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Dillards 77: Sex Advice from Smoochie Sweetie Sweet Muffin

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Palimpsest
13 hours ago, Bobology said:

Can the parents talking to them be considered premarital counseling? I wonder if they have to submit proof or just check a box on the marriage license application.

Probably just check a box on the application.  It is really only relevant if they later want a divorce.

Religious premarriage counseling can be done by anyone.  It is usually done by the minister performing the marriage in mainstream denominations.  If your daddy is the pastor of your church he can do it, obviously.

Jill and Derick were married in Cross Church.  I presume the officiant was one of the pastors there and added his 2 cents to the parental counselling.  It certainly wasn't Jim Bob as the officiant.  That was rather disappointing.  I always enjoy watching or reading about Steve Maxwell, Papa Bontrager, or Michael Pearl's  shenanigans as they perform the weddings of their offspring.

Even in the three states that have "Covenant Marriage" laws, there are very few couples who request it supposedly.  And even "Covenant Marriage" allows for divorce if there is adultery, spousal or child abuse, criminal convictions, and substance abuse issues.

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JustEnough
On 6/5/2019 at 3:33 PM, BachelorToTheRapture said:

I'm super sensitive to scented products too. I hate policing what shampoo/soap/deodorant my husband wears, but if I dont I often end up throwing up or worse from the smell. If it's something like lotion that ends up on my skin I have to shower, take anti-histamines, and hope it doesn't get bad enough I have to see a doctor. I really hate being so controlling about things like that, but it's what I need to do to keep myself healthy. He occasionally is disappointed (wanted to try something new, etc.) but realizes that it's not what I want either. 

 

Me too! My partner isn't really into trying different things but if it's something given as a gift or bought a different product/scent by mistake or by necessity DP brings it to me to take a cautious sniff of first. I've had full blown asthma attacks and been covered in hives from the smell of body wash after a shower or deodorant on a shirt I pick up to wash.

Unrelated, but thinking of the deodorent made me think of my cat... She's so weird, she tries to lick the armpits of DPs shirts (both while they are on, and when they are in the laundry to be washed). 🤷

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CarrotCake

So they have a weekend away with the two of them and they eat fast food in the car? 

Classy. 

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DillyDally
6 minutes ago, CarrotCake said:

So they have a weekend away with the two of them and they eat fast food in the car? 

Classy. 

And shill Citrus and Lemon clothes on Instagram 🙄

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JustEnough
On 6/10/2019 at 3:10 PM, Ali said:

I started reading "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer years ago and stopped when she stated that depression is a choice. Many Christians have a misconception of mental health.

That's about as far as I made it too. And then I didn't know what to do with it because to throw a book in the garbage deeply hurts my bibliophile heart, but on the other hand no way in hell am I donating a book to be picked up by someone else that could be as hurt by the sentiment as I was.

As such I have a whole box of Joyce Meier books somewhere tucked away since our last move. Everytime I'm struggling with something in my life I have a certain family member that has "the perfect" Joyce Meier book to fix it/me. 😣

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HideousGreenShirt
On 6/21/2019 at 8:11 PM, zygote373 said:

Okay, who's going to take one for the team and watch the dullard's full wedding video they just posted on their website and recap it for us?

I have a recap for those who want it. Will post tomorrow when I have recovered from the absolute boredom. 

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BullyJBG

Fun watching the little girls up front and Michelle motioning for them to go to the side. Amy and some other guy sang for the unity candle and Jill and Derick's prayer together. It was a marriage prayer recapping their vows and the sermon. Derick rode Cathy down the aisle. Cathy's husband and another lady walked sort of behind them. Was the other lady a step-daughter or a home care attendant? Clearly the husband was doing his best to not be on camera any more than absolutely necessary. Josh and Ben were a bit obnoxious in the recessional but it appeared everyone had fun. During the signing of covenant marriage, a couple sang The Prayer. Processional was Jesu Joy and Recessional was the Hallelujah Chorus. I personally think it would've been best for Jimbob to let the pastor invite the kiss, instead of Jimbob. Who were the little ones sitting with once they got off the stage?

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BullyJBG

Oh, at 1:52:25 there's someone dancing to Erin's playing the final recessional after the extra gospel sermon after the wedding party ran out.

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nst
2 hours ago, HideousGreenShirt said:

I have a recap for those who want it. Will post tomorrow when I have recovered from the absolute boredom. 

ooh are watching the wedding on Monday ? Fun times!!

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PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea
19 hours ago, JustEnough said:

o. And then I didn't know what to do with it because to throw a book in the garbage deeply hurts my bibliophile heart, but on the other hand no way in hell am I donating a book to be picked up by someone else that could be as hurt by the sentiment as I was.

