Seewalds 41: Christian Hero Ivy Jane

[Boogers]

11 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

It actually kind of bugs me that they said that. I know, I know. Fundies gonna Fundie. But I have a daughter and my husband and I always make a point to say “if” she gets married or has children, not “when.” Don’t get me wrong, being married and having kids is something we both really enjoy a great deal and we’d be thrilled if we eventually have grandkids one day... but we want our kids to live the life they want to live, not the life we’ve predetermined is the only option for them. It just really rubs me the wrong way. 

Thank you for putting this into words, this is another reason it bugged me too. All summed up, there's way more to life than weddings....

[Curious]

6 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Aw!!! Grandbaby Curious is going to look so adorable in those clothes!

(And an early congratulations Grandma!!!) 

Thank you.  I'm so excited that people in my life fear me because it's ALL I talk about.  I've made like 8 blankets, but to be fair, I had a "hypothetical grandchild"  box for about a year or 18 months before they told us they were pregnant.  I didn't even know they were trying because my son had been on a medical trial and uh...sweet fellowship...wasn't allowed for a certain period of time and I didn't know the specifics because TMI.  So we were super excited when they told me as a christmas present.  My son may not have full hearing back in his phone ear yet

Now I have the kittens to distract me a little, but I'm still crocheting regularly.   I told my DiL if she found any patterns on etsy she wanted me to make I would be happy too and she was SO excited and had 2 blankets bookmarked so I'm working on one of those now.   It did not escape my notice that she didn't ask her mom/gma to make them, but rather was just pining over them until I asked her about patterns. *ahem*

I have sent 4-5 boxes of stuff I've made/bought so far.  I finally got smart and started just shipping stuff to them directly unless we buy it locally.

[Curious]

Since I'm photobombing the thread with stuff I've made, I really like this blanket.  Not the best picture, unfortunately.  My kids love cats and I have 3 grandcats (which I would have been happy with had they decided not to have human children) so I thought they would like this one for the baby.

[bal maiden]

@Curious that is all so lovely. Handmade baby stuff just gives the best feeling. My dear late MIL was an avid crocheter (what’s the right word? Crochet-ist? Was going to write ‘hooker’, but that’s not quite right ?) and made my oldest some blankets that still get used every day, even though oldest is nearly 5. The blankets are a bit bonkers, since MIL had early onset Alzheimer’s when she made them, but the muscle memory was still there in her hands to weave the love in, and we treasure them deeply. 

[BachelorToTheRapture]

@Curious that cat blanket is adorable! I love the yarn!! Hearing about your excitement and making things (and taking into account what they actually want!) makes me think of my aunt, who had her first grandbaby almost 1.5 years ago. She has been an amazing grandma, the kind I wish I'd had! Basically, you remind me of the best grandma I know well

[Boogers]

3 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

It actually kind of bugs me that they said that. I know, I know. Fundies gonna Fundie. But I have a daughter and my husband and I always make a point to say “if” she gets married or has children, not “when.” Don’t get me wrong, being married and having kids is something we both really enjoy a great deal and we’d be thrilled if we eventually have grandkids one day... but we want our kids to live the life they want to live, not the life we’ve predetermined is the only option for them. It just really rubs me the wrong way. 

 

(Bolding mine)

This concept keeps coming up with regards to Fundies, especially the Duggars. 

 

Some of these kids are only celebrated for how they fit into the Fundie mold, not for who they are; their parents hope for them to be godly, not happy; (thinking of those personality-less birthday messages), and it makes me really sad. 

 

I once overheard a conversation between two fathers, one of whom was boasting that all three of his daughters grew up to share his exact views. The other asked why he didn't encourage them to think for themselves. I think about that a lot.

Edited June 4, 2019 by Boogers
Wanted to comment on the hopes for the future too, not just celebrations.

[Palimpsest]

4 hours ago, nausicaa said:

They do have some decent options for nice female names with a Protestant heroine link. Katherine (von Bora). Evangeline (Booth). Florence (Nightingale). Ruth (Graham).

If they'd stayed with the last name as a first name thing, imho, a girl named Crosby (Fanny Crosby) sounds awesome. 

I genuinely was worried that Ben was gonna name this kid "ten Boom."

A never married career woman and a non-Trinitarian to boot.  Get thee behind me, Satan!

