Alyssa and John 4: SOTDRT Next Generation

[Cora Persephona]

My parents wanted a boy. My mom never made it a secret. To be honest, she always explained that she wanted me to be a boy because boys have it easier. The patriarchy is going strong in our country (like mostly everywhere), and it was even more so when she was growing up so she didn't want a daughter to have to deal with all the bullshit. To her credit she never made me think there is anything I can't do just because I am a woman. To the contrary, the lesson she drove into my head the hardest is that I have to study and get a good job so that I never have to depend on and be stuck to a man that doesn't treat me well.She now says she is glad I wasn't a boy, because she feels that girls are closer to their mothers (which she has no way of knowing because she's never raised a son, I'm an only child). 

Now my dad, even if he won't admit he preferred a son, will sometimes bring up the potential son he could have had (presumably after me) but never did. He doesn't make a big deal out of it, but it triggers me greatly. I have some issues with thinking I am never good enough, because my parents' approach to parenting was: tell her when she messed up, but ignore her when she accomplishes something because accomplishments should be the status quo. Not a good approach for a child's self esteem let me tell you. I have told them this multiple times after becoming an adult and they are better about it now, but the scars run deep.

Long story short, I understand my mom's motives for wanting a son and I think I wouldn't really have cared about my dad's preference either if they hadn't messed with my head otherwise.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, Screamapillar said:

Also, from someone who gets a lot of enjoyment out of shopping for clothes for both myself and for my small children: I wonder how she shops for their matching outfits.

She loves her matchy-matchy Sunday dress pictures. The girls are all in the same dress, almost always. Is she ordering three dresses in different sizes, so that her three daughters can wear the matching outfits this year, and this year alone? Or is she planning ahead and ordering like, eight dresses in different sizes, so that her three daughters and any additional daughters she may add to her brood can wear them for the next decade?

Lexi could wear Allie's dress next year and Zoey could wear Lexi's, but then what would Allie wear? And would it drive Alyssa crazy if Allie didn't wear the exact same dress as her sisters on a random Sunday morning? I honestly think that it might.

You aren’t alone in thinking this. It has to get expensive. I rarely match my boys. Partly because I was matched with my sister and hated it. But also because it’s more expensive. It’s much cheaper for me to find clothing at the thrift store. You don’t find too many matching outfits at the thrift store. 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

I can’t imagine posting a photo of all my shoes on social media. Maybe it’s normal for people her age.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

24 minutes ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

I can’t imagine posting a photo of all my shoes on social media. Maybe it’s normal for people her age.

I'm older than Alyssa, but I can imagine wanting to post pics of my (hypothetical) craft room, if I got it looking just the way I wanted it. I imagine a lovely rainbow of yarn in cubby type shelves...  

I'm guessing Alyssa really loves her shoes.

[Melissa1977]

I wonder if Alyssa's shoes are good or bad quality. I bet they are very cheap, but as she wears it just a few times, they look ok. Also, she seems to go everywhere by car, so probably doesn't walk enough to have sore feet. 

My kids and myself, we don't have a big shoes collection. But all our shoes are good quality. Also I'm in my 40's and I need shoes both classy and comfy! The cheapest shoes can be very trendy and beautiful, but are rarely comfy.

So yes, she's clearly spending lots of money, but maybe less than one can think looking at her closet. 

Alyssa and John do not seem to earn a lot. She's sick and healthcare is expensive. They want more kids (so more expenses). Even if she only buys cheap items, why not to save money? Does a toddler need to wear brand new dresses every.single.sunday?

[FluffySnowball]

18 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I'm older than Alyssa, but I can imagine wanting to post pics of my (hypothetical) craft room, if I got it looking just the way I wanted it. I imagine a lovely rainbow of yarn in cubby type shelves...  

I'm guessing Alyssa really loves her shoes.

Oh my god, you make me dream! I just love crafts (especially knitting, but I want to tackle sewing next) and a whole room dedicated to it would be heavenly! 

