Lori Alexander 70: Blaspheming the Word of God

[Lgirlrocks]

As predicted this was deleted. 

[kpmom]

1 hour ago, squiddysquid said:

 

(so, so many banana emojis... really, what gives?)

OMG, there are a lot of banana emojis!  I never noticed.  Even a Satan banana!

 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

May I please be a plantain eating feminist slut as I hate bananas but love maduros? Please? Pretty please. 

Dancing plantain -- not a dancing banana 

[AuntKrazy]

17 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

Right! Seriously once again Lori's followers prove themselves to be less apeeling (lol) than a fruit or inanimate object. 

So where are we at in the land of feminism according to Lori and ilk? Ah yes, feminists apparently live in a land of cats, wine, sex toys, and bananas. We also get to live in luxury as singles and travel a lot. 

I kinda like Banana Cannibal Sluts. 

1st hit single "Biting off Bananas" 

I know I'm late, but how about the:

The Bananible Lecters

[KnittingOwl]

1 hour ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

May I please be a plantain eating feminist slut as I hate bananas but love maduros? Please? Pretty please. 

Dancing plantain -- not a dancing banana 

I love maduros! They are so delicious. 

[hollyfeller]

Lori posted to IG before 5 AM this morning.

(The only reason I was awake that early is due to sleep problems!)

[Curious]

23 hours ago, WineGlass said:

Paul wasn’t predicting the future but he believed he was living in the End Times, and that he would see the coming of the Lord (interestingly, not the RETURN of the Lord - which is one of many reasons why many scholars think Paul believed in a celestial, not an earthly, Jesus). Any way you slice it, the aeon (church age as you put it) was about to come to a dramatic end and Paul had no notion that any church would still exist 2000 years later or that people would STILL be awaiting an imminent arrival of the Lord. The time Lori is talking about simply would never exist for Paul. 

Thank you.   That's pretty interesting.  Did Paul live past that aeon to see the church continue in his time?

19 hours ago, squiddysquid said:

I just slice them in half lengthwise, leaving the peel on and put them on the grill or in the oven with a little sugar sprinkled on top. My friend just fries them with some butter and honey.

Although there' s a Chinese restaurant that makes those fried banana chunks in batter, though unlike most the light them up in alcohol afterwards and put some desiccated coconut in the honey-coating ?

That sounded great until you got to the coconut part    I've never tried a fried or frozen banana, but I've heard both are good.

[Curious]

15 hours ago, squiddysquid said:

(so, so many banana emojis... really, what gives?)

What do you have against banana emojis?   Seriously though there are a ton of them and before we had a lot of different emojis it gave people options other than the standard.  People use them so I keep them.

12 hours ago, AuntKrazy said:

I know I'm late, but how about the:

The Bananible Lecters

You win the internet for yesterday as I'm late to the thread!

[SongRed7]

16 hours ago, elliha said:

She said it was made of a jelly-like plastic/silicone but I still don't get how the kid did that, was he half shark? That is how I picture it.

That reminds of a conversation I had with a group of my school mom friends.   Two of them related a story about how their young daughters (they were 1st or 2nd grade age at the time) found their devices.  One told how her daughter found her realistic looking vibrator and was using it like a microphone while lip syncing to some disney song.   When the mom caught her, she's like "what are you doing" and the young daughter said "I found this microphone in your drawer."   The other, similarly, said she found her young daughter holding her vibrator and rubbing it all over her face. When confronted she said she was giving herself a facial massage with mommy's "spa tool."

We all had a good laugh, and they found better hiding places.  But I said, the most hysterical part was going to be when, many years hence, and the girls were sitting in HS  or college Physics class or in the middle of some mundane ordinary thing, and they were going to have a sudden memory of those incidents. The light bulb will go off and they will be horrified (in a funny way) not only of what they were doing, but the fact that mommy had that in her nightstand drawer.  I told them to start saving up for therapy now....lol

 

Edited September 10, 2019 by SongRed7

[Koala]

This is Lori.  

Lori advises her readers to wear nice sundresses, smile a lot, and carry big plates of bacon.  This, she says, will lure in a godly man.

Lori:

Wears black jeggins w/ flannel lumberjack shirts.  Also favors ugly florals.  She's never heard of bacon (or a brush, apparently), but still has some of last week's leftover lettuce if you want some.  She'll even toss in a can of sardines.  Lori thinks the grease from her grilled cheese, doubles as a moisturizer.  Her smile speaks for itself.  Don't be like Lori.

