Joy & Austin 27 - Joy and Austin lost baby Annabell, TRIGGER WARNING miscarriage and stillbirth

[twoandthrough]

10 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

This is where I think big practices do such a disservice to pregnant women. If the doctor who delivered ds had known about my tilted cervix and narrow birth canal I might not have had to go through 22 hours of labor and 4 hours of pushing before he would do a c/section.  But he didn't, because he was one of 8 doctors in the practice and a doctor I had only seen once in my prenatal care.  I also had the misfortune of having on a holiday, Thanksgiving, so I labored much longer than necessary and was forced to deal with much more pain because a doctor who didn't know my body and didn't realize that while this baby was 4 weeks early and mom was close to 200 lbs on the inside she may as well have been a rollercoaster,I have a narrow tilted cervix and and tilted uterus. I'm big on the outside I'm small in the inside. I just saw a new GYN this week and he was like , oh yeah you are a fun house in here, I can see why you had so many problems with biopsy and IUD placement.  My son  while 4 weeks early was 8 lbs, he was never going to fit. He is 21 now and is 6'2" he's a big boy. My 2nd I saw a single OB for the entire time I was pregnant, and when I was 36 weeks he said when do you want the c/section? He knew there was no point in laboring, I wasn't going to deliver vaginally, dd was 10 days early and was 9 lbs 2 oz, so he was right, if I couldn't push out an 8lb baby no way I was going to get a 9 pounder out.  I think women would have much more success if they got to see two or 3 doctors and got to know them over the 9 months , but when you have 8 doctors, you see 1 doc a month and then you have they baby, how are they going to know anything about you? 

I agree with this so much! With baby 1, I was at a military hospital, and I saw a different OB for every appointment. It was awful. I also delivered on a "holiday" weekend (though just Labor Day (haha, ironically), they were still short staffed). I hadn't seen the OB who delivered the baby since my very first appointment. She was the one who did my ultrasound at 5 weeks and told me the baby had a 50/50 chance since there was no heartbeat (I was just earlier than we all thought!), so it was interesting to end up with the same OB at the end. With baby 2, I was seen off base because we were in a different location that didn't offer OBGYN services on base, and it was a world of difference. I saw ONE OB and ONE midwife the entire time. The same OB came to the hospital in the middle of the night to deliver the baby. It was nice. 

 

(PS - while we're on the subject... I hate the saying "the OB delivers the baby" because the OB does not go through the pain. I delivered those babies, darn it, and they just "caught" them! /rant ? )

[VelociRapture]

My practice had five Doctors on staff, all female, when I was pregnant with my daughter. I met four of them in person and spoke to the Head Doctor (who i didn’t meet) on the phone once due to severe morning sickness - she hooked me right up with medicine and it was pretty awesome. The Doctor I saw only once was the one who was working when I delivered my daughter. Despite not really knowing me she provided pretty fantastic care. Part of that was because she actually took the time to look at my chart and file, so she knew what to expect. Part of it was also because she had fantastic bedside manner - she had given birth herself only a month before and was pretty aware of how I was likely to be feeling, which made the premature delivery and mild complications* much easier on me. 

This time I’m primarily under the care of my normal Doctor because I haven’t had “normal” or “typical” pregnancies. Two of the Doctors from last time have left and there are three new Doctors now. I’ve spoken to one of them over the phone regarding some bad anxiety I was having - she was very sympathetic and helped set me up with the therapist they work with so I could try to get a handle on things. The other two I haven’t met yet but I likely will since I’ll be having two appointments a week for about 14 weeks - one appointment for Progesterone injections meant to prevent premature labor and another to monitor my cervical length to determine if I’m at risk for premature labor. 

All in all, I’m pretty pleased with the setup. I like knowing one of the Doctors is always ready to be on call at the hospital I’ll deliver at again. It makes me feel calmer and more confident about having another baby.  

