Lori Alexander 68: June Gloom Has Arrived

[Emilycharlotte]

Yep. Even if he isn’t a ranting bully (doubtful) it’s still a miserable way to eat dinner for those kids, and is sending them all the wrong messages. 

[wallysmommy]

When I attended ebil Catholic University, one of the classes discussed the importance of communion as breaking of bread, where during a meal we are our most open and sharing.   This is why it was so symbolic prior to the crucifixion.  Speculation bus, extending further, if the house isn't clean enough, does he make her clean until it meets his standards.  Two thoughts -- her post is a cry for help, or she's so deluded that she thinks it's normal and good.

[Hisey]

2 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

I was thinking the same thing. It was what my mom's dad expected. He just passed away and neither of his two bio kids really want to go to the funeral. In fact, I think it's only my parents and me going. My Aunt, mom's sister, refuses. 

The woman notes that it works for the family, it doesn't. It works for the dad who gets all the attention and has all the authority. The kids are simply subjected to it. 

The woman thinks it works. She'll know if it works forty years from now, if the kids want to go to their father's funeral.

[Sobeknofret]

12 hours ago, livinglongerthanyou said:

If you want to eat good bread, learn how to make fry bread. There are good recipes out there in YouTube land. I learned how to make it from my grandmother and it's been fun to have lived in various Inuit and Native communities and learned different variations. I eat it a fair bit when winter camping. The best fry bread meal I ever had was when I moved out of a community I had been in for a couple of years and this sweet elder came to the one room airport shack and gave me two pieces of warm, greasy fry bread with two fried eggs in between. I can still taste it!

Frybread as the base for a taco is the best! Here they're called Navajo tacos, but my Lakota cousin in South Dakota just calls them Indian tacos. 

Now, I need to make Navajo tacos for lunch I think....

[quiversR4hunting]

1 hour ago, wallysmommy said:

When I attended ebil Catholic University, one of the classes discussed the importance of communion as breaking of bread, where during a meal we are our most open and sharing.   This is why it was so symbolic prior to the crucifixion.  Speculation bus, extending further, if the house isn't clean enough, does he make her clean until it meets his standards.  Two thoughts -- her post is a cry for help, or she's so deluded that she thinks it's normal and good.

And there is a lot of research to support this idea of sharing a meal is good for the family.

Here is one article from the American Pediatrics: https://www.acpeds.org/the-college-speaks/position-statements/parenting-issues/the-benefits-of-the-family-table 

Harvard even created a nonprofit "Project Zero" in their school of education to help promote and help families come back to the table. https://thefamilydinnerproject.org/about-us/ 

The articles I have read (before today and the 2 above) all say the conversation is what helps the family. This lady isn't describing a conversation, she is describing a rant or dissertation or lecture (depending on the tone of the dad's speech). 

 

[onemama]

This is a comment from the "wives, let your husbands raise your sons masculine" post on facebook.

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 One of a father's duties is to protect his kids from their mother.

A short conversation:

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will your daughter have a job when she is 21 ?

That is up to her? She will not live with me though, you hit 18 in my world and unless you are going to college then you are out of the house

 

Another:

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Did this...my son is 21 and this year we said "there's the door" after church....hes now almost through basic training...

And this:

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Statistics show that fathers do a better job at raising kids.

So, let's see. If fathers should be raising their sons and protecting them from their mothers, then.. who's supposed to work to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table if mom is supposed to be keeping home?

This notion that children should leave home when they are 18 or 21 or be shamed for living with their parents is NOWHERE in the Bible.  It's a US American thing. 

Where's Lori when her followers are teaching one another to send their daughters out of the house when they turn 18, not caring what may become of them?  

Edited June 28, 2019 by onemama

[feministxtian]

#2 son is living at home. No shame in that game. It is working well for all of us. He needs a place to live while he gets his shit together and I need help with the hubby. The deal we have is he is welcome to live at home as long as he has a job of some sort and goes to school. When he's ready to get out on his own, he's free to leave. I have no intention of "kicking" him out. 

[delphinium65]

59 minutes ago, onemama said:

This notion that children should leave home when they are 18 or 21 or be shamed for living with their parents is NOWHERE in the Bible.  It's a US American thing. 

Wasn't Isaac 40 years old when he married Rebekah? And still living with his parents?  Not that I would recommend that adults continue living with their parents that long, but the Bible certainly doesn't seem to condemn Isaac for it.  

[NotQuiteMotY]

4 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

When I attended ebil Catholic University, one of the classes discussed the importance of communion as breaking of bread, where during a meal we are our most open and sharing.   This is why it was so symbolic prior to the crucifixion.  

Not just that, but so many cultures have rules about meal etiquette and what you can't do to someone once you have broken bread with them. Meals are a Big Deal for humans all over the place.