I hope they never call a daughter Fanny.  It's the Brit in me.

 

[OyToTheVey]

Technically speaking, they can appropriate any Old Testament name and name their daughter a Jewish name. I mean Jill already named a kid Israel, I wouldn't be surprised if any of them name their kid Nichama or even Sarah. 

[nolongerIFBx]

4 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

It actually kind of bugs me that they said that. I know, I know. Fundies gonna Fundie. But I have a daughter and my husband and I always make a point to say “if” she gets married or has children, not “when.” Don’t get me wrong, being married and having kids is something we both really enjoy a great deal and we’d be thrilled if we eventually have grandkids one day... but we want our kids to live the life they want to live, not the life we’ve predetermined is the only option for them. It just really rubs me the wrong way. 

. . . .

I think that many parents just never consider that their child might not be the norm. I recently attended my niece's birthday party and she was laughing with some of the other teenaged girls there and talking about "when" they were married and "when" they had kids. It had just never occurred to them that that might not happen for them (even with their childless, old maid aunt sitting right there, LOL). I almost wanted to say something, but why be Debbie Downer? And it is far more likely than not that they will marry and have children. I'm sure that despite my early protests my parents never really thought that I wouldn't marry.

1 hour ago, Boogers said:

(Bolding mine)

This concept keeps coming up with regards to Fundies, especially the Duggars. 

Some of these kids are only celebrated for how they fit into the Fundie mold, not for who they are; their parents hope for them to be godly, not happy; (thinking of those personality-less birthday messages), and it makes me really sad. 

. . . .

Ah, but if they are godly, they are by default happy (sarcasm mine!).

 

Edited June 4, 2019 by nolongerIFBx

[ViolaSebastian]

4 hours ago, bal maiden said:

@Curious that is all so lovely. Handmade baby stuff just gives the best feeling. My dear late MIL was an avid crocheter (what’s the right word? Crochet-ist? Was going to write ‘hooker’, but that’s not quite right ?) and made my oldest some blankets that still get used every day, even though oldest is nearly 5. The blankets are a bit bonkers, since MIL had early onset Alzheimer’s when she made them, but the muscle memory was still there in her hands to weave the love in, and we treasure them deeply. 

Funnily enough, people who rug hook go by "hookers." My cousin has a bumper sticker that says "Support Your Local Hooker." 

[KeshetParparNesicha]

2 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

I wouldn't be surprised if any of them name their kid Nichama or even Sarah. 

Oh God no. They butcher Spanish enough, I don't want to hear them mangle a "ch."

[Curious]

4 hours ago, bal maiden said:

@Curious that is all so lovely. Handmade baby stuff just gives the best feeling. My dear late MIL was an avid crocheter (what’s the right word? Crochet-ist? Was going to write ‘hooker’, but that’s not quite right ?) and made my oldest some blankets that still get used every day, even though oldest is nearly 5. The blankets are a bit bonkers, since MIL had early onset Alzheimer’s when she made them, but the muscle memory was still there in her hands to weave the love in, and we treasure them deeply. 

Thank you    I was thrilled when I asked my DiL if she would like/use crocheted things other than blankets and she said she would love handmade stuff.   I really want to learn to sew well enough to make some simple rompers and dresses because I found some adorable patterns on etsy.  That place is dangerous for me now.   I had 17 things in my cart last time I made an order...all baby patterns LOL.    I figure I have maybe 4 years before she starts deciding whether she wants to wear handmade stuff or not so I'm going to take advantage of that time.

I haven't even pulled out my sewing machine to put together the waterproof burp cloths and baby washcloths, reusable wipes I normally make for people.  I have 1 blanket I want to sew and I have 2 I plan to hand quilt.    It's only like 77 days to her due date.  Time is flying.  She told us before the pee stick dried practically so I thought it was going to feel like an eternity and time has gone so fast.

That's lovely that you still use items from your MiL.  I'm sorry to hear she had Alzheimer's, such an awful disease.  Muscle memory when crocheting is funny.   I am usually watching tv or streaming something on the computer when crocheting so splitting my attention and I can be crocheting along and will realize when I've made a mistake in the pattern.    I micronap some days and my husband has said he's seen me crocheting during that few second that I'm out and finds me still holding my project up when I am actually fully asleep.