*The cord was wrapped (apparently loosely) around my daughter’s neck. The Doctor calmly had me stop pushing, cut the cord, and unwound it all while explaining what she was doing and why. My daughter also stopped breathing for about 30 seconds after I got to hold her for the first time (for a minute or two.) The NICU Nurses scooped her right up and got her breathing again within probably 30 seconds, while my Doctor kept me calm. That’s still kind of upsetting for me to remember - no new parent wants to watch their newborn being coaxed into breathing like that. I also wound up pushing myself too hard after the birth and I ended up passing out, which was super fun. The Nurses and staff working in recovery who weren’t busy at the time all came rushing over to my room though, so that wasn’t anything my Doctors had to help with. 

[just_ordinary]

23 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

This is where I think big practices do such a disservice to pregnant women. If the doctor who delivered ds had known about my tilted cervix and narrow birth canal I might not have had to go through 22 hours of labor and 4 hours of pushing before he would do a c/section.  But he didn't, because he was one of 8 doctors in the practice and a doctor I had only seen once in my prenatal care.  I also had the misfortune of having on a holiday, Thanksgiving, so I labored much longer than necessary and was forced to deal with much more pain because a doctor who didn't know my body and didn't realize that while this baby was 4 weeks early and mom was close to 200 lbs on the inside she may as well have been a rollercoaster,I have a narrow tilted cervix and and tilted uterus. I'm big on the outside I'm small in the inside. I just saw a new GYN this week and he was like , oh yeah you are a fun house in here, I can see why you had so many problems with biopsy and IUD placement.  My son  while 4 weeks early was 8 lbs, he was never going to fit. He is 21 now and is 6'2" he's a big boy. My 2nd I saw a single OB for the entire time I was pregnant, and when I was 36 weeks he said when do you want the c/section? He knew there was no point in laboring, I wasn't going to deliver vaginally, dd was 10 days early and was 9 lbs 2 oz, so he was right, if I couldn't push out an 8lb baby no way I was going to get a 9 pounder out.  I think women would have much more success if they got to see two or 3 doctors and got to know them over the 9 months , but when you have 8 doctors, you see 1 doc a month and then you have they baby, how are they going to know anything about you? 

That’s interesting. I am in a practice with 3 doctors but one is MY OB and the two OBs I only see representatively or when it’s the only possible appointment date/out of a prearranged appointment. Normally the doctor that will deliver your baby is someone else as this doctor will work in the hospital (homebirth/birthing house would be with midwife).  Same goes for your midwife as many free midwives don’t attend do births anymore for insurance reasons. You will be delivered by a midwife that works at the hospital. And you go back into the care of your prenatal midwife when your back home. Huge issue in itself but not my point.

My point is that all mothers have a pass where your OB and your midwife write down how they measured the baby, your stats on weight, blood pressure, urin samples (sugar/protein), your blood type and anything else. A tilted uterus would be there as well as information about previous births, miscarriages, GD. So your hospital delivery team will know about your situation and they often check urin, blood pressure and baby’s heart rate and position when you come in.

[just_ordinary]

5 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

My practice had five Doctors on staff, all female, when I was pregnant with my daughter. I met four of them in person and spoke to the Head Doctor (who i didn’t meet) on the phone once due to severe morning sickness - she hooked me right up with medicine and it was pretty awesome. The Doctor I saw only once was the one who was working when I delivered my daughter. Despite not really knowing me she provided pretty fantastic care. Part of that was because she actually took the time to look at my chart and file, so she knew what to expect. Part of it was also because she had fantastic bedside manner - she had given birth herself only a month before and was pretty aware of how I was likely to be feeling, which made the premature delivery and mild complications* much easier on me. 

This time I’m primarily under the care of my normal Doctor because I haven’t had “normal” or “typical” pregnancies. Two of the Doctors from last time have left and there are three new Doctors now. I’ve spoken to one of them over the phone regarding some bad anxiety I was having - she was very sympathetic and helped set me up with the therapist they work with so I could try to get a handle on things. The other two I haven’t met yet but I likely will since I’ll be having two appointments a week for about 14 weeks - one appointment for Progesterone injections meant to prevent premature labor and another to monitor my cervical length to determine if I’m at risk for premature labor. 