Recycle that book and it can have a much better second life as toilet paper :) :)

I don't love recycling books either but sometimes they're so worn, it's the only thing that makes sense. Or they're full of nonsense, as in your case.

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bella8050

I'm actually a bit surprised JB didn't become ordained to perform some of the ceremonies. Maybe he's saving that for the second wave of daughters. (Scary thought that Hannie could be married off in the next 5 years) He still had to be a creeper though to stand there for J&Ds first kiss. 

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NakedKnees

Question: can gay couples enter covenant marriages in Arkansas? I always thought that the goal of covenant marriage was basically to allow fundies to present themselves as more special than the legal standard of marriage, but I haven't really thought about it since the Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage in June 2015.

I'm not a fan of dry ramen noodles, but I've met many who are. I've also had them in coleslaws and salad. They're a lot softer than you'd think; I think they're softer than snacks like corn nuts. Then again, I'm also not a fan of cold pizza if any sort of heating implement is available, and that's another junk food eaten in a surprising way that's pretty popular in the US. If I'm sick or hungover, I do love chicken or veggie ramen noodles with some hot sauce and lime juice. So satisfying. When I'm in my lazier/more mentally unhealthy states, cold bread, crackers, cheese slices, pickles, and that type of thing end up being what I go for.

 

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EmmieJ
On ‎6‎/‎22‎/‎2019 at 11:07 AM, bella8050 said:

Is the wedding video unedited? Are there any good bits that got chopped for TLC? 

Instant ramen makes me think of my old roommate that used to live on them but never wanted to wash the pot after cause she swore that it wasn't really dirty. This was the beginning of me hiding my pots in my closet. And led my other roommate to throw all of dirty roommates pots into her room when she left a mess in the kitchen and then went away for the weekend. Fun times. If I had known eating the noodles dry was a thing I would have suggested it to her.

When my son was around middle school age, he developed a liking for dry, crunchy Ramen noodles and would ask me to pack some in his lunch.  I was reluctant and tried to talk him out of it, but he pleaded with me so I would occasionally send some along in his lunch, along with the packet of seasoning.  Yuck! 

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Lizzybet
26 minutes ago, HideousGreenShirt said:

The complete Dillard wedding - Part 1

Welcome to the wedding of Jill and Derrick. It's boring, go get snacks. It's also a monetized video (ads) with disabled comments. I've added in some drinking game suggestions if you're feeling brave enough to watch. 

...

JB gives Jill away, delighted and emotional. 

That was awful. I FFd through almost all of it, and it was still interminable.

And the younger boys wearing caps inside the church seemed strange to me. If you don’t remove your hat in a church, then where would you? It seems it would be a sign of respect and reverence, or does their brand of Christianity not subscribe to the belief that god is present inside the church?

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HerNameIsBuffy
1 minute ago, Lizzybet said:

That was awful. I FFd through almost all of it, and it was still interminable.

And the younger boys wearing caps inside the church seemed strange to me. If you don’t remove your hat in a church, then where would you? It seems it would be a sign of respect and reverence, or does their brand of Christianity not subscribe to the belief that god is present inside the church?

We’re all the men wearing them?  Is this one of their totally appropriated from Judaism things?

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Lizzybet
1 minute ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

We’re all the men wearing them?  Is this one of their totally appropriated from Judaism things?

No, just the younger boys, but not babies, not toddlers, boys.

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Angelface

Thank you, HideousGreenShirt, for the detailed description of Jill & Derrick’s wedding.

Edited by Angelface
Incomplete post.

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Spent
clueliss

In this case, they are wearing the hats in the church because Jill said to as part of their wedding helper outfits.  She seemed to be one who wanted allllll the family involved in the wedding.  And remember - we are dealing with Duggars and SROTDRT.  So they really haven't been taught correct behavior/etiquette - I would say in situations like this but it seems to be in almost any situation.  That fail is on JB and Michelle.

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medimus

Why is it so interminably long. A catholic wedding lasts 45 minutes to an hour and that includes an entire mass with communion.

Though I suppose catholics tend not to have much of a sermon and from what you described it was pretty much all sermon?

Edited to add: I have been to lots of catholic weddings, and otherwise one Church of england one but I was a small child then, so catholic is pretty much the only think I have to compare to. Also not in the USA

Edited by medimus
clarification

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mollysmom
1 hour ago, HideousGreenShirt said:

The complete Dillard wedding

Welcome to the wedding of Jill and Derrick. It's boring, go get snacks. It's also a monetized video (ads) with disabled comments. I've added in some drinking game suggestions if you're feeling brave enough to watch. 

The first 10-15 minutes is the David Waller show. He's seen chatting to everyone in his radius. Priscilla is in a matching outfit and wrangling baby Paul in a full suit and tie.

