Jump to content
IGNORED

Joy & Austin 27 - Joy and Austin lost baby Annabell, TRIGGER WARNING miscarriage and stillbirth


HerNameIsBuffy

Recommended Posts

1 hour ago, FrozenSmile said:

I have a friend with three kids. Baby #2 was born when baby #1 was a year old. She found out she was pregnant with #3 when she went for her first post-partum checkup after having #2. #nothanks indeed! But she loves the age gap (and is already talking about #4) & wouldn’t have it any other way. Personally, i needed some space between mine - the idea of being constantly pregnant or nursing doesn’t sound like a good time to me! 

I’m glad it’s working so well for her, but that sounds like my worst nightmare. My kids will have just under a 3 year gap between them if my son is born full-term and even that seems a little bit crazy to me sometimes. ?

 

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know of a few people, 2 high school classmates of mine, who have 3 kids each, with 1 she had her 1st child at 19, her second when that child was 10 and her third with #2 was 9, she planned it that way. The other one had her 1st 2 years after graduation, then had her second 8 years after that and her 3rd 10 years after that, all planned that way. Personally I can't imagine having 1 child every 9/10 years that is insane, you'll spend 40 years raising children, I would lose my mind, just as much as I would having 4 kids in 5 years. 

For me personally a 2 to 3 year gap is perfect that way #1 isn't too little, but you haven't completely gotten out of the baby/toddler mindset. 

  • Upvote 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think a small age gap is a big deal when there will be an end to the babies. Plenty of people want to be done with diapers pretty quickly and they are going to have 2-3 quickly, but that's the end. It's when there's no end in sight, it's a bit more questionable. 

  • Upvote 14
  • I Agree 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, jillsdopplerofdoom said:

but I think they're having a boy from the way she is carrying big again. She needs to change her diet.

You do realize that how much weight she gains doesn't affect the sex of her baby.

  • Upvote 16
  • Haha 3
  • I Agree 2
  • Thank You 5
  • Love 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My kids are 2 years apart and it was really hard.

But when my oldest was about 3.5 I thought, it's good that we had #2 because had I waited that long, there is no way I'd have had more kids. There just comes a point where the toddler turns into a child and you can really do things with them and travel and speak to them and expect a mostly reasonable response. Spacing out your kids just prolongs the really challenging first 2-3 years and for me, I just couldn't do that mentally.

  • Upvote 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My friend's husband was diagnosed with cancer during her first pregnancy. They told him he was sterile due to treatments he was receiving.  About 8 weeks after kid #1 was born, she was pregnant again. Her husband passed away during that 2nd pregnancy. So she had two kids under the age of one and her husband had recently passed. That was an incredibly difficult time. 

  • Sad 37
  • Love 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Screamapillar said:

Superfetation. It's incredibly rare, but documented.

Such as this case in which a woman served as a surrogate for a couple and also became pregnant naturally with her own child.

Wow, what an ordeal for both families. Thank you for this info!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, Screamapillar said:

Superfetation. It's incredibly rare, but documented.

Such as this case in which a woman served as a surrogate for a couple and also became pregnant naturally with her own child.

When I was a teenager, I knew some siblings who were 5 months apart. They claimed/had been told their mom was pregnant with them at the same time. I'm not sure anyone ever really believed them.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, jillsdopplerofdoom said:

Well Joy didn't want to find out with Gideon so I don't think they will again but I think they're having a boy from the way she is carrying big again. She needs to change her diet.

I don't know how many times I was told I was having boys based on how I was carrying.  Not very shockingly, I don't have any sons.  But I did have some roly poly girls.

  • Upvote 3
  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

Wow, that law certainly sounds like it's an attempt to police women's sexual behaviour.

I learned something new today.

 

I don’t think that’s the primary intention. It’s a policy designed to get the votes of readers of the Daily Fail and similar publications who are forever getting up in arms about people with double digit kids living the high life on state benefits.

if only they could harness the outrage they expend on benefit claimants/Muslims/Immigrants/{insert target of the moment here} and direct it towards climate change or human trafficking or the many other problems out there.

  • Upvote 8
  • Love 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

22 hours ago, FrozenSmile said:

I have a friend with three kids. Baby #2 was born when baby #1 was a year old. She found out she was pregnant with #3 when she went for her first post-partum checkup after having #2. #nothanks indeed! But she loves the age gap (and is already talking about #4) & wouldn’t have it any other way. Personally, i needed some space between mine - the idea of being constantly pregnant or nursing doesn’t sound like a good time to me! 

Nursing never bothers me I really enjoy it but pregnancy literally tries to kill me (bleeding issues with my first and hyperemesis this time) I could totally do 4 in four years if someone else could gestate for me lol. My two will be a little over 2 years apart though and I really like that even though we in no way planned it! I was told I couldn't get pregnant again. If I get lucky and end up pregnant again though I may get a tubal ligation... I think pregnancy is just too hard on my body but we did always want 3 or 4 kids. 

