Joy & Austin 27 - Joy and Austin lost baby Annabell, TRIGGER WARNING miscarriage and stillbirth

[oldfashionedgal]

23 minutes ago, AussieKrissy said:

Criminals get better treatment and have more people (governing bodies, international laws, I can t think of it but australia signed it and i know the USA didnt) looking out for them.

I often tell people to get their elderly to commit a crime they will be better taken care off. 

There is nothing like that, that I know of for the elderly. It makes me sad 

 

I’m in Adelaide so the Oakden scandal got very close to home. I was absolutely astounded by some of the things I would hear other carers say. “Oh that’s just the media blowing this up again, maybe they should look at it from our perspective!”

 

*I understand they were talking about when residents abuse us, because that happens too, but that’s not really the point. Not to mention the vaste majority of violent residents are people who have pain or who are scared and confused. If they were looked after properly in the first place they wouldn’t lash out.

[AussieKrissy]

16 minutes ago, oldfashionedgal said:

I’m in Adelaide so the Oakden scandal got very close to home. I was absolutely astounded by some of the things I would hear other carers say. “Oh that’s just the media blowing this up again, maybe they should look at it from our perspective!”

 

*I understand they were talking about when residents abuse us, because that happens too, but that’s not really the point. Not to mention the vaste majority of violent residents are people who have pain or who are scared and confused. If they were looked after properly in the first place they wouldn’t lash out.

Exaclty. One thing that would help tis if there was more money for extra staff this violence wouldn’t/may not happen. Or certainly decrease. They need to increase the staff to patient ratio among many things. One little en or ain tackling a full grown man with dementia is not on. And this all happening before he or she has to change twenty beds to keep patients dry through the night. 

My friend’s lovely compassionate (and tiny) Mum works in aged care. She loves her patients and tries her hardest with her limited time and resources to make her resisdents as comfortable and safe as possible. She had her jaw broken by a dementia patient. Totally not his fault. Lack of funding and legislation is totally at fault. 

 

[oldfashionedgal]

1 hour ago, AussieKrissy said:

Exaclty. One thing that would help tis if there was more money for extra staff this violence wouldn’t/may not happen. Or certainly decrease. They need to increase the staff to patient ratio among many things. One little en or ain tackling a full grown man with dementia is not on. And this all happening before he or she has to change twenty beds to keep patients dry through the night. 

My friend’s lovely compassionate (and tiny) Mum works in aged care. She loves her patients and tries her hardest with her limited time and resources to make her resisdents as comfortable and safe as possible. She had her jaw broken by a dementia patient. Totally not his fault. Lack of funding and legislation is totally at fault. 

 

I fully support the ANMF’s ratios for aged care campaign. Our parents and grandparents deserve better.

[AussieKrissy]

52 minutes ago, oldfashionedgal said:

I fully support the ANMF’s ratios for aged care campaign. Our parents and grandparents deserve better.

Yep two of the most vulnerable groups in our society. 

Funnily enough one is finsished paying their taxes and one has parents still paying taxes. I wonder why one has laws and the other doesn’t... 

[lumpentheologie]

7 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

Yep two of the most vulnerable groups in our society. 

Funnily enough one is finsished paying their taxes and one has parents still paying taxes. I wonder why one has laws and the other doesn’t... 

Wait, do old people not pay taxes in Australia?  

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

I love babies, this and is just damn funny. 

 

 

[AussieKrissy]

7 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

Wait, do old people not pay taxes in Australia?  

Well they aren't paying full time working taxes anymore....

is what i meant.

the government took their money all those years and then disposed of them when it comes time to need assistance. 

[Someone Out There]

18 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

Wait, do old people not pay taxes in Australia?  

If we are talking income taxes, some do, some don't (most people would pay GST and other taxes elsewhere).  Older people have many tax and discount advantages that those who are younger don't.  In fact an elderly person on $AU40k p.a. is much better off than a worker on $AU40k p.a. even though the working person would need more money for the expenses around working (e.g. clothing and transportation).

