Grandma Mary Died

[luv2laugh]

I think there’s been bad blood between Deanna & Amy and the JB Duggar family for a long time.

In the speech the Duggars gave a few months ago with David and Priscilla, JB Duggar went out of his way to state on stage, “My sister had a baby out of wedlock”.

Edited June 14, 2019 by luv2laugh

[FJismyheadship]

I met her once. She was so nice. She made me a little map on a napkin to give me directions to get back to the interstate.

She was so kind to me. And she didnt even know me.

[FluffySnowball]

1 hour ago, fluffernutter said:

Two thoughts...

Regarding privacy- (not the media, so kinda going off on a tangent), but rather end of life) my mom was such a private person, but once she was in hospice (the facility, not their care, which she had been under for several months), relatives came out of the woodwork. It really pissed me off- she struggled 17 months with cancer. Where were those relatives then? She was largely unconscious but I know her well and she would've hated people seeing her like that. I feel the same way and have told my adult kids and husband that I want a private passing. Just them and me, no mother in law, extended relatives I haven't seen in ten years, etc. And after I'm gone no viewing.

Something similar happened when my granddad was passing. Neighbors and acquaintances started coming and it greatly annoyed my mother. However, my grandma didn’t want to ask people not to come see him out of her fear she might be viewed as being impolite. 

I think it is one’s right to ask people not to come see someone during his or her last weeks/days, especially when it’s about folks who weren’t close before. 

[BlondeIdol]

Just wanted to put a few of my thoughts out there. 

I hope Amy and Jill(or whoever that was directed towards) is able to work it out. Like Amy, I have a massive amount of cousins on my Mother’s side of the family. A few are among my best closest friends, a few of them I haven’t spoken to in years because of disagreements. All I can say is, after what some of my cousins said to me after my maternal grandfather passed away, and how some other members of the family acted, and from I’ve seen in other families, my cousin using some emojis on a instagram memorial post is small fish really. I’m sure there is more serious drama or whatever happening. Honestly though, that is also keeping in mind that no one can tell anyone else how to grieve. That goes for both Jill and Amy and everyone else. 

Of all the human emotions, grief is the most heavy handed. I’ve lost both Grandfathers now, my uncle, various friends that went way to soon, and, when I was 15, I discovered my cousin’s body in the bathroom my brother and I shared after his suicide. I hardly ever speak about the experience. So I emphasize with Deanna. As many others have already said, finding a loved one and there being nothing you can do is just awful. 

The Death of Grandma Mary was tragic but given who her family is and from being on 19kac, it was all going to come out eventually on all the tabloids and what not. Pickles just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

Love to all who shared their stories. 

[Chickenbutt]

I could be mistaken, but the only "911 call" I have seen or heard is the dispatcher sending police/fire/paramedics to the scene. That is not a 911 call. That is a dispatch call. Did I miss the true 911 call of Deanna or someone else calling the police/fire/paramedics? If not, then the recording going around is not THE 911 call. Don't mean to be picky, but when I hear 911 call, I think of the person calling for help, not the dispatcher sending out that help. 

Edited June 14, 2019 by Chickenbutt

[church_of_dog]

18 hours ago, SilverBeach said:

Very well said. This was also my experience, almost to the letter, with my mother's passing last year.  Some folks just never did understand that I could not handle a memorial service and didn't need one. Social convention didn't mean shit to me, as I had been grieving for a long while already and wasn't going to put on a dog and pony show for other people.  My heart goes out to you. 

I both empathize with you as well as feel the same way.  

My mom has dementia and is in memory care.  A combination of personality, geography and the dementia means she has not kept up her friendships for several years now.  I have such an averse reaction to the prospect of calling people from her past to tell of her death and invite to a funeral, that I don't plan to do it.  Unless I have reason to think she's been in recent contact with friends (or family -- she has a sister on the other side of the continent she's never been close to) I see no reason to have a ceremony the logistics of which are so dread-ful (in a literal sense) to me, her only remaining close family member.

It will be just me and the funeral home/cemetery, most likely.  I'll write to her sister (if still alive at that point -- she's older and it might be moot by then) and nephew afterward, of course, but it's not like they would fly thousands of miles for her funeral when they haven't even spoken in years.  Nor could I handle it well if they did come.  I'll be in charge, so I'll do what works for me, while complying with her wishes as much as possible.

