Jump to content
IGNORED

Seewalds 42: Trying to Stay Relevant


Coconut Flan

Recommended Posts

There needs to be a trigger warning in the thread title because I just got a PTSD flashback of my brief months as part of a mommy forum and I was not ready to deal with that today. :pb_lol:

  • Upvote 3
  • Haha 12
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Pretzel said:

Someone beat me to what I was about to say. 

"This is Patrick P. Patricksson the 3rd, Valedictorian of his class at Harvard. Congratulations on his PhD, it is obvious he was breastfed!" --- said no person ever. Not even "Paddy P., Kindergarten graduate, obviously bottlefed". In other words, once they eat real food, nobody will even care. As long as kids are getting fed, why do people even care HOW other people feed them? If you think breast is best, great. Then breastfeed your own kid! If you're freaked out by someone BF'ing in public, go choose a different place. What difference does it make to society if a kid is being BF'ed, or bottlefed? I can't think of any. It is a personal and an individual decision that should be respected.

The whole mommy-shaming over a mom choosing to bottlefeed over BF'ing reeks of a whole lot of misogyny to me. It's rarely about the child, and much more about patronizing the mom. "She's just too lazy to BF!" (WTF! Mixing together formula includes frequent work too!),  "She can't cut the cord, that's why she's excessively BF'ing!". Why can't people just let young moms be and accept their decisions? That extends to medical professionals as well. It is certainly justified to suggest a young mom first try BF'ing and mentioning the benefits of BF to her, but once she says she doesn't want to that should be it. That decision does not justify judgment or different treatment or pressure of any kind. 

I wish that any woman, whether they are childless, expecting, a young mom, a veteran,...basically anyone find the strength to stand up for their decision and tell others to mind their own business. If people want to judge, let them judge. It says little about you or your love for your children, and a ton about the people who feel the need to judge.

Just popping in because I want to proclaim my undying love for you for this. :) 

49 minutes ago, AprilQuilt said:

There's nothing wrong with any of this, but respectfully quite a lot of one's firm ideas about parenting go out of the window when you actually get there. You don't know how any of it feels until you do it - I used to think that diaper changing and cleaning up all their slimey chewed spat-out bits of fruit after a BLW session would be really onerous, but obviously my daughter is delightful to me and everything she shits/spits is fascinating in spite of its grossness. I didn't expect to be so interested in the state of anybody's faeces and yet here we are...

Now I have her I don't feel particularly freaked out about the idea of BF when she has teeth - and the day is definitely coming, she's 5 months and drooly as hell - but as other posters have said, they kind of learn not to bite even before they get their teeth, and she and I have a more cooperative relationship in breastfeeding than I'd expected. OTOH, babies also have their own preferences that you can't direct or pre-empt: I'd hoped to get mine on a bottle quickly as I work (fortunately freelance and from home), but she absolutely refuses anything but the boob and takes a lot of comfort and security from it; other mothers I know planned to breastfeed indefinitely but for one reason or another found that formula/bottle was a better fit for their child, particularly those with reflux. Whatever your principles or expectations are going into it, you kind of have to cast them aside when it's a case of keeping your kids happy and healthy in the most practicable, sanity-saving way possible *for you*, whether it's breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cloth nappies, finger foods or etc etc etc ad nauseum. There isn't one way to be a good parent, but I think being able to roll with the punches and having no sacred cows at least makes it easier to hold things together.

I’ve mentioned this so many times before, but my mom has a favorite piece of advice to offer expectant parents. It basically boils down to how everyone will have all kinds of ideas about what kind of parent they’re going to be and everyone is going to fail to live up to that personal standard every single day. It’s normal and it’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of. 

I’ve found this to be very true in my own experience:

1. I thought I’d be a super zen and active pregnant woman who would carry to term easily. I was basically a walking zombie who was constantly worried about everything and wound up unexpectedly delivering prematurely for unknown reasons. 

2. I wanted to breastfeed for at least a year. I made it three months because I hated it and gave her formula throughout that entire first year.

