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Dillards 77: Sex Advice from Smoochie Sweetie Sweet Muffin

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Sad
Gobsmacked
43 minutes ago, zcccrv said:

Someone clearly had sex outside of marriage on a Sunday and the punishment unfortunately fell on us all.

The old butterfly effect coming into effect. 

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EmmieJ
37 minutes ago, Eponine said:

This is such a great amalgamation of her advice I'm loving it :pb_lol:  My brothers and I probably could have come up with some amazing snarky cheers for our parents.

I saw my mom and dad kiss all the time, but it was mostly a quick kiss hello when he got home from work in the evenings.  I'm pretty sure they didn't hold it for 6 seconds lol.  And they didn't need an audience to clap for them every time they kissed, thank goddess!

I remember staying over at a friend's house when I was probably in the 9th or 10th grade, and when her dad came home and he and the mom kissed hello, my friend and her brother loudly gagged.  It was pretty hilarious.

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JermajestyDuggar
Posted (edited)
27 minutes ago, Screamapillar said:

Jill Dillard: Dr. Ruth for the fundie set. Who would've thought?

Don’t soil Dr Ruth’s name like that! She has actual good advice. Jill is a naive people pleasing fundie. 

10 minutes ago, EmmieJ said:

I saw my mom and dad kiss all the time, but it was mostly a quick kiss hello when he got home from work in the evenings.  I'm pretty sure they didn't hold it for 6 seconds lol.  And they didn't need an audience to clap for them every time they kissed, thank goddess!

I remember staying over at a friend's house when I was probably in the 9th or 10th grade, and when her dad came home and he and the mom kissed hello, my friend and her brother loudly gagged.  It was pretty hilarious.

When my dad and step mom would randomly slow dance to some 80s music in the living room, violent fits of fake vomiting occurred. And we were told to leave if was so vomit inducing. 

Edited by JermajestyDuggar
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SassyPants
Posted (edited)

Can we all just step back a moment and critically think about this.. taking intimacy, relationship and healthy sexual habits advice from a Duggar. I guess we can all move on.

Edited by SassyPants

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luv2laugh

Now I think I know why Jill’s smile doesn’t reach her eyes. Having to commit to always being available for sex is exhausting.

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nickelodeon
1 hour ago, HarryPotterFan said:

Whats this about a child cheering section? Having your children cheer when you and your husband kiss?

 

No, having all your kids gather round the front door to welcome Papi home with adoring cheers lest he forget for a moment that he’s the most important person on the planet! Though I’m sure Michelle would be very proud of the Dillard kids taking after her and becoming cheerleaders.

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Lurker

I really think Jill was dropped on her head once too many times as a child.  She has no judgement what so ever considering she grew up in front of a camera. I can’t decide if she is missing the ability to understand boundaries or doesn’t care if she crosses a line as long as she gets attention.

Her desperate need for attention goads her into doing stupider things than usual whenever Jessa is involved.  She must be so pea green jealous of Jessa that just delivered an adorable baby girl without a C Section.  Jessa is even getting positive feedback on the name  she chose.  

Her advice is so odd it raises questions about her relationships. Her advice to try to separate Daddy and husband in your mind, ask for help if you are hurting,  it’s not enough to be available all the tine, you have to be freshly washed and perfumed too etc, etc raises so many flags for me.  Derrick looks like he often skip his weekly shower, but she has to be minty fresh at all times?

She’s humble bragging on her sex life, 3-4 times a week at a minimum?   Anything is possible but this is part of her besthubbyever#  blessed# routine that she never gives up on.

Who is her imagined audience for this advice?  Her sisters? Other QF women? Women who she has attended in childbirth as helper or  friend?  Can you imagine having Jill as your midwife or doula with her philosophy of zero body or mind autonomy  and slavish adherence to the perpetuation of the patriarchy?

 

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Meh
FundieCentral
Posted (edited)

I really appreciated the “3-4 times is a good start LOL”. 

Lol? Really? 😂 

Anyway, happily married with between 0-4 times a week, depending on how life goes. We’ve gone without for a month due to circumstance, we’ve enjoyed more sweet fellowship on holiday when we’ve got nothing else to do. Our marriage isn’t falling apart yet - but maybe Jill knows things that we don’t  😂

To give credit where credit is due: I am glad that contrary to Lori she actually tells women in abusive marriages to leave their useless partners behind and seek safety, and that she does pay attention to lots of talking time between partners as well. It is all a bit unbalanced, but the instinct of those two pieces of advice is right. 