[Jana814]

I have a first cousin who I can’t stand. She’s 8 years older then me. A big fear of mine is if her mother dies she will not show up to the funeral.  

[AtlanticTug]

I love how everybody is always in the default attack Jill mode, when Amy also unfollowed Anna and Joy.

And frankly, Jill's post may have been immature, but Jana's and Lauren's were both mindbogglingly awful in comparison IMO.

I blame JimBob and Michelle, per usual, because they have taught these children basically nothing.

[Four is Enough]

2 hours ago, Chickenbutt said:

I could be mistaken, but the only "911 call" I have seen or heard is the dispatcher sending police/fire/paramedics to the scene. That is not a 911 call. That is a dispatch call. 

Doesn't matter. Personal information goes out on those dispatch calls. Any yahoo with a scanner knows within minutes that XYZ is going on at ABC address.

Once I was working on a ladder, and fell through a window, requiring stitches. this happened at my parents' house. Since I wasn't sure if I'd lost consciousness, I called 911 for help. (I was alone at the time)  My father and mother got at least a dozen calls from scanner owners, wondering what the heck was going on with the    "head injury" at their house. Rumors of Dad assaulting Mom, of Mom falling down steps, of Mom hitting Dad upside the head with something, were rampant f or days.

Scanners are ubiquitous. It wouldn't have been hard for the Cucumber to get the information.

[Chickenbutt]

@Four is Enough I agree with you. Everyone and their brother have scanners. My point was that I don't see it as THE 911 call. I see it as the dispatch call. Whatever anyone wants to call it, it is still invasive (IMO) to post any of the calls. 

Before my husband was retired from the police department, we had a scanner. I would have it on in the background while he was working. That is until he was involved in a pursuit and I heard him yell into the radio "I've been hit". Thankfully it wasn't a gunshot, but a vehicle accident. He sustained a back injury that eventually required surgery, but was not seriously injured. It took everything I had in me not to call dispatch at that moment. The dispatcher did her job and clarified, on air, that he was fine and was able to continue the pursuit and arrest the suspect. It was a long time before I turned the scanner on again. Eventually I decided that not knowing was worse than listening to his calls. 

ETA: And I got a lot of calls that night from friends and other cops wives who all heard it too. 

Edited June 14, 2019 by Chickenbutt

[Cleopatra7]

4 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

I think there’s been bad blood between Deanna & Amy and the JB Duggar family for a long time.

In the speech the Duggars gave a few months ago with David and Priscilla, JB Duggar went out of his way to state on stage, “My sister had a baby out of wedlock”.

I think there’s a lot more of this kind of thing going on than we realize. Given how little tolerance the Duggars have for people who are even the slightest bit different from themselves, I would be surprised if Amy was ever as accepted by them as they claim she was. We’ve seen how JB threw Jimmy Lee under the bus to improve his “testimony,” so it’s not surprising that he would do the same to his sister. What does Deanna having Amy while single have to do with whatever dumb Gothard event JB attended? I thought it was supposed to be about how awesome his and Michelle’s marriage was, not about trashing someone who not only wasn’t there but is not a member of ATI. 

[fluffernutter]

3 hours ago, FluffySnowball said:

Something similar happened when my granddad was passing. Neighbors and acquaintances started coming and it greatly annoyed my mother. However, my grandma didn’t want to ask people not to come see him out of her fear she might be viewed as being impolite. 

I think it is one’s right to ask people not to come see someone during his or her last weeks/days, especially when it’s about folks who weren’t close before. 

Yeah it's hard. My dad and I would've preferred privacy, but her sister is an intense force to be reckoned with. She was close with my mom and was there for her throughout. So she had already called to gather the masses before we even had a chance to figure out what was going on. In retrospect, I wish I would've been more vocal. 

[IReallyAmHopewell]

I find it a bit odd [yes, even for the Duggars] to be so blase about how she died. Wow. I get it--real life is to be in heaven, so they are happy she is in heaven, but good grief! No shock? Wow.

