Andrea Mills of YouTube infamy Had Cancer and Died

[Petronella]

On 9/16/2019 at 2:55 PM, under siege said:

Not necessarily a psychologist/psychiatrist - sometimes it's a school teacher, school counsellor or local clergy (obviously not applicable in this situation)

Sorry, why obviously not clergy? I’ve read this whole thread but don’t know anything about them from before. Are they home-churchers?

[sdjp123]

1 hour ago, Petronella said:

Sorry, why obviously not clergy? I’ve read this whole thread but don’t know anything about them from before. Are they home-churchers?

Yes, they do church at home and, aside from the Mills, it's attended by some of their extended family and around 1-2 other families.

[under siege]

42 minutes ago, Petronella said:

Sorry, why obviously not clergy? I’ve read this whole thread but don’t know anything about them from before. Are they home-churchers
 

1

Yes, home-churches. Something about not being 100% happy or comfortable with the docrines of the churches around them. It is still possible to get clergy to help out of course, but it's very doubtful Tom would go that route even if it was offered.

Andrea had a few vlogs that showed who attended and it included some of Andrea's siblings, her step-father, and another family. It's possible more friends attended but I'm not sure about that.

[under siege]

6 hours ago, Jana814 said:

I worry about the kids as well. I think Tom doesn’t really knows what he is doing. 

He's having to get to know his kids. That and how to look after them. It's a completely new situation as Andrea (and then the older kids) was the one raising her family.  Tom now has to be a father rather than husband and bread-winner. He seemed to be very dissociated from the raising of them, especially the girls. Unless of course, they showed any interest in things like Magic or other things he was interested in. It was never shown that if a child had a special interest in something Tom would get involved or showed encouragement. I understand that we only see a glimpse of their world but Adrea shared and showed a lot of their day to day happenings.
Andrea loved babies, Tom loved Andrea. Tom has said that he never wanted so many kids. I know that I've mentioned it before but it really is a concern for me. I truly hope that there are some edits to certain videos because if the littles hear certain things it's not going to be easy to comprehend or deal with.
I'm not suggesting for a moment he doesn't love them but some things have been said and the past has a tendency to catch up eventually.

[Petronella]

Thank you both re home-churching!

Man, that makes me sad. Homeschooling AND homechurching. We homeschooled and really liked it, but we had a large home-ed community and lots of activities, including church. I just don’t understand the urge to isolate.

No outside-the-family routine has got to be making this harder.

[under siege]

19 minutes ago, Petronella said:

Thank you both re home-churching!

Man, that makes me sad. Homeschooling AND homechurching. We homeschooled and really liked it, but we had a large home-ed community and lots of activities, including church. I just don’t understand the urge to isolate.

No outside-the-family routine has got to be making this harder.

Happy to help out where I can. I used to watch a fair amount of Andrea's videos as I was fascinated with her world. So very different from my own.

Home everything
I completely understand "home is where your heart is" but the home everything life takes things to a level I can't imagine living. Especially since that home is SO damn tiny.  They take 'bursting at the seams' to the extreme.

This is the description in their 'About' section on Youtube -

"As a family of 11 in a small house we're always looking for new ways to organize life! We're a "homey" family- home school, home business, home birth, herbal home healthcare and home church. My heart's desire is to help other moms find peace and joy realizing that God is in control, you don't need a big house to have a big family, homeschooling is totally do-able, organized doesn't mean perfect, taking care of your family without a doctor isn't that hard (even giving birth without one!), the world isn't about to come to an end, your children are doing just fine and so are you! We use ACE curriculum with lots of Charlotte Mason methods thrown in the mix. Come along while we share our lives with you and, hopefully, become friends through the process!"
 

[Petronella]

3 minutes ago, under siege said:

"As a family of 11 in a small house we're always looking for new ways to organize life! We're a "homey" family- home school, home business, home birth, herbal home healthcare and home church. My heart's desire is to help other moms find peace and joy realizing that God is in control, you don't need a big house to have a big family, homeschooling is totally do-able, organized doesn't mean perfect, taking care of your family without a doctor isn't that hard (even giving birth without one!), the world isn't about to come to an end, your children are doing just fine and so are you! We use ACE curriculum with lots of Charlotte Mason methods thrown in the mix. Come along while we share our lives with you and, hopefully, become friends through the process!"
 