While I agree that the elderly deserve better treatment a question to ask would be who is going to pay for it.  Something that I would point out in this discussion is that parents can pay significantly more for child care than a Pensioner would.  Compare a maximum of $AU51.21 per day for the Aged care resident (taken from https://www.agedcareguide.com.au/information/nursing-home-costs) to $AU80+ per day (the ones in my city are $AU100+ per day).  Yes there is a child care subsidy and I'm not really up on the latest on that, I do know that on the older system it would run out around 1/2 way through the year.

[HermioneSparrow]

19 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I love babies, this and is just damn funny. 

 

 

He's so cute it hurts. Makes me sad that Gideon is still a baby and there's already another one on the way, he won't understand he has to share his needs and wants with another human. Fuck them.

[VelociRapture]

23 minutes ago, HermioneSparrow said:

He's so cute it hurts. Makes me sad that Gideon is still a baby and there's already another one on the way, he won't understand he has to share his needs and wants with another human. Fuck them.

I’m pretty sure that Gideon is actually a toddler at this point. I think the medical community in the States breaks it up as:

Newborn: birth to 2 months

Infant/Baby: 2/3 months to a year

Toddler: 1 to 2

Preschooler: 3-4

If I’m correct then Gideon falls into the toddler stage, not the baby stage. He’ll likely be a bit less than 21 months by the time this next baby arrives, which isn’t an unreasonable gap. My sister and I are actually 21 months apart, my mom and her siblings all have 15-16 month gaps between them, and my husband and his older brother are actually only 13 months apart. We all turned out perfectly fine. Husband and I are both the middle of just three kids and mom is the eldest of four though and that’s the big difference to me. I don’t think age gap is necessarily as big an issue as much as how many kids could eventually be added to the family. The more kids they have the less attention they’ll be capable of providing to each one. That’s likely to have a much bigger impact than age gap alone, though together it could eventually be an issue if they hit the “too many kids” mark.

(And I get your point and I agree with your general point. I know I’ve been weirdly stupid about definitions lately and I’m sorry for that. ?)

[HermioneSparrow]

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

I’m pretty sure that Gideon is actually a toddler at this point. I think the medical community in the States breaks it up as:

Newborn: birth to 2 months

Infant/Baby: 2/3 months to a year

Toddler: 1 to 2

Preschooler: 3-4

If I’m correct then Gideon falls into the toddler stage, not the baby stage. He’ll likely be a bit less than 21 months by the time this next baby arrives, which isn’t an unreasonable gap. My sister and I are actually 21 months apart, my mom and her siblings all have 15-16 month gaps between them, and my husband and his older brother are actually only 13 months apart. We all turned out perfectly fine. Husband and I are both the middle of just three kids and mom is the eldest of four though and that’s the big difference to me. I don’t think age gap is necessarily as big an issue as much as how many kids could eventually be added to the family. The more kids they have the less attention they’ll be capable of providing to each one. That’s likely to have a much bigger impact than age gap alone, though together it could eventually be an issue if they hit the “too many kids” mark.

(And I get your point and I agree with your general point. I know I’ve been weirdly stupid about definitions lately and I’m sorry for that. ?)

Good to know. I'm not from the U.S. and here he's still at the baby/infant stage.

[Glasgowghirl]

I don't think the age gap is that bad either, my cousin and his ex had six kid's in quick succession 3 of them were born less than a year after the last one. And the age gaps with the other ones were 18 months and 2 year's. She is now pregnant with baby number 7 after a one night stand and is bitching on social media that her mum give up her job to watch the new baby, so she can go back to work. She won't get any child benefit for this child because the rules have changed in the 4 year's since she had her youngest child and you no longer get benefits after baby no 2, unless you prove the child is the result of a cohesive relationship or the baby has some disabilities. 

[Daisy0322]

My son will be just a few months older when his sibling is born, I don't think it's a bad gap in age. 2 ish years is normal around here. I think once they have 4 or 5 in a row like that it will start to effect them all more. 