Edited by FundieCentral

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QuiverFullofBooks

Clutching my pearls...can’t say the thread title didn’t warn me. Some thoughts on reading the full blog post:

* Their five-year anniversary is coming up. We’re going to be hearing a lot about that. Wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a pregnancy announcement.

* Mandatory Jesus blather. Now on with the sex talk! She’s totally hinting that everybody should do oral sex. 

* Some decent advice: communicate, go to counseling, don’t stay in an abusive relationship, don’t interrupt (I’ll bet she had to work on that one), don’t put each other down (I’ll bet he had to work on that one).

* Putting on lotion lets him know you’re up for fun! Oh God, Jill, that’s way too much information.

* Then there are several suggestions for keeping your husband happy that make me a little uncomfortable, especially put together. It’s easy to infer that Derick dislikes it when Jill delegates tasks to him, spends money, fails to appear fascinated by his blathering, or doesn’t heap praise on him for everything.

* It seems pretty clear that Derick has understandably convinced her to text emojis instead of calling him constantly. But using Find My Friends to coordinate the nightly welcome-home ceremony is still way too clingy!

* Try to keep the kids on a sleep schedule so you can have time alone in the evening. (Lacking older children in the house, they can’t just go to the bedroom while the kids run wild like her parents.) 

* She has to pray for the ability to give him her undivided attention! He’s boring and you’re busy, Jill. It’s cool.

* This is way too long. There’s a reading list at the end. It’s great that she’s working on the marriage, but I wonder if it’s a sign that there are serious problems. 

I’d love to get honest reactions from the other Duggars on the talking heads! Too bad that won’t happen.

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luv2laugh
Posted (edited)

You know what? I don’t give a damn about what Cathy, Michelle, and Lori say. If my spouse wants sex and I don’t... yet I say “yes”? Sex isn’t sexy. It’s painful. It’s raw and hurts. No matter what kind of lube you use. It’s jarring physically and emotionally to come home or be home after a long day, especially if you have kids, and feel guilted into sex. If your spouse has a high drive and you have a low one, this is difficult.

Stuffing your feelings and going along with it is almost traumatic. They act like we need to be emotionless tools ready to be used.

Jill needs to understand why she’s getting backlash. We aren’t a bunch of sexless heathens yet we aren’t tools just to be used either.

Jill doesn’t fool me. It can’t be easy for her to be guilted into constant sex with Derick and I feel sorry for her...

Edit: I was in a Christian women’s group and vented one day to an older, “wiser” woman. I mentioned that if something isn’t resolved and bothering me with my husband, I cannot feel the urge to have sex with him. I was strictly told, “Do not use sex as a tool”. Nothing else. NO compassion. I was the BIG “BADDIE”.

Edited by luv2laugh
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Bad Wolf

I've never heard 3-4 times a.week. I thought couples figured out what worked for them. Also, Mr. Wolf and I just give each other packs when we're leaving. I've been doing it wrong for 43 years? Seriously, that was definitely TMI for me.

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Wine time!
Snarkasarus Rex

This says as much about Derick as it does Jill.  It's pretty clear that like Jeremy, he wanted a wife that would cater to his whims, stroke his ego, be 'joyfully available', and have a name that he can use to advance his own interests.  He just probably didn't expect her to be so damn clingy and dependent. 

Dillwank is an immature man-boy and probably won't change.  While he likely respects his mother for being strong and independent, his ego would never survive being married to someone like that.  He is not going to encourage Jill to develop a hobby, further her education, or work as a legit midwife when the kids are older.  It's all about him.  

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nst
Posted (edited)
17 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

I've never heard 3-4 times a.week. I thought couples figured out what worked for them. Also, Mr. Wolf and I just give each other packs when we're leaving. I've been doing it wrong for 43 years? Seriously, that was definitely TMI for me.

derick still looks pissed off and he gets it 3-4 a week - not to good 

and i just found the reboot of 90210 is being filmed here... 

Edited by nst

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Cheetah
3 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

You know what I really didn’t need to see?

Cathy chiming in, in the comments...

  Hide contents

F2A8C583-D17A-493D-B3BC-22CE3A8E4D50.thumb.jpeg.df22e72efa66a1eed7ff3e2e4ce06a52.jpeg

How sad... “It was not easy”...She has pressure to be “joyfully available” from Michelle, Cathy, and Derick!

#goals!