I find the "God is in control" bit particularly ironic considering all of the CHOICES she's describing the in the rest of the paragraph.

[louannems]

Did anyone else think that was the creepiest looking crucifix ever - sent by Scamitarian?  I guess it was sort of nice that their insurance company sent them the gift and hopefully it means they will pay the hospital bills.

Some posters have implied that Samaratarian doesn't pay if you also have a Go Fund Me account.

[formergothardite]

8 minutes ago, louannems said:

Some posters have implied that Samaratarian doesn't pay if you also have a Go Fund Me account.

Yes, buried in all their rules and regulations there is a sentence that mentions that any money raised for a medical event must be reported and the amount will be applied to the shareable amount to reduce the amount they can share. 

Quote

Funds raised by crowdfunding for shareable medical expenses must be reported to SMI and will be applied to reduce the shareable amount.

Since I don't think he specified it was just for medical bills Tom might get around reporting it to lower the amount they will cover. 

[fundiefollower]

18 hours ago, kesmom said:

Am I the only one that finds it odd that Andrea’s meal cards appear to be in like-new condition? I guess there is the possibility that she recently updated them, but in many homes these would have worn corners and food stains. 

They aren't really recipe cards. They are just meal ideas - they list the main dish, side(s), and dessert.  She would rotate through them and I think she wrote the meals for the day in her planner.  She didn't use them while cooking in terms of a recipe or while making food, just for the ideas.  So it is no surprise to me that they are in good condition.

I think it's a great idea and one I always mean to start but haven't (lazy).  I am good with main dishes but struggle with side dishes.  This takes out the thinking once the cards are done. 

[Sobeknofret]

On 9/13/2019 at 9:50 PM, feministxtian said:

I can't get past the utter RAGE I feel at the VA. Between the malpractice and the rejection of his disability packet when he died, I'm ready to seriously go off on people. It angers me beyond belief. 

The VA misdiagnosed my dad with pneumonia; he had congestive heart failure. I'm still angry at them. 

[Queen Of Hearts]

2 hours ago, louannems said:

Did anyone else think that was the creepiest looking crucifix ever - sent by Scamitarian?  I guess it was sort of nice that their insurance company sent them the gift and hopefully it means they will pay the hospital bills.

Some posters have implied that Samaratarian doesn't pay if you also have a Go Fund Me account.

I think Scamaritan is image-savvy enough to not mess with the Mills' coverage.  They aren't about to piss off a social media influencer whose primary audience is the type of people Scamaritan tries to target as customers.  I'm actually skeptical enough to wonder if they always send gifts, or if this was something special that was done hoping for some free publicity. 

[FreeFundiesKids]

2 things: tom posted a edited vlog- "fumbling along" and did live video about how he's doing 1 month  later- he's not strong. talked about random stuff but I caught end probably 5 mins of live where he was blabbing about religion stuff. live comments was mostly out of line- trolls and people asking how old is he 

Edited September 20, 2019 by FreeFundiesKids
grammar

[moreorlessnu]

I believe the older boys are monitoring Youtube comments during the live stream videos, and banning any trolls.

Yikes, the amount of candy people are sending them...

In one of the first videos where Tom opened packages, someone had shipped a very large container of "All" detergent from Amazon. Very thoughtful, since Andrea had made her own laundry detergent (and added a little store bought detergent because she liked the smell). 

And yes, that crucifix from Scamaritan was scary looking....

 

 

[louannems]

4 hours ago, moreorlessnu said:

I believe the older boys are monitoring Youtube comments during the live stream videos, and banning any trolls.

Yikes, the amount of candy people are sending them...

In one of the first videos where Tom opened packages, someone had shipped a very large container of "All" detergent from Amazon. Very thoughtful, since Andrea had made her own laundry detergent (and added a little store bought detergent because she liked the smell). 

And yes, that crucifix from Scamaritan was scary looking....

 

 

Even after the recent opening of BOXES filled with candy, on the Fumbling Along video, the family went to the store just to buy candy.  Another thing, that store (and post office) is just a few blocks away, yet they always drive. Once Andrea did walk to the store when the van was broke, and it was such a lovely, neighborhood walk.