2 hours ago, feministxtian said:

#2 son is living at home. No shame in that game. It is working well for all of us. He needs a place to live while he gets his shit together and I need help with the hubby. The deal we have is he is welcome to live at home as long as he has a job of some sort and goes to school. When he's ready to get out on his own, he's free to leave. I have no intention of "kicking" him out. 

We had a very similar arrangement with my parents growing up. Functioning, assisting member of the household? Job and/or school? No problem.

Heck, we have that arrangement currently with a relative of my husband's. She needed a place to stay temporarily, so we said sure. Help around the house, be working, at school, or both, and let us know when you'll be home so we know when to worry if you're not.

[elliha]

I agree that the family dinner is a great time for exchange of ideas, fun and community. It is also a great place to teach children good behavior and some discipline in a positive way. It is about being able to take part and share and interact but also learn good conversation behavior such as not interrupting, what is appropriate at the dinner table, making sure everyone gets to take part etc. I cannot imagine what it would be like to sit quiet at the table just eating and waiting to get the chance to speak which might not even happen every time. I do think that that it can be good for children to learn to listen to adults talking but not every single night and not just listen to one adult. I think it may actually increase the risk for "rebellion" towards parents since what they will learn is to ignore their father's talking until specifically addressed.

[feministxtian]

48 minutes ago, NotQuiteMotY said:

We had a very similar arrangement with my parents growing up. Functioning, assisting member of the household? Job and/or school? No problem.

#2 son's "job" at home is to help me get hub off the floor after a fall or seizure. I know it's killing #2 son to see his dad decline like this...but he says it's his job to do what's right for the dad that raised him. He left everything behind in California when hubs was diagnosed. Literally, he packed his shit and got on the road in 24 hours after I called him. i don't know what I'd do without him. 

[louisa05]

4 hours ago, onemama said:

This notion that children should leave home when they are 18 or 21 or be shamed for living with their parents is NOWHERE in the Bible.  It's a US American thing.  

But it shouldn't be happening because the parents demand that they stay--as in the SAHD movement. Or my cousin who has two kids (27 and 24) that are literally not allowed to go and have been dominated so much that they (kind of like the SAHDs, but no religion there) seem completely unaware that leaving, supporting themselves, choosing their own paths and making their own choices is possible. And it shouldn't be happening if the parents want the kids to move on either. It's fine if it is a mutual decision between the adult child and the parent(s). I just know too many cases where it isn't. 

As for the bastard making his family eat in silence so he can rant at them...

I read that to my mother and we couldn't even imagine my very domineering and patriarchal paternal grandfather doing such a thing or telling my grandmother to "end it" to make her stop talking. Nor would my aunt's husband who has made her serve him like a housemaid their entire married life--she has to do everything for him including laying out his clothes every morning, but he wouldn't do that to her. It's mind boggling. Someone needs to answer that comment to explain to her that her husband is an emotionally abusive asshole in the highest degree. But Lori would delete it anyway. 

 

[Lgirlrocks]

3 hours ago, feministxtian said:

#2 son is living at home. No shame in that game. It is working well for all of us. He needs a place to live while he gets his shit together and I need help with the hubby. The deal we have is he is welcome to live at home as long as he has a job of some sort and goes to school. When he's ready to get out on his own, he's free to leave. I have no intention of "kicking" him out. 

That’s how it was for my siblings and I. Once in college we worked and went to school while living at home. We all helped out with my dad. My mom was working two jobs, seven days a week. Even if my dad hadn’t been sick the rule was if you want to live at home after high school you have to work or be in school. 

[Loveday]

23 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

#2 son's "job" at home is to help me get hub off the floor after a fall or seizure. I know it's killing #2 son to see his dad decline like this...but he says it's his job to do what's right for the dad that raised him. He left everything behind in California when hubs was diagnosed. Literally, he packed his shit and got on the road in 24 hours after I called him. i don't know what I'd do without him. 

This just made me  cry (in a good way). What a real blessing he is for you and his dad. 

[Free Jana Duggar]

I can't  believe that creep who won't let his wife or kids talk during dinner.  Dinner is supposed to be family time where everyone can catch up.  Also, conversation teaches kids manners and to not interrupt and take turns speaking.  Our family gives everyone a chance to tell about his/her day.

I get that you shouldn't meet your husband at the door with all the problems of the day, but this dude is a flat out tyrant. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

So... "That's it. End it" is just a slightly nicer way of saying "Shut the eff up"?   

Wow. Just wow.  Imagine having so little self-esteem you let your husband tell you to 'shut the eff up.'. What does he say if one of the children speaks without being spoken to?

The only time dinner in the Dress house is silent is if we're both reading at the table. Bad manners I know, but we both love to read.

[livinglongerthanyou]

If my husband ever said, "That's it. End it.", I would assume he wanted me to collect the life insurance policy I have on him. And don't think it wouldn't happen.

[onemama]

A comment made by Trey under the "virtuous or rottenness" post on her blog.  .