Right?  Like... well, first of all, I'm not going to go advertise anywhere how good or bad my sex life with my husband is, especially where my mother-in-law is going to see it, but then to have her go comment on it... ugh!

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HarleyQuinn
4 hours ago, HarryPotterFan said:

Maybe we all sinned or something and this is our punishment? 

Maybe we really did get raptured and are in hell?

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nst

this makes Ben's idea of a walk family entertainment tame in comparison 

 

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Wine time!
Snarkasarus Rex
4 minutes ago, Cheetah said:

Right?  Like... well, first of all, I'm not going to go advertise anywhere how good or bad my sex life with my husband is, especially where my mother-in-law is going to see it, but then to have her go comment on it... ugh!

I think Cathy is boundary-challenged like Jill, just probably not quite as much as Jill.  I mean, not many mothers defend their grown-ass sons on their social media accounts...the fact that Cathy feels the need to comment on Jill’s post is just...gross and certainly not modest!

Jill could have really bloomed into  her own person had she married into a family with a healthy relationship dynamic.  Instead she goes from one dumpster fire to another.

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HarleyQuinn

If Jill didn't look like a mess in every selfie she shared, by her advice I would 100% believe she goes full Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and takes her makeup off after Wreck goes to sleep, then wakes early to put it back on.

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JermajestyDuggar
3 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

If Jill didn't look like a mess in every selfie she shared, by her advice I would 100% believe she goes full Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and takes her makeup off after Wreck goes to sleep, then wakes early to put it back on.

God I love that show. Too bad none of these fundies will ever watch. 

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nst
4 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

If Jill didn't look like a mess in every selfie she shared, by her advice I would 100% believe she goes full Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and takes her makeup off after Wreck goes to sleep, then wakes early to put it back on.

like that episode of a different world when Whiteley was newly married to Dwayne - you tube it for a laugh

I believe she thinks this all normal

the sad thing is how how dead she looks behind the eyes and all the extolling.  

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pippi
Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, Shiny said:

I just do not get the advice people give on how often to have sex. I see it other places too, not just fundies. It doesn't allow for a lull or change in situation without making it seem like a "problem". There are times when my husband and I have sex way more than 3 times a week, and times when it's less. We had family visit for a full month this winter and we barely touched each other. There needs to be evolution in a relationship and these blanket statements do more harm than good.

THIS. Some people have high libidos, some don't, some vary all the time. Some couples have sex all the time, others rarely. Some people are demi-sexual, or fall in the gray/asexual range. Partners who may be highly compatible in most ways aren't always perfectly matched in sex-drive, and that doesn't have to mean one person's needs take priority, or that the couple "doesn't work". As long as both your needs are being met, and you are communicating and finding a balance that works FOR YOU as a couple, that's all fine! My partner and I vary, but we find a balance that works FOR US. I'm glad she supports counseling in any form, but to me that paragraph almost implied that if you aren't doing it a certain amount you are "struggling" and should seek counseling, and that's not right. There's no measurement. Sex life not a shoe size. It's more like a thumb-print...slightly unique to each individual and couple, and utterly personal. 

TL;DR my weird rant, I agree with you and people should stop telling other people how and when they should be having sex. 

Edited by pippi
Tweaked a sentence.
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SHERA

I just accidentally watched E! News and they tore her advice apart. The one commentator reminded everyone that Jill wrote this for women and that this was a lot of pressure on women, but would have been better if it was about how couples can make their marriage better. 

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nst
1 minute ago, SHERA said:

I just accidentally watched E! News and they tore her advice apart. The one commentator reminded everyone that Jill wrote this for women and that this was a lot of pressure on women, but would have been better if it was about how couples can make their marriage better. 

not to mention this is not the vast majority of women because they would eat jill alive. 

I am glad e news discovered it. 

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Meh
SillyDillys
4 hours ago, HarryPotterFan said:

Came here to say when I saw the thread was hot I expected to see either a baby announcement or Derick saying something dumb but am now disgusted and want to vomit until my dying day. And I have only read a couple screenshots, not the entire thing.

Whats this about a child cheering section? Having your children cheer when you and your husband kiss? I’m an adult and I still sometimes make facei88s of disgust when my parents kiss. I’m mature, right? :pb_lol: 

 

I'm still repulsed that my parents had a sex life when they were married and I'm almost 23. That is just so weird. I can imagine jill telling Israel and samuel "okay when I kiss daddy what do we say? YAAY!"

Fucking total gagfest 

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