Dillards 77: Sex Advice from Smoochie Sweetie Sweet Muffin

[ophelia]

I'm torn between being really mad and feeling deeply sorry for her. What she wrote about sex and intimacy really is some fucked up shit and once again shows how immature and drenched in fundie koolaid she really is. At the same time it shows how desperate she is to do everything correctly, to be the perfect fundie wife and that is just plain sad. Her parents really screwed her up and put her in the horrible position she now is: unhappy marriage, no life on her own and grasping straws to somehow survive. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to defend her. She and her trainwreck of a husband said some horrible things over the past years and this shows just once again how dangerous their worldview and belief system are. 

BTW: I wonder how much eye rolling was going on at the Seewald house when Jessa saw that post. She is WAY better at the whole social media gig than Jill will ever be and I always got a vibe from Jessa that she doesn't like Jill at all.

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

My partner can't handle most scented lotions. I made the mistake of putting the wrong one on before bed once, and she broke out in hives. Then again, we're ungodly homosexuals, so maybe this was punishment for accidentally following Jilly Muffin's sexy time tips.

[OyToTheVey]

I’m super smell sensitive. Even had a septoplasty. I’m screwwwwwwwwwed. I never use scented anything. If my friends burn candles I make them put them out. My allergies just won’t allow it. Basically Jill says I’m never getting married ??? 

 

ps. Pun intended. 

[Sullie06]

I told my husband about this article/blog last night and he was cracking up. This morning as he was leaving for work he tried to give me a 6 second kiss. It was awkward and I stopped him after about 3 seconds and we had a good laugh. 

[CharlieInCharge]

DH and I tried it as well after I read this and it was weird! We kiss all the time, but as soon as you put a mental timer on it the whole thing changes. It felt awkward and forced...and now every single kissing picture of this couple is explained, ah. 

[Meggo]

13 hours ago, spatulahandeddancer said:

I'm on board with those who think she got some of this stuff from a SOTDRT lesson, most likely on how to get pregnant. When I talked with my gyno recently about wanting to start trying for a kid (sorry if any of this is TMI!), she told me we should be having sex 3-4 times per week without really thinking about it/tracking anything for the first 6 months, so Jill's 3-4 times a week could be something that Mechelle has been telling the kids.  Probably goes along with Jim Bob's lego talk...

I have DONE the sex on a schedule trying to get pregnant and I honestly believe it killed my sex life. 
No one (aside from maybe Jillymuffin) wants to have SUCH a regimented schedule about sex. "Oh it's Tuesday night - so I'll meet you upstairs..." 

And throw back to the comment about old people having sex - I am SURE my grandparents had a very healthy sex life (and I mean that in both the "had it often" and "were mentally quite healthy" way). I know they had sex into their 70s at least (we lived with them - I heard it). 
And when Grandma was staying with my parents recovering from double knee replacement - she told me (I was an adult at the time, dating now Hubs and came over to stay the weekend because my parents were out of town) that when she and Grandpa were first married - he'd come home and tell her things that he'd heard on the floor of the factory and be like "Well - wanna try it?" And she would and they'd decide how it worked out. 
I loved this - because I knew my grandparents adored each other (and were quite open and loving about it) and it was good to hear they didn't have the tensed up "sex is only for procreation - not fun - we have three kids and have had sex exactly three times" life my parents did

[bal maiden]

40 minutes ago, Meggo said:

I have DONE the sex on a schedule trying to get pregnant and I honestly believe it killed my sex life. 
No one (aside from maybe Jillymuffin) wants to have SUCH a regimented schedule about sex. "Oh it's Tuesday night - so I'll meet you upstairs..." 
 

Preach! Never was sex so miserable as when TTC. 

[karen77]

15 minutes ago, bal maiden said:

Preach! Never was sex so miserable as when TTC. 

And try doing that for 2 years with no results... it's even worse.

[VelociRapture]

16 minutes ago, bal maiden said:

Preach! Never was sex so miserable as when TTC. 

Seriously. Husband and I felt so much pressure that it wasn’t even fun. Sex while pregnant is a million times better for us because the pressure is off and we can just enjoy ourselves whenever we want to. Plus my husband really likes seeing me pregnant. It’s kind of cute how smiley he gets seeing my belly. 

(That, plus I also have a lower sex drive when I’m on birth control. Birth control helps control my PCOS-induced acne really well though and I like how predictable my period is, so it’s a trade I’m willing to make.)