[SongRed7]

9 hours ago, Kelsey said:

HIPAA applies to people who have access to that information for a professional reason (nurses, doctors hospital employees, etc) it does not apply to random people on the street. If you tell me you have a health condition and I tell everyone and their brother, I'm a shitty person but I didn't violate HIPAA. If your doctor tells everyone, big problem.

HIPAA applies to the deceased. Medical professionals will not release phi even if the patient has expired.

I work in health care and was going to corroborate this.  HIPAA only pertains to "covered entities" like doctors, hospitals, insurers, etc. Now if Pickles worked at a hospital and went into someone's medical records and shared that  -- with anyone...even a friend or a spouse...that is a HIPAA violation. 

You are correct in that law does not pertain to individuals who poke their noses around and find personal information and tells others. Shitty...but not illegal. '

[luv2laugh]

42 minutes ago, Cleopatra7 said:

I think there’s a lot more of this kind of thing going on than we realize. Given how little tolerance the Duggars have for people who are even the slightest bit different from themselves, I would be surprised if Amy was ever as accepted by them as they claim she was. We’ve seen how JB threw Jimmy Lee under the bus to improve his “testimony,” so it’s not surprising that he would do the same to his sister. What does Deanna having Amy while single have to do with whatever dumb Gothard event JB attended? I thought it was supposed to be about how awesome his and Michelle’s marriage was, not about trashing someone who not only wasn’t there but is not a member of ATI. 

JB dumped on his dead dad too and talked about how his father was an alcoholic and how alcohol is never good for anyone. I was shocked that he basically gloated when he said “My sister had a baby out of wedlock”. JB also discussed “Former Bad Boy” Austin’s redemption saying, “Be careful who your friends are because they’ll influence you and you’ll become like your friends.” 

Do you know what else that was disgusting?

David Waller pompously discussed (in the same conference on stage) how Priscilla knows “someone” (everyone knows who) who started wearing worldly clothes, listening to secular music, and also “had a baby out of wedlock” and is not on the right path.

Edited June 14, 2019 by luv2laugh

[Sullie06]

17 hours ago, JenniferJuniper said:

Cousins.  I have a lot of them.  Most of them I haven't seen in since my grandmothers died, except for Creepy Chris who I see on the train sometimes and another one who I occasionally see at Trader Joe's.  Sometimes we duck down aisles to avoid each other, sometimes we stop and say "hi".   I am in much closer contact to the cousins I've met through Ancestry who live thousands of miles away!  Tell me I'm not alone here?

  

Not alone, I'm only close with 2 of my 7 cousins. On my mother's side 3 of my cousins are significantly older than me because my grandfather was married twice. My mom is the youngest and her oldest brother and sister were 15 and 17 years older than her. There kids are all 15-20 years older than me. Of the other 3, one of them lived across the country from us and we didn't see each other much, we weren't even invited to her wedding this past year and the other two I'm close with and we see each other at least once a year and grew up close. On my father's side I have one cousin, we are the the same age (36) and I haven't seen him since I was 11. He didn't even make it to my Grandfather's funeral in 2016 because his wife was pregnant with twins. 

On the other hand my husband has 7 cousins as well and is close with the remaining 6, unfortunately one of them passed away when we were 19.

[SassyPants]

48 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

JB dumped on his dead dad too and talked about how his father was an alcoholic and how alcohol is never good for anyone. I was shocked that he basically gloated when he said “My sister had a baby out of wedlock”. JB also discussed “Former Bad Boy” Austin’s redemption saying, “Be careful who your friends are because they’ll influence you and you’ll become like your friends.” 

Do you know what else that was disgusting?

David Waller pompously discussed (in the same conference on stage) how Priscilla knows “someone” (everyone knows who) who started wearing worldly clothes, listening to secular music, and also “had a baby out of wedlock” and is not on the right path.

And let’s not forget how often he has informed the public about Michelle wearing the bikini and defrauding her neighbor.

