Josiah and Lauren 14: Another Grand-Duggar on the Way (Miscarriage Content Warning)

[mstee]

I’m hoping the cake was a surprise by a sister or whoever threw the shower as a thoughtful gesture toward Lauren, but I know that’s probably not the case. Poor baby girl. ? 

eta: @JesSky03 we must’ve posted at the same time. 

I agree that as a surprise I would find it to be a gut punch. But maybe Lauren would appreciate it? I don’t know. This whole situation has gone into an unhealthy realm IMO

Edited September 20, 2019 by mstee

[mango_fandango]

Losing a pregnancy at any point is very difficult, especially if it’s your first and you’re in a baby-obsessed family/environment like the Duggars are. But having a “Big Brother Asa” cake just sounds too much. I highly doubt Lauren has had any real support beyond “just pray and trust in God”. I understand that faith can be important to people at moments like that, but Lauren sounds like she’d benefit from some kind of support group, even just an online one. 

[Meggo]

Was the shower on Baby Asa's due date? 

[Snarkasarus Rex]

25 minutes ago, LacyMay said:

Also incredibly insensitive to anyone else there who may have lost a baby (Joy)

Right. Regardless of whose idea it was, it’s inappropriate and I’m sure was very hurtful to Joy. I’m sure it took a lot of courage for her just to show up given Lauren’s behavior to date.

As mentioned previously, there were ways to honor ‘Asa’s’ memory at the shower without the attention seeking shit.  I mean, I’m sure no one ate the cake so it sat there the whole time...

[HermioneSparrow]

Me thinks Lauren needs therapy to deal with the miscarriage but she's not allowed because Jesus.

[libgirl2]

2 hours ago, HeadshipRegent said:

“Big Brother Asa” got a cake at Lauren’s baby shower, because of course. 

That is insane. 

[SillyDillys]

I'm sorry I just... can't feel sorry for Lauren anymore. I understand pregnancy loss is hard having been through myself but this is just unhealthy. They didnt even know the child's sex or anything. It was also completely insensitive to Joy who had a stillbirth. Idk I'm just at a loss for words for them

[libgirl2]

I saw the cake. Is this baby going to grow up with them talking about her big brother all the time? That isn't healthy or normal! 

[lumpentheologie]

14 minutes ago, SillyDillys said:

I'm sorry I just... can't feel sorry for Lauren anymore. I understand pregnancy loss is hard having been through myself but this is just unhealthy. They didnt even know the child's sex or anything. It was also completely insensitive to Joy who had a stillbirth. Idk I'm just at a loss for words for them

I completely agree that it's unhealthy but I do feel sorry for her.  She's 20 years old and has been trapped in fundamentalism her whole life.  She clearly needs some support here that she isn't getting. I do think it was very insensitive to Joy, but I feel pretty sorry for Lauren too. She's mentioned how difficult this pregnancy and her whole first year of marriage have been, and I think she's probably really struggling.  But Jesus has to be the answer to everything, according to them.

She and Siah worry me the most of any of the marrieds so far (besides Josh). I think neither of them are cut out for this life, but they will just double down and do more damage to themselves and their children. 

Edited September 20, 2019 by lumpentheologie

[LittleOwl]

13 minutes ago, libgirl2 said:

I saw the cake. Is this baby going to grow up with them talking about her big brother all the time? That isn't healthy or normal! 

That happened to me, and I can tell you it screwed up my mental health for YEARS. 

[SillyDillys]

Just now, lumpentheologie said:

I completely agree that it's unhealthy but I do feel sorry for her.  She's 20 years old and has been trapped in fundamentalism her whole life.  She clearly needs some support here that she isn't getting. I do think it was very insensitive to Joy, but I feel pretty sorry for Lauren too. She's mentioned how difficult this pregnancy and her whole first year of marriage have been, and I think she's probably really struggling.  But Jesus has to be the answer to everything, according to them.

She and Siah worry me the most of any of the marrieds so far (besides Josh). I think neither of them are cut out for this life, but they will just double down and do more damage to themselves and their children. 

I think I am just a bit harsher because I know there's prolife agenda to it. Also I have never really cared for Lauren when she was introduced. She seems like a pre scandal anna (my CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE) duggar. I mean Michelle and anna both had miscarriages and they didnt even go this far. I am not saying forget the baby existed. But there is a time in place for remembrance and it is not a baby shower that your sister in law who had a still birth is attending. Wouldnt surprise me If this baby had Asa as a middle name. Also I apologize if I come off as mean but it's just my opinion

[libgirl2]

2 minutes ago, LittleOwl said:

That happened to me, and I can tell you it screwed up my mental health for YEARS. 

I am sorry. 

4 minutes ago, SillyDillys said:

I think I am just a bit harsher because I know there's prolife agenda to it. Also I have never really cared for Lauren when she was introduced. She seems like a pre scandal anna (my CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE) duggar. I mean Michelle and anna both had miscarriages and they didnt even go this far. I am not saying forget the baby existed. But there is a time in place for remembrance and it is not a baby shower that your sister in law who had a still birth is attending. Wouldnt surprise me If this baby had Asa as a middle name. Also I apologize if I come off as mean but it's just my opinion

No need to apologize. I agree with you. I never heard Anna going on and on about baby Duggar like this. 

