circumstances where Hannah needs more attention, not less.   I know you've all said the same things, but I just had to chime in.  

I can't help but think that if the circumstances had been reversed and Tom died unexpectedly instead of his wife, Andrea would have done everything within her power to keep order and pay extra attention to the kids without expecting extra attention for herself from Internet strangers.  Maybe I'm being too judge, but disarray drives me crazy.

[JanasTattooParlor]

51 minutes ago, Caroline said:

I work in a high school and teach three out of four periods per day.  That's the most commotion I can take in a day. (and this week is Homecoming Week  to add to the crazy!

Oh I feel this so much! I’m also a high school teacher in the middle of Homecoming week! Being a teacher has made me realize that I don’t think I may ever have kids because I can’t imagine being drained from working with kids all day and then going home to take care of children. My high schoolers are enough for me. 

[Caroline]

2 hours ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

Oh I feel this so much! I’m also a high school teacher in the middle of Homecoming week! Being a teacher has made me realize that I don’t think I may ever have kids because I can’t imagine being drained from working with kids all day and then going home to take care of children. My high schoolers are enough for me. 

 My husband and I just have one child for this very reason.  Fortunately she is a calm person like we are.  Teaching well is hard work, and dealing with all of those personalities really wears me out.  I like all ages of people, but definitely need a lot of quiet time to regroup.   Good luck getting through tomorrow!  The kids at my school are having a blast with the usual zany stuff.  Hope your school's teams win all their games!

[Sister_Wife]

That Rachel Day is everywhere on their channel. I even watched some super old videos and she is answering recent questions on them as well. I don’t think she’s a mod because she doesn’t have the logo next to her name. She obviously just knows her info from watching their videos. She has some haul videos on her channel. She has 2 kids (3yo and 2nd grader) but downs not wear a wedding ring. Maybe she’s fishing for a husband? 

 

The situation with Hannah is heartbreaking. I have a 19 month old and I couldn’t imagine putting her into bed alone and screaming and carrying on as if nothing was happening. Tom obviously has no experience with the little ones and it’s frustrating to watch. It takes a small amount of time to settle a toddler to sleep (if that’s what they’re used to) and it’s such a huge benefit to them. Especially one that has lost her mama. 

[under siege]

Just now, Sister_Wife said:

That Rachel Day is everywhere on their channel. I even watched some super old videos and she is answering recent questions on them as well. I don’t think she’s a mod because she doesn’t have the logo next to her name. She obviously just knows her info from watching their videos. She has some haul videos on her channel. She has 2 kids (3yo and 2nd grader) but downs not wear a wedding ring. Maybe she’s fishing for a husband? 

 

The situation with Hannah is heartbreaking. I have a 19 month old and I couldn’t imagine putting her into bed alone and screaming and carrying on as if nothing was happening. Tom obviously has no experience with the little ones and it’s frustrating to watch. It takes a small amount of time to settle a toddler to sleep (if that’s what they’re used to) and it’s such a huge benefit to them. Especially one that has lost her mama. 

Can you imagine even more children being added to tha incredibly tiny house?  I know that had Andrea been okay there would be at least one more added to the family but to think that it's possible Tom could marry someone with her own brood to merge with his. That's a very scary thought.


Bedtime should be some kind of routine - nappy change, sleep wear, hair-bands removed and hair combed, teeth brushed, cuddles, a story or gentle words at the least.   Not hard, just takes time.  Time far more important that spending it with youtube people. 
He really doesn't know how to be a parent at all, especially little ones that need love and care.

[RosyDaisy]

On 9/30/2019 at 1:41 PM, AverageJane said:

I don't remember the exact livestream but I think all of the Tom only livestreams have been fishing trips.  I even remember him once tearfully talking about remarrying and crying and saying my kids need a mommy. 

The GoFundMe used to pay medical bills is being reimbursed starting next month by Scamaritan.

Don't the kids only get a bath once a week? I know it's on a schedule and it isn't very frequently. 

OMG!  WTF did I just watch?  Tom, turn off the computer, take care of your kids, and get help.  You and your kids desperately need it.