3. I wanted to make her baby food for her. I ended up buying a lot of premade stuff because it was just easier for me.

4. I wanted to be that SAHM who constantly has the perfect house, freshly prepared homemade food, and still has more than enough time to play with the kids. I’ll wait for everyone to stop laughing... but yeah, that didn’t happen either. I like to think of it as controlled chaos some days and utter chaos other days.

5. I hoped to be that parent who is constantly calm and patient. I’m not. I get anxious more easily than I should and I yell/snap more than I should too (sign of anxiety - I’m working on this.) 

6. I thought I’d have a big family with kids all roughly two years apart in age. I ended up needing at least an 18 month gap due to medical stuff, which eventually will result in an almost 3 year age gap between the only two kids we intend to have - because I’m an Alyssa Webster type personality rather than an Erin Paine. And because I have no desire to go through another pregnancy with weekly progesterone shots and weekly ultrasounds.

7. I thought we’d constantly be outside and she’d never watch television. Haha. No. We have no fenced area for her to run in, so I have to constantly follow her everywhere outside. That’s been extremely tough to manage during this pregnancy, so it hasn’t happened as much as I’d like. And a bit of television* each day has been a life saver for us since it means I can prepare dinner or eat at least one meal a day in peace. 

The only things I can think of right now that we’ve really stuck to completely are making sure our daughter is vaccinated on schedule and keeping her rear facing - she’s 2.5 and we want to keep her rear facing until 4, so I figure we have time to fail at that too. 

*Daniel Tiger for the win! She watches more than I’d like her to, but at the very least it’s a show that teaches about emotional intelligence. She’s very clearly learned a lot from it, so I don’t feel guilty anymore. 

  • Upvote 11
  • Love 25
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I love how FJ repeats discussions, this one here about breastfeeding is just the latest of many. Previously, it was a topic of doom, so it is refreshing that the discouse has remained civil. 

  • Upvote 10
  • I Agree 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Just popping in because I want to proclaim my undying love for you for this. :) 

I’ve mentioned this so many times before, but my mom has a favorite piece of advice to offer expectant parents. It basically boils down to how everyone will have all kinds of ideas about what kind of parent they’re going to be and everyone is going to fail to live up to that personal standard every single day. It’s normal and it’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of. 

I’ve found this to be very true in my own experience:

1. I thought I’d be a super zen and active pregnant woman who would carry to term easily. I was basically a walking zombie who was constantly worried about everything and wound up unexpectedly delivering prematurely for unknown reasons. 

2. I wanted to breastfeed for at least a year. I made it three months because I hated it and gave her formula throughout that entire first year.

3. I wanted to make her baby food for her. I ended up buying a lot of premade stuff because it was just easier for me.

4. I wanted to be that SAHM who constantly has the perfect house, freshly prepared homemade food, and still has more than enough time to play with the kids. I’ll wait for everyone to stop laughing... but yeah, that didn’t happen either. I like to think of it as controlled chaos some days and utter chaos other days.

5. I hoped to be that parent who is constantly calm and patient. I’m not. I get anxious more easily than I should and I yell/snap more than I should too (sign of anxiety - I’m working on this.) 

6. I thought I’d have a big family with kids all roughly two years apart in age. I ended up needing at least an 18 month gap due to medical stuff, which eventually will result in an almost 3 year age gap between the only two kids we intend to have - because I’m an Alyssa Webster type personality rather than an Erin Paine. And because I have no desire to go through another pregnancy with weekly progesterone shots and weekly ultrasounds.

7. I thought we’d constantly be outside and she’d never watch television. Haha. No. We have no fenced area for her to run in, so I have to constantly follow her everywhere outside. That’s been extremely tough to manage during this pregnancy, so it hasn’t happened as much as I’d like. And a bit of television* each day has been a life saver for us since it means I can prepare dinner or eat at least one meal a day in peace. 

The only things I can think of right now that we’ve really stuck to completely are making sure our daughter is vaccinated on schedule and keeping her rear facing - she’s 2.5 and we want to keep her rear facing until 4, so I figure we have time to fail at that too. 