Edited September 10, 2019 by Koala

[fransalley]

On 9/5/2019 at 11:45 PM, Dana723 said:

True story - I had a coworker who got in an argument with her somewhat of an SO, hit him upside the head with a frying pan, got him to the car, pushed him out at the ER, and left him! I asked her how he was and she shrugged.

One inside joke that my husband and I have is that if he ever got hit over the head with a frying pan, it would do serious damage.  To the pan. 

On the serious side, last year I had chest pains and when I told my husband, he took me to the ER and stayed with me there ALL NIGHT.  The poor guy fell asleep in a not-so-comfortable chair.  He went home after I got admitted and took that day off of work.  It turned out I had costochondritis (inflammation of the breastbone).  On the way to the ER, he was making jokes about how he didn't really want to buy a coffin, etc. . . . but that was his way of dealing with his worry.  I was kidding him right back about how no, he really didn't want to write a eulogy.

This is what husbands and wives do for each other:  they back each other up and handle situations -- or at least try to handle situations -- with grace and appropriate humor.  Or at least they should back each other up.

[Curious]

23 minutes ago, Koala said:

Lori advises her readers to wear nice sundresses, smile a lot, and carry big plates of bacon.  This, she says, will lure in a godly man.

 

or one with eyes and a stomach...

5 minutes ago, fransalley said:

It turned out I had costochondritis (inflammation of the breastbone)

I've never heard of this, but it sounds incredibly painful.   I hope you recoevered quickly!

[WineGlass]

1 hour ago, Curious said:

Thank you.   That's pretty interesting.  Did Paul live past that aeon to see the church continue in his time?

Well the point is that the “End Times” aeon was supposed to end before Paul died as he was sure he would see the end. The New Testament is rife with that expectation. So Christians ever since have been waiting for this imminent “end of all things”, oblivious to, or wilfully ignorant of, the fact that Jesus was meant to come “soon” 2000 years ago. They still think he will. So Paul would’ve believed this until his death. Of course the early church began to realise that ooops Jesus didn’t come (back?) so their theology gradually changed to accommodate this, as you can see by later writings (eg John, later epistles) the kingdom that will come is now spiritual not physical as synoptic gospel Jesus seemed to indicate. Not that Christian theology has ever been exactly consistent, and different Christians still have different expectations. So yes, obviously the church continued past Paul’s time but it was and is still waiting, with new excuses, hand waving and re-interpretations every passing year. This is one of the things that is so fascinating to me about Christian theology. And I wish the hell-fire End Times preachers would take a step back and learn some actual early church history and theology from critical scholars. Not to mention understand the historical setting and cultural context of their holy book. Very interesting stuff indeed!

Edited September 10, 2019 by WineGlass

[Cora Persephona]

2 hours ago, Koala said:

Lori advises her readers to wear nice sundresses, smile a lot, and carry big plates of bacon.  This, she says, will lure in a godly man.

OK, so now we know she must have been hacked/hit her head. No way is she really recommending bacon. What's next: not beating your children?

[usmcmom]

Quote

My husband loves me to make my freshly ground whole wheat bread for him so I have been doing this for years. I make a large salad almost every day for us to eat with my homemade salad dressing

This is how Lori “cooks.” She bakes bread and puts a salad on the table. The smell of hot bread is heavenly but the smell of a salad???  My husband has never walked in the door and said “Is that salad I smell? You are too good to me, Honey!”

*****

Side note: Earlier in the summer, we toured the Jack Daniels Distillery. I was SEVERELY sad when they did not offer us homemade hot rolls after we walked through the building that smelled like a bakery. I mean, that smell of the hot yeast made it seem like we were in Grandma’s kitchen. But did I get any bread? NO. No, I did not. 

[jjmennonite]

@feministxtian I am so sorry. @SweetLaurel @OyHiOh @Seahorse Wrangler I cannot imagine what you have all gone through. Big hugs and light and love from this FJ internet friend. 

I remember the pain of my mom’s decline and death. I recall thinking then, that this is the natural order of things, and how very painful it was. I was thinking about you who go through this pain with a peer, or a child. 