[FecundFundieFundus]

 Last night the "baby" had a terrible time getting to sleep (again. It happens a lot). I wrapped him up in his special blanket, dumped him in between my husband and I, put on his favorite but grown-up boring TV show and he was asleep in 10 minutes. We all slept great. It's not always easy to get little ones down, but if you don't TRY how can they? Mine doesn't always find cosleeping soothing and sometimes plays until late then crashes, or goes through multiple cycles of yelling to get out/crying before a tuck in takes. It's exhausting. But I don't think we've ever in his life put him to bed crying and expected him to just get over it. Asher takes care of her during the day, one would think Tom could do the parenting that requires one to lie down still and do p much nothing

[under siege]

Regarding Rachel Day...
I did a little bit of a search because I was curious about her suddenly being everywhere on Tom's youtube and facebook.
Unless her circumstances have changed within the past three months she's married/has a partner.  She had her third baby at the end of June (mentioned in her "What we got our daughter for her 8th birthday July 2019 $70 total budget")

So maybe she's just a super supportive / bit of a stan kind of friend who Tom has become very dependent on???

Having watched several videos (thankfully they are short ones) I doubt her situation would make her the ideal candidate for the 'Tom Needs A Wife" campaign.

[Sister_Wife]

That’s given me a bit of a sigh of relief - I could only get through two of her videos... 

[ViolaSebastian]

Tom posted an update. It looks like their dog, Knuckles, is going to have to be put down. 

Details under spoiler because they're upsetting and involve a dog:

Spoiler

His intestines are "hanging out of his stomach a little bit." Tom doesn't know if this is because he's been "scratching it like crazy" or what. He's apparently also been having a lot of accidents.

So..in other news everyone is doing well and it's a beautiful day in October. They're still deciding what to do for the Halloween/Christmas costumes, 

Clearly, they need to take some Go Fund Me money and take their suffering dog to the veterinarian. Holy cow.

Edited October 7, 2019 by ViolaSebastian

[apandaaries]

26 minutes ago, ViolaSebastian said:

Tom posted an update. It looks like their dog, Knuckles, is going to have to be put down. 

Details under spoiler because they're upsetting and involve a dog:

  Hide contents

His intestines are "hanging out of his stomach a little bit." Tom doesn't know if this is because he's been "scratching it like crazy" or what. He's apparently also been having a lot of accidents.

So..in other news everyone is doing well and it's a beautiful day in October. They're still deciding what to do for the Halloween/Christmas costumes, 

Clearly, they need to take some Go Fund Me money and take their suffering dog to the veterinarian. Holy cow.

Jfc. Is he really going to deny the family dog obviously needed medical care which could save him after his wife’s recent, unexpected death? Wtf is wrong with this man? Is it possible to be so far up one’s own ass that one completely neglects and ignores the feelings of one’s own mourning children? 

I know grief is a strange thing, but everything I’ve read and seems incredibly problematic. Professional help would be so good for this tragic situation, but he seems to be actively avoiding real help, v. what his YouTube “fans” have to offer.

I’m so sorry for the kids, and the dog.

[ViolaSebastian]

3 minutes ago, apandaaries said:

Jfc. Is he really going to deny the family dog obviously needed medical care which could save him after his wife’s recent, unexpected death? Wtf is wrong with this man? Is it possible to be so far up one’s own ass that one completely neglects and ignores the feelings of one’s own mourning children? 

I know grief is a strange thing, but everything I’ve read and seems incredibly problematic. Professional help would be so good for this tragic situation, but he seems to be actively avoiding real help, v. what his YouTube “fans” have to offer.

I’m so sorry for the kids, and the dog.

I just cannot imagine what these children are going through seeing something like that after seeing their mother suffer and pass away. I realize that maybe there's some avoidance behavior going on, but holy shit get that dog some help so that, at the very, very least, he's not suffering as these children watch. Yes, it's going to be hard on the kids to lose the dog, but why on earth would he think it's better to compound that by letting him suffer so horribly and not getting the dog much-needed medical attention??