*drinking game suggestion - take a shot for every family in matching outfits/colors*

A string quartet is playing (the Querys?). They all are wearing black with a mint accessory. 

*drinking game suggestion - take a shot every time someone is wearing mint*

Various other families are shown. Tim and Franicia with their robot children come into the church fairly early on.

The Seewald and Bateseses are given primo reserved middle rows. Interestingly, so are the Swansons. Lauren has a wild toddler on her lap who she pays literally zero attention to. He's leaping about and she just ignores him with her arms folded.

Deanna and grandma Mary are shown being moved about with an elderly lady.

Ben is roaming the aisles on a flip phone, frantically signalling four fingers at nobody.

Smuggar is also in the mix, no idea what he's doing but some guy is following him.

Laura de Masie and Jennifer Hartono are there with lanyards on and smiling. 2 girls wearing long dresses and head coverings are spotted - any idea who they are?

Various people look excited to greet each other, lots of side hugging, gum chewing, people are very casually dressed and wow this is unnecessary for anyone to ever watch.

At this point it's over half an hour in, this mystery stroppy child gives me the will to continue:

Screenshot_20190624_011149_com.google.android.youtube.thumb.jpg.e524d5d996de7f00ba17354ebcb2d38b.jpg

Swanson baby is either fed or pukes on mom.

Smuggar takes the stage to read a disclaimer on what is not allowed:

No social media/photos/descriptions etc
He makes a biiggggg joke out of getting the official photographer snapping away kicked out. People don't laugh a lot so he explains it's a set up. Jesus.
He then asks people to raise their hands if they understand.

Almost 10 more minutes go by and its just the string quartet - I hope they were well paid. Lawson Bates yawns.

The proposal song guy appears and sings the Nepal song while a photo montage of Jill and Doofus plays. This is an hour in for anybody curious.


They're done and a blonde chick (not Erin Bates) goes to the piano and sings "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" song while newsboy Duggars usher people in. Derrick brings Cathy in. Smuggar escorts in the tinman costume wearing Michelle.

Modestrosity bridesmaids and groomsmen begin entering and lining up on stage. Joy is crying.
Jessa and her groomsman appear to be laughing about something which is surprising and nice to see.

2 newsboy howlers come to roll out the white carpet and this is the real highlight for me. Ben pats one on the shoulder and he immediately trips over the lantern on the aisle. The other newsboy then almost trips on a lantern and drops his side of the carpet and casually bashes it along. It's now a wrinkled mess.
Random aisle dwellers aggressively pelt the chalk sign flower girls with petals, Mackynzie yells and runs for her life.

An hour and 10 minutes in, Erin's loud piano bashing accompanies Jill and JB down to the stage. Jill looks excited, her dress is less bad than I remember. 

Pastor talks about leave and cleave, humans need to be loved, marriage fulfills us and makes us complete. 

JB gives Jill away, delighted and emotional. 

Screenshot_20190624_015352_com.google.android.youtube.thumb.jpg.0b7cc29249a041e6a3ad2392b8059912.jpg

Pastor says marriage is filled with hardships and heartbreak and great struggle. (Nice opener guy.) 
But don't be dismayed because you just have to follow God's plan and it'll all be okay. 

Pastor reads Ephesians 5 about submitting to your husband and wives being presented holy and without blemish. 
Jill looks nervous, Derrick smiles at her. He looks so different. 

Pastor tells Derrick he has more responsibility in their relationship and he must give and sacrifice himself so that Jill has an abundant life that she enjoys. 

Chalk board flower girls are restless. 

*drinking game suggestion if you're still watching - take a shot for every time the pastor says nourish or cherish*

Endless talk about how he must nourish and cherish Jill. She has more strengths than he'll ever possess about but also she is delicate. He'll never figure it out but she's so delicate he has to nourish her and look to the Lord for guidance on how to do this. 

1 hour 18 mins is Michelle staring Josie down and shushing her. JB looks directly into the camera and whispers to her - her expression immediately changes into a smile. Josie continues to lick the back of her chalkboard. 

Pastor talks about submitting to Derrick and explains it's not because Derrick is superior to her. Man and woman have equal value to God. Its an act of worship from the Bible. If he's leading you and nourishing you then it won't be hard to submit to his leadership. Submission is respect. 

More aggressive shushing from Michelle. 

Respect starts in the home. When you have children, they need to know that you two respect each other and treat each other with dignity. 
Derrick - unselfishly love Jill. 
Jill - lovingly submit to him. 

They pray. 
Josh leaps up to face Mackynzie back to the audience, Jessa side eyes him. 

Pageboys are restless. 

Pastor makes joke about the couple holding hands since they got engaged. 
Now they repeat vows. 

