Joy & Austin 27 - Joy and Austin lost baby Annabell, TRIGGER WARNING miscarriage and stillbirth

[nst]

On 6/27/2019 at 11:25 AM, justmy2cents said:

You do realize that how much weight she gains doesn't affect the sex of her baby.

there are just so many things I don't know 

 

[dawbs]

17 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

My best advice for anyone thinking about having kids is this: if you decide you’d like kids, then have just one and see how it goes. If you find you’re overwhelmed or having a tough time then that might be a sign that either a bigger age gap is better for you or that one kid is the right number for your family. If you have one kid and find that you’re really enjoying it then go ahead and do whatever feels best, whether that’s adding more quickly or waiting a while to add more or not having more at all. 

(The “have just one” advice obviously doesn’t apply to people who have multiples.)

Ya know, in the literature there's talk about how Autism is more common among only children.
And my response, even before my kid's diagnosis, was "well, of COURSE--and that's almost certainly causative not corralative!" 

(I probably could have handled a 2nd, and the Mr. was washy washy, but when your kid doesn't sleep through the night until almost 4 and changes in routine cause daily meltdowns, of course adding a lovely routine-changing-sleep-interrupting 2nd is problematic.  Contributing factor to the '1 and done' status in my house0

[VelociRapture]

Just a word of caution to everyone with their hearts set on specific age gaps - sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. I know it seems kind of obvious and probably doesn’t need to be said, but a lot of families end up having gaps that are different than what they originally hoped for. Some end up with smaller gaps and others with bigger ones than they intended. My family is one example of that. I would have liked to have a gap closer to 2 years, but our daughter’s premature birth immediately ruled that out as we were advised to wait at least 18 months prior to conceiving so my body could recover. That then turned into 21 months when my Endocrinologist needed an extra three months to optimize my thyroid levels - something very important to do to give the best odds of the baby being born healthy and full-term. Once we started actually trying this time it took five months, one false positive OPK, the start of fertility testing, and a diagnosis of PCOS before a surprise positive pregnancy test informed us our second child was finally on the way. If this baby goes to term then he will be 13 days shy of three years younger than his sister. 

So while it’s absolutely ok to have a preference it’s also important to remain flexible and to remember that sometimes things don’t work out exactly the way you’d hope.

[dawbs]

Little one is supposed to be about 4 years 'older' than she is. Kid timings are all sorts of challenging ?

[Karma]

19 hours ago, dawbs said:

when your kid doesn't sleep through the night until almost 4 

Our son was #2 and most definitely would have been an only if he’d been born first.  He wasn’t diagnosed with Aspergers till he was 8, but in hindsight so many things like not sleeping through the night even two nights in a row till he was 5 made more sense.

Oh yeah, and I hear you on the meltdowns.  He’s 19 and sleeps through the night lol but I’m still waiting for him to outgrow the meltdowns!

Edited July 1, 2019 by Karma

[raspberrymint]

I was also diagnosed with Asperger's as a child.  I had begged and prayed for a sibling in part because I was hurt and sad over hearing what a bad, selfish person I was seen as, and I hoped I would be chastised less for stuff blamed on being an only child if I were "demoted" to eldest daughter.  (I was raised evangelical, though not the quiverfull brand of Christian fundamentalist.)

My sister arrived before my diagnosis.  We are five years apart.  If the diagnosis had come first, my parents would never have had another child.  This was made very clear.  I had an awful childhood.  My whole reason for wanting children is to be the understanding mom I didn't have.  

Edited July 1, 2019 by raspberrymint
Typing error and including age difference

[IsmeWeatherwax]

My 3rd is diagnosed Autistic. He got that diagnosis just after his 10th birthday. He's okish on meltdowns, they don't happen very often but as I've learnt the triggers I do try to stay ahead of the game (try being the word!). Sleeping on the other hand....oh lord have mercy.

#1 is Aspie and at 22 still doesn't sleep properly ?.

[melon]

8 hours ago, raspberrymint said:

I was also diagnosed with Asperger's as a child.  I had begged and prayed for a sibling in part because I was hurt and sad over hearing what a bad, selfish person I was seen as, and I hoped I would be chastised less for stuff blamed on being an only child if I were "demoted" to eldest daughter.  (I was raised evangelical, though not the quiverfull brand of Christian fundamentalist.)

My sister arrived before my diagnosis.  We are five years apart.  If the diagnosis had come first, my parents would never have had another child.  This was made very clear.  I had an awful childhood.  My whole reason for wanting children is to be the understanding mom I didn't have.  

I did not have an understanding mother,either.She never understood me,and was my worst critic.

One of my older brothers and I joke that we were her red-haired stepchildren.She was controlling,and we did not want to be controlled.We felt that our two other brothers were favored,maybe inadvertently.

So,Raspberrymint,I know how you feel to a certain extent.And I vowed to be a different mother to my children,than she was to me,her only daughter.