I've tried really hard not to judge Tom's decisions as a newly-single parent, but this takes the cake. That animal is suffering and needs to be attended to, no matter what.

[Caroline]

1 minute ago, ViolaSebastian said:

I just cannot imagine what these children are going through seeing something like that after seeing their mother suffer and pass away. I realize that maybe there's some avoidance behavior going on, but holy shit get that dog some help so that, at the very, very least, he's not suffering as these children watch. Yes, it's going to be hard on the kids to lose the dog, but why on earth would he think it's better to compound that by letting him suffer so horribly and not getting the dog much-needed medical attention??

I've tried really hard not to judge Tom's decisions as a newly-single parent, but this takes the cake. That animal is suffering and needs to be attended to, no matter what.

Our much loved little dog passed away last November at the age of 14.  She was clearly suffering, and the best advice I got was to not wait till we felt we could handle her death, but to let her be the guide.  It was really hard to say goodbye to her, but I'm confident she didn't suffer one day more than she needed to.  Dogs deserve way longer lives.  I feel awful for those kids who have to suffer another death so soon after their mother's.

[apandaaries]

1 minute ago, ViolaSebastian said:

 

I've tried really hard not to judge Tom's decisions as a newly-single parent, but this takes the cake. That animal is suffering and needs to be attended to, no matter what.

I’ve been through some rough grief periods before, and I’ve been trying to be understanding. But the impression I keep getting is Tom is one of a grand sense of self and a sad history of ignoring his kids. None of this sounds good.

He’s really got to find a way to put the children first. Being a parent is seriously tough, but he signed up for the damn job, unexpected tragedies notwithstanding.

[ViolaSebastian]

12 minutes ago, apandaaries said:

I’ve been through some rough grief periods before, and I’ve been trying to be understanding. But the impression I keep getting is Tom is one of a grand sense of self and a sad history of ignoring his kids. None of this sounds good.

He’s really got to find a way to put the children first. Being a parent is seriously tough, but he signed up for the damn job, unexpected tragedies notwithstanding.

I suppose up until now, I told myself that there'd be an adjustment period where decisions were made that were heavily influenced by grief and desperation, and that with some time, he'd start making decisions that made more sense for both himself and the children. So basically yes, they're eating candy and junk, but that will eventually straighten out with time as everyone gets better adjusted to the situation and they start figuring out meals themselves and stop being sent tons of candy, for example. Or that yes, he's refusing outside grief counseling for the children, but in a reasonable amount of time he may change his mind. But medical care in emergent situations like this one is really unacceptable, and that includes emergency medical care for the family dog. It's a living creature in obvious need of intervention and it's time to put grief and fear aside and do what needs to be done.

Edited October 8, 2019 by ViolaSebastian

[AverageJane]

The family never seemed to pay much attention to the poor dog.  I don't recall ever seeing a kid pet the dog. I always felt sorry for him. He will be better off crossing the bridge soon. 

I lost two dogs in the past 2 months and I cry every day because I miss them both.  Those kids are having a lot of loss and change in a short period of time. 

Tom is an asshat. Listening to him talk about being an INTJ and how he's always right makes me want to gag.  He's so full of himself and IMHO he's just a pudgy attractive loser that now thinks he's found fame. 

[louisa05]

On 10/3/2019 at 6:16 PM, JanasTattooParlor said:

Oh I feel this so much! I’m also a high school teacher in the middle of Homecoming week! Being a teacher has made me realize that I don’t think I may ever have kids because I can’t imagine being drained from working with kids all day and then going home to take care of children. My high schoolers are enough for me. 

I worked two days of homecoming week last week. It's the worst. People who don't work in schools have no idea. 

They also had the bright idea of having the homecoming pep rally at 8:30 in the morning. Try to bring middle schoolers back down from that for the rest of the day...

[Giraffe]

There’s avoidant and then there’s “shit human who apparently will not, under any circumstances, regardless of what is happening, take responsibility for anyone outside of themselves.”