His are not super interesting, hers include a but about showing him daily her quiet, obedient spirit stated in scriptures. 

Time for rings. 
Mackynzie is literally lying down on the front of the stage, Josie is gone. 

Screenshot_20190624_205505_com.google.android.youtube.thumb.jpg.feacb3089e988be8ecb213772a1e76d2.jpg

1 hour 24 mins Michelle is crazy-eyed signalling to the flower girls to go off the stage. They all go sit in the front row, as do the page boys. 

Screenshot_20190624_205417_com.google.android.youtube.thumb.jpg.14cb95c68577fde5efbf4e49baa0e874.jpg

Pastor takes the rings and talks about their symbolism. It's precious metal, not just a Cracker Jack prize. 

Repetition of vows from pastor. He's the leader, she's devoted to him. 

Pastor reads corinthians chapter 13, v4

Jim Bob takes iPhone photos.

Pastor says you may not have everything, but you've got love so you're gonna be alright and you've got each other.

They light the unity candle and pray kneeling at a bench while Famy and some guy sing some upbeat song about praying .
Joy is crying.

They return from prayer time and are talking, looking happy. 

Pastor explains the covenant marriage law and that Jill and Derrick have chosen this and will be signing the licence. 
A plinth is taken to Cathy, tin man and JB go to sign as well. 
Couple in black are on stage singing opera, they're very good. Not sure how they got roped into this. 
Flower girls are bored and sitting on Laura's lap.

Couple and parents praying at the plinth.
JB goes on the stage, pastor pronounces them husband and wife, JB says they can kiss. Jill leaps at Derrick and he dips her. They sprint out of the church. 

Bridesmaids and groomsmen jog out, Ben gets up and steals Jessa. Her groomsman is gracious and good natured. 
Anna and John David are the second last pair. Smuggar (unnecessarily wearing sunglasses) shoves John and kisses Anna. 
Flower girls and pageboys leave, the white carpet newsboys carry out a happily ever after sign. 

JB escorts tinman and Mary. 
Cathy and her family leave. 

Erin is bashing away while they all exit. 

The pastor finally addresses the guests - he is honored and privileged to share what's most important to Jill and Derrick. 
Any guesses? Hmmmm? 

Surprise! It's Jesus! 

Garden of Eden, fellowshiping. But then Satan messed it all up. 
But it's fine, you don't need to jump through hoops for salvation. Just believe in God and accept Jesus died for you and accept him into your heart. 
He doesn't know about the audience's hearts but just humble themselves before God. 
Being a Christian is difficult but it'll give you the power and strength to endure all things. He's encouraging people let Jesus into their hearts and go to church and shake their pastor's hand.

Ushers are coming to take y'all to a reception but first you gotta pray.

More Erin piano as the crowd finally escape. She is not wearing mint.

1 hour 52 mins lady dancing along to the piano.

Aaannnnd we're done. Finally. Wow.  

I just have to say, I had a terrible day at work. Did alot of hiding in the bathroom crying but reading this made me laugh so much! THANK YOU!

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AdamsBellybutton
On 6/20/2019 at 4:27 PM, Jooosefina said:

I just saw Jill's story with Izzy eating dry ramen noodles, and asking people if they wanted some now (with a distinct majority answering no)... Which makes me wonder if that's something that's actually eaten in the US? Or elsewhere? Like a meal or snack? I'm from South America and I was taught it was unhealthy and a BIG no-no, but Google didn't really help me with this question 😬 

Definitely a thing as a salad ingredient here in the Upper Midwest--this was one of my mom's go-tos: http://www.midwestliving.com/recipe/salads/oriental-coleslaw

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Wine time!
ophelia
On 6/20/2019 at 11:27 PM, Jooosefina said:

I just saw Jill's story with Izzy eating dry ramen noodles, and asking people if they wanted some now (with a distinct majority answering no)... Which makes me wonder if that's something that's actually eaten in the US? Or elsewhere? Like a meal or snack? I'm from South America and I was taught it was unhealthy and a BIG no-no, but Google didn't really help me with this question 😬 

I work at a youth centre and dry ramen is a HUGE thing among the kids and teenagers. I think it is quite disgusting and messy, but they love it.

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Lgirlrocks

Did anyone see Dericks moms post about the book she wrote. It’s about her struggle with cancer. The book is going to be published. 

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OhNoNike
On 6/23/2019 at 5:24 PM, JustEnough said:

Unrelated, but thinking of the deodorent made me think of my cat... She's so weird, she tries to lick the armpits of DPs shirts (both while they are on, and when they are in the laundry to be washed). 🤷

I had a cat that would do that to my dad when he came to visit.  I’ve not heard of other cats doing it and was too embarrassed to ask around.  

They're both gone now but I still like the memory. Lol. 

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