Mortons 2: Fascist Theocratic Scum with a MAGA Hat on Top

[Smee]

For what it’s worth, I chuckle when I see it too (my son had a captain underpants obsession last year).

[Nikedagain?]

I totally got the reference! I assumed everyone did, so I didn't say anything!

 

[Black Aliss]

22 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

??‍♀️

But yeah. Five years of my username and no one's noted they got the reference and so I am wayyy too freaking excited ? 

Oh, those of us with kids who had Captain Underpants books got it, all right.

[Sobeknofret]

10 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Oh, those of us with kids who had Captain Underpants books got it, all right.

My son loved those books when he was a kid ?

[CaptainFunderpants]

And here this whole time I've assumed it's just too obscure of a reference -partly because I didn't realize it was still popular until yesterday, and partly because my family has had all girls for almost 50 years so tween boy reading has never been on my radar; I forget other families do in fact make boys ?

[JMO]

Does anyone know why Rachel and Wes were away and Kressent had all the kids? 

Also a random thought that's been bothering me for a while. If the Mortons don't tell the kidults about S-E-X until marriage how did they explain what Alan did to whichever kid(s) it was? I assume they tell all the kids from when they are little to not touch there but what Alan did would require more details than that. 

[lexiloumarie]

1 hour ago, JMO said:

Does anyone know why Rachel and Wes were away and Kressent had all the kids? 

Considering how sick Manuel had been at birth, I imagine follow up medical care in the capital is needed. 

[JMO]

@lexiloumarie I figured that it had to do with the baby.  It worried me that is was a couple of days.  I hope that he didn't get sick.  

[lexiloumarie]

@JMO, I hope not too. It would be winter there are right now I think, so germ season. Really wish Rachel most of all would stop - she's already had so many close calls and so much trouble. 

[ladyaudley]

Martha has posted in her stories about hanging out with Aunt Flo - I wondered why anyone would post about that but she also hashtagged it no more amenorrhea and hormonal imbalance. I guess she’s crediting Plexus...

[nelliebelle1197]

On 6/16/2019 at 12:38 AM, CaptainFunderpants said:

And here this whole time I've assumed it's just too obscure of a reference -partly because I didn't realize it was still popular until yesterday, and partly because my family has had all girls for almost 50 years so tween boy reading has never been on my radar; I forget other families do in fact make boys ?

That series of books is definitely not just for boys. In fact, I don't think any books are necessarily gendered unless the adults around a kid make them so.

Edited June 19, 2019 by nelliebelle1197

[Mcnapple]

On 6/18/2019 at 6:34 AM, JMO said:

. If the Mortons don't tell the kidults about S-E-X until marriage how did they explain what Alan did to whichever kid(s) it was? 

Seriously????????   I hadn't heard that one before.

Maybe in a modern world they can get away with keeping their children that uneducated, back in the old days when the entire family lived in 1 room tents or houses, and when they had large farms full of procreating animals, that would never have worked. I mean, I know people can and do twist the Bible to mean whatever they want it to mean, but biblical speaking there is no reason to keep children ignorant of sex (considering the Bible talks plenty about sex, it would seem the Mortons are being anti-biblical in hiding the fact of sex from their kidults.)  

[lexiloumarie]

I don't think they're kept to the point that they don't even know sex exists - they stand outside abortion clinics as kids working with unwed mothers. It sounded more like they get the official Lego talk right before the wedding, and up until then the details are purposefully kept vague. 

 

The Maxwells I could see not even knowing the basic concept that sex exisits (despite their detailed knowledge of a vasectomy). The girls at least don't seem as wordly as Miss Michaela Bates who looked it up in the dictionary. ?

[JermajestyDuggar]

I bet the Morton boys knew long before their wedding night. You figure it out if you have animals and older brothers who talk. Maybe the girls were kept in the dark. But I doubt the boys are.

[browngrl]

I vaguely remember* a post on the old Morton blog (would have been somewhere around the time Katie got married) where they said that the Morton parents would explain the nuts (LOL) and bolts of sex just prior to the wedding. 

