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Dillards 78: Taste the Rainbow


Georgiana

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2 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

My point above was that they were raised this way. Any of the others (Jinger, Jessa, Joy, Kendra, Lauren, and Abbie) would do the same. They would all follow their headship so the family wouldn’t be apart. None of the others would be called a stage 5 clinger. Just so happens that none of the other headships have needed to move anywhere. 

Jeremy is the only one actually. The Vuolos relocated to the LA area so he could finish up a program through The Master’s Seminary. I think that’s for a longer period of time, but still. 

But yeah, I think you’re right actually. This isn’t a case of Jill being a stage five clinger so much as it’s a case of how she and her sisters were raised to behave. We saw something similar from Jinger when she traveled to pretty much every conference or event Jeremy had for work as well. 

I don’t really see much wrong with the choice to be honest. It’s a three hour drive from Little Rock to the Fayetteville/Rogers area. Derick’s schedule is likely more open right now since he’s not attending classes at the moment, so this would give them a pretty great chance for some quality family time when he’s not at work. Plus their boys are still young enough where it’d probably be pretty easy to relocate to Little Rock for a month or so. They seem to be taking advantage of a lot of legitimate museums in that area, so hopefully the boys are having some fun educational experiences. 

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2 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

None of the others would be called a stage 5 clinger.

Jill hasn't received this title just because of the summer move.

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I just feel sorry for women in these patriarchal cults. Aside from childbirth, they seemingly live their lives in the shadows of someone else’s aspirations, goals and desires. They are merely along as arm candy to another’s life. I truly hope that Jana is living the life SHE wants to live. The rest are merely an audience for someone else’s life show. It’s so  disheartening as well as disgusting. 

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5 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

They would all follow their headship so the family wouldn’t be apart. None of the others would be called a stage 5 clinger. 

Like @SilverBeach said, Jill's clinger status was firmly entrenched before this move. 

If I remember correctly it became a topic super early on when she would go to eat lunch with him at work every day and progressed when she tagged along on his "mission" trips for school even when she (to the best of our knowledge wasn't enrolled in the program) 

I wouldn't fault any of the other daughters for doing what Jill did here. But she has definitely exhibited some clingy tendencies from what's been shown. 

 

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They barely knew each other when they got married. They had a long distance relationship which resulted in Jill falling in love with someone she'd never met. Then came the honeymoon pregnancy...Maybe she was just trying to get some alone time with him and get to know him.

OMG. I'm defending a Duggar. Send help, along with chocolate, cookies and tea, and  a very small amount of wine. Thank you.

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I don't see Jill as still being a stage 5 clinger so much anymore. When she first married she was LOST because Derrick worked all day and she didn't have anything to do, she wasn't used to seeing "headship" drive off for 10 hours a day of work, JB was always around, or she had literally dozens of siblings to entertain or be entertained by. 

Joy follows Austin around to his various job sites, Jinger follows Jeremy we don't call either of the stage 5 clingers. I think Jill's biggest issue is Jill is a awkward AF, socially, personally and in pretty much every way.  She's too eager to do the right thing, and to say the right thing and to be the proper, daughter, sister, wife, mother friend, she tries too hard and it shows. She comes across as anxious a lot and just trying to make everyone around her happy to her own detriment. That and she's a lot clueless, completely out of her element most of the time and just trying to tread water while everyone around her points and laughs.   

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Come on... you all know Derrick demands attention and praise when he walks through the door, expects dinner on the table every night, and his wife lotioned and ready for sex after dark. She's there because that's what he told her to do, so she did it. 

 

But also, I do wonder about accountability partners for Derrick... would Jill "trust" him to be left alone with the almighty internet? He might wander into some porn if his wife wasn't readily available at all times. 

Edited by Casserole
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I’m sure that ‘Josh The Redeemed’ is used as a cautionary tale for all the other marrieds. As much family togetherness as they can manage.

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Actually we don’t. We seen so little of the Dillard’s lives and haven’t for awhile now. That sounds more Josh Behavior too me if you want to honest. 

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4 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

She comes across as anxious a lot

That's the difference between a clinger and somebody just maximizing time with someone.

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I don't blame her for relocating with him for a few weeks either, her and the boy's are having fun exploring Little Rock and Derick is working and then still getting some time with the boy's. My dad worked away for a time and he hated missing out on seeing us regularly and when my sister announced she was pregnant with my oldest nephew and my uncle who worked with him had two heart attack's while working in Liverpool. He made the decision to take a job at his old work near by our house. Good job he did he was home when my sister had pregnancy complications and then when my uncle had fatal heart attack a few weeks later. 

Whatever reason for their decision, they are at least having a good time and Derick isn't going weeks without seeing his children or driving hours to and from Little Rock and probably not seeing them much of the day.

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I'm not one to sympathize with the Duggars but honestly after being away from my husband and children for 4 weeks for a work training I get wanting to have your family with you. I wish we were in a place where my husband could have come with the kids and stayed with me but it didn't work that way. Of course if I were a Duggar/Duggar adjacent I would never have been in that position anyway. I work in a male dominated field and was away from home for a month with two male co-workers. Scandalous.

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14 hours ago, Sullie06 said:

I'm not one to sympathize with the Duggars but honestly after being away from my husband and children for 4 weeks for a work training I get wanting to have your family with you. I wish we were in a place where my husband could have come with the kids and stayed with me but it didn't work that way. Of course if I were a Duggar/Duggar adjacent I would never have been in that position anyway. I work in a male dominated field and was away from home for a month with two male co-workers. Scandalous.