All in all, I’m pretty pleased with the setup. I like knowing one of the Doctors is always ready to be on call at the hospital I’ll deliver at again. It makes me feel calmer and more confident about having another baby.  

*The cord was wrapped (apparently loosely) around my daughter’s neck. The Doctor calmly had me stop pushing, cut the cord, and unwound it all while explaining what she was doing and why. My daughter also stopped breathing for about 30 seconds after I got to hold her for the first time (for a minute or two.) The NICU Nurses scooped her right up and got her breathing again within probably 30 seconds, while my Doctor kept me calm. That’s still kind of upsetting for me to remember - no new parent wants to watch their newborn being coaxed into breathing like that. I also wound up pushing myself too hard after the birth and I ended up passing out, which was super fun. The Nurses and staff working in recovery who weren’t busy at the time all came rushing over to my room though, so that wasn’t anything my Doctors had to help with. 

I think its always a bit weird when people fuss specially about the cord around the neck. The child doesn’t breath but gets its o2 via blood. Therefore it doesn’t matter if the cord is wrapped around the neck or the ankle for problems with low oxygen. The neck situation only gets more critical if the cord is short. If I had the choice I would take the cord around the neck as the head often comes first and the doctor/midwife has a chance to detect the wrapping quickly.

Thankfully your baby is fine and your doctors had the chance to react quickly.

[VelociRapture]

6 hours ago, just_ordinary said:

I think its always a bit weird when people fuss specially about the cord around the neck. The child doesn’t breath but gets its o2 via blood. Therefore it doesn’t matter if the cord is wrapped around the neck or the ankle for problems with low oxygen. The neck situation only gets more critical if the cord is short. If I had the choice I would take the cord around the neck as the head often comes first and the doctor/midwife has a chance to detect the wrapping quickly.

Thankfully your baby is fine and your doctors had the chance to react quickly.

The Doctor cut the cord just in case. I’m not going to go into detail in case anyone pregnant is reading, but there are valid concerns about the cord. My Doctor acted responsibly given the situation and I’m very grateful for that. 

My daughter not breathing was due to her prematurity, not due to the cord placement. She was only 34 weeks and was born too quickly for me to have a second dose of steroids to develop her lungs. She was off the CPAP (I think that’s what the machine was - I’m a bit hazy on specific details about the equipment) before she was 2 hours old and she’s healthy now, but again that’s not something any new parent wants to be dealing with right after the birth. We’re very lucky we had such fantastic staff caring for us both, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t still scary for us at times. 

[twoandthrough]

3 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

The Doctor cut the cord just in case. I’m not going to go into detail in case anyone pregnant is reading, but there are valid concerns about the cord. My Doctor acted responsibly given the situation and I’m very grateful for that.

Yes! I thought it was a non-issue too... until my first daughter came out with the cord wrapped around her neck twice. The OB quickly noticed, asked permission to my husband to cut the cord then and there instead of him doing it like we wanted (but really WTF - just the cut it... no need to ask permission when there is a valid danger / concern!). It was really weird to stop pushing so they could cut it and then continue on getting her out. 

The OB there also said they were surprised they couldn't tell from the fetal monitoring since I was all hooked up but that if they had known the cord was wrapped, they would have done a c-section immediately (probably not emergency - more like quickly... but I didn't ask since it didn't happen). 

[just_ordinary]

59 minutes ago, twoandthrough said:

Yes! I thought it was a non-issue too... until my first daughter came out with the cord wrapped around her neck twice. The OB quickly noticed, asked permission to my husband to cut the cord then and there instead of him doing it like we wanted (but really WTF - just the cut it... no need to ask permission when there is a valid danger / concern!). It was really weird to stop pushing so they could cut it and then continue on getting her out. 