*Daniel Tiger for the win! She watches more than I’d like her to, but at the very least it’s a show that teaches about emotional intelligence. She’s very clearly learned a lot from it, so I don’t feel guilty anymore. 

yup! Since we're at it, I thought:

1. I'd definitely go overdue and be good at labour (?! idiot.); in fact the baby was breech, I found the ECV to attempt to turn her so painful I needed gas and air, and she was delivered by scheduled C section at 39 weeks.

2. I'd combination feed and it would be easy to leave the baby with people while I did a few hours' work a day. Again, no. She won't take it and was such an incessant screamer in the early days that our neighbours asked us more than once if she was OK, and her grandparents were a bit afraid of her. Plus her silent reflux was horrendous and required her to be treated in particular ways that other people didn't seem to understand. I felt constantly apologetic for the way she was - in hindsight there was a period of about 8 weeks that wasn't particularly joyful - and didn't want to leave her with ANYBODY, partly through mama-bear protectiveness and partly through not wanting them to hate her.

3. I would medicate her as little as possible. Again, once reflux entered the picture I was begging for anything that could help us. Poor little bean.

4. She wouldn't have solids until 6 months, and then baby lead weaning rather than spoon feeding. Actually she went on a nursing strike in the very hot weather, so I started giving her cooled boiled water, then baby porridge made with my milk, then bought puree out of a pouch. I'm not sorry, she was hungry and she needed it. Now she's obsessed with food and is definitely ready for it - good motor skills, hand/eye coordination, no reflex to spit the food out, can sit up. She's eaten strawberries, raspberries, cucumber, melon, mango, avocado, and tomato. And she does have bought puree on a spoon every now and then.

5. I would dress her gender neutral. Yeah, I've mostly held to that in that I just choose the clothes that are to my tastes, so not that girly, but my goodness she looks CUTE in pink, florals and frills. Cute cute cute. Sorry not sorry.

ON THE OTHER HAND:

- I expected to struggle mentally, and I haven't. I was even prepared for psychosis, but it's honestly been a joy. A struggle, but a joy.

- I thought my partner would not be much use in the first trimester and might feel isolated and shut out; in fact he was so hands on and there WAS a place for him to get involved. I actually think my C section was a huge help in pushing that, since I wasn't too mobile for a while so things like changing and dressing her and walking her about fell more to him.

- I thought I'd resent her for closing up my world but actually she has brought so much into it.

  • Upvote 6
  • Love 12
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not a parent but one thing I worked with my therapist was realizing parents are humans and everyone expects this picture perfect life but that's not reality. Parenting is hard, scary (but also very rewarding). 

I don't like the mommy culture we have right now (in life in general I mean), where everything has to be perfect and if you don't live up to those expectations, then you're a bad mom. If I ever become a mom, I don't think I want to join any mommy group, I'm gonna keep it lowkey.

Edited by HermioneSparrow
  • Upvote 13
  • I Agree 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

25 minutes ago, AprilQuilt said:

yup! Since we're at it, I thought:

1. I'd definitely go overdue and be good at labour (?! idiot.); in fact the baby was breech, I found the ECV to attempt to turn her so painful I needed gas and air, and she was delivered by scheduled C section at 39 weeks.

2. I'd combination feed and it would be easy to leave the baby with people while I did a few hours' work a day. Again, no. She won't take it and was such an incessant screamer in the early days that our neighbours asked us more than once if she was OK, and her grandparents were a bit afraid of her. Plus her silent reflux was horrendous and required her to be treated in particular ways that other people didn't seem to understand. I felt constantly apologetic for the way she was - in hindsight there was a period of about 8 weeks that wasn't particularly joyful - and didn't want to leave her with ANYBODY, partly through mama-bear protectiveness and partly through not wanting them to hate her.

3. I would medicate her as little as possible. Again, once reflux entered the picture I was begging for anything that could help us. Poor little bean.

