Andrea Mills of YouTube infamy Had Cancer and Died

[smittykins]

It reminds me of the stories I’ve heard about babies in Romanian orphanages not crying because they’ve learned that no one will come. ?

Edited September 28, 2019 by smittykins

[Jana814]

9 minutes ago, smittykins said:

It reminds me of the stories I’ve heard about babies in Romanian orphanages not crying because they’ve learned that no one will come. ?

I remember reading a story about that. So sad. 

[Caroline]

It makes me so sad to think the younger children might not have an unhurried comfortable and consistent bedtime routine - clean jammies, cuddles, books, sweet words.  When my daughter was a young child her bedtime routine was my favorite time of day.  My husband and I had the luxury of taking turns to read, talk, and gently put her to bed.  I felt like it was an important gift we gave her every night of her young life for years.  I still like to know that she's safe and warm at night (and she's 22 and not living with us  )   All of those children deserve so much more.

[Giraffe]

1 hour ago, smittykins said:

It reminds me of the stories I’ve heard about babies in Romanian orphanages not crying because they’ve learned that no one will come. ?

Exactly the scenario I’m imagining. What is it going to take for Tom to wake up and begin parenting his children?!

[under siege]

6 hours ago, Giraffe said:

The baby knowing not to fuss struck me as tragic because I took it to mean the baby (Claudia??) already knows her needs aren’t going to be met and she’s given up even trying (by crying). I really hope I’m just adding my own impressions into it and that the reality is that she’s simply a mellow kid. 

The baby is Hannah. The really sad part, for me, is that she was still partially nursing when Andrea got so sick.
Tom mentioned it at some point in one of his first live updates. This means her 'normal' would have been to get snuggles from Mom before sleeping. Fast forward to now and her new 'normal' is just so heartbreaking. Asher gives her a lot more love than Dad but wow, to go from warmth to 'knows not to fuss'? Heartbreaking.

Claudia is the second youngest and quite a force to be reckoned with. In a large family, she learnt to be heard very early on. This one is going to be a handful later on.

3 hours ago, Giraffe said:

Exactly the scenario I’m imagining. What is it going to take for Tom to wake up and begin parenting his children?!

Hopefully, something before his ignoring their pain gets to a point that something unfathomable happens. Children grieve in so many different ways and if they aren't cared for, and watched carefully, they come to believe no one cares and that's a dangerous path to get on.

Tom has never really had to be a parent. He's been the breadwinner and husband.  His involvement with the kids has certainly been there for family events etc but he only did so much. He's even said himself he wasn't wanting a large family - that was all Andrea and he loved Andrea. 

Edited September 28, 2019 by under siege

[moreorlessnu]

5 hours ago, under siege said:

Claudia is the second youngest and quite a force to be reckoned with. In a large family, she learnt to be heard very early on. This one is going to be a handful later on.

I've always thought that the family dynamics and set up simply don't suit Claudia, similar to the way the Duggar family set up didn't/don't seem to suit Jennifer. Some of the older Mills children seem content, but Claudia doesn't seem to be similarly content. 

In a recent video Tom was discussing the cliques among the children, and described Claudia as "frenemies with everyone". It appears Tom treats Claudia the same way that Andrea did, with a gentle acceptance of Claudia's unique individuality. Andrea also had mentioned that Claudia is like Grandma Fern in that she won't go along with things unless they are her idea.

[Koala]

Little Hannah is treated like a rag doll.  In a recent video, one of her brothers was putting her down for a nap.  The bedding was stained (with what looked like food), her clothing was covered in lunch, and she still had food in her mouth when he left her laying on her back, in her crib.  It made me so sad to think how easily she could choke, and no one would even notice.  You NEVER leave a baby with a mouth full of food (especially the ridiculously unsafe things they give her).

At another point they were letting her crawl on the table.  She immediately zoomed went straight to the end, and I just held my breath, terrified that she would crawl right off.  None of them really seemed to mind, though...

All in all, the only care Hannah seems to get is from Asher.  Tom acts like she doesn't exist.  I guess he's too busy discussing various ways to spend his "windfall" as he called it, and reminding everyone that the kids are "totally fine", but he's a "wreck" and his life is "falling apart".  