The OB there also said they were surprised they couldn't tell from the fetal monitoring since I was all hooked up but that if they had known the cord was wrapped, they would have done a c-section immediately (probably not emergency - more like quickly... but I didn't ask since it didn't happen). 

The cord is actually very hard to see in a basic normal US. 

[twoandthrough]

6 minutes ago, just_ordinary said:

The cord is actually very hard to see in a basic normal US. 

Interesting! We were diagnosed with a single umbilical artery cord at 19 weeks with our second... it was during the anatomy scan, though, so maybe the depth of the scan made that difference. They told me at the delivery of our first that they should have been able to tell the cord was wrapped twice around her neck because her heart rate should have been affected / shown on the monitoring (I had internal monitoring with her, too, because it was a REALLY long induction). I don't know much about the OBGYN world, though - just going from what they told me! I think it would be fascinating to be an ultrasound tech and briefly considered going back to school for it since it seems like a portable enough career for a military spouse, but after some reading, it looks like jobs are pretty tough to come by. 

[Iamtheway]

In Sweden most babies are delivered by midwifes in hospital, you only see a doctor if something’s wrong. I saw one midwife during my pregnancy and she kept an eye on both me and Miniway throughout but she had nothing to do with the actual birth.

At the hospital were I delivered I had time to meet many midwifes since I had 53 hours between the water breaking and the birth (fun times!) and I had not met any of them before. It’s common to write a letter about your wishes but I didn’t do that and just went with the flow. During the actual labour I had two different midwifes and I hated the first one and loved the second one. But I think that has 100% to do with the fact that the first one was there during the worst bit where I thought I was going to die and the second one actually got the baby out. 

After the birth we met with a nurse regularly that followed up on Miniway and his development. We had the same one until we moved away from Stockholm. 

Out of all the people involved in the pregnancy and birth of Miniway I only remember one really clearly (and fondly) and that’s the epidural man.

<— Actual picture of him!

[mstee]

I went to a group of certified nurse midwives (CNMs) and they had about 7 in the group (plus doctors but you can choose to go the midwife route if you aren’t high risk). You are supposed to rotate who you see each appointment so that you know whoever is on call when you go into labor. I thought I had met everyone  

Well, I go into labor and call the number, and am told the midwife is Janice*.  At this point I’m in medium pain, so I wasn’t rushing out the door, but I’m like who the heck is this Janice??? I realize that for some reason I somehow never met her. I start freaking out! Sobbing to my husband and mom that “I don’t know this Janice....I’m not having this baby now!” ? This goes on for hours while I labor at home. But my darn labor was so long that I ended up with a midwife I knew, so it all worked out. Funny to look back on, though (ended up meeting her postpartum and she turned out to be super nice ?) 

*name changed 

[Rio]

I was advanced maternal age (40 with the last) and have hypothyroidism. My OB ordered a non-stress test every week toward the end of my second pregnancy and lots of ultrasounds “for growth”, even though I was as big as a house. I did not argue although I thought it was dumb. Who knows all the subtleties of that care? I had easy pregnancies and deliveries and healthy babies and probably I have her to thank.

[viii]

On 5/18/2019 at 12:51 AM, just_ordinary said:

I think its always a bit weird when people fuss specially about the cord around the neck. 

My friend lost her baby at 37 weeks due to the cord around her daughter’s neck, so I personally don’t find it “weird” when people “fuss”. 

When you’re on a message board with hundreds of users and you don’t know all their stories, using some tact goes a long way. 

[just_ordinary]

1 hour ago, viii said:

My friend lost her baby at 37 weeks due to the cord around her daughter’s neck, so I personally don’t find it “weird” when people “fuss”. 

When you’re on a message board with hundreds of users and you don’t know all their stories, using some tact goes a long way. 