4. She wouldn't have solids until 6 months, and then baby lead weaning rather than spoon feeding. Actually she went on a nursing strike in the very hot weather, so I started giving her cooled boiled water, then baby porridge made with my milk, then bought puree out of a pouch. I'm not sorry, she was hungry and she needed it. Now she's obsessed with food and is definitely ready for it - good motor skills, hand/eye coordination, no reflex to spit the food out, can sit up. She's eaten strawberries, raspberries, cucumber, melon, mango, avocado, and tomato. And she does have bought puree on a spoon every now and then.

5. I would dress her gender neutral. Yeah, I've mostly held to that in that I just choose the clothes that are to my tastes, so not that girly, but my goodness she looks CUTE in pink, florals and frills. Cute cute cute. Sorry not sorry.

ON THE OTHER HAND:

- I expected to struggle mentally, and I haven't. I was even prepared for psychosis, but it's honestly been a joy. A struggle, but a joy.

- I thought my partner would not be much use in the first trimester and might feel isolated and shut out; in fact he was so hands on and there WAS a place for him to get involved. I actually think my C section was a huge help in pushing that, since I wasn't too mobile for a while so things like changing and dressing her and walking her about fell more to him.

- I thought I'd resent her for closing up my world but actually she has brought so much into it.

Yep, yep, and yep! Parenting is one of those things you can prepare for all you like and it can still completely surprise you in so many ways. It’s just impossible to know ahead of gone what it’s going to be like because each person is an unique individual and that includes newborns. You can’t know what kid you’re going to end up with before you actually meet them and who you end up parenting can really impact your parenting choices. 

I’ll just be happy with what I call “sterling silver parenting” at this point - if I can get them to adulthood without needing tons of therapy and they end up somewhat healthy and happy then I’ll consider that a job well done.  ?

  • Upvote 4
  • Love 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

I’ll just be happy with what I call “sterling silver parenting” at this point - if I can get them to adulthood without needing tons of therapy and they end up somewhat healthy and happy then I’ll consider that a job well done.  ?

I read a very heartening study recently that concluded you only need to 'get it right' 50% of the time to avoid your child having disordered attachments or other permanent scarring. And also that it doesn't matter if you don't respond immediately and intuitively to your baby's needs, they don't remember the amount of time it took you to figure something out, only that you eventually concluded the episode OK. The 'good enough parent' is alive and well!

I'm sitting down to work now that bub's asleep but I'll try to dig out links later...

  • Upvote 8
  • Love 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, AprilQuilt said:

I'd hoped to get mine on a bottle quickly as I work (fortunately freelance and from home), but she absolutely refuses anything but the boob and takes a lot of comfort and security from it

really want to clarify here, I am fortunate to have work that I could fit breastfeeding into. If I had a different kind of job and she was refusing the bottle, we'd have had to figure something out - it might have been stressful, there might have been a pain barrier, the solution might have been time-consuming, expensive and convoluted, but one way or another she would not have starved. I was in the privileged position of not being forced to have that fight, so I didn't have it.

  • Upvote 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had so many plans for when I became a parent and then I actually had my son and all of those plans went out the window. He was less than two years old when we learned the severity of his special needs and then my plans really, really, really just went up in flames. Don't get me wrong, our way isn't the right way for everyone, but I so badly want to just hug other moms and tell them to chill. It's okay. Breastfeed, don't breastfeed, screen time, no screen time, let them eat waffles for breakfast for three days straight...really, it's okay.  There are so many things we do that I swore I'd never let my kid do. Ha! Life had other plans. Eating your own words is sobering but it's worth it.

As for breastfeeding...if I were to ever have another baby, I wouldn't even attempt it. When my son was born I was going to try it but he just kept screaming his little head off. Nurses/lactation consultants/etc all assured me this was normal and he was getting colostrum but nah, fam. My baby screamed nonstop and no other newborn babies there were screaming quite like him. I finally had to beg a nurse to sneak me a syringe of formula and sure enough as soon as he got it, he was happy and slept like a champ. My boobs never got hard, never got sore, never leaked milk, nada.  

TL;DR - You won't really know what works for your body, your family, your child until they're there! And it constantly changes. Be prepared to be wrong.