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

Alyssa and John do not seem to earn a lot. She's sick and healthcare is expensive. They want more kids (so more expenses). Even if she only buys cheap items, why not to save money? Does a toddler need to wear brand new dresses every.single.sunday?

She might go shopping to compensate for her poor upbringing. As someone who’s experienced poverty, being able to buy items she likes likely is quite pleasurable. Also, instant gratification gives one an (albeit short) emotional high. 

Edited August 2, 2019 by FluffySnowball

[clueliss]

She has one of those 'partnership' things going with some company that has both shoes and clothes.  "swipe up and use mynameetc when you check out"  She's probably getting a discount on some of that.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

1 hour ago, FluffySnowball said:

Oh my god, you make me dream! I just love crafts (especially knitting, but I want to tackle sewing next) and a whole room dedicated to it would be heavenly! 

I used to pet and house sit for a few different quilters. Their open cubbies with neatly folded fabric in rainbow order were just beautiful to see. One had a big room dedicated to quilting (she owns a quilting shop) and one had a small room with the cubbies in a closet, but the tidy organization in both cases looked both attractive and functional. 

Most of my yarn stash is stuffed in closed containers here and there, and my calligraphy supplies are buried, but a person can dream! 

[EyesOpen]

Ugh. People asked us all the time if we had three to try for our daughter. It drove me nuts. We have two beautiful boys who we wanted and love for who they are and we had our third baby because we wanted to have another baby. We had a boys name picked out. We didn’t want our middle to be a girl ? just happy we had safe healthy pregnancies and babies. My third was an emergency and also we can thankfully provide for the three we have so we won’t be having any more. It has nothing to do with her being a girl. Sorry. Rant. It really annoys me that so many people suppose how we feel or what we think... ok. I’m done now. Lol

[nausicaa]

19 minutes ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I used to pet and house sit for a few different quilters. Their open cubbies with neatly folded fabric in rainbow order were just beautiful to see. One had a big room dedicated to quilting (she owns a quilting shop) and one had a small room with the cubbies in a closet, but the tidy organization in both cases looked both attractive and functional. 

I went on a trip to the South of France once to nanny for a ridiculously wealthy family (it's a long, weird story of how this came to be). Anyway, the house had a craft room lined in built in closets with pull out shelves filled with everything you can imagine. It also had french doors that opened out onto the stone pool and the lavender fields beyond. 

Most miserable married couple I have ever met and the poor kids are total messes now as young adults. But damn, that craft room...

[Mrs Ms]

4 hours ago, EyesOpen said:

Ugh. People asked us all the time if we had three to try for our daughter. It drove me nuts. We have two beautiful boys who we wanted and love for who they are and we had our third baby because we wanted to have another baby. We had a boys name picked out. We didn’t want our middle to be a girl ? just happy we had safe healthy pregnancies and babies. My third was an emergency and also we can thankfully provide for the three we have so we won’t be having any more. It has nothing to do with her being a girl. Sorry. Rant. It really annoys me that so many people suppose how we feel or what we think... ok. I’m done now. Lol

Could quote this almost word for word. In our case the medical problems were with the second pregnancy/child, so no, we weren’t after a girl, just a healthy baby! ?

My oldest son was over the moon though as he REALLY wanted a sister.

[Mrs Ms]

On 8/2/2019 at 9:59 AM, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I'm older than Alyssa, but I can imagine wanting to post pics of my (hypothetical) craft room, if I got it looking just the way I wanted it. I imagine a lovely rainbow of yarn in cubby type shelves...  

I'm guessing Alyssa really loves her shoes.

We are currently building our house and still deciding if all three kids need their own rooms now or if some will share. If they share, watch this space in 12 months when the partner agrees that the plans were mislabeled. “Office” clearly means “craft room”!!11!! 