 

* I am not entirely sure I'm not mixing them up with the Duggars but back in the day the Morton parents did seem to be more controlling so it might be true.

[albireo]

33 minutes ago, browngrl said:

I vaguely remember* a post on the old Morton blog (would have been somewhere around the time Katie got married) where they said that the Morton parents would explain the nuts (LOL) and bolts of sex just prior to the wedding. 

 

* I am not entirely sure I'm not mixing them up with the Duggars but back in the day the Morton parents did seem to be more controlling so it might be true.

I found it! He explains "the way of a man with his maid" a day or two before the wedding. Ew. It's written very euphemistically, but I think he's referring to the actual mechanics of sex.

https://mortonclan.blogspot.com/2007/09/note-from-michael.html

[hoipolloi]

47 minutes ago, albireo said:

I think he's referring to the actual mechanics of sex.

Oh, he's referring to the mechanics of sex, all right. 

What an asshat. 

 

Edited June 19, 2019 by hoipolloi

[fundiefan]

Gag. I remember reading that. I doubt the younger ones had such experiences - but when they were so tied up with the Smiths in crazyland, selling their offspring for a price (or buying) and courting and betrothals and not falling in love and keys to daddy's heart and Bret obfusicating the bible during weddings, no doubt those 48 hour notices about sex were ceremonial and ridiculous, just like the rest of those S'Morton pairings. 

Clearly, all the boys learned well in their date with daddy since the impregnated their brides within seconds of the vows. Wonder how Bret explained things to his godly prince? Never mind. I don't even want to think about that. 

[VVV]

5 hours ago, albireo said:

I found it! He explains "the way of a man with his maid" a day or two before the wedding. Ew. It's written very euphemistically, but I think he's referring to the actual mechanics of sex.

https://mortonclan.blogspot.com/2007/09/note-from-michael.html

There's a comment from "Katie Smith" on that post that seriously sounds as if it were written by a ten-year-old.

[ophelia]

17 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Maybe the girls were kept in the dark. But I doubt the boys are.

Well, the girls in their world only need the basic information when it comes to sex: 

- always be joyfully available for your husband and all his desires, or otherwise he will stray because you didn't take good care of him

- have all.the.babies since they are God's way of blessing you and infertility is probably caused by your unwillingness to trust the Lord and your personal sin

[fundiefan]

20 hours ago, VVV said:

There's a comment from "Katie Smith" on that post that seriously sounds as if it were written by a ten-year-old.

All their daughters sound(ed) like that. She was, for all intents and purposes, no more than a ten year old, unable & not expected & probably kept from making decisions. Being a sweet sister mom to her many siblings. Preparing to be a helpmeet for the prince of Smiths. They are all kept very young and naive until marriage then are expected to be adults, still.

Look at John. Before Campell, he was still playing dress up with his sister, sharing videos of playing games and being a child with the boys - in his family and among their 'friends'. One video I remember they were leaping across hay bales & rolled over laughing and how fun it was. He was 18.

Not that that's not fun - but he was living the life of a child until engagement to Campbell then he had to "be a man" and impregnate her & support her.

No teen years or development for the Mortons. Kids having fun to parenthood. 

[HermioneSparrow]

On 6/19/2019 at 6:22 PM, albireo said:

I found it! He explains "the way of a man with his maid" a day or two before the wedding. Ew. It's written very euphemistically, but I think he's referring to the actual mechanics of sex.

https://mortonclan.blogspot.com/2007/09/note-from-michael.html

That sounds straight out of Gilead... Eww

[Black Aliss]

Quote

I do this not months or weeks ahead, but a day or two ahead, so that they will not have knowledge before they need it.

Seriously?!? These men cannot be expected to keep their pants on once Daddy has told them how to do the nasty?!? Also, seriously?!? Not one of these men has any idea about PIV intil they are about to be married?!?

[hoipolloi]

3 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Not one of these men has any idea about PIV intil they are about to be married?!?

Yes, we are to believe that they did not know about PIV until they received the word from on high (i.e., Daddy Morton).

 

[cami]

Alyssa definitely doesn’t look pregnant in the Instagram story that Martha posted earlier .. at least I think that’s her ..