Single parenting, single living in general requires dealing with life alone, but it has to be brutal to deal with all the things alone unexpectedly, along with the extra responsibility of all the arrangements required in death. 

I was off FJ for a while. I had a family wedding that involved a trip and a bunch of time with irl people and wine and laughter and conversation and kayaking. 

I’m catching up and reading your widow support posts and it sounds awful and I admire you strong women. Feministxtian I have always enjoyed your perspective and I bet we would enjoy hoisting a glass together. You are going through hell and I wish you well. 

[Sonic the Whoredgehog]

Another blog post about what men want. Tell me, Lori, how do men feel about women who are haggard, bitter, and desperate for attention? How does Ken really feel about you these days? She even linked her "viral" post about debt-free virgins without tattoos. And discussed her "large salad" (not "big salad". She's paying attention! ) and linked her foul dressing recipe. If I didn't know better, I'd think she's trying to meme herself. 

[feministxtian]

39 minutes ago, jjmennonite said:

Feministxtian I have always enjoyed your perspective and I bet we would enjoy hoisting a glass together. You are going through hell and I wish you well. 

I'd LOVE that too! 

[kpmom]

2 hours ago, WineGlass said:

Well the point is that the “End Times” aeon was supposed to end before Paul died as he was sure he would see the end. The New Testament is rife with that expectation. So Christians ever since have been waiting for this imminent “end of all things”, oblivious to, or wilfully ignorant of, the fact that Jesus was meant to come “soon” 2000 years ago.

I'm really enjoying reading your posts @WineGlass

We recite the Nicene Creed in my church every week and when we get to the part about Jesus coming in glory to judge the living and the dead I kind of inwardly roll my eyes and think, "2000 years and still waiting,".

[wallysmommy]

This is the craziest shit ever. 

When people mention the bacon, say, ‘Yes, I made it.’ Men will instantly rate you far above the vast majority of modern women. 

The OPs Twitter feed is over the top, so I would venture this is satire.  Of course, Lori doesn't know satire, so it flew right by her as seriousness.

Edited September 10, 2019 by wallysmommy

[Sobeknofret]

On 9/9/2019 at 8:43 AM, church_of_dog said:

Reading "Banana Sluts" couldn't help but remind me of Banana Slugs, which led me to the video of a favorite novelty song by the Austin Lounge Lizards.

If you listen carefully you'll hear several lyrics appropriate for a Lori thread, including "slime" and "slather". 

Enjoy!

 

PS -- This is the UC Santa Cruz Fight Song! 

Fiat Slug!

[SongRed7]

6 minutes ago, wallysmommy said:

The OPs Twitter feed

The OP is also Catholic. Bet she doesn't know that. 

 

[klein_roeschen]

5 hours ago, Koala said:

Lori advises her readers to wear nice sundresses, smile a lot, and carry big plates of bacon.  This, she says, will lure in a godly man.

Just plain bacon, nothing more? I like bacon as part of a dish, but just bacon alone, how boring and not really a big show of someones cooking skills. Sorry Lori, just one dish dosen't make you a good cook. No matter how nice the sundress is. Asking the only male source on hand, my brother, he would ignore her big plate of bacon for a nice potroast with veggie and pie for dessert.

[freealljs]

Holy moly. I thought you all were on a thread drift here, about the bacon. I went on her Twitter account (why do I always think her username is latex2? LOL), and it's like she is trying desperately to go viral again.  Bacon? Seriously?  

And what is going on with feminists and bananas? I think all food can be eaten sensually.  So, if women are not to eat bananas, lest they turn into feminists, who should eat bananas?  If a man eats a banana, does that mean he is gay, since he is biting into a banana? Oh the questions.

This latest from Lori land has got to be the most hilarious and crazy that she's been in a long time.  

Any word on how Ken is doing? Hopefully, he's doing alright, despite that he's a douche and married to a shrew. Very telling that she hasn't posted a single "I love Ken" on Twitter or IG, since he was released from the hospital.

[Curious]

46 minutes ago, wallysmommy said:

When people mention the bacon, say, ‘Yes, I made it.’ Men will instantly rate you far above the vast majority of modern women. 

Are single women just supposed to carry a platter of bacon around with them everywhere they go in hopes of catching a [godly] man?

2 minutes ago, freealljs said:

why do I always think her username is latex2?

Because she talks about sex more than almost anyone alive?