I can see that. and if she's not going to work with him every day and the kids are being exposed to something else, that's all to the good. Good on a Duggar scale.

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On 8/1/2019 at 4:28 PM, Casserole said:

Come on... you all know Derrick demands attention and praise when he walks through the door, expects dinner on the table every night, and his wife lotioned and ready for sex after dark. She's there because that's what he told her to do, so she did it. 

Exactly. I think Derrick is pretty particular and maybe gets bored easily and this feeds Jill's anxiety and perceived clinginess. This would be especially hard if your sole purpose in life is to make your headship happy and pop out babies. It's the anxious /avoidant thing. 

Also, I went to a large, well known, diverse grad program and I can tell you it was the norm for partners to go with their significant other to internship locations. At the very least it was a chance to see a new place. It's also quite expensive in some cases to travel back and forth (or just exhausting) and so if there isn't anything preventing a temporary summer move (like a 9-5 job) then they went... and of course kids too.

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On 8/2/2019 at 7:22 AM, Sullie06 said:

I'm not one to sympathize with the Duggars but honestly after being away from my husband and children for 4 weeks for a work training I get wanting to have your family with you. I wish we were in a place where my husband could have come with the kids and stayed with me but it didn't work that way. Of course if I were a Duggar/Duggar adjacent I would never have been in that position anyway. I work in a male dominated field and was away from home for a month with two male co-workers. Scandalous.

My husband was transferred from CA to Chicago the summer prior to our son’s Sr year of HS. There was no way we were pulling him at that point. My husband negotiated travel into his package and came home roughly 3 weekends a month. This allowed me to keep my job for an extra period of time too. Needless to say, the Duggar way is nearly impossible for most of us heathens.

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I don't see any reason for her not to go. She works a job (Instagram?) that is easily portable. Why not have a new experience and not have to separate the kiddos from their father?

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4 hours ago, SilverBeach said:

That's not a job. 

I think it CAN be, but not the half-assed way Jill goes about it...

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19 hours ago, SassyPants said:

My husband was transferred from CA to Chicago the summer prior to our son’s Sr year of HS. There was no way we were pulling him at that point. My husband negotiated travel into his package and came home roughly 3 weekends a month. This allowed me to keep my job for an extra period of time too. Needless to say, the Duggar way is nearly impossible for most of us heathens.

Agreed! My husband works full time (as do I) and my son was in Kindergarten at the time so there was just no way for us to make it work. It would have been nice but we survived. Thank goodness for Facetime. On a side note, I was able to hit the hotel gym everyday and I was in the best shape I had been in years. It didn't last long after my return to the real world. 

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So Jill posted on her Instagram story that a friend of hers recently got out of an abusive relationship and gives some statistics about men and women being domestically abused as well as a link to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and their hotline number. She does provide a bible verse about not turning a blind eye to others suffering, but I was surprised to see her talk about it openly and to include stats on men also being abused in relationships. I also found it interesting that she linked an Instagram page about narcissistic abuse that talks about how to deal with narcissists and how to get out of a relationship with narcissists. I wonder if some of the stuff on narcissists has been helpful for her since we’ve talked about her and Derick possibly setting boundaries with her family. 

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Edited by JanasTattooParlor
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What up with Jill's Insta story. I wish I knew how to copy it but I don't.  Anyway, she's posted "did you know..."  next page  "Leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time for a woman" and then a link to a domestic violence site.  Holy social awareness Jill, this is the kind of stuff that makes me say "Jill do you accept gays now" She doesn't but she seems to be coming closer and closer to being almost, dare I say normal.  I know having awareness of domestic violence is a far cry from accepting LGBTQ+ people and being pro choice, but damn, this is the most progressive I've seen any Duggar. I'm literally impressed with Jill right now. Of course she'll probably do something stupid by the end of the day. 

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Someone above said Jill is the most annoying and therefore not the most interesting. I don't think annoying and interesting are mutually exclusive.

I don't find Jill that annoying, personally - maybe I'm an annoying try-hard too. And she keeps things interesting - who knew she'd do a pretty sensible post about abusive relationships?

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27 minutes ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

So Jill posted on her Instagram story that a friend of hers recently got out of an abusive relationship and gives some statistics about men and women being domestically abused as well as a link to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and their hotline number. She does provide a bible verse about not turning a blind eye to others suffering, but I was surprised to see her talk about it openly and to include stats on men also being abused in relationships. I also found it interesting that she linked an Instagram page about narcissistic abuse that talks about how to deal with narcissists and how to get out of a relationship with narcissists. I wonder if some of the stuff on narcissists has been helpful for her since we’ve talked about her and Derick possibly setting boundaries with her family. 

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That might be the single most sensible thing I’ve seen any Duggar post or state about the subject. Just glancing through quick and it looks like it was all relatively reasonable and solid information. I wonder if her SIL, Deena, has had an influence on her at all? Deena is definitely her own unique brand of obnoxious, but I believe she’s a Social worker and she very likely has some professional experience with abuse of some form. 

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Very interesting. I wonder if learning about these things has helped her put in perspective the abuse she has witnessed in fundamentalism.

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Looks like Derick has a job clerking for the Arkansas AG.

Very good position to land. It also tells me that his grades must be decent and he presents well in interviews.

Definitely unexpected.

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