  • Upvote 15
  • Love 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, Sullie06 said:

I did not breastfeed my daughter or even attempt and she turned out just fine. I had such a horrible experience with my son between breastfeeding issues and PPD that I ended up having to supplement when he was about 6 weeks and I beat myself up for it. When I got pregnant again I decided for my mental health not to try again. People gave me a hard time but I knew what was best for me and my baby, my daughter who was exclusively bottle fed has not had any disadvantage to my breastfed son.

I was the only one my mum breastfed and out of the three of us I have the weakest immune system. While I don't doubt breastfeeding offers all the benefits it claimed it does, that alone doesn't guarantee better health for your baby. I plan on breastfeeding any children but if I cannot breastfeed at all or have to supplement with formula I will not be devastated. 

When my sister had her section with son No 2 she joked to the midwife don't put him too close my boobs don't want him thinking the milk bar is open. The midwife laughed and didn't try to get her to consider breastfeeding. Parents decisions should be respected.

  • Upvote 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't breastfeed either of my children and never had anyone: doctors, nurses, friends, family, strangers, make any negative remarks about it. I must've just lucked out.

My son had a mild case of craniosynostosis and had to wear a cranial band, aka a "baby helmet", for three months. All of the unsolicited remarks from strangers I got while out and about with him during that time more than made up for the comments I never got for formula feeding. It has also made me pretty invincible to mommy shaming. Once you've experienced a "concerned" little old lady booking it across the produce section for the express purpose of asking you, point blank, if "he's wearing that thing because he got dropped on his head" you can handle pretty much anything.

Edited by Screamapillar
  • Upvote 7
  • Sad 1
  • WTF 7
  • Love 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So this doesn't actually have anything to do with the current thread drift, but I had to come over here and say that I have discovered another person with the first name Spurgeon, and he's apparently related to an acquaintance of mine.

  • Upvote 2
  • Sad 3
  • Rufus Bless 4
  • Haha 13
Link to comment
Share on other sites

22 hours ago, Daisy0322 said:

To be completely honest I had extremely bad postpartum/ pregnancy depression  and had thought I would kill my self after I knew my son was healthy/happy. But he kind of just latched in the recovery room and I ended up LOVING breastfeeding. It probably saved my life. It made me feel really needed and competent.  Also I found it extremely relaxing, practically low dose Xanx.  

I hear ya!  I could have written it, especially the bolded part.  I felt like breastfeeding was the only thing I knew how to do after my babies were born. 

I'm probably older than most of you, so am from a generation that was more shamed for breastfeeding than today, where it sounds like moms are shamed for bottle feeding.  I didn't really care, because I felt good about what I was doing.  My MIL was not super supportive, which, honestly, was probably a huge driver in making me more committed to doing it (Yes, Satan'sFortress is a giant bitch!!!)

  • Upvote 5
  • Haha 3
  • Love 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

28 minutes ago, JPatti said:

Sorry if this is off topic, FJ, but I had to run over here immediately to share the news that Ben's old pal Flame is in the news for being ripped off by Katy Perry!

 

OH my word! is this still a thing?... upon writing that sentence, i read the article and the answer is still yes.  I was an intern at a church back in 2016 in california and this one guy who was super emotional and annoying (though i digress) was so pissed off one day when I was playing dark horse in the intern lounge because he said that she ripped off flame's song.  so dumb. also at that point the only reason I knew of flame was because of the CO episode a couple months prior. gotta love artist disputes... lol. 

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Satan'sFortress said:

I'm probably older than most of you, so am from a generation that was more shamed for breastfeeding than today,

I'm 64, and breast feeding was common back in my babymaking years. No shame in the 80's, maybe my mom's generation was shamed. I did it for a while.

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Yep, yep, and yep! Parenting is one of those things you can prepare for all you like and it can still completely surprise you in so many ways. It’s just impossible to know ahead of gone what it’s going to be like because each person is an unique individual and that includes newborns. You can’t know what kid you’re going to end up with before you actually meet them and who you end up parenting can really impact your parenting choices. 