  • Upvote 5
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 hours ago, nolongerIFBx said:
22 hours ago, Screamapillar said:

Superfetation. It's incredibly rare, but documented.

Such as this case in which a woman served as a surrogate for a couple and also became pregnant naturally with her own child.

When I was a teenager, I knew some siblings who were 5 months apart. They claimed/had been told their mom was pregnant with them at the same time. I'm not sure anyone ever really believed them.

I don't know how old you are, but 'back then' was it possible to deliver one baby and the other one remain in the uterus gestating? Not even sure it is possible now, but sometimes super weird things happen. Is it also possible your friend's mother/father had an unwed, pregnant sibling or cousin and your friend's parents took over the parenting to keep 'shame' away? I had a friend who traveled to another state to give birth as a teen because her older, married sister was also pregnant. The babies were born only two days apart though, so were raised as 'twins.' My friend never got over it.

  • Upvote 4
  • Sad 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I always found it very relaxing that Older Son was already 4.5 years old when Younger Son came along.
Older son could do many things on his own by then, wasn't as dependent (compared to a 2 or 3yo) and could voice his feelings about the new situation.
We had also gathered some strength again and recovered from the many, many sleepless nights that Older Son presented to us.
For us, that age gap worked well.

That said, I would liked to have a third child but life took turns which made it clear that that wouldn't have been good for my health nor for our family as a whole and so we decided against it.

I had once heard that twins/multiples can lead to a higher divorce rate but looking at this study it only seems to be a slight bump. But that studies uses very old data.

Assuming that multiples lead to a higher divorce rate couldn't having several babies in fast order have a similar effect?

I can honestly say that having a baby put some strain on our relationship (which we luckily quickly recovered from) and having another baby right away would not have made it easier.
Having no family to help us might also have played a role in that though.
There are moments where I envy my mom a bit who could just leave us with the grandparents for an evening, a weekend or even some weeks (in the holidays).

Sorry, I'm just rambling on. This topic started up a whole train of thought here.

  • Upvote 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Bobology said:

I don't know how old you are, but 'back then' was it possible to deliver one baby and the other one remain in the uterus gestating? Not even sure it is possible now, but sometimes super weird things happen. Is it also possible your friend's mother/father had an unwed, pregnant sibling or cousin and your friend's parents took over the parenting to keep 'shame' away? I had a friend who traveled to another state to give birth as a teen because her older, married sister was also pregnant. The babies were born only two days apart though, so were raised as 'twins.' My friend never got over it.

I suspected they had adopted one of the girls probably from a family member. I think they were just far apart in age that even if one twin had been delivered while the other remained in utero, the born twin would have been too immature to survive.

  • Upvote 6
  • Thank You 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have 13 year age gap with my kids (I sure I have mentioned it before). I was so very worried about it. Turns out it is really a nice difference. I really wanted to have another child and actually get to experience pregnancy without having to hide it and I (had hoped) the birth would go better. Then the general getting to have a newborn and be with them for more than a couple of hours a day. I am grateful to have experienced it, but it turns out that all of that is just not for me. I love my kids and being a mom, but if I am lucky enough to have more children, it will be through adoption of not-babies (currently I think 18 months is a good minimum, talk to me again in the winter when this one turns 18 months). I did not realize how old my oldest really was until I was faces with trying to figure out a baby I could not just ask questions to. I was a shocking moment. While think the gap is really lovely for us (and I would absolutely recommend waiting that long to anyone in a situation similar to what I was in), I won't be waiting that long for the next one (if we are lucky). I would like to wait until Little Outta 2 has turned 3 to add to our family. He is very sensitive (it seems) and needs a lot of patience so I would like him to feel secure in his place in the family and have learned a bit about who he is before adding another person to our family. I feel like I had a good grasp on who Little Outta 1 was at around age 3 and got better from there hence my choice in timing.

  • Upvote 3
  • Love 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My first two are 19 months apart. I got pregnant on the Pill. They're only a year apart in school, so they really do seem to be going through the same stages at the same time. My third daughter was born just under 3 years after #2. April 2003-August 2007 I had three kids, all before I turned 29. The third was a lot more fun and there's just enough space between her and her sisters that she played up being "the baby."

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was 5 when my brother was born. I think my parents had long enough that they forgot how hard babies were. I was a colicky baby, but my brother was much much worse. I loved him though, so they couldn't trade him in for a different model! 

  • Upvote 9
  • Love 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My brother and sister are 18mths apart, planned, so as soon as my son was 9mths old my mum was asking when I’d have another. My standard answer was “when this one sleeps”. 

My kids are 2y2m and 2y8m apart, both of which seem like pretty standard age gaps. #1 weaned when I was 16wks pregnant with #2, and I stopped breastfeeding #2 when I was 8wks pregnant with #3. So from Feb 2011- Apr 2018 I was either pregnant, breastfeeding, or both. Fortunately I don’t really like alcohol and after the first 4 or 5 months breastfeeding is much easier and faster so it didn’t bother me.

