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Georgiana

Dillards 77: Sex Advice from Smoochie Sweetie Sweet Muffin

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VelociRapture
6 minutes ago, Screamapillar said:

Jill's tribute to Grandma Mary doesn't bother me. Not my style, but I'm not a Duggar. But it's Jill's grandmother so she's allowed to say whatever she likes.

My grandfather died last week and my social media tribute to him was a picture of him as a teenager on the beach with a surfboard under his arm. I got a lot of "what a hottie/stud/dreamboat" type comments, and knowing my grandfather, he would have loved that.

I’m really sorry for your loss. I think your post sounds sweet, funny, and pretty appropriate given your grandpa’s personality. 

This actually reminds me of my dad a bit. I brought in a photo of my dad during his time in Vietnam to one of my high school history classes once and a bunch of girls were drooling over him. I had to explain it was my dad and he didn’t look like that anymore. The teacher thought it was hysterical and my dad was thrilled when I told him about it. 

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CharlieInCharge
6 minutes ago, Screamapillar said:

I got a lot of "what a hottie/stud/dreamboat" type comments, and knowing my grandfather, he would have loved that.

Just from this he sounds like my kind of grandpa, my condolences on your loss and blessings to you and your family. 

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Sullie06
14 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

When our kids were in elementary school, commuter students and heavily into sports of the traveling variety, my husband once suggested that I never let the kids eat or drink in the car, and I laughed! They would have never eaten.

Luckily we don't spend a lot of time in the car because of where we live. Our commute from daycare, school, dance, sport complex is about 5-10 minutes on average so I've lucked out in that department. I'll bring snacks for them once we get to our destination. Unfortunately my kids are the messiest eaters I've ever seen so they really need a table whenever possible :laughing-rolling:

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HarleyQuinn
12 hours ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Maybe I’m just old, but that’s way too many emojis and hashtags and way too cheerful for a memorial post.

It's so jarring compared to Amy's.

"She was ready to check outta here" vs looking forward to meeting her upcoming great grandson.

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Wine time!
OyToTheVey

Maybe I'm just a germaphobe but there's a difference between empty water bottles in the backseat and 3 day old rice on the floor that's collecting ants. My car is a mess, bottles, clothes, papers everywhere but I def put a line at food. If I spill anything, I always clean it up. The bottles however, well they can live there for months. 

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Meggo
12 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I totally agree. The dust that gathers on the outside protects the paint in the desert sun. 

My husband & son washed my car over the weekend and I went to run errands.

"Well?? Did you notice how clean the car was?"
You didn't clean the inside...
"But we washed it! Didn't it feel nice to drive a clean car?" 
Uh - sure -but you know they drive the same, clean or dirty right? 

I've also - in the winter - been known to tell border guys who ask which is my car and what color it is "Well - it's blue gray - but you can't really tell under the road salt..." 

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nelliebelle1197
8 hours ago, squiddysquid said:

From Jills insta; I know everybody grieves differently but that line with the winking smiley? No, just no.

jillmdillard

My heart breaks 💔 My grandma died suddenly today! She was an amazing woman of God and such a great example to so many! 🌸 Grandma, you are greatly missed by all who knew you! 💕 She was a feisty, incredible woman who always took the time to talk about Jesus with everyone she knew! I know she was ready to check outta here and get her new body in heaven before the old one started giving her too much trouble! 😉 We miss you so much!! 😭💔#maryduggar #rip #grandmaduggar #safeinthearmsofjesus❤

What is inappropriate is pointing out the winky smiley. No. Just no.

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Waffle Time
DarkAnts

Jill was not allowed to express negative feelings as a child. I think that shows most when she is experiencing something that is difficult.

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Wine time!
The Mother Dust
Posted (edited)
On 6/3/2019 at 3:39 PM, luv2laugh said:

You know what I really didn’t need to see?

Cathy chiming in, in the comments...

  Hide contents

F2A8C583-D17A-493D-B3BC-22CE3A8E4D50.thumb.jpeg.df22e72efa66a1eed7ff3e2e4ce06a52.jpeg

How sad... “It was not easy”...She has pressure to be “joyfully available” from Michelle, Cathy, and Derick!

#goals!