I’ll just be happy with what I call “sterling silver parenting” at this point - if I can get them to adulthood without needing tons of therapy and they end up somewhat healthy and happy then I’ll consider that a job well done.  ?

Yes! And life CHANGES and that’s okay. My daughter does not have the same life my son had when he was almost three. That doesn’t mean one of them had/has it “better” or we got things “right” with one kid but not the other. It’s just different.

My middle child was the youngest of my three to start daycare, more than a year younger than her siblings were when they started. 2/3 went to Montessori preschools and one won’t. 1/3 kids started swimming lessons at 6 months old, the other 2/3 not until after 2 years old. 2/3 did baby led weaning, one did purées. One was breastfed until her 2nd birthday, the other 2 weaned earlier. The ages they first had screen time, chocolate, a night away from mum and dad... all different. They all turned forward facing in the car at different ages. I may only be one mother but I had three different kids at three different times and if I can’t be consistent in parenting them all exactly the same way, I can’t expect other parents to raise their kids exactly according to MY (shifting) standards.

  • Upvote 12
  • Love 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Look, I'm just happy my 3 survived to adulthood. 

As long as one end is full and the other end is dry/clean...some days that's the best you can hope for. Nobody will look at your kid in 30 years and figure out who had the boob, who didn't, who was rear-facing until 4, who got turned around at 2, who went to pre-school, who didn't. 

They survive and you survive reasonably sane...it's all good!!!!

Look, I'm just happy my 3 survived to adulthood. 

As long as one end is full and the other end is dry/clean...some days that's the best you can hope for. Nobody will look at your kid in 30 years and figure out who had the boob, who didn't, who was rear-facing until 4, who got turned around at 2, who went to pre-school, who didn't. 

They survive and you survive reasonably sane...it's all good!!!!

  • Upvote 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'll find out if I'm pregnant within a week.  I don't want to breastfeed because my goddaughter breastfed and she was mean about it.  ? 

She punched her mother's boobs all the time.  Meanwhile her mother is scared that because she isn't breastfeeding anymore, they won't be bonded.  Baby's about nine months old.

I really can't breastfeed much anyway even if I did want to because of the nature of my work (long hours).

Overworrying about bonding seems futile to me.  I can't be the parent that's home the most anyway, and from what I've seen, the parent that's home the least is the one that the kids prefer.

  • Upvote 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wanted to nurse. Didn’t work out. My 8yo daughter insists on our chairs touching at dinner. How much more can we be bonded? ?

  • Upvote 12
  • Haha 10
  • I Agree 1
  • Love 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Would have nursed - but we adopted and it seemed like WAY too much work to try and get milk going. I had enough to deal with - welcoming a brand new preemie little person into my house. 

Parenting has been nothing like I thought it would be. Sure the highs are fantastic. but I have never been more exhausted in my life. Ever. I'm still (6 years in) running a low level of exhaustion. Although I've adapted. My kiddo crawls into my bed nearly every night and likes to always be touching me - so I'd say even though he was bottle fed - we're pretty attached. 

And as for "when it's your own kid - it's different" - Hubs haaaates the idea of anything plastic. Plastic bottles, Tupperware, pacifiers, plastic kid toys - hates the feel of it. But will be the first one to tell you - when it's HIS kid - it's different. Still hates the idea of plastic cups - but rolls with the punches. Because that's what you do. You have ideas of what this will be like - but babies have opinions. 
Babies don't LIKE that brand/shape of pacifiers - or ANY pacifiers. 
Not that type of bottle, thank you Momma. 
I don't like being on my back/belly/side for sleeping
I like to be tightly wrapped/loosely wrapped/not wrapped at all/wrapped but with one arm sticking out and I will change that arm based on my mood
I like being outside/inside/I don't like any of it - I want to go back in the womb.
I like being held this way/that way/all the time/don't you dare touch me. 