[Iamtheway]

22 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

I wonder how much Ben and Jessa understand about the history of the world 

Probably roughly this much. 

6 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I just had a conversation with my six year old yesterday that went like this:

Son: “I don’t ever want to get married or have kids.”

Me: “That’s fine. No one HAS to get married or have kids. It’s a choice.”

Son: “But I’m going to have cats.” 

Which was basically the least surprising thing he’s ever said. My little cat lover. 

I don’t think Miniway really gets the concept of marriage but he say he wants to have 100 kids. So I’m raising a tiny quiverful  here. He’s decided a little girl at his kindy is going to be the mum. Unclear if she’s been asked. 

I have promised to help look after the grandchildren so I’ll be very busy 20 years from now. 

[Curious]

4 hours ago, BachelorToTheRapture said:

@Curious that cat blanket is adorable! I love the yarn!! Hearing about your excitement and making things (and taking into account what they actually want!) makes me think of my aunt, who had her first grandbaby almost 1.5 years ago. She has been an amazing grandma, the kind I wish I'd had! Basically, you remind me of the best grandma I know well

awww thank you My grandma died when I was 15, but we were very close and we lived with her when my mom was single and she lived with us when she got older mainly because it seemed silly to have 2 separate residences when I was always at her house or she was at ours.   I still miss her every day.   

I hope to be the best grandma I can be.   I try to ask them beforehand if I am going to buy something potentially questionable.  My son is a bit quirky and has some really specific ideas that I think he's going to find do not work in reality once the baby gets here.   I try to gently tell him that his expectations might be a little ambitious in reality and then I shut up unless he asks me for advice.

He recently told me that they don't want any clothing with writing on it and I had already gotten a couple onesies on clearance for them so I apologized and said I didn't know that when I bought the ones I sent them.   Then he explained what kind of writing he didn't want....things that put opinions on the baby when we don't know what her opinion really is.  So like no "I want to be a princess" or things like that.   I said oh ok so the ones I got are ok?  He said yeah.   Then he explained why they went with the no writing rule.

The ones I sent were "party at my crib" and "I'm a baby what's your superpower?"   The ones his MiL sent "I'm beautiful like my grandma" and 3 others I've forgotten the text but they were all similar.

She makes it pretty easy to be the best Nana.   I could probably do nothing and still be better

1 hour ago, ViolaSebastian said:

Funnily enough, people who rug hook go by "hookers." My cousin has a bumper sticker that says "Support Your Local Hooker." 

People who crochet do as well.   I see the trend now is to call yourself a "maker" which covers all things I guess.   I don't really have any RL friends that craft.  My bff used to crochet once in a while before she got so busy with work, her rescue work and now 2 grandkids.   I joined a fabulous group on facebook though for knitting and crocheting and they are wonderful if you have questions or problems with what you are making or you just want to show off something you've made.

[AliceInFundyland]

My grandma (who was a "glamma") was the opinionated sort. And I was the only granddaughter. She created her fair share of havoc in the child rearing process. She was duly ignored when necessary. Other grandma was the handmade grandma. I've shared stories of both.

In retrospect...both passed on good things. And both had good taste. I am very glad that I had one of each. It provided balance.

[Curious]

2 minutes ago, AliceInFundyland said:

My grandma (who was a "glamma") was the opinionated sort. And I was the only granddaughter. She created her fair share of havoc in the child rearing process. She was duly ignored when necessary. Other grandma was the handmade grandma. I've shared stories of both.

In retrospect...both passed on good things. And both had good taste. I am very glad that I had one of each. It provided balance.

I have one big hurdle.  MiL is local to them.  I'm 3000 miles away and can't travel.   They have said they will come to visit when she's a little older and there is skype so it's not like I'll be totally unknown, but it does make me sad I'm not closer.  For the first time in 20+ years, I am actually considering whether we should move back to that area.  My husband can transfer to an office in Denver which is still a few hours away but would be an easy weekend trip for them vs a flight etc.    One thing that keeps me here is my drs.  I did not have good medical care before I moved out here, but it's been 20 years so maybe it wouldn't be the same issues.

[AliceInFundyland]

We kind of had that happen. When we were in Massachusetts we were local to Long Island and thus able to travel to them and NYC ("the center of the world") Spoiled rotten we were.

I think they took it personally when we moved to Kansas. But an upside of that was being able to spend Christmas and visit with Moms family (all my cousins). I liked this more.