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The Bible teaches that all authority comes from God and that we must obey God before we obey man. If your husband asks you to do something that God has said not to do (sin), then you must obey God first. Otherwise, you are to submit to and obey your husband just as you would submit to and obey Jesus Christ Himself if He were the one living in the house with you.

In day to day activities – YES SUBMIT. You have the choices your husband gives you.
In clothes (styles , colors) – YES SUBMIT. You have the choices that your husband gives you.
In music – YES SUBMIT. You have the choices your husband gives you.

I N E V E R Y T H I N G…. SUBMIT. What time you go to bed, what time you get up, where you can go, who you can associate with, what church to attend, what you cook, how you cook it, the length of your hair, the color of your hair, how much makeup you can wear, where you live, how you decorate your house, how you clean your house, how you raise and discipline your children, how you educate your children…. I could go on and on and on and on and on… EVERYTHING!

Where your husband gives you choices, make wise ones and he will likely give you more freedom but make bad choices and he will likely (for your best interest) reduce your freedom. Most husbands don’t want to dictate everything (far from it) but some things are important to them and when they say “I want xyz”, then you should say… yes lord… and then do it.

God created marriage to be an earthly picture of the relationship between Christ and the church where the Husband represents Christ and the wife represents the church. Just as the church is to submit to and daily be conforming itself to Christ… in everything, so also a wife should submit to and daily be conforming herself to her husband… in everything (with the only exception being sin).

 

A woman posted a comment asking Lori why she allows such comments on her blog (long comment) and Lori replied:

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 There is nothing in Trey’s comment that is unbiblical. 

And I would agree with her, because there were tyrants in the Bible who did much worse to the women in their lives.  

[feministxtian]

2 hours ago, livinglongerthanyou said:

If my husband ever said, "That's it. End it.", I would assume he wanted me to collect the life insurance policy I have on him. And don't think it wouldn't happen.

I'd just end his teeth...that fast, outta nowhere Cuban backhand would come and go faster than he could see it. That shit don't fly here...

[Petronella]

On 6/28/2019 at 12:52 AM, PinkPrincess0213 said:

Back on women in silence.

This comment...I can't make up my mind if I'm furious or just sad.

Either way, it makes me feel icky.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

I don’t get what the man gets out of this arrangement. What on earth is satisfying about blathering at people who ignore you? If he doesn’t want them to respond or show interest, why does he want them there at all? How is this any different from ranting alone in his car on the drive home?

I just don’t get it...

[feministxtian]

6 minutes ago, Petronella said:

I don’t get what the man gets out of this arrangement. What on earth is satisfying about blathering at people who ignore you? If he doesn’t want them to respond or show interest, why does he want them there at all? How is this any different from ranting alone in his car on the drive home?

I just don’t get it...

He gets to feel like "big man" blathering for an "adoring" audience. Bet he suffers from little dick syndrome.

[Petronella]

Just now, feministxtian said:

He gets to feel like "big man" blathering for an "adoring" audience. Bet he suffers from little dick syndrome.

But how does “adoring” get communicated by silence? I’m really, really lost on this one.

I guess he and I are just very, very different people. To my great relief.

[SweetLaurel]

4 hours ago, Petronella said:

I don’t get what the man gets out of this arrangement. What on earth is satisfying about blathering at people who ignore you? If he doesn’t want them to respond or show interest, why does he want them there at all? How is this any different from ranting alone in his car on the drive home?

I just don’t get it...

Oh, having lived with a couple of ranters, you are are not allowed to totally ignore them.  You have to nod in agreement, shake your head in disbelief at the wrong done to them, or the stupidity of X, heavily sigh in dismay at times, and when asked a question, have the right answer promptly.  It's a skill that I'm sure his family has down pat by now.  Then you quietly but firmly give them the finger and/or stick your tongue out at them as soon as privately possible.  They all think he's an ass and their mom is too for letting him do that.   My opinion from growing up ranted at.  

Edited June 29, 2019 by SweetLaurel
adding

[Liza]

What??   What is she even talking about her?  I swear.  I don't understand how her mind operates.   How do you answer a question that makes no sense? 

 In any case, isn't Lori on social media ... Facebook, Twitter,  Instagram, blog +++ .    And doesn't she watch TV ... like the Bachelor and Hallmark TV?   The News, even?

I think something is wrong with Lori and I mean this seriously.  

[louisa05]

My paternal grandfather was a ranter. But he wanted agreement and feedback. So  as an adult, my dad would argue with him for fun to get him even more worked up. Grandpa's brother and brother-in-law would both argue with him more seriously . Apparently Grandpa didn't really dislike a good argument either as when one of those great uncles died, he said over and over that he was going to miss "all of their great conversations". We never heard one that wasn't just an hour of more of nonstop arguing where they looked frustrated with each other. 

He could be very unpleasant and wanted to dominate every conversation. Yet, as I said above, even he would never have told his wife she wasn't allowed to talk or said "end it" to her to make her stop. This one just blows my mind.