[NonSOTDRT Teacher]

My sister and I are 14 months apart. She was an oopsie, and my only other sibling is 5 years younger than me. I respect the heck out of my mother because I do t think I’d be able to handle 2 kids under the age of 2 well, but it was fun growing up with someone so close in age. 

[GutenbergGirl]

On 6/7/2019 at 10:19 AM, karen77 said:

My 6 year old isnt' even 50 lbs yet.... my 10 year old is only 65. 

Late to the conversation... But I recently saw an ad for a car seat with an upper limit of 125 lbs. 

I sent the link to my 6', 120 lb, 21 year old - the kid that fussed and fussed about how he would have to take his driver's license test in his booster seat.  

Then I told him I would buy it for him if we could take it to the police station - to have it installed on his motorcycle.  ??   He declined my offer, but offered to up his pizza intake if that'd make me feel better. 

[StraightOuttaArkansas]

@Glasgowghirl Wait nothing after the third kid and beyond? Or is this a different type of Child Benefit (I am in NI so the terminology may be different, also I only have two kids so I don't know the rules beyond that). I was telling my husband and he was amazed. In Germany they have "Kindergeld" which I think is the same as the Child Benefit here. The first two kids get 204€, the third 210€, the fourth and beyond get 235€. Obviously in the situation you described an incentive would not be a good thing and it s great that any help exists, but it is strange to see in writing "yeah number 3 you get nothing".

I am in a FB moms group for my due date and it feels like more than half of them are either pregnant or just had second/next babies. I know I could not handle kids that close in a loving way and that it was the better choice for us as a family to wait, but it does seem to be a common goal to have kids close together. It seems that a lot of people trying (I know some people have oopsie babies) believe that it will give the kids built in playmates. I am curious to see how that works out in this group. Yes, I am a total people watcher and so nosy. I am not sure if age gap is really such a big deal compared to how the parents handle it. I got a lot a flack for have a 13 year age gap between my two, but it has worked out really well so far, I would wait that long again if I could. My SIL is having her second and the first will be just turning 3 years when the second comes. I foresee that situation being worse than if she had them back to back because of how they have raised the kid so far (spoiled does not begin to cover it). It will be a complete shock my nephew the first time he has to share attention. They came to visit us when our baby was 7 months and SIL (who was already pregnant and doing a poor job hiding it, but not telling) was holding the baby and playing with the baby and my nephew was not ok with that at all (understandably) and I don't think he has matured enough in a year to handle it any better, so I do hope they have a plan for/have read up on that. I think Gideon is probably better set up to deal with having a younger sibling already, Joy is my bigger worry.

[Glasgowghirl]

3 hours ago, StraightOuttaArkansas said:

@Glasgowghirl Wait nothing after the third kid and beyond? Or is this a different type of Child Benefit (I am in NI so the terminology may be different, also I only have two kids so I don't know the rules beyond that). I was telling my husband and he was amazed. In Germany they have "Kindergeld" which I think is the same as the Child Benefit here. The first two kids get 204€, the third 210€, the fourth and beyond get 235€. Obviously in the situation you described an incentive would not be a good thing and it s great that any help exists, but it is strange to see in writing "yeah number 3 you get nothing".

I am in a FB moms group for my due date and it feels like more than half of them are either pregnant or just had second/next babies. I know I could not handle kids that close in a loving way and that it was the better choice for us as a family to wait, but it does seem to be a common goal to have kids close together. It seems that a lot of people trying (I know some people have oopsie babies) believe that it will give the kids built in playmates. I am curious to see how that works out in this group. Yes, I am a total people watcher and so nosy. I am not sure if age gap is really such a big deal compared to how the parents handle it. I got a lot a flack for have a 13 year age gap between my two, but it has worked out really well so far, I would wait that long again if I could

Yes, if you already had more than 2 kid's before the law was changed you still received child benefits. It's to stop people just having children for the extra benefits. My cousin and his ex were definitely not responsible when it came to preventing he already had a daughter that he had conceived when he was just 14, when he got with his ex they had their oldest pretty quickly into their relationship after that they had a two year age gap between their daughter and oldest son, the only one that was actually planned. She did claim to have the implant or said she was on the pill but he wasn't using condoms, so they were both to blame for them having the other children one after the other and he is an alcoholic and she has bi polar and doesn't seem to be taking her medication. My aunt, my cousin's grandmother and her mother are often the ones landed with all the responsibility for the 6 children.