I would have liked to have said that my initial impressions of Tom were wrong.  Unfortunately, it appears they are not. 

These fundie husbands make me FOREVER grateful for my husband.

ps- Andrea has only been gone a month.  You can stop reminding everyone that she TOTALLY knew you'd remarry.  It's gross.

Edited September 28, 2019 by Koala

[under siege]

9 minutes ago, Koala said:

 

These fundie husbands make me FOREVER grateful for my husband.

ps- Andrea has only been gone a month.  You can stop reminding everyone that she TOTALLY knew you'd remarry.  It's gross.

 

While I've never liked Tom I was hoping to be proved wrong. I haven't been. I would have hoped he'd step up and be the parent. Alas no, the older boys are doing that while the middle ones are 'coping' goodness knows how and the littles are reminders of the life he didn't want.

This talk about a new wife is REALLY not appropriate at this point in time. While there's no timeframe for grieving, Tom talking about it so candidly to a bunch of strangers is sickening. It's not honouring Andrea memory even if they had discussed it in the past.
It does make me wonder if it as in general that they discussed it or if it was more a serious talk when Andrea become all the more ill in the month(s) leading up to her passing.  it's obvious Tom can not parent alone. He doesn't want to care for his family alone.

One of the things that concern me the most is his insistence on discussing the new wife idea to an audience that he doesn't know. It's not hard to find where he lives and there's nothing to stop one of the crazies watching to get the idea that the family need her.

[Giraffe]

How do you acknowledge you’re in excruciating pain at the sudden death of your wife, while simultaneously deluding yourself that the other people you live with - these people whose ONLY caring parent died suddenly - are somehow immune to the devastating pain you yourself so readily express? HOW?!? 

Are you truly that disconnected from them?! ...Don’t answer that. The answer seems to be a glaring “Yes.” My heart breaks for Andreas children. 

[Caroline]

1 hour ago, under siege said:

While I've never liked Tom I was hoping to be proved wrong. I haven't been. I would have hoped he'd step up and be the parent. Alas no, the older boys are doing that while the middle ones are 'coping' goodness knows how and the littles are reminders of the life he didn't want.

This talk about a new wife is REALLY not appropriate at this point in time. While there's no timeframe for grieving, Tom talking about it so candidly to a bunch of strangers is sickening. It's not honouring Andrea memory even if they had discussed it in the past.
It does make me wonder if it as in general that they discussed it or if it was more a serious talk when Andrea become all the more ill in the month(s) leading up to her passing.  it's obvious Tom can not parent alone. He doesn't want to care for his family alone.

One of the things that concern me the most is his insistence on discussing the new wife idea to an audience that he doesn't know. It's not hard to find where he lives and there's nothing to stop one of the crazies watching to get the idea that the family need her.

I've thought of this too.  Or some equally crazy person who thinks they can do a better job of caring for one of the younger ones than he can.  This is social media out of control.  Wish he would seek real help from a professional.

[AverageJane]

Tom bought a damn time clock for the kids to punch in their chores time.  He seems to be overjoyed with spending money for crap on Amazon.  

Right now the only kid I have much hope for is Judah.  He seems to be quite the individual among the more sheep like kids.  I love his cute hair style. 

Tom lives in a very small town and his social life is relatives and a couple of other homeschooling families.  YouTube livestreams are his Match.com that's why he talks about being so lonely and that Andrea wanted him to remarry.  He's fishing for a new wife. 

[Dandruff]

23 minutes ago, AverageJane said:

Tom bought a damn time clock for the kids to punch in their chores time.

Holy crap.

[jozina]

20 hours ago, under siege said:

 

 

20 hours ago, under siege said:

One of the things that concern me the most is his insistence on discussing the new wife idea to an audience that he doesn't know. It's not hard to find where he lives and there's nothing to stop one of the crazies watching to get the idea that the family need her.

I'd take it quite differently. I'm more wondering if that's exactly what he wants - advertising for the position of new wife. "I'm single, ready made family and have a windfall!"

All of this is sickening. Those poor children haven't got a show.