[raspberrymint]

I'm exhausted right now, but I normally sleep fairly well out of necessity.  Not always.  I've survived working 12 hour shifts with no sleep for 48 hours while drinking overly caffeinated coffee because I just couldn't sleep, terrified I'll die driving to or from work because I live alone and just don't have a choice.  I can't live like that forever.  I'll be 30 next year and my body won't allow it.  My partner is moving in with me from out of state this weekend and we'll make life a lot easier for each other.

The reason I'm exhausted now is because someone was parked in front of my garage last night and I circled the block four times before he left, so I stayed awake and scared.  I don't know anyone here who would do that, but I haven't lived here for long.

I got sleep, so don't worry about that.  I'm still worried about the vehicle outside my garage.  

[Rachel333]

Joy lost her baby girl. This is just beyond awful and I feel terrible for them.

 

Edited July 4, 2019 by Rachel333

[Jana814]

Just saw this. I feel so bad for them also! 

[candygirl200413]

Absolutely heartbreaking

[Deleorean88mph]

It has been a rough few weeks for Joy, losing her grandmother and now her miscarriage. I hope she and Austin get all the emotional support they need. 

[AussieKrissy]

Would not wish this on anyone. Xoxoxo fly high little angel ? 

[Nargus]

This is heartbreaking news. 

[Ivycoveredtower]

9 minutes ago, Rachel333 said:

Joy lost her baby girl. This is just beyond awful and I feel terrible for them.

 

my heart just broke for her, and especially knowing all those other little girls that will be coming around and there is joy with empty arms. 

[fluffernutter]

I just saw it. How heartbreaking for them. I Can't imagine this after all the pregnancies, and her grandmother. I hope they can heal and lean on each other.

[AliceInFundyland]

That is really sad.

All of it is sad.

She expected to get pregnant this year. She did. All of them did. And now this.

So she won't have this girl when her Sil's do.

And they don't understand.

She may very well be pregnant again by the time it comes round for the birthsplosion

Because that's all she knows and how she marks her life.

That's what's saddest to me.

I'm not trying to be mean. But in the spectrum of her life she already anticipates trying again.

(Unless we aren't privy to a detail of her fertility)

[NakedKnees]

That's so sad, and I can hardly imagine the physical side of going through that with a baby to take of, and already so young on top of that. It's just a lot. I hope she's getting a lot of love and support, and that waiting a week before going public was helpful for her.

[pugglemama]

17 minutes ago, Deleorean88mph said:

It has been a rough few weeks for Joy, losing her grandmother and now her miscarriage. I hope she and Austin get all the emotional support they need. 

Not a miscarriage. This was a stillbirth. There is a difference. Be respectful of that. 

My heart goes out to Joy. I lost a daughter to extreme prematurity at 20 weeks in 2009. She was born alive but died 2 hours later. It is absolutely devastating. 

[Markie]

My heart goes out to Joy and Austin. November is going to be hard for them with all those nieces born then. Hope they both get the emotional support the will need. 

Edited July 4, 2019 by Markie

[Kayleigh83]

2 minutes ago, pugglemama said:

Not a miscarriage. This was a stillbirth. There is a difference. Be respectful of that. 

My heart goes out to Joy. I lost a daughter to extreme prematurity at 20 weeks in 2009. She was born alive but died 2 hours later. It is absolutely devastating. 

I may misunderstand the difference you're pointing out between miscarriage and stillbirth, but from what I understand they found out in an ultrasound there was no heartbeat, there was not a premature birth involved - I would define that as a miscarriage rather than stillbirth, but again I could be misunderstanding your distinction between the two and if so I don't mean to be insensitive at all. Regardless - I know how heartbroken they must be in any case, and my heart breaks for them too. And I'm so sorry for your loss as well - I can't even imagine how that must have felt for you and I hope you have had so much love and support and some healing over time.

[frugalitymom]

I just saw this, my heart breaks for them.  Witnessing all the births this year will be tough on them.

[pugglemama]

Just now, Kayleigh83 said:

I may misunderstand the difference you're pointing out between miscarriage and stillbirth, but from what I understand they found out in an ultrasound there was no heartbeat, there was not a premature birth involved - I would define that as a miscarriage rather than stillbirth, but again I could be misunderstanding your distinction between the two and if so I don't mean to be insensitive at all. Regardless - I know how heartbroken they must be in any case, and my heart breaks for them too. And I'm so sorry for your loss as well - I can't even imagine how that must have felt for you and I hope you have had so much love and support and some healing over time.

No heartbeat after 20 weeks is a stillbirth. Period. It is not a miscarriage. It may not matter to you, but to those who have experienced it, it matters. 

[19tacos&counting]

Oh my goodness. I would never wish this heartbreaking news in anyone. I just feel awful for them. The explosion of baby girls due exactly at the time she was due, that has to be salt in a very painful wound. Damn