My parenting advice is "Listen to ALL the advice because you never know when you're going to be up at 3am and have tried everything but remember someone told you to sing LaBamba so you give it a shot and baby sleeps! And some of it is just plain funny. So - there is that." 
My other advice - this is critical!!! Those onesies with the weird shoulders? Are designed to go DOWN over baby's body in case of a poop-splosion. I did NOT KNOW THIS. So I take it upon myself to tell EVERYONE.

  • Upvote 14
  • I Agree 3
  • Love 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, justmy2cents said:

Wanted to nurse. Didn’t work out. My 8yo daughter insists on our chairs touching at dinner. How much more can we be bonded? ?

Right! My formula fed daughter (she's 4 now) is plenty bonded. She lays on the floor outside the bathroom and puts her fingers under the door when I'm pooping. Like kid.... go away. We don't need to be together all the time. 

  • Upvote 1
  • Haha 16
  • Love 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 minutes ago, Sullie06 said:

Right! My formula fed daughter (she's 4 now) is plenty bonded. She lays on the floor outside the bathroom and puts her fingers under the door when I'm pooping. Like kid.... go away. We don't need to be together all the time. 

Aww. She's like a cat! :my_heart:

Spoiler

grafik.png.b1fd8cb2e23437d715bdef4f95f1f541.png

 

  • Upvote 3
  • Haha 18
  • Love 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

20 hours ago, HermioneSparrow said:

I'm not a parent but one thing I worked with my therapist was realizing parents are humans and everyone expects this picture perfect life but that's not reality. Parenting is hard, scary (but also very rewarding). 

I don't like the mommy culture we have right now (in life in general I mean), where everything has to be perfect and if you don't live up to those expectations, then you're a bad mom. If I ever become a mom, I don't think I want to join any mommy group, I'm gonna keep it lowkey.

I feel like there's an insidious idea spreading that once a woman gets pregnant her body no longer belongs to her, but the baby. Even among pro-choice super liberal types--in fact, a lot of people who I hear act like this or read about are very liberal. 

Pregnant women can't have any sushi ever (despite that there's plenty of pregnant women in Japan who eat plenty of sushi)

If a pregnant woman has even one tiny sip of alcohol she is a monster and the baby will 100% get FAS (even though there's many cultures they still have a glass of wine with dinner, and for most of human history water was literal disease soup so drinking alcohol was the only clean drinking source. Ancient Egyptians,  with 3,000 years of continuous history, drank beer instead of water at most meals.  I suppose they all had FAS. Quick, someone check the mummies). 

If a pregnant woman orders a latte at Starbucks, the barista should make it decaf cuz baby trumps mom (even though caffeine isn't even straight up band, bust mostly advised to be limited. Also some people think those studies were flawed, but whatever)

Any pregnant woman who drinks, smokes, or has caffeine is the literal devil who doesn't deserve to be mom (maybe she's an addict trying to wean herself off instead of going cold turkey, since stress is probably more dangerous for pregnant women than soft cheese or too ripe bananas or whatever the other banned products are). 

Any mother who does not try the magical healing manna that is breastfeeding is selfish, to the point that apparently it's better for the baby to starve than for her to try evil formula. 

Hey, are you a sexually active woman of childbearing age? Then no alcohol for you---thats what some docs say now. I mean, what happens if you accidentally get pregnant living your hedonistic, selfish lifestyle? Did you incubators think of that? Why won't anyone think of the blastocysts?!?

Cuz instead of, you know, treating women like autonomous people, and trusting that they and their doctor can decide what's best in their individual case, the new trend is they are public property who can't tell the difference between a glass of wine once a month and a black out binge. 

Obviously I'm having a lot of feelings while ttc

Edited by BernRul
  • Upvote 20
  • I Agree 2
  • Love 20
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If your kid has to suck on your boob to bond with you, kids would never bond with their fathers.  Just sayin’...

I exclusively pumped because baby getting it from the tap just didn’t work for us. They had formula once I had to stop pumping for my own sanity.  Bonding was never an issue, we snuggled all the time.  They still snuggle with me, even the tween who won’t admit she likes it?

  • Upvote 13
  • Love 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • HerNameIsBuffy locked this topic
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.