[HarleyQuinn]

I can't judge her too much on the shoe collection because mine is pretty ridiculous as well. What's confusing me is it looks like they're using part of a spare room as a closet too? She doesn't have all her kids crammed into one bedroom so she can have more closet space, does she?

[Melissa1977]

16 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

She doesn't have all her kids crammed into one bedroom so she can have more closet space, does she

Allie has a bedroom for herself and Lexi and Zoey share another room. They use Allie's bedroom as guest room, so when family visits, the 3 girls share a room. The house is not big, but has room enough by now.

[SilverBeach]

18 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

I can't judge her too much on the shoe collection because mine is pretty ridiculous as well.

Mine too...shoes, boots, purses, all of it.

[fluffernutter]

I've got two old sore knees and just looking at those heels makes me ache lol. Enjoy your youth, Alyssa. My criteria these days is "But does it provide arch support?" ?

[catlady]

1 hour ago, fluffernutter said:

I've got two old sore knees and just looking at those heels makes me ache lol. Enjoy your youth, Alyssa. My criteria these days is "But does it provide arch support?" ?

Same here. I still have about a dozen pairs of 3” stilettos in a rainbow of colors that I wore regularly until around age 44 when two knee injuries in 10 months made anything higher than 1” just plain hurt too much. I miss wearing them. 

Edited August 5, 2019 by catlady
Omitted a word

[fluffernutter]

6 minutes ago, catlady said:

Same here. I still have about a dozen pairs of 3” stilettos in a rainbow of colors that I wore regularly until around age 44 when two knee injuries in 10 months made anything higher than 1” just plain hurt too much. I miss wearing them. 

Sensible shoes are so boring. I miss fun shoes too. I miss my hair, knees, and weight of my youth. 

[catlady]

7 minutes ago, fluffernutter said:

Sensible shoes are so boring. I miss fun shoes too. I miss my hair, knees, and weight of my youth. 

Of those three, I’ve managed to keep a tenuous grasp on my hair ( the other two are long gone  ).  

[JanasTattooParlor]

As someone who has so many foot problems that the only heels I can wear are wedges, how does one walk without pain in gorgeous stilettos? It’s always mystified me that someone can work all day everyday in stilettos given that it hurts my feet to wear anything but flats or boots to work. Y’all who can wear those shoes are the real superwomen. I bow down to y’all! 

Edited August 5, 2019 by JanasTattooParlor

[indianabones]

I was surprised by her green smoothie recipe, I expected it to be healthier. I'd rather just have a spinach salad each day and avoid all the sugar from the canned pineapple.

[OyToTheVey]

That's not a green smoothie. That's a fruit smoothie she colored in a little. For me a green smoothie is spinach, celery, apple, and ginger, turmeric and lemon.

[Screamapillar]

Why on Earth would you need to add sweetener to something that already has so much pineapple, pineapple juice, and mango in it?!

[GuineaPigCourtship]

Wow, she must really have a sweet tooth if she needs to add sugar on top of all that fruit.

[nelliebelle1197]

 

On 8/1/2019 at 10:59 AM, Deleorean88mph said:

To each their own, but I'm wondering why she needs so many shoes. They're dress shoes, so not the kind of shoes she would wear while running arpund with 3 small children on a regular basis. I guess she likes to have matching shoes for each outfit.

These are Zoey's shoes, who will outgrow them in a few months. However, I understand these may be hand me downs from her sisters.

Honestly, that is not a “huge collection” - it is maybe 35 pairs max.  She could amass her little “collection” from JustFab and Target and other sources for cheap shoes for $1000 - spread that over a few years and it’s couple hundred bucks a year. I am not seeing anything there that looks brand name, designer or expensive. I see a bunch of cheap and colorful shoes. Same with the baby shoes other than the $40 Nikes.  My kids had two pairs of expensive shoes as early walkers/ toddlers/little kids as opposed to a bunch of cheap ones. More rather than quality is obviously a priority.