[onekidanddone]

It feels to me Jill wrote this under the direction of Derick. He is telling her how to behave and what she needs to do for him. He expects her to worship and obey him at all times.  

The six second kiss was probably his idea as well.  I can see him looking at his watch for the whole time just wanting to get it over with so he can have his manly needs met

[Daisy0322]

19 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

I think that the thing that disturbs me the most about all of this is that Cathy replied. I'm not married but I would be mortified if my MIL knew about my sex life. A best friend? Sure but a MIL? omg no. And Cathy took the time to reply. She's talking about her sons sex life. That's so fucked up. 

I agree to an extent...my MIL was watching my son (almost 2) a few days ago because my morning sickness with #2 is kicking my ass and I woke up to him dragging out all my lingerie out of my drawer and into the living room. My MIL was mortified haha!  I was a little embarrassed but we have a son and a baby on the way with neither being exactly "planned" so it's not like people were thinking we're virgins. 

[HarleyQuinn]

1 hour ago, onekidanddone said:

 

The six second kiss was probably his idea as well.  I can see him looking at his watch for the whole time just wanting to get it over with so he can have his manly needs met

IDK, that one screams stage 5 clinger Jill to me. The immediate praise and cheering section is probably him though.

And the lotion, or in his case, foot lotion. 

[luv2laugh]

8 hours ago, ophelia said:

I'm torn between being really mad and feeling deeply sorry for her. What she wrote about sex and intimacy really is some fucked up shit and once again shows how immature and drenched in fundie koolaid she really is. At the same time it shows how desperate she is to do everything correctly, to be the perfect fundie wife and that is just plain sad. Her parents really screwed her up and put her in the horrible position she now is: unhappy marriage, no life on her own and grasping straws to somehow survive. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to defend her. She and her trainwreck of a husband said some horrible things over the past years and this shows just once again how dangerous their worldview and belief system are. 

BTW: I wonder how much eye rolling was going on at the Seewald house when Jessa saw that post. She is WAY better at the whole social media gig than Jill will ever be and I always got a vibe from Jessa that she doesn't like Jill at all.

Jessa is part of the same cult... Also, Jessa appears to toe the Duggar line more than Jill... I don’t understand.

[Thorns]

Me and Hubs are the touchy-feely types. If we are occupying the same couch you can bet that we will be touching some way or another. Cuddles abound. The sex? When we feel like it. 6 second kisses? That sounds awkward. 

Tracking? I sometimes use the Position function in Facebook messenger on the way home because then he knows when to have the dinner ready for me. The downside? He can tell me to stop playing Pokémon GO and drag my ass home for dinner ?

[Four is Enough]

My kids are convinced Mr. Four and I have never had sex..... they're all adopted after all!

BWAHAHAHAHA!

[ophelia]

48 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

Jessa is part of the same cult... Also, Jessa appears to toe the Duggar line more than Jill... I don’t understand.

Of course she is, but she is way too clever to put something like this out on social media. 

[onekidanddone]

50 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

IDK, that one screams stage 5 clinger Jill to me. The immediate praise and cheering section is probably him though.

And the lotion, or in his case, foot lotion. 

You are quite right about Jill and her static cling.  My thoughts were she wanted to kiss for longer, but DerTwit just wants to hurry up and have his fellowship.  

33 minutes ago, Four is Enough said:

My kids are convinced Mr. Four and I have never had sex..... they're all adopted after all!

BWAHAHAHAHA!

Yea same here. OneKid is obviously my only, and I married six years after she was adopted so who knows what goes on in that head of hers.

[BachelorToTheRapture]

8 hours ago, VeryNikeSeamstress said:

My partner can't handle most scented lotions. I made the mistake of putting the wrong one on before bed once, and she broke out in hives. Then again, we're ungodly homosexuals, so maybe this was punishment for accidentally following Jilly Muffin's sexy time tips.

I'm super sensitive to scented products too. I hate policing what shampoo/soap/deodorant my husband wears, but if I dont I often end up throwing up or worse from the smell. If it's something like lotion that ends up on my skin I have to shower, take anti-histamines, and hope it doesn't get bad enough I have to see a doctor. I really hate being so controlling about things like that, but it's what I need to do to keep myself healthy. He occasionally is disappointed (wanted to try something new, etc.) but realizes that it's not what I want either. 