Edited September 29, 2019 by jozina

[Queen Of Hearts]

Tom said one thing in a recent video that gives me hope. He was saying the kids were going to be okay and he wasn't worried about that.  He mentioned that he lost his dad when he was 11 and he was okay, but that they did worry about his sister for awhile because she didn't cry at first.  Not that I think this should be the thing that determines the emotional needs of the kids, but it would seem based on that statement that the kids are at least crying for time to time so hopefully that means more in-depth conversations about feelings and grief are taking place in that house than the 'happy family' YouTube videos would lead you to believe.

[Koala]

21 hours ago, Dandruff said:

Holy crap.

For the love of all that's holy, please tell me this is a joke.

He already bought all those damn Alexa devices (which he admits, the kids ignore, and basically use as toys).  What the hell does he need a time clock for?  Just ridiculous on top of ridiculous.  

I think Tom has a serious case of "I've never had this much money in my WHOLE life, so let me see how fast I can spend it!"

In the shopping video, he couldn't find a few of the fall shirts/dresses he was looking for.  Solution? 

He thinks that there's a lot of "Youtube people" who are "just dying to make stuff", so he's going to "throw some requests out there".  

Meanwhile, GFM is at over 68 thousand.  That coupled with the ever expanding account at the grocery, gift cards, and packages, and Tom is WELL over 70 thousand in donations.  How on EARTH does he have the gall to "throw out requests" for even more??  Especially when he's been so open about how frivolously he's already spending it/planning to spend it.

Not to worry, though- more candy was found and purchased on this trip, so definitely not a complete waste.
 

Edited September 30, 2019 by Koala

[FecundFundieFundus]

Tom should probably put down the debit card and wait a while before furthering this shopping spree. I've totally succumbed to retail therapy while depressed, but I'm also gonna guess Andrea did a lot of the budgeting for good reason. With that many kids to support he simply can't be so financially illiterate. At least they own their house outright (I think?).

[Koala]

4 minutes ago, FecundFundieFundus said:

With that many kids to support he simply can't be so financially illiterate. At least they own their house outright (I think?).

That's what I am thinking- otherwise, I really don't see how they could be making it all work.

[louannems]

Andrea did a video on budgeting and I think their mortgage is $600 per month.  I hope I'm remembering correctly.  They bought the house super cheap but it was a total fixer upper.  They took enough mortgage to include fixing it up.

[Pleiades_06]

I hate when people play up gender stereotypes like “Dad’s don’t know how to shop.” He is heaped with praise from the mostly female fans in the comment section, which I bet is fueling his ego. Urgh

Oh and THANK YOU to everyone willing to take one for the team and watch the live streams. The summaries are great. I myself find them too awkward to watch!!

Edited September 30, 2019 by Pleiades_06

[under siege]

4 hours ago, Pleiades_06 said:

I hate when people play up gender stereotypes like “Dad’s don’t know how to shop.” He is heaped with praise from the mostly female fans in the comment section, which I bet is fueling his ego. Urgh

Oh and THANK YOU to everyone willing to take one for the team and watch the live streams. The summaries are great. I myself find them too awkward to watch!!

Ditto with the thanks for updates. I can't watch more than a few minutes of Tom.

The title 'Dads don't know how to shop' is very disrespectful for all the Dads out there that know not only how to shop but also to be a parent in general.  If he dropped the S or just went with 'I don't know...' it would be much better but way to go adding some more clickbait Tom.
I know there are a lot of traditionalist men that would be quite clueless about clothes shopping, especially for little girls BUT he has been on shopping trips with Andrea. He also has a mother, some sisters-in-law, female family friends all close by. His sister is in Cali but Mr-Tech/Gadgit-Man has no excuse in not being about to contact her either.
He does not need to put an SOS out there to strangers.

This is definitely leading to a Tom Needs A Wife campaign.

[FecundFundieFundus]

I've run across the "oh, I don't know how to shop" thing before. It doesn't make sense. Go into store, find goods or services you need, exchange money for said goods or services. Congratulations, you now know how to shop. 