OH GOD this is so cringey.  What mother wants to talk to their daughter in law about how well DIL is fucking their son.  Cuz that's what it is. 😱 Do you have any positions you want to recommend to Jill, Cathy?  What do you think your son would like?  

Edited by The Mother Dust
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HerNameIsBuffy

My mom made a million mistakes raising us, but she always respected our feelings as valid and said there was nothing we couldn’t express as long as it was communicated in a civil way.  And she backed it up by listening even when it was unpleasant.

she lived her life repressing her own feeling so  kinda of amazing this was such a cornerstone for her. 

I guess that was more of a gift than I’d realized.  She gave us what she never had.

2 minutes ago, The Mother Dust said:

OH GOD this is so cringey.  What mother wants to talk to their daughter in law about how well DIL is fucking their son.  Cuz that's what it is. 

Gross.  These people pray all the time - how about praying for boundaries?

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Georgiana
7 minutes ago, DarkAnts said:

Jill was not allowed to express negative feelings as a child. I think that shows most when she is experiencing something that is difficult.

Yes, and there's also a nasty undercurrent in fundie circles where sadness/depression/grief/negative emotion indicates a lack of faith.  You can't be TOO sad if you REALLY believe in Heaven and salvation.  If you really are sad or even feel a genuine loss, then you must not have a very robust faith in Jesus!

It's toxic bullshit, but that's what Jill was raised to believe.   Not only is she unlikely to know how to express negative emotion, she may actually see her own negative emotions as a lack of faith.  She may not be giving those emotions space or validity, especially after a sudden loss, because to her that indicates spiritual weakness.  

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Ali
22 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

Yes, and there's also a nasty undercurrent in fundie circles where sadness/depression/grief/negative emotion indicates a lack of faith.  You can't be TOO sad if you REALLY believe in Heaven and salvation.  If you really are sad or even feel a genuine loss, then you must not have a very robust faith in Jesus!

It's toxic bullshit, but that's what Jill was raised to believe.   Not only is she unlikely to know how to express negative emotion, she may actually see her own negative emotions as a lack of faith.  She may not be giving those emotions space or validity, especially after a sudden loss, because to her that indicates spiritual weakness.  

I started reading "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer years ago and stopped when she stated that depression is a choice. Many Christians have a misconception of mental health.

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Silas

I can't imagine being in the position of a Duggar and knowing I was expected to publicly acknowledge such a raw wound to thousands of people. My dog died last year and I struggled to post about it on social media. Don't get me wrong - awful people, awful beliefs. But they're just that...people. The pressure to word a post just-so sucks for anyone. Add in grief and stunted emotional growth and it's no surprise that anyone would struggle to write something. Don't want to seem too sad (lack of faith), don't want to seem too uplifting (poor taste), do I tell a cute antidote or do I talk about her godliness? Do I do both? Is my post long enough, will people say I could've taken more time to write something heartfelt? Are emojis inappropriate? Or maybe I should add emojis to lighten the mood so people will know I'm Godly and believe she's really in a better place. 

Just no. I can't imagine worrying about how to address the death of a beloved family member on social media on top of all the other emotions I'd be feeling, knowing people were going to pick it apart. Again, they're horrible people with horrible beliefs but that doesn't change that it's tricky waters to navigate and they don't even have a paddle. I'm sure they all miss and loved their grandma, that's enough for me.

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HerNameIsBuffy
26 minutes ago, Ali said:

I started reading "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer years ago and stopped when she stated that depression is a choice. Many Christians have a misconception of mental health.

I haaaaaate her.

Hers is a name that won’t be mentioned between myself and a fundish family member.

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clueliss

I listened to a podcast of her teaching 10+ years ago - and stopped because she said she didn't study the whole bible.  How can you teach something you haven't fully studied.  Because a lot of the Bible refers to other things in the Bible.  Had I known she thought depression was a choice (trying to figure out how 13 or 14 year old self chooses that) I'd have been even more vehemently anti-Joyce.

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VelociRapture
2 hours ago, Georgiana said:

When my grandpa (who I idolized) died last December, I posted no tribute on social media.  I didn't really talk about it.  Some of my relatives posted amazing tributes to him, but for me, I just couldn't find the words.  Every time I tried, it just went sideways.  And I'm normally very good at expressing myself in writing.  Jill normally writes in a completely tone-deaf manner.  