[Ex-fundylite]

Do they not realize that if “big brother Asa” had not been a miscarriage, this baby girl wouldn’t even exist? Ugh.

 

[mango_fandango]

I can maybe understand somebody talking about miscarriage to an older (maybe tween/teen) child, talking about them being a common occurrence etc and maybe mentioning that they (the mother) have had one, for example. I know that pregnancy loss at any stage is still a pretty big taboo for many women.

 But constant talk about it, that’s just not normal. Sorry you had to go through that @LittleOwl. This reminds me a bit of the Boaz/Jachin Anderson situation. I know that’s a little different because it was twins, and Boaz survived, but the way Zsu has acted since, particularly with Chloe, is just awful. 

[libgirl2]

6 minutes ago, Ex-fundylite said:

Do they not realize that if “big brother Asa” had not been a miscarriage, this baby girl wouldn’t even exist? Ugh.

 

I wonder if the poor girl will grow up thinking that they would have perferred Asa to her. Sad.

[Alice in Fundieland]

There are some comments about the cake on the Instagram post and people are asking if Josiah and Lauren knew the baby she miscarried was a boy. One person said that a family shouldn’t have to “know the gender” to speak about the lost baby as a boy or a girl. I agree that no one should tell another person how to grieve. However, it’s not lost on me that they think it’s ok to assign a particular sex to their miscarried child but if that child had been born and identified as transgender they would argue it goes against god’s will. 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

1 hour ago, Meggo said:

Was the shower on Baby Asa's due date? 

That's about the only explanation that would make having a cake for Asa even slightly rational to me. I'm afraid I don't remember the due date, though. Does anyone else?

Edited September 20, 2019 by WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
Me use grammar pretty!

[lumpentheologie]

Just now, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

That's about the only explanation that would make having a cake for Asa even slightly rational to me. I'm afraid I don't remember the due date, though. Do anyone else?

I think she lost Asa last October, so this couldn't have been the due date if it was at all recent. 

[Rik_Bik]

Asa will always be the perfect child. “He” never had the chance to grow up, talk back, disobey his parents, anything. He will forever be exactly what Lauren wants him to be. This poor girl, if Lauren’s current behavior is any indication, will grow up in the shadow of the perfect child who can do no wrong because he never existed outside of Lauren...imagine what kind of pressure that’ll put on her. Good luck little one, I think you’re going to need it. 

[SassyPants]

I thought she was due at the same time as Jessa, so early June. By the looks of Lauren in these photos, the shower was recently held.

[Alice in Fundieland]

That’s right, thank you @SassyPants. They did say Jessa and Lauren had the same due date.

[theotherelise]

In February, they said they found out the were pregnant a couple months ago. But I believe it was October or November, so Lauren would have already passed the due date.

There are a lot of weird things people do in grief. I think putting yourself out there for public consumption during those times is usually ill-advised. 

I've never experienced a pregnancy loss, but my infertility support group is also for those dealing with it and infant loss. It seems like much of the tragedy and pain is over the fact that their child never got to be a big sibling. He/She never got the opportunity to have a party or do any of the things I'm sure they were already dreaming of. 

I'm cautious about commenting on anyone's grief and I think continuing to remember the loss in different ways can be really healthy, but I do worry that maybe acceptance hasn't been part of Lauren's healing process. 

Edited September 20, 2019 by theotherelise
more to much

[OyToTheVey]

It completely slipped past me. I saw the cake and didn't even bother reading the sign. I feel so bad for the new baby. Growing up in the shadow of a miscarried sibling can't possibly be easy on mental health. I hope Lauren gets therapy. It's just not healthy.

[libgirl2]

2 minutes ago, OyToTheVey said:

It completely slipped past me. I saw the cake and didn't even bother reading the sign. I feel so bad for the new baby. Growing up in the shadow of a miscarried sibling can't possibly be easy on mental health. I hope Lauren gets therapy. It's just not healthy.

She won't. She will just read more of the Bible. Maybe once the baby is born, she can let go of this fixation. 

[rebeccawriter01]

On 9/13/2019 at 1:51 PM, lumpentheologie said:

It just seems strange to me to get an associates degree in pre-nursing when you can become an RN with an associates degree in nursing and an LPN with less education.  Anyone with more nursing-related experience want to explain why that could make sense?

Since it was Georgia Military, I can answer this. The associate of science in nursing for an RN is highly competitive. In order to qualify for scholarships and grants (HOPE in Georgia), there is a major for everyone interested in applying to the nursing program. That way you are taking your anatomy, biology, etc. with other students who have similar goals to get into that program. Students can apply once they earn so many hours of prereqs. For many it takes one or two times to apply because there are so many applicants. (Note that the graduation rates are abysmal for the RN program right now.) 

If Lauren earned an AA or an AS, she either applied to the nursing program there or elsewhere and didn't get accepted or she took that education and ran. No, she cannot sit for the tests. She can't practice. She wasn't pinned or hatted. 

https://www.gmc.edu/academic-programs/pre-nursing.cms