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My girls are 1y 9m apart in age, then I had a gap of 7 years, then I had my sons 2y 3m apart.

I find the age gap between the sets more difficult than them being close together, right now my girls are 22y and 20y and my boys are 13y and 11y. trying to find activities to amuse all 4 was a nightmare, as either/or was always bored as it was too old/young for someone ? 

  • Upvote 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have  friend who got pregnant on her honeymoon. Her first was born in March... The second in November, so about 20 months or so... She's due in November again with her third, so they'll be right around a year apart, depending on birthdays.  I'm not sure if they want more after number three or not, but I seem to recall hearing that they wanted a large family.  

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was five weeks off my fourth birthday when I became a big sister (so 3yrs 10 months). Mum had a stillbirth in between, I would’ve been 2yrs 3 months when it happened. 

I would like kids in the future. Unsure about age gaps. There are 22 months between my mum and her older sister. My dad is the oldest of three; gap between him and younger sister is 2 years 8 months, then between him and youngest sister is 7 years and 8 months. I guess I’ll have to have one kid first before I consider when I feel like having another. At the moment, the idea of maybe two years minimum sounds good. There is no way I would wanna be pregnant again within a year after giving birth the first time!! There’s a reason you’re supposed to wait; you need to give your body time to recover. Plus it depends on how the birth went. 

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, mango_fandango said:

I was five weeks off my fourth birthday when I became a big sister (so 3yrs 10 months). Mum had a stillbirth in between, I would’ve been 2yrs 3 months when it happened. 

I would like kids in the future. Unsure about age gaps. There are 22 months between my mum and her older sister. My dad is the oldest of three; gap between him and younger sister is 2 years 8 months, then between him and youngest sister is 7 years and 8 months. I guess I’ll have to have one kid first before I consider when I feel like having another. At the moment, the idea of maybe two years minimum sounds good. There is no way I would wanna be pregnant again within a year after giving birth the first time!! There’s a reason you’re supposed to wait; you need to give your body time to recover. Plus it depends on how the birth went. 

My best advice for anyone thinking about having kids is this: if you decide you’d like kids, then have just one and see how it goes. If you find you’re overwhelmed or having a tough time then that might be a sign that either a bigger age gap is better for you or that one kid is the right number for your family. If you have one kid and find that you’re really enjoying it then go ahead and do whatever feels best, whether that’s adding more quickly or waiting a while to add more or not having more at all. 

(The “have just one” advice obviously doesn’t apply to people who have multiples.)

Edited by VelociRapture
  • Upvote 15
  • I Agree 3
  • Thank You 1
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm 29 and going to start trying for my first next week.  I've always wanted a big family and because I'm already 29, I don't think I have an option for age gaps the way my younger friends or friends who don't plan on large families plan for.  I have one sister, five years younger.  I thought that was too big a gap, still do, even though my best friend who grew up with us plans on exactly that.  Her only sibling she grew up with (they have other siblings they didn't know) is a year younger than her.

Edit:  My situation will be further complicated because we plan on adopting as soon as possible, so age gaps will already be inevitable.  I want every cluster of ages to feel like part of a group.

Edited by raspberrymint
elaboration
  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We had fertility issues, when we decided to try and get pregnant it took us 4 years (with medical assistance), we had a successful pregnancy and had been told it would take longer second time around. When our baby was 9 months old i started fertility medications and we fell pregnant with our second that same month. She was born two months early so we had a 16mth gap. We got pregnant magically with number 3, i was working shifts and have no clue when we actually had sex that month [emoji23]

we had a 3yr 6mth, 2yr 3mth and a newborn. It was hard work, but i was at home and working random jobs around my husbands work. We didnt pay daycare. We were never poorer but oh so happy! While we were in the pit of infertility we never dreamed about actually having one child, let alone three. When we got together we discussed having four kids, two bunches of two, id have 1&2 a couple of years apart and then get 1 to school (5yrs) and have 3&4 2 yrs apart [emoji23] having a very very surprising number 3 (and the fact that i nearly died during her pregnancy) we opted to finish up at 3!

They are now 8, 10, 11 and its a different kind of hard (extra curriculars, school holidays, etc).

I have friends having babies now, and im oh so jealous, you better believe i snuggle and sniff all of their babies, but am happy to go home to my preteens [emoji23]

  • Upvote 1
  • Love 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

At 21 I feel far too young to have babies at the moment so I think I will wait until my late 20/early 30s. I want my children to have a similar age gap to the one me and my brother share (18 months) as I feel this is a big enough gap and I need time to recover from labour. There is a history of twins in the family and I believe they skip a generation so me or my brother will probably be having twins at some point ?. Not sure how I will cope lol. I do already have the name of my first daughter picked out. I dream of taking them to Disney and doing the things I missed out on as a child. 

Edited by jillsdopplerofdoom
  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • laPapessaGiovanna locked this topic
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.