[Caroline]

Tom Mills confuses me.  In his latest very long video he mentions that he has no one to talk to, but he is actually talking to probably hundreds of people he doesn't know and can't see.  I'm trying to understand that he is processing grief in his own way, but my gut tells me that what he is doing is not healthy.  Why doesn't he understand that if he gets comfort from 'talking' to Andrea's followers then his children also need an outlet (preferably someone professional to talk to).?  He admits that they are sad.  I would do anything to help my suffering children.  Emotional pain is just as horrible as physical pain.  I wish the other adults in their lives would convince Tom that the kids need support beyond their family. 

It's all so strange to me, but then again, I'm not a big user of social media, so I don't understand the comfort he appears to get from talking to so many strangers, many of whom are making inappropriate comments.  I'd be afraid that a crazy one or two would pay them a visit.  He's sharing too much of their current situation.  Maybe I just don't trust strangers enough or am a lot more private than Tom.

[Giraffe]

He’s having children who suddenly lost their mother a few weeks ago monitor comments??? How does he think that’s a good idea?!? Hopefully they can take the good and leave the bad, but damn, that’s brutal!! This is a sad train wreck.

[FecundFundieFundus]

1 hour ago, Caroline said:

 

It's all so strange to me, but then again, I'm not a big user of social media, so I don't understand the comfort he appears to get from talking to so many strangers, many of whom are making inappropriate comments.  I'd be afraid that a crazy one or two would pay them a visit.  He's sharing too much of their current situation.  Maybe I just don't trust strangers enough or am a lot more private than Tom.

I think they publish their PO Box address for YouTube followers to send gifts. I know they opened presents one Christmas where Andrea thanked the gifters using their social media handles. It was kind of weird. Their address wouldn't be hard to find anyway because Tom's work is based out of their house. Totally agree with you about the need for home security- I think they collected an odd bunch of followers. 

[under siege]

3 hours ago, Caroline said:

Tom Mills confuses me.  In his latest very long video he mentions that he has no one to talk to, but he is actually talking to probably hundreds of people he doesn't know and can't see.  I'm trying to understand that he is processing grief in his own way, but my gut tells me that what he is doing is not healthy.  Why doesn't he understand that if he gets comfort from 'talking' to Andrea's followers then his children also need an outlet (preferably someone professional to talk to).?  He admits that they are sad.  I would do anything to help my suffering children.  Emotional pain is just as horrible as physical pain.  I wish the other adults in their lives would convince Tom that the kids need support beyond their family. 

It's all so strange to me, but then again, I'm not a big user of social media, so I don't understand the comfort he appears to get from talking to so many strangers, many of whom are making inappropriate comments.  I'd be afraid that a crazy one or two would pay them a visit.  He's sharing too much of their current situation.  Maybe I just don't trust strangers enough or am a lot more private than Tom.

This is where an outside counselling source is very much needed!!
I'm not a fan of Tom's, it's clear from my previous comments how little I think of him, and this grieving process is no different. Yes, he has lost the love of his life, yes, his life has been derailed and yes it's completely understandable he's sad and feels completely alone.
However, the kids are 'fine' and 'sad'. Of course they are Tom!!! They are grieving the loss of their mother. The beating heart of that tiny tiny home is gone. The person who was at the centre of everything to do with the children. Sure they have aunties, grandmothers, cousins and - eek, a creepy grandpa, and sure they had some interaction with the outside world but their centre of everything has disappeared. That alone is enough to create all kinds of problems now and into the future. Not only that, but their future is going to be so very different know. How are they going to cope with special events, holidays and even those little things that they shared with Mom... not often Dad... that's going to be so hard to not only cope with but to process.
My concerns grow for those children the more Tom uses the words 'sad' and 'fine' when summing up how the kids are. Not that sharing their deepest depths of despair is ever a good thing on social media but him keeping to those two descriptions is unsettling.



