Grandma Mary Died

[MayMay1123]

From what I know, an autopsy is required when a person dies without medical personnel in attendance. It's necessary to know what a cause of death is, to make sure it's not foul play.

[OyToTheVey]

I'm not against autopsies. Sometimes they're necessary. But we wanted my grandmother to have a full Jewish service. No autopsy allowed. As I said it really depends on the family. An 86 year old woman with a history of dementia and other health problems. No autopsy even needed.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

I did not allow autopsy to be performed on anyone I buried.  Who wants to think about that as a finale?  You want one you gotta came at me with a Court Order.

 

[HereticHick]

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

That makes more sense. Apologies if I misread @HereticHick!

sorry, and I apologize for the timeline-- I was out of the country and offline and though Grandma Mary had just passed away this Sunday.  

[clueliss]

3 hours ago, fluffernutter said:

Jill posted several pics on instagram. The funeral was yesterday, she had some shots of the service, it looked like it was  in  a big church auditorium maybe, and a few of the graveside. It rained and there was a rainbow. Hopefully the family can slowly move forward. Getting through the day of the service is so hard.

Jill's post referenced Cross Church I believe.

[Playagirl]

Playakitty hanging out on top of the fridge. She didn't come home last night and I'm trying not to freak. She's been going out on her own for a couple of months now because she's nuts and completely unmanageable indoors.  Her vet said some cats do better when they're allowed outside and that's certainly true with her. She generally goes out for a couple of hours after supper and comes in before bed but not this time. Her humans are sad and worried even though it's our own fault for letting her out.

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, MayMay1123 said:

From what I know, an autopsy is required when a person dies without medical personnel in attendance. It's necessary to know what a cause of death is, to make sure it's not foul play.

No, it is not. Neither one of my parents died with medical personnel in attendance. They died at home. There was a 2-3 day delay between their deaths and cremations. The funerals were within 5 days of their deaths. Both my parents had essentially terminal diseases and their deaths were caused by those diseases. When the time comes, NO ONE will be slicing and dicing on my husband. NO ONE. His cause of death will be known (cancer) and there is no reason to go looking for "foul play". The cancer will (is) kill him. There will be a cremation, a memorial service and burial at the Veterans's Cemetery in Boulder City with full military honors. 

Edited June 18, 2019 by feministxtian

[Palimpsest]

Come on people.  Plenty of people die alone and autopsies are rarely performed.

They are only performed if: 

1. A doctor is unwilling to sign a death certificate because there is doubt about the cause, mode, or manner of death, or
2. To determine the identity of the corpse, or
3. To evaluate any disease or injury for research or educational purposes (with the permission of the deceased or family).

Grandma Mary's cause (why), mode (how) and manner (accidental) of death was apparently easy to determine and there was no doubt as to her identity.

And an autopsy would be performed on me or mine without very good reason over my dead body (if you will forgive the phrase.)

The timing of funerals depends on many things including the availability of the church and the ability of family members to travel attend the funeral.  A week is really not unusual at all, especially if family wanting to attend are geographically distant.

And can everyone please be careful so spell it "foul play" not "fowl play" or I will start making terrible chicken jokes.  Sorry, I'll show myself to the prayer closet in advance.

 

Edited June 18, 2019 by Palimpsest
too many words

[HerNameIsBuffy]

8 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

No, it is not. Neither one of my parents died with medical personnel in attendance. They died at home. There was a 2-3 day delay between their deaths and cremations. The funerals were within 5 days of their deaths. Both my parents had essentially terminal diseases and their deaths were caused by those diseases. When the time comes, NO ONE will be slicing and dicing on my husband. NO ONE. His cause of death will be known (cancer) and there is no reason to go looking for "foul play". The cancer will (is) kill him. There will be a cremation, a memorial service and burial at the Veterans's Cemetery in Boulder City with full military honors. 

Laws vary by state - there are some in which medical personnel plays a role.

and no one is talking about demanding it for everyone in every circumstance.   And certainly someone with a diagnosed terminal illness is in a different situation than an accidental or unexpected death.

Although this is the straw man to fight in here today , I see.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

Yeah - fuck me for pointing out laws vary by state and you don’t speak to every jutistidction. 

I mean just because  that’s actually a fact...why let those get in the way?

fuck the CDC too - putting their facts that contradict your incorrect statements on the Internet.

https://www.cdc.gov/phlp/docs/coroner/table1-investigation.pdf

[nausicaa]

44 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

The cancer will (is) kill him. There will be a cremation, a memorial service and burial at the Veterans's Cemetery in Boulder City with full military honors. 

What on God's green earth does this have to do with a discussion about state laws for autopsies?

[apandaaries]

41 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

 

And can everyone please be careful so spell it "foul play" not "fowl play" or I will start making terrible chicken jokes.  Sorry, I'll show myself to the prayer closet in advance.

I’ve been longing to make some fowl* jokes about that matter myself. 

*intentional, loves. 

ETA: Birds! Surely someone has some birds as pets. Can we get some cute pix in here, please? Perhaps a lighter mood would be beneficial. 

Edited June 18, 2019 by apandaaries

[mollysmom]

 

[Jana814]

2 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

Depends who you ask I guess. In judaism, the funeral is usually within 24 hours. For my gramma it was 4 days because she died the day before Rosh Hashanah(Jewish New Year) and holiday funerals aren't allowed so we had to wait til Sunday after the holiday and Shabbos. 