Meal planning, couponing, maximizing efficiency in the store, comparing unit price between stores or brands: these can take practice. Practice which the recently single old men (never heard that line from a woman) aren't going to even try because pleading ignorance means they can con a woman into doing the labor for him (see YouTube commenters telling him the brand name and store of the products he wants along with help finding coupons). If Tom is running parallel to the person I have in mind, he's hoping to get a girlfriend who will do this work for him. He wouldn't even need to pull the ol' promise marriage until it's time to choose a date then dump em routine. Just say she's a godly woman helping out while he mourns and sees if anyone better comes along. 

[fundiefollower]

On ‎9‎/‎29‎/‎2019 at 12:09 AM, AverageJane said:

Tom bought a damn time clock for the kids to punch in their chores time.  He seems to be overjoyed with spending money for crap on Amazon.  

 

The Mills' have always had a time clock for the kids to punch in/out of when doing chores.  Andrea talked about it in a video.  They get paid a small amount of money for doing their chores and the amount was also based on how well they did the chores, I believe.  He probably ordered some kind of fancier time clock than what they had been using. 

[AverageJane]

I think they had paper time cards before.  He said he needed an actual time clock because it was too hard to figure out the kids time. 

Tom went on most of the clothes shopping trips with Andrea and helped her buy the clothes and now he acts like he's never been to a Walmart.

Let's not forget Andrea also had a life insurance policy.  

 

[Palimpsest]

On 9/29/2019 at 1:09 AM, AverageJane said:

that's why he talks about being so lonely and that Andrea wanted him to remarry.  He's fishing for a new wife. 

8 hours ago, under siege said:

This is definitely leading to a Tom Needs A Wife campaign.

I'm quoting you two, but several others have mentioned this.  Can someone pinpoint exactly where and on which video he starts wife fishing?  Thanks in advance.

For the record, I'm not in principle against widowed people remarrying at all.  Even remarrying comparatively quickly.  In my experience, those marriages can be very strong, and sometimes can be a very good thing, especially when young children are involved.

However, it seems rather damn cold to start wife shopping a meagre 6 weeks after your beloved wife has died quite suddenly.  I want to be fair to Tom and listen for myself.

I find Tom practically unwatchable and unlistenable (probably not a word).  And to my aging ears, he mumbles!  

However, I did listen to some of the First Day of School live chat.  I was multi-tasking though so did not catch it all.  It sounded like basically 90 minutes of complaining, whining, and grifting, with a few moments of what sounded like genuine grief.  And because I was only listening not watching that may be an unfair conclusion.

I did glean the following nuggets of information though.

Tom claims he has in fact talked to Scamaritan and they said it was OK to use the GFM to pay off the medical bills.  That is good news for the kids.  But Tom followed that up with saying the hospital bills are still coming in and the GFM money is almost gone.  Hint, hint, don't you think?

He also complained about the family van breaking down.  But to be fair, when someone offered to pass the hat and buy him a new one, he said he didn't need a new van at all.  He still had the life insurance money and the reimbursements from Scamaritan to come in.

That is about as fair as I can be with Tom.  I do not think he is handling this well, even allowing for grieving.  He obviously is not used to parenting at all and is bumbling along rather than stepping up.  That doesn't surprise me.  Furthermore, his refusal to acknowledge that his children may be grieving more than he knows is unpleasant.  To say the least.  

As I see it, Tom has admitted that he is still working full time and is not taking another day off during the week.  However, Thomas has had to give up his grocery store job to run the house.  Asher is looking after Hannah (she seems glued to him at all times.)  The other kids are running wild and eating far too much candy.  Who is really stepping up here?

And Tom thinks it is more important to ramble on for 90 minutes on youtube to strangers  than to put his own children to bed.  I do understand that this family has never been big on baths, PJs, and laundry, but the description above of Hannah being put to bed in dirty clothes with a mouthful of candy is ... hardly optimal.  And I am certainly not blaming Asher.  He has plenty on his 15  year-old plate already.

[AverageJane]

I don't remember the exact livestream but I think all of the Tom only livestreams have been fishing trips.  I even remember him once tearfully talking about remarrying and crying and saying my kids need a mommy. 

The GoFundMe used to pay medical bills is being reimbursed starting next month by Scamaritan.

Don't the kids only get a bath once a week? I know it's on a schedule and it isn't very frequently.