As for the gifts, at first, Andrea was quite reluctant to have people send things. A little bit of peer pressure from some core stans made her cave and so the presents and cash came in (the cash for Birthdays mainly). It was a compromise for her absolute opposition to monetizing the channel.
Also, a much safer thing to advertise a PO Box address then for fans to send to the home address. It's super easy to find that though as the business name is no secret and google maps is just a click away.
The odd thing was, after Andrea's passing, and after Tom saying they had all they need,, the PO address was shared not only on Youtube but other social media including Grandma Kitty's facebook (yes, I was nosey ?)

[Queen Of Hearts]

What is the story about the creepy grandpa? I have seen that mentioned before.

[formergothardite]

12 hours ago, Giraffe said:

He’s having children who suddenly lost their mother a few weeks ago monitor comments??? How does he think that’s a good idea?!? Hopefully they can take the good and leave the bad, but damn, that’s brutal!! This is a sad train wreck.

I always thought it was odd they had the children monitor the comments. Obviously the knew they were going to get some nasty comments and people criticizing the family, why would you let your kids bear the weight of having to deal with horrible Youtube comments?

[under siege]

1 hour ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

What is the story about the creepy grandpa? I have seen that mentioned before.

Until it was mentioned early in this thread I thought it was just me getting bad vibes whenever I saw him. Turns out it wasn't just me.  In earlier videos he looked a lot rougher than he has in the past year or so. He's certainly tidied himself up a lot recently.

While no one will probably know his story and why he's on there, he is a registered sex offender.  I didn't want to believe it because of how much interaction he has with the kids so I looked him up and sadly he is indeed a RSO. I just hope it's nothing to do with minors.  Moorcroft and surrounding areas certainly its their fair share of RSOs although maybe its the same nation wise. It's not an area I wish to delve into finding out the numbers.
 

[dairyfreelife]

2 hours ago, under siege said:

Until it was mentioned early in this thread I thought it was just me getting bad vibes whenever I saw him. Turns out it wasn't just me.  In earlier videos he looked a lot rougher than he has in the past year or so. He's certainly tidied himself up a lot recently.

While no one will probably know his story and why he's on there, he is a registered sex offender.  I didn't want to believe it because of how much interaction he has with the kids so I looked him up and sadly he is indeed a RSO. I just hope it's nothing to do with minors.  Moorcroft and surrounding areas certainly its their fair share of RSOs although maybe its the same nation wise. It's not an area I wish to delve into finding out the numbers.
 

I didn't know why that was said either and thought maybe he was just weird around Andrea or the kids. After he was mentioned as a sex offender, I looked him up. 

He actually has "14-3-105(A) - IMMORAL AND INDECENT ACTS WITH A MINOR" from 1998.

Based in the WY equal law, 6-2-316(a)(iv): "(a) Except under circumstance constituting sexual abuse of a minor in the first or second degree as defined by W.S. 6-2-314 and 6-2-315 , an actor commits the crime of sexual abuse of a minor in the third degree if: (iv) Being seventeen (17) years of age or older, the actor knowingly takes immodest, immoral or indecent liberties with a victim who is less than seventeen (17) years of age and the victim is at least four (4) years younger than the actor." 

So sickeningly, yes, his crime was against someone under the age of 17 while he was in his upper 30s. I hope he stays away from those kids. Far away. 

[Sister_Wife]

He said on his recent live chat that his daughter is 21, which would make her born in 1998. He also mentioned that the daughter was adopted and raised by his aunt. If he is 42, he would have been 21 in 1998... not in his 30’s. ( not justifying a 21 yo having sex with a 17 yo , just bringing clarity. I don’t think he’s a child molester)

 

EDIT: I didn’t realise the RSO info was about Papa Gary, not Tom. Sorry for the confusion. 

Edited September 22, 2019 by Sister_Wife
To clarify my confusion.

[under siege]

Just now, Sister_Wife said:

He said on his recent live chat that his daughter is 21, which would make her born in 1998. He also mentioned that the daughter was adopted and raised by his aunt. If he is 42, he would have been 21 in 1998... not in his 30’s. ( not justifying a 21 yo having sex with a 17 yo , just bringing clarity. I don’t think he’s a child molester)

That is Tom who had a daughter in his early twenties. Tom is not a RSO that I am aware of.
The person mentioned about is not Tom. It's Papy Gary (the one I referred to as creepy grandpa)