Bro Gary Hawkins 11: Bro likes his food

[PumaLover]

Oh my Rufus, I've been too busy to recap Bro's sermons. Lost a good friend yesterday and I'm still trying to deal with it.

I will try to do my FJ service and recap Bro's lazy ass video of his family in the pool. I'm falling asleep at my desk so it should be as coherent as he writes. Haymayun. 

Bro is live at the Amish place they're staying. He's never stayed at an Amish place and it's nice, they have a pool. His boys and his wife love the pool. We get a front seat view to his boot/shoe throughout the entire video. 

The boys are playing in the pool with a beach ball. He calls to Becky and Jacob to say hi for the video. They're enjoying the things of the Lord. (This is better than that one video I recapped where he said his kids could have fun every six months.)

Someone comments, either Courtney or something and he can't pronounce her name. I think it's Corine.

They're gettin' ready for the tent meetin.'

He instructs Caleb to get over where he can see him. 

He's talkin' about the tent meetin' and for people to come to the Lord and serve God. The end.

Edited September 1, 2019 by PumaLover
sorry, I remembered that he said his kids were allowed to have fun every SIX months, not two months

[EyesOpen]

I’m Sorry for your loss @PumaLover . Sending positive thoughts your way.

[wallysmommy]

So sorry @PumaLover  I wonder if Bro is having a weens fest in honor of Labor Day, although he is highly allergic to labor of any sort.

[griffin]

I'm repeatedly astounded by this ignorant dumbass. He said last night that he knows that the person in the White House today was "put there" by God. He actually said that it SAYS IN THE BIBLE that if the Democrats get into the White House, they will be "after" your religion and you will have to dig a hole to hide in to practice your religion.

 

[Ozlsn]

Oh Bro. I can only hope you have to dig a hole. What you choose to do in there is up to you, but it'd have to be cooler than the tent revivals at least. And on the plus side the physical labour would give him a good cardiovascular workout!

I'll pray for that to happen, and even donate a shovel. The Democrats getting in would just be a side bonus, honest.

Edited September 2, 2019 by Ozlsn

[PumaLover]

Ok folks. All I have to say about this is, It Bible.

Also in his post he wrote earlier today, he spelled tracts correctly! I'm sure the people he approached on the streets were thrilled.

Spoiler

Tracts

 

[thoughtful]

Praise the Lawd -- Bro Gary has hired a proofreader!

[FundamentallyShocked]

OK folks, I have a new favorite phrase: Heaven bound with the hammer down!

OH, Bro Gary! English is hard.???

 

[mango_fandango]

“With the Blood of JESUS blood”??? One of those “blood”s is unneeded. 

And it’s “you’re” saved. 

[EyesOpen]

Oh God trump told Gary the news lies... I tell you what... the brainwashing is so real...

[thoughtful]

4 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

“With the Blood of JESUS blood”??? One of those “blood”s is unneeded. 

And it’s “you’re” saved. 

I guess the proofreader quit. Should have asked to be paid by the error, not the hour -- more lucrative.

[AmazonGrace]

If you get saved by the blood of blood it's like getting saved to the nth degree.

[thoughtful]

16 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

If you get saved by the blood of blood it's like getting saved to the nth degree.

Jesus' platelets.

[keepercjr]

LOL Gary's explanation of the verse was harder to follow than the original verse

 

[Alisamer]

I think Bro Gary got something right there. Accidentally, probably, but right. The "world" does matter, and many of those in the "world" don't want what the fundies have. I think he might be a little off on the "because not sure we have anything" part though - I'm pretty sure that people of "the world" looking at fundies see that they have things like fear, legalism, restrictive rules, lack of critical thought, and more fear. 

Who wants all those things?

I think Gary and most fundies miss a lot of the point. You share Christianity by being Christian, and showing it with your actions. That'd be love, and kindness, based on the example of Jesus. "love thy neighbor" means be nice to people, Gary. No matter what they wear or what color they are, what nationality or religion they are. 

Instead the fundies show fear, hate and judgement, and then wonder why so many people don't "want what they have". 

Also I am wondering if Becky isn't typing up half Gary's posts for him. I wonder if she volunteered, or if he is so lazy that he dictates them to her instead of literally lifting a finger to type them. That would explain why they occasionally appear in English instead of Weenese.

[Mar]

Actually Bro Gary, that‘s pretty much the opposite of what It Bible says (I even used the KJV):

But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. 1. Samuel 16:7

 

[Dandruff]

Bro is different, all right.

[thoughtful]

Oh, Gary, you are testing my standards of snark, and my determination not to be BEC about appearance (not to mention my hypocrisy level, since I am also fat and not terribly concerned about appearance).

But really, Gary, you might want to hold off on calling attention to what is unique about your appearance, especially as a sign that you are godly.

Not to mention, what is there about the way Gary presents himself that is so unique? He dresses like lots of people do. Does he think you can tell the saved from the unsaved by whether the women are wearing long skirts and the men suits and ties?

Maybe this is a teaser about things to come. Maybe Gary is planning to get embroidered shirts and jackets, like ex-gay Greg, or to wear a flashing neon sign that says "I'm saved! Ask me about Jesus!"

 

[PumaLover]

Sir that we would see Jesus? What?

Also this is a quote from his post today. These are very specific instructions for the only RIGHT kind of church:

"That means we need to be in a local New Testament KJB believing Church."

[thoughtful]

I figure the "sir" is supposed to be "sure," but, of course, that doesn't make it a full sentence that makes sense, either.

Toss that word salad, Gary!

[wallysmommy]

Y'all, I actually met a skinny Bro. Gary today.  We were outside after church deciding where we were going to lunch.  This man comes up and starts asking us "how do you say the name of this town."  Conversation turns to he drove 3,000 miles and he is looking for a place to put up a tent to do a tent revival because he's a Church of God preacher.  Mind you, we are outside a Southern Baptist church.  He was looking for someplace with home cooking because he's eaten hamburgers every day.  Big hint for us to take him home and feed him.  Instead, we said we don't cook and there are lots of restaurants to eat on the main street or in the next larger town.  

I'm going to have to keep my eyes peeled for a tent that gets pitched somewhere around here and just do a drive-by.  No way I'm going in.

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I figure the "sir" is supposed to be "sure," but, of course, that doesn't make it a full sentence that makes sense, either.

Toss that word salad, Gary!

Maybe it's supposed to be "so" (i is next to o, then autocorrect).  That at least makes sense, although I kind of like the idea that he is addressing gentlemen with that post.

As to the "local New Testament KJV believing church" - so you keep travelling why exactly? Shouldn't you be at your local?  Also if it's NT only maybe you could drop some of the crap that comes directly from the Old Testament and start focusing on what the NT said instead?

[PumaLover]

2 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Maybe it's supposed to be "so" (i is next to o, then autocorrect).  That at least makes sense, although I kind of like the idea that he is addressing gentlemen with that post.

I didn't think about it being so. That makes more sense. Well, for Bro Gary at least.

I just reread the post and realized he got one you're right and one wrong in the same sentence!! ?

[thoughtful]

3 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Maybe it's supposed to be "so" (i is next to o, then autocorrect).  That at least makes sense,

That sounds likely. It's still not a full sentence, but, y'know -- it's Weenese, so that would be a lot to expect.

[keepercjr]

I love that there is a debate on what word “Sir” translates to from weenese to English.  And yet there is not a for sure correct translation!  How will future generation ever know?