It's not Cousin Amy's tribute, but Jill really didn't have the choice not to post because she can't find words or just like another family member's excellent memorial like I did.  She was pretty much forced to post something, despite perhaps knowing that she didn't have the right words for a public tribute, and this is what she came up with.   

This is Jill's grief.  Yes, it's especially awkward and tone deaf, somewhat childlike/immature and couched in Christianity.  But Jill is awkward and tone deaf, somewhat childlike/immature and marinated in Christianity, so this is likely a very raw expression of her emotions.  If it was edited, it would be less Jill.  This isn't a time for Jill to try and be pinterest-perfect or social media savvy.  This is a time for Jill to be true and genuine in expressing her grief, her unique relationship with her grandmother, and her unique loss of that relationship.  

It's brave to post something that is so raw, especially when you know you will likely get criticized on a national level.  I wasn't brave enough to post something I knew I couldn't edit to be consumable just for my social circle.  Jill posted anyway, she posted something real, and she posted something genuine.

We need to recognize expressions of grief that aren't cleaned up or magnificent because so often, grief itself isn't cleaned up or magnificent.  It's often a strange animal, expressing itself in bizarre ways.  Sometimes with weird emojis.  Sometimes with hysterical laughter at a stupid line said by Jason "Jax Taylor" Cauchi on Vanderpump Rules, so you start to binge Bravo TV to feel better.  And that's ok.  That's just grief being grief. 

Expressions of grief are NOT a reliable metric to judge the depth of the loss.  They're just expressions of grief, and they're all valid.

Thank you for wording this so well. Grief is a complex emotion even under ideal circumstances. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for the Duggar offspring who have been programmed to view death as positive because Jesus, are likely genuinely missing their Grandma anyways, have been denied the education necessary to clearly communicate their feelings, and were forced onto the national stage by their fame hungry parents. That’s a lot to try and navigate all at once even for people who haven’t been emotionally stunted and I can’t fault any of them for not being able to eloquently share how they’re feeling. 

I’m actually a bit disappointed people here are snarking on and criticizing the Duggar offspring posts. I know snarking is what we do here, but this just strikes me as wrong somehow. They have hateful beliefs, but I don’t like mocking people when they’re grieving a legitimate loss regardless of who they are.

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HerNameIsBuffy
32 minutes ago, clueliss said:

I listened to a podcast of her teaching 10+ years ago - and stopped because she said she didn't study the whole bible.  How can you teach something you haven't fully studied.  Because a lot of the Bible refers to other things in the Bible.  Had I known she thought depression was a choice (trying to figure out how 13 or 14 year old self chooses that) I'd have been even more vehemently anti-Joyce.

I saw her on tv ages ago and stopped to watch for a second as I’d heard some fundy life family members mention her and it was my first exposure to the prosperity gospel.

she talked about her jewelry and something about her house and travels being blessings from God because of her faith.  

Idk how anyone can believe in prosperity gospel as long as their are children in poverty in this world.

people want to assume every adult struggling financially is because they pissed God off ...fine....but to truly believe in a God that wants these preachers to have private planes and drip with diamonds rather than feed, shelter, and get medical care to kids...

not a God I’d want to worship.  She was just totally rationalizing fleecing desperate people for personal gain.  Fuck her.

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luv2laugh
Posted (edited)
23 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Thank you for wording this so well. Grief is a complex emotion even under ideal circumstances. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for the Duggar offspring who have been programmed to view death as positive because Jesus, are likely genuinely missing their Grandma anyways, have been denied the education necessary to clearly communicate their feelings, and were forced onto the national stage by their fame hungry parents. That’s a lot to try and navigate all at once even for people who haven’t been emotionally stunted and I can’t fault any of them for not being able to eloquently share how they’re feeling. 

I’m actually a bit disappointed people here are snarking on and criticizing the Duggar offspring posts. I know snarking is what we do here, but this just strikes me as wrong somehow. They have hateful beliefs, but I don’t like mocking people when they’re grieving a legitimate loss regardless of who they are.

Jill mentioned, “I know she was ready to check outta here and get her new body in heaven”. That’s something people say about those who were terminally ill. I’m sure Amy would’ve wanted Grandma Mary to meet her baby. Mary was like another mother to her.

