Dillards 77: Sex Advice from Smoochie Sweetie Sweet Muffin

[JesSky03]

Ironically, the night Jill posted the sex blog I had showered and used scented lotion before bed. I don't usually use scented lotion but I saw the bottle that's been sitting around forever and thought I should just use it up. Husband walked in and commented that I smelled nice- too bad I'm on twice daily vaginal suppositories and my husband has a broken tailbone so no hanky panky was to be had. I guess I should have gone into the prayer closet for stirring up desires that couldn't be righteously fulfilled. 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

This crap Jill is spewing sounds like it came from a 1940’s Good Housekeeping magazine.  Some of us worked really hard to change things when the Women’s Lib Movement was born in the 70’s and it really fries my biscuits when people like this ass try and undo all that work.  Shut the fuck up Jill,  you dolt!  You do you and leave the rest of us alone.

                             

[IrishCarrie]

I was minding my nephew today and when my sister-in-law got home, she invited me to stay for dinner. Halfway through the meal my brother arrived home from work. We could hear him come in through the front door and drop his gym bag in the hall, then he stuck his head into the kitchen and grunted a hi at us. He withdrew his head without any further chat and next minute we heard him drop to the floor and shout "PUPPY!! How's my puppy???!!! Good boy!! Who's a good boy!!! Did you miss daddy today?? DID YOU MISS DADDY? You did?!?! Good puppy!!!" Sounds of rolling around the floor and excited barks followed.

I looked across the table at my sister-in-law and said "Eh, he barely even said hi to us and listen to him with the dog!!"

She laughed and said "I know. He has days where he needs to do that. Give him ten minutes and he'll be grand."

Take note Jilly Muffin. Just think about it...

?‍♀️

 

Edited June 4, 2019 by IrishCarrie

[onekidanddone]

12 minutes ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

This crap Jill is spewing sounds like it came from a 1940’s Good Housekeeping magazine.  Some of us worked really hard to change things when the Women’s Lib Movement was born in the 70’s and it really fries my biscuits when people like this ass try and undo all that work.  Shut the fuck up Jill,  you dolt!  You do you and leave the rest of us alone.

                             

I swear when she talked about being ‘fresh’ for Derick all I could think of was douche for the Douche.  Yuck

[Iamtheway]

I see that I don’t love my husband in the correct, Duggar-approved, way. Pretty far from it actually. I never meet him at the door, sometimes Miniway and I hide though and jump out and scare him, does that count?

 

[Lurky]

Jill threads are a rollercoaster!  I was pleasantly surprised when the last one started with us complimenting her for getting the hang of social media....  and now I'm reading the last few pages of that thread looking like this:

I'm kind of scared to start this thread and see what's happened since then!

Edited June 4, 2019 by Lurky
SOTDRT is infectious

[QuiverFullofBooks]

34 minutes ago, Lurky said:

Jill threads are a rollercoaster!  I was pleasantly surprised when the last one started with us complimenting her for getting the hang of social media....  and now I'm reading the last few pages of that thread looking like this:

I'm kind of scared to start this thread and see what's happened since then!

It’s really something! ?

[Boogers]

Given how much we can now guess about Jill-wrek's home life, I wish emojis could be thread titles... 

Edited June 4, 2019 by Boogers

[OyToTheVey]

I think that the thing that disturbs me the most about all of this is that Cathy replied. I'm not married but I would be mortified if my MIL knew about my sex life. A best friend? Sure but a MIL? omg no. And Cathy took the time to reply. She's talking about her sons sex life. That's so fucked up. 

[onekidanddone]

Jill fails to tell us what husbands should do when their wives come home from work. 

[LacyMay]

2 hours ago, IrishCarrie said:

I looked across the table at my sister-in-law and said "Eh, he barely even said hi to us and listen to him with the dog!!"

She laughed and said "I know. He has days where he needs to do that. Give him ten minutes and he'll be grand."

Take note Jilly Muffin. Just think about it...

 Mr. May works away Monday-Friday and when he gets home Friday night furry may gets first dibs on hellos and snuggles. I never once questioned that routine. 

(Also worth noting when he gets home around 10pm Furry May slowly stretches and toddles off the bed while I smile from the couch. JillyMuffin would not be impressed.)

[TeaELSee]

Why did I read this entire thread?

[melon]

22 hours ago, Beermeet said:

Whenever I'm like, "the kids could hear!" He was all " that's what headphones are for. It's our house so be it"  lmao. 

Super funny family story ( oh yeah, it spread). My 40 yr old cousin walked in on her parents, who were about 75-80, having sex. She just assumed that wouldn't be happening.  Never assume! My great Auntie was ON TOP!  My cousin fled and called her siblings to freak out with because, if she had to go through it, so did they!  Ha! Go granny.  It's a yuck and a go on with your bad self thing all rolled into one. Oh, the elders cared not at the intrusion, just um, please knock next time!  Ha! Rufus bless it. We should all be so lucky!!!