I think you didn’t get what I meant: a unfortunately wrapped cord is always dangerous but people seem to concentrate on one body part when it doesn’t matter on which body parts it occurs. I never intended to say people are weird for being scared of an unfortunately wrapped cord.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

11 hours ago, viii said:

My friend lost her baby at 37 weeks due to the cord around her daughter’s neck, so I personally don’t find it “weird” when people “fuss”. 

When you’re on a message board with hundreds of users and you don’t know all their stories, using some tact goes a long way. 

I have a friend who lost her baby during labor due to a cord accident. She was 41 weeks and all was well until it wasn't.  So you never know. 

I guess I should add, that a cord accident and nurse who didn't know what she was doing, cost her her baby. 

Edited May 20, 2019 by allthegoodnamesrgone

[Screamapillar]

20 hours ago, viii said:

My friend lost her baby at 37 weeks due to the cord around her daughter’s neck, so I personally don’t find it “weird” when people “fuss”. 

When you’re on a message board with hundreds of users and you don’t know all their stories, using some tact goes a long way. 

Thank you. My daughter had the cord tightly around her neck 3 times as well as a nuchal hand (one hand was up by her face when she came out, because it was wrapped in with the cord) and I could tell that my doctor who delivered her had to compose herself a bit after all of that was taken care of and my daughter finally started crying. She told us we should count our blessings because we could have had a very different outcome.

My son came out cord wrap free, screaming his ass off, and the mood of the medical professionals in the room was 100% different.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

Yes, that cord is vital to babies survival, and should NEVER be treated as "meh". 

[justmy2cents]

Another one here. I wanted to donate my daughter's cord blood but the cord was wrapped twice around her neck. The Dr. had me stop pushing so she could cut it. There wasn't enough to donate. What a relief I was in a hospital with an experienced professional when that happened. 

[VelociRapture]

20 hours ago, just_ordinary said:

I think you didn’t get what I meant: a unfortunately wrapped cord is always dangerous but people seem to concentrate on one body part when it doesn’t matter on which body parts it occurs. I never intended to say people are weird for being scared of an unfortunately wrapped cord.

Thank you for taking the time to clarify your comment.  

I only mentioned the cord being around the neck because that’s what happened for us personally. It was a very real fear of mine during the pregnancy that my baby would be choked by the cord during the birth. The fact that it was already a premature birth had made me pretty nervous and so it was a genuinely scary moment for me to hear the cord was wrapped around her neck. I likely would have been worried if the cord was wrapped anywhere, but the fact that it was something I was already worried about made it a bit worse for me. Same with my daughter not breathing briefly due to her prematurity - we knew it was a chance because the NICU Nurses warned us, but still scary nonetheless. 

[VBOY9977]

Joy is on the way to TN. It’s happening! This past 8 months actually went by so freaking fast

Spoiler

Spoiler

And seriously Joy? He’s so sweet for keeping him? He’s his DAD. 

Edited May 22, 2019 by VBOY9977

[Italiangirl]

10 minutes ago, VBOY9977 said:

Joy is on the way to TN. It’s happening! This past 8 months actually went by so freaking fast

  Reveal hidden contents

  Reveal hidden contents

And seriously Joy? He’s so sweet for keeping him? He’s his DAD. 

Yeah i was coming here to say the same...I find so sad that she thinks Austin is being sweet for taking care of the baby so she could attend her best friend wedding, and she is also pregnant again 

Ugh

Edited May 22, 2019 by Italiangirl

[AussieKrissy]

Copying her Sister Mom Jill who did it a few days ago to derdick, when she went out for a girls dinner for her bday. Puke ? emoji 

[VBOY9977]

These girls are taught to expect the bare minimum from the men around them. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

Watching babies is wimins work. Also looks like they are staying at TTH Austin isn't watching him Jana is. 

 

[JesSky03]

That ALL BOY comment on the picture of Gideon is just so irritating 

[Carm_88]

Joy continues to make me roll my eyes hardcore. "He's keeping this guy for a few days..." Well yeah, Austin is Gideon's dad, he's supposed to be able to deal with his toddler on his own for a few days. That's kinda parenting 101.