 

[lizzybee]

My youngest is super allergic to anything with scents. Someone else could have fabric softener on their clothing and his face will break out in a rash just by proximity. I have never come anywhere near him with smelly lotions but I’m guessing it wouldn’t go over well either.  

[EmmieJ]

On ‎6‎/‎3‎/‎2019 at 6:40 PM, nst said:

i have heard fellow neighbors having sex on numerous occasions. The first time I had to go sleep in the kitchen because our bedrooms were so close together. They did it all afternoon and night. 

the second time I heard a girl having sex next door she kept repeating to him - come for me come for me

I ended up sleeping on my hallway floor.  

 

I was living in a townhouse years ago, with the bedrooms upstairs.  One night, I heard this weird moaning sound and got quite disturbed -- was someone hurt, in pain and needing help?  What the hell was going on?  Should I investigate, call 911?  I listened and it kept going on, this low, steady moaning.  Then it dawned on me -- the couple next door were having sex.  It was the creepiest sex sounds I've ever heard and I moved shortly thereafter (not because of the sex noises, but because it was generally an unpleasant place to live).

[mollysmom]

My ultra fundie parents had a very strict sex schedule. I know because my mom was very...ummm..... vocal. 

Edited June 5, 2019 by mollysmom

[nolongerIFBx]

On 6/4/2019 at 9:21 AM, Jinder Roles said:

I’m fixated on Jill’s point of seeking help for “struggling with sex”. 

Evangelicalism (even when they don't outright demonize sex) encourages you to shut down thoughts, urges & desires until marriage. We’ve heard them talk about desires that can’t be “righteously fulfilled” 

There’s also a core belief of the “flesh” getting in the way of your spiritual growth in God (your purest form). Then all of a sudden you’re married and Boom! It’s just supposed to switch on. 

Now combine that with pressure to please your husband. Your sexuality is never your own. Your sexual self can literally only exist when it’s attached your spouse (see Jill’s point about masturbation). And you exist in this weird duality between frequent sexual intimacy and separating yourself from your “wicked flesh” for God. 

This type of teaching is a breeding ground for all types of repression and sexual trauma. Which you can’t even talk about because you’re now expected to be please your headship and get off from that. Ugh. 

Both vaginismus and erectile dysfunction have been linked to teaching "sex is bad."

http://my.clevelandclinic.org/disorders/Sexual_Dysfunction/hic_Sexual_Dysfunction_in_Males.aspx

http://2womenshealth.com/Vaginismus.htm

[Iamtheway]

8 hours ago, karen77 said:

And try doing that for 2 years with no results... it's even worse.

?‍♀️

5 years here. Major buzzkill. 

[LacyMay]

I made the mistake of reading the whole thing and it was worse than I thought. 

Am I the only one who was a bit...struck by how many times she referred to sending the kids to bed early or putting on a movie to distract them etc so she could worship king SweetieMuffin? That and not being afraid to show affection in public and in front of your kids (like maybe at a mini golf course) just scream michelle to me. 

 

That said the one I can't get past is 

"-Take the challenge to spend every night together during your first year of marriage…and be intentional about minimizing the nights you have to spend apart in the future!" 

Maybe it's because Mr.May and I have done some form of long distance for the majority of our marriage and that someone could imply that it makes our marriage weaker or somehow less than absolutely riles me. Or maybe it's the subtle inflection that I'm somehow selfish for the times we could spend together that I do things for myself (ie volunteer for a weekend etc) 

Ughhhhhh 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

4 hours ago, LacyMay said:

I made the mistake of reading the whole thing and it was worse than I thought. 

Am I the only one who was a bit...struck by how many times she referred to sending the kids to bed early or putting on a movie to distract them etc so she could worship king SweetieMuffin? That and not being afraid to show affection in public and in front of your kids (like maybe at a mini golf course) just scream michelle to me. 

 

That said the one I can't get past is 

"-Take the challenge to spend every night together during your first year of marriage…and be intentional about minimizing the nights you have to spend apart in the future!" 

Maybe it's because Mr.May and I have done some form of long distance for the majority of our marriage and that someone could imply that it makes our marriage weaker or somehow less than absolutely riles me. Or maybe it's the subtle inflection that I'm somehow selfish for the times we could spend together that I do things for myself (ie volunteer for a weekend etc) 

Ughhhhhh 

I don’t think she’s criticizing others’ marriages. I think Derick wants to take breaks from her and she’s clingy.