They hated visiting the cows. I think it happened twice before we started getting shipped back East.

In the end its all about your actions. That's how she will know you.

It doesn't matter where you are. My mom's mom was visiting us in Mass when I had chicken pox. She made me better. My dad's mom was out with me in Manhattan when I was wearing a dress unsuitable for the weather, but pretty. We went in Benetton and she bought me $100 deep blue red riding hood cape coat that was soooo beautiful.

[eleanora3]

If you just look at first names, the Seewald baby names are all over the place. Spurgeon, Henry, and Ivy.

[fundiefan]

Fundies really like doomed British queens. Was it the Botkins who played dress up and one was Anne Boelyn? 

I wouldn't want to name my kid after a girl who was used as a pawn in a battle for the throne-she didn't do anything to get there, she was put there & lost her head for her family's trouble. Not the kind of role model I'd want for my kid and certainly not an inspiration.

[Smee]

1 hour ago, Curious said:

I have one big hurdle.  MiL is local to them.  I'm 3000 miles away and can't travel.   They have said they will come to visit when she's a little older and there is skype so it's not like I'll be totally unknown, but it does make me sad I'm not closer.  For the first time in 20+ years, I am actually considering whether we should move back to that area.  My husband can transfer to an office in Denver which is still a few hours away but would be an easy weekend trip for them vs a flight etc.    One thing that keeps me here is my drs.  I did not have good medical care before I moved out here, but it's been 20 years so maybe it wouldn't be the same issues.

In retrospect, I’m glad we didn’t live local to either of our parents when we first had our children. Especially with my son, I think it was a lot better for us as parents to be able to establish our own routines and boundaries and parenting styles with a bit of distance. I mean, I assume you’re not like my MIL saying “give him a bottle!” every time he cried despite knowing I was breastfeeding, but still, being around family had a way of making me doubt myself or get defensive about anything we did differently to their advice. The distance also meant I felt like our parents could “spoil” their grandchildren when they saw them, which I really wouldn’t have wanted if they were looking after them once a week or something like some of my friends.

I love that cat blanket!

A few weeks ago my daughter (5) announced that she never wants to have babies. I was like “okay then”, but we WERE at the vet taking the cat to be desexed at the time...

[AmericanRose]

The meaning of Jane is "God is gracious". They could have just said that when asked why ?

I adopted a kitten 3 years ago and named her Jane (she passed 5 days after adoption ?), because I like the name and because Jane McGregor is one of my favourite actors.

Belated observation they didn't use 'Lauren' as a middle name.

Edited June 5, 2019 by AmericanRose

[Curious]

1 hour ago, Smee said:

, being around family had a way of making me doubt myself or get defensive about anything we did differently to their advice.

I try to offer advice (sometimes unasked) by saying this is what I did/know based on my experience.  Since she isn't here yet a lot of it has to do with baby furniture/equipment.   My son has back issues and can't bend down very far so I helped research bassinets that would be high enough for him to get the baby out of.   Things like that.  

I'm sure baby rearing questions will come up once she's here and I will hopefully manage to do the same type thing.  I try very hard to say things and then STFU unless further advice is requested.

I want them to come to me with questions and not worry they will be sorry for doing so  

[viii]

2 hours ago, fundiefan said:

I wouldn't want to name my kid after a girl who was used as a pawn in a battle for the throne-she didn't do anything to get there, she was put there & lost her head for her family's trouble. Not the kind of role model I'd want for my kid and certainly not an inspiration.

Was Anne Boleyn a pawn? Most definitely. Did she do something to get there? That’s debatable. 

[tabitha2]

All Royal and upperclass women were pawns and have been for most of history But the sharp ones eventually took power for themselves by any means necessary .

If Jane had had more time to grow up, start paying the intrigue game and get a stronger power base in the vein of Catherine the Great she probably would have been a decent Queen. She was very intelligent. 

[CarrotCake]

It is interesting to read here about living close to kids/parents.

My sister lives in the same town as my parents so they see my niece every week. I dont have kids yet but I do sometimes worry that I live ‘far away’.

But then I read here and I realize that far away here in the Netherlands is nothing compared to the US ?

You would probably think that the 45min drive to my parents is still local 

Edited June 5, 2019 by CarrotCake