[Glasgowghirl]

So what if Deanna had Amy when she unmarried, while it probably wasn't always easy for her bringing up Amy and having a rocky relationship, she at least didn't keep having more children than she could handle. Amy, while still raised Christian, was able to go to school and didn't have restrictions on what music she could listen to or what clothes she could wear. I think Amy was just angry over her grandmother passing and how some of her cousin's are handling it, I don't think their is a full on feud between her and the Duggar's but I think she is sick of Jim Bob and family acting like they are better than her and her mother. I hope they are able to be civil and don't end up not having a relationship, now Mary has passed. Mary would have hated that.

[JenniferJuniper]

4 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

And let’s not forget how often he has informed the public about Michelle wearing the bikini and defrauding her neighbor.

And I'm sure he still gets off  on a regular basis thinking about that...

[Snarkasarus Rex]

The hypocrisy of Boob judging Deanna for the horrible sin of becoming a mother before marriage is astounding.

But unfortunately, definitely not surprising,

[HerNameIsBuffy]

6 minutes ago, Glasgowghirl said:

. I think Amy was just angry over her grandmother passing and how some of her cousin's are handling it

Idk anything about Amy except what little I’ve seen she doesn’t strike me as a profound or intellectual powerhouse, however...

when you have people in your life with particularly low emotional Intellegence and poor self expression it can be irrelevant or at worst mildly annoying the vast majority of the time if your interactions with them are largely superficial. 

But when it’s in a situation that’s intensely painful to you their clumsy verbiage can be infuriating.

source - wanting to smack lots of my mom’s relatives I’d written off as well meaning morons for most of my life when they dared tried to express condolences when she died because they were so collassally bad at it.  

 

11 minutes ago, JenniferJuniper said:

And I'm sure he still gets off  on a regular basis thinking about that...

I’m sure is just how Michelle wants it.  Keeps him focused on her as hot chick in a bikini so he doesn’t notice that she’s really an evil nest of spiders wearing human skin.

[apandaaries]

27 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

 

I’m sure is just how Michelle wants it.  Keeps him focused on her as hot chick in a bikini so he doesn’t notice that she’s really an evil nest of spiders wearing human skin.

Hey now! I know spiders frighten a lot of people, but they also take care of many mosquitoes, flies, and other truly nasty critters. MEchelle has never contributed anything even close to helping the  planet the way spiders do.

Edited June 14, 2019 by apandaaries

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

39 minutes ago, Glasgowghirl said:

I think Amy was just angry over her grandmother passing and how some of her cousin's are handling it, I don't think their is a full on feud between her and the Duggar's but I think she is sick of Jim Bob and family acting like they are better than her and her mother. I hope they are able to be civil and don't end up not having a relationship, now Mary has passed. Mary would have hated that.

To the bolded You are most likely right, Amy was lashing out, and that is one of the fives stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining and finally Acceptance. They do not have to go in this order, and you may go back and fourth between Acceptance and Anger or Bargaining and Depression, or Denial or Acceptance.  Or you may go from Anger right to acceptance and not touch the other 3. It is often said there is not right or wrong way to grieve, and for the most part this is true, however, there is a "wrong way" not dealing with it, at all. Grief must be felt, there isn't a rule book that will tell you how long you should feel one way or another, like in Gone with the Wind where they had to wear black for a year for "Proper mourning"  That's bullshit, you can't put a limit on mourning, and you can't make it last longer than you need it too. 

In my windy ways I agree Amy is angry right now, she's lost her Gma, her 2nd mom, one of her closest confidants, AND she's pregnant, so her hormones are like a hurricane, making everything amplified. I do feel so badly for her, this was the happiest time of her life before Sunday.  

[HerNameIsBuffy]

14 minutes ago, apandaaries said:

Hey now! I know spiders frighten a lot of people, but they also take care of many mosquitoes, flies, and other truly nasty critters. MEchelle has never contributed anything even close to helping the  planet the way spiders do.

You’re right - I stand corrected!

But the day her faux human facade breaks open and the millions that make up her being scuttle out I would like to be on another continent, please.

[clueliss]

2 hours ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

I find it a bit odd [yes, even for the Duggars] to be so blase about how she died. Wow. I get it--real life is to be in heaven, so they are happy she is in heaven, but good grief! No shock? Wow.

How do we know that they are blase?  Or not shocked?  What face they put in publically versus what they do in private can be very different.  And grief is very different for people.