Okay,years ago...in a moment of joyful availiblity..lol...our door was closed...we hear a voice.."Mama???Are you on Daddy's stomach???"...our then 3 year old...we cracked up laughing.

We always closed our door,but I guess we were busted...lol.

Sorry for the TMI..lol.

[kmachete14]

Still a better guide to marriage/ "biblical womanhood" than anything Lori Alexander ever wrote! Probably including her new "book!" 

I also think Jill's post doesn't rub the wrong way because she's assuming your'e already in their religion/ trying to be a "good" SAHM etc. She's not yelling at other people telling them to convert or go to Hell, or that if they don't do these things they are sinning. She's assuming her readers are also IFB or fundamentalist Baptist/ ATI / whatever the case. 

Like others have said, it's a mix of common sense vs. WTF. 

Also, my fiancé and I are just as likely as the other to be "too tired" during the weekdays, but we make up for it on the weekends ? how sad if we settled for lame-o tired/not excited/duty sex on the weekdays to fulfill a quota instead of the bomb morning sex twice a week . . . 

Edited June 5, 2019 by kmachete14
more to say lol

[spatulahandeddancer]

I'm on board with those who think she got some of this stuff from a SOTDRT lesson, most likely on how to get pregnant. When I talked with my gyno recently about wanting to start trying for a kid (sorry if any of this is TMI!), she told me we should be having sex 3-4 times per week without really thinking about it/tracking anything for the first 6 months, so Jill's 3-4 times a week could be something that Mechelle has been telling the kids.  Probably goes along with Jim Bob's lego talk...

[onekidanddone]

I just came back from a 2 1/2 mile walk (Yay me!) and went immediately into the shower. Now I’m fresh for me. Yea I did it for myself and hubby having a fresh wife is just an added bonus. 

[luv2laugh]

I told my husband that we should give two 6 second kisses each day. 

 

He is weirded out.

[SassyPants]

14 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

I just came back from a 2 1/2 mile walk (Yay me!) and went immediately into the shower. Now I’m fresh for me. Yea I did it for myself and hubby having a fresh wife is just an added bonus. 

But did you apply lotion post shower?

[onekidanddone]

9 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

But did you apply lotion post shower?

Actually yes I did. Once again being the self centered ungodly wife I did it for my benefit. Fragrance free because I hate anything scented. I have neuropathy in my feet and I use lotion because they get real dry and cracked.

Nothing fancy. Just plain old stuff 

 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

If showering and applying lotion and wearing lingerie make her feel sexy, I can't snark on that.  But I hope she's doing it as much for herself as for him.  I mean when I occasionally shave my legs, I feel way more sexy and I definitely do that for me as my husband appreciates it but is not going to EVER suggest I do it.

I had actually read the "other physical intimacy" stuff as a possible reference to abstaining after Izzy's birth as some speculated the Dillards did.  I also hope (um, is that the word?) that it was mutually beneficial to both of them and not one-sided, especially given that sex book they love so much.

[LilMissMetaphor]

This thread was my response to Lauren when she wanted us all to smell sweet for our husbands.  I think it bears repeating.  

[JenniferJuniper]

Life according to Jilly Muffin:

Men want sex all the time.   Give it to him or he will go elsewhere.  (Anna, she's looking at you.)

Women want to be pregnant as many times as possible. Giving sex to the husband all the time increases the chances of many pregnancies.  God's perfect plan for all of us!

Such morons.  Go get jobs, ya fuckin' lazy grifters.

[Rio]

Jill fell on her head and woke up in the last century. Derick also has posted links advising against masturbation which is really stupid. This is a normal part of a normal person’s sex life. Sex therapists advise women to use masturbation to help them learn what they like. 

Also, it’s just ridiculous for these fundamentalist teens to be told not to have sex before marriage, and don’t masturbate either. 

However, for me personally, after going through a lot of losers and finally finding a stable, loyal, brilliant, and kind man who said “Always”... I do try to please him, and if that means a quickie when I don’t really feel like it, fine. 25 happy years so far. Sorry if that’s TMI.

[SillyDillys]

So basically I can't be alone with my boyfriend and touch him but once we married we just have sex all the time, even when I'm not feeling it? If he stays it's my fault because I'm not being a godly wife.

Gtfo with that shit Jill 

[bella8050]

Y'all I've been thinking... I'm in my 30s and yet to be blessed with a husband, and I have a boatload of scented lotions that I like using. Is Jill's post a sign that I'm defrauding men all over the place by wearing said lotion, as a silent signal that I'm available for fun whenever they are?  Do I need to head for the prayer closet? 

ETA: I just noticed my new title after sending this post...it's a sign y'all. #openfornicator 

Edited June 5, 2019 by bella8050