I’m Jewish as well. We bury rather quickly. A family friend also died a day before Rosh Hashannah. They also buried her the Sunday after the holiday. 

[SassyPants]

My only comment about Jill’s IG photo of the burial, I hope the Dillards are at a distance because they are afraid that Sam would be loud and distract from the ceremony, or because the Dillards also run on Duggar time and somehow arrived late, and not because the burial was being filmed for consumption!

[Topaz]

My 81 year old grandmother had a post-mortem because although she was old and not in the best health there was nothing known to be terminally wrong with her and she died unexpectedly in her sleep so I believe the doctor couldn’t just sign it off as natural causes (turned out to just be old age). This was in England about 20 years ago.

[VelociRapture]

34 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

My only comment about Jill’s IG photo of the burial, I hope the Dillards are at a distance because they are afraid that Sam would be loud and distract from the ceremony, or because the Dillards also run on Duggar time and somehow arrived late, and not because the burial was being filmed for consumption!

Jill credited some of the photos to Laura and Lauren. I would guess that Laura might have helped out with some of the little kids if they got too rowdy or that photo of Sam was taken when the graveside service wasn’t happening (either before or after.)

As for autopsies, I personally have no preference for whether someone wants to have one done on me or not. If it’s legally required circumstances than the people in charge of my body better make sure it happens though. And I swear to Rufus, if they fail to harvest my organs for donation I WILL haunt them for the rest of their sorry lives (unless I’m medically barred from donating, in which case I’ll give them a pass.)

[WarriorJane]

3 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Nothing to do with Mary, but I do think there should always be an autopsy required when one dies accidentally or unexpectedly.  

Idk what the actual laws are or the logistics of that, but I listen to enough true crime podcasts to want to err on the side of caution.  

Again...general comment and nothing Duggar related is implied.

They are required in those situations in my state, but I don't know about Arkansas. 

[Casserole]

48 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

My only comment about Jill’s IG photo of the burial, I hope the Dillards are at a distance because they are afraid that Sam would be loud and distract from the ceremony, or because the Dillards also run on Duggar time and somehow arrived late, and not because the burial was being filmed for consumption!

one of the photos in the church looks like a film crew was present but I am *hoping* it's just sound crew people for the actual audio/visuals in the church and not TLC. 

 

Edit: also, when the grandsons are all on stage there is a clear camera man and audio guy sitting in the audience. 

Edited June 18, 2019 by Casserole

[AussieKrissy]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

My only comment about Jill’s IG photo of the burial, I hope the Dillards are at a distance because they are afraid that Sam would be loud and distract from the ceremony, or because the Dillards also run on Duggar time and somehow arrived late, and not because the burial was being filmed for consumption!

I thought it was a bit odd, but then I thought maybe she asked someone not in the family to take the pics, so she would have something to show the boys when they are older. 

I know it sounds odd but hear me out. 

A work colleague died young and unexpectedly. His widow had the service videoed professionally. Her children were quite young (to young to remember it). Her reasoning was that they may have questions later on and this was the easiest way to answer them. Seeing someone give a moving Eulogy is it a bit more real than reading it. 

[GutenbergGirl]

3 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Nothing to do with Mary, but I do think there should always be an autopsy required when one dies accidentally or unexpectedly. 

I had a family member who passed away unexpectedly* in his mid-20s.  

He was found in his house by another family member, with a needle and syringe in his arm and a tourniquet still in place.  No autopsy was done.

He had been in long term rehab for 1.5 years, and only recently returned to his home. But, he had been using drugs since he was a pre-teen.  He had been a known IV drug user for years. 

That, combined with other evidence near him, was enough that the medical examiner didn't need an autopsy to determine that he died from an accidental overdose of heroin and cocaine. 

* "Unexpected" only in the sense that he was a young, healthy person.  No one was exactly surprised that he overdosed, especially after being clean for more than a year.  His tolerance was much likely much lower, and he probably didn't account for that.  

[JenniferJuniper]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

My only comment about Jill’s IG photo of the burial, I hope the Dillards are at a distance because they are afraid that Sam would be loud and distract from the ceremony, or because the Dillards also run on Duggar time and somehow arrived late, and not because the burial was being filmed for consumption!

I almost can't imagine JB not inviting TLC....and their cameras.

[Sky with diamonds]

I wish the pictures of the funeral were not made public. Maybe it's because my grief is so recent and raw I say that. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

14 minutes ago, GutenbergGirl said:

I had a family member who passed away unexpectedly* in his mid-20s.  

He was found in his house by another family member, with a needle and syringe in his arm and a tourniquet still in place.  No autopsy was done.

He had been in long term rehab for 1.5 years, and only recently returned to his home. But, he had been using drugs since he was a pre-teen.  He had been a known IV drug user for years. 

That, combined with other evidence near him, was enough that the medical examiner didn't need an autopsy to determine that he died from an accidental overdose of heroin and cocaine. 

* "Unexpected" only in the sense that he was a young, healthy person.  No one was exactly surprised that he overdosed, especially after being clean for more than a year.  His tolerance was much likely much lower, and he probably didn't account for that.  

I’m so sorry.  

[FrozenSmile]

38 minutes ago, Casserole said:

one of the photos in the church looks like a film crew was present but I am *hoping* it's just sound crew people for the actual audio/visuals in the church and not TLC. 

 

Edit: also, when the grandsons are all on stage there is a clear camera man and audio guy sitting in the audience. 

The entire thing - the viewing & the funeral - were filmed by TLC.