[Caskett4ever]

I think the size of gap that's the best really differs from family to family. Having kids close together means that life could be more hectic since you have more than one kid who is still in diapers, isn't walking, etc. but then you're completely done quicker than if you spread them apart. Having kids closer together might mean that you give your kids a sibling that they can easily play with. However, it can also mean that they don't get along and fight often.

Personally, I'm glad that my sister and I have a four year gap between us (though that was not the plan; my mom suffering from a very serious illness shortly after my birth and then my parents struggled to get pregnant again). We were far enough apart that the last time we were at the same school at the same time was in elementary school. When she later had teachers that I had had, while they recognized the last name and asked if we were related, it had been long enough that they weren't comparing her to what I did (the siblings of my parents (who are much closer in age to my parents then I am to my sister) struggled with this when they were in school). Also, while I love my sister, we have very different personalities and didn't always get along when we were younger. We fought a decent amount as it is and I'm sure if we were closer in age, there would have been so much more fighting between us. 

The 21 month age gap that Giddeon will have with his sibling doesn't bother me. Many couples have their children that close together. What will bother me is if Joy and Austin continue to have kids beyond what they can take care of and those kids don't get the love and care they need and deserve.

[ButternutSquash]

My mom is 9th of 10, all born in12 years, no twins. #nothanks 

[Markie]

Anna, Kendra and Lauren have all announced they’re having girls. If I were Joy and Austin I would not announce. They might even go the route of not finding out the sex of the baby ahead of time. I do hope they have another son. 

[jillsdopplerofdoom]

9 hours ago, Markie said:

Anna, Kendra and Lauren have all announced they’re having girls. If I were Joy and Austin I would not announce. They might even go the route of not finding out the sex of the baby ahead of time. I do hope they have another son. 

Well Joy didn't want to find out with Gideon so I don't think they will again but I think they're having a boy from the way she is carrying big again. She needs to change her diet.

[FrozenSmile]

I have a friend with three kids. Baby #2 was born when baby #1 was a year old. She found out she was pregnant with #3 when she went for her first post-partum checkup after having #2. #nothanks indeed! But she loves the age gap (and is already talking about #4) & wouldn’t have it any other way. Personally, i needed some space between mine - the idea of being constantly pregnant or nursing doesn’t sound like a good time to me! 

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

On 6/21/2019 at 12:45 PM, Glasgowghirl said:

the the rules have changed in the 4 year's since she had her youngest child and you no longer get benefits after baby no 2, unless you prove the child is the result of a cohesive relationship or the baby has some disabilities. 

Wow, that law certainly sounds like it's an attempt to police women's sexual behaviour.

I learned something new today.

 

[Bobology]

You guys are just going to make me tell the story. A friend of mine has a relative who birthed a child, divorced, remarried, had her 2nd child 4 years later. Then birthed a set of twins 10 months after the 2nd child. One twin was full-term, the other was pre-mature. This was all about 45 years ago.

I guess there is a way to determine the difference between a newborn that hadn't grown as expected vs a preemie?

Never asked, never heard, and don't know, but do some women ovulate after becoming pregnant? Because it seems that is what happened in this case. In any event, the baby-making factory was put on immediate lockdown. That is some hyper-fertility.

[Screamapillar]

30 minutes ago, Bobology said:

Never asked, never heard, and don't know, but do some women ovulate after becoming pregnant? Because it seems that is what happened in this case. In any event, the baby-making factory was put on immediate lockdown. That is some hyper-fertility.

Superfetation. It's incredibly rare, but documented.

Such as this case in which a woman served as a surrogate for a couple and also became pregnant naturally with her own child.