Also, Jill already wrote a blog post about Grandma Mary. I can’t believe how she’s quickly trying to monetize this situation.

Edited by luv2laugh

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HerNameIsBuffy
12 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

Also, Jill already wrote a blog post about Grandma Mary. I can’t believe how she’s quickly trying to monetize this situation.

There is a cap on how many times and in which forums she’s allowed to express her grief?

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Wine time!
The Mother Dust
1 hour ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I haaaaaate her.

Hers is a name that won’t be mentioned between myself and a fundish family member.

Ugh, my cousin's wife, who I will call Mary, is a very sweet woman, but in kind of a childish way. 😕  She has been a SAHM for years, even though she and my cousin could have really used the income if she was working, IMO.  But I think she just recently got part-time office work now her kids are a bit older.  Anyway, she is a huge Joyce Meyer fan, and is always posting about JM on facebook.  I like Mary alot, but mainly due to geographic distance, we never developed that kind of relationship where I can feel like I can tell her straight out that it's bullshit, and not have consequences for our larger family dynamics.  So I don't interact with her JM posts at all.  I've always been a skeptical atheist, and new right away JM was bull.  I get the impression Mary really uses JM as an emotional crutch, a place to get hope from (they have 3 kids, one special needs.)  I hate to say it, but I don't think Mary is sophisticated enough to see behind the curtain so to speak.  These are the poor people these prosperity gospel ppl take advantage of.

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Glasgowghirl
54 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

Jill mentioned, “I know she was ready to check outta here and get her new body in heaven”. That’s something people say about those who were terminally ill. I’m sure Amy would’ve wanted Grandma Mary to meet her baby. Mary was like another mother to her.

Also, Jill already wrote a blog post about Grandma Mary. I can’t believe how she’s quickly trying to monetize this situation.

While she does get paid for her blogging, I doubt she thought about money when she made the post, writing the blog post may have helped her express emotions and it's a bit sick and cruel that people on Instagram and now on here accuse her of intentionally using her grandmother's death for profit.

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jjmennonite
On 6/9/2019 at 4:04 PM, SilverBeach said:

I was never a SAHM. However, I was a single mom.  Being a single mom was the hardest thing I ever did. Nonetheless, my car never looked like that, and I never left used diapers on the nightstand either. I'm a neatnik by nature, I admit that, but I think that perhaps the chaos of the TTH and even before the TTH did not impart a sense of order and cleanliness.  I don't think being a mom should be used as an excuse for being messy.  Some people have messy cars without having small  children, it's just how they roll. Also, being messy is not the end of the world, it's not my preference but unless things get downright unhygienic, it's no big deal.  

High five from another single mom. My baby is 26 and off the payroll, so life is easy now. Big kudos to you for being a neatnik and having a clean car whilst single parenting. We always had a dirty messy car and a messy house. Kidlet seems to have figured out how to be clean and tidy, all on her own. I gave up on getting her to do chores, because she was a VERY strong willed child. She did her homework and seldom skipped school, so I counted us lucky and didn’t battle her over chores. 

Single parenting was definitely the hardest thing I ever did, too. Also the most rewarding. I’m one of those moms who is still head over heals in love with that baby I pushed out 26 years ago. 

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NakedKnees
Posted (edited)

I really want to avoid snarking on mess-relative-to-free-time for the reasons mentioned above (everyone's situation is different and working moms and SAHM both receive so much judgement, I'd rather avoid that convo altogether), but this does touch on something I think about frequently in regards to fundies...

Doesn't not watching TV, not masturbating (sorry for the image, but it's relevant), not drinking alcohol, not dressing very immodestly (as in without lots of effort), and not taking lead in your own spiritual life free up a lot of time at home?

I realize that when moms have umpteen kids, I realize this goes out the window. I also realize that no matter what, everyone is different and has different energy levels and priorities. We don't know everything about what's going on Jill's mind and life either. And I'm certainly projecting a little bit here 😉.

But still: I wonder what the average fundie woman's real "checklist" looks like on a day at home. They sometimes seem to present an overly perfect and regimented image (I'm thinking of Erica Shupe's ridiculous schedules and the Duggars' "jurisdictions")... but what's really going on?

Edited by NakedKnees
riffle and grammar choices

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