Joy & Austin 27 - Joy and Austin lost baby Annabell, TRIGGER WARNING miscarriage and stillbirth

[HerNameIsBuffy]

continue from here...

thanks @Carm_88 for the thread title.

Edited July 4, 2019 by laPapessaGiovanna
Edited title

[JillyO]

Just an FYI that this is thread #27, not 28.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

17 minutes ago, JillyO said:

Just an FYI that this is thread #27, not 28.

Thanks  Fixed.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

In the last thread, people were discussing different types of personality tests, mainly the Briggs-Meyer. So, I started a thread here to discuss all that good stuff!

Anyhow, I'd better go back and read the end of thread 26 now...

[Sullie06]

Going back to the ultrasound talk in the last thread my Mom told me that when she had me (in 1983) she only had one ultrasound and it was for dating purposes because she had never had a regular cycle after a 25 week loss in 1981. She had no ultrasounds with my sister in 1985 but by the time she had my brother in 1991 she had 3 and they gave her a video (on VHS) of the anatomy ultrasound. 

I had a lot of ultrasounds with both of my pregnancies. With my son I was on fertility meds previous so I had an early US to check for multiples with my fertility specialist. Then I had one with my OB when I was released to her at 10 weeks, one for the NT Scan at 12wks and then the anatomy, an emergent one at 31wks for an accident I had and towards the end they were worried about his size and fluid levels so I had one at every appointment for the last 6 weeks. He was big at 9lbs 9oz when he was born. 

With my daughter she was conceived 2 cycles after a miscarriage so I had a dating scan, which showed nothing, a second dating scan a week later that showed two sacs, a third one 2 weeks after that which showed one viable pregnancy and one blighted ovum. Then I developed a Subchorionic hemorrhage that they had to monitor, then I was diagnosed with Placenta Previa so I was scanned at every appointment until I delivered by CSection.

[just_ordinary]

I think we have three regular ultrasound here. After loosing our first baby my wonderful OB had me in every two/three weeks till the end of my third trimester. It stopped growing after six weeks but we only found out after ten or eleven as there isn’t another OB visit obligatory. After a very early first US (5 weeks) + hgc blood work to confirm the second pregnancy so I would be under the care of a blood clotting specialist also I saw my baby very often. But I have never been happier than at the eight week scan. I was so scared that this baby didn’t develop either and when we saw the little gummy bear I almost cried. Getting all teary now as I still remember the tension and the horror and then this feeling of utter relief and joy. My OB knew how scared I was and by giving me all these appointments she helped me tremendously trusting my own body again.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

I was born in an Army hospital in 1970, my mother said that they had just gotten an u/s machine in a few days prior to my mom going into labor, so she was the 1st person they got to use it on.  She also said all the doctors and nursers were so interested in how the machine worked they just kept scanning and scanning, and they didn't stop until she screamed "is someone going to deliver the baby or do I have to do that myself too".  She said they finally stopped, but I was out before the doctor got gowned up, my mother was NOT amused.  I guess that is life in military medicine you get what you get and there is no point complaining about it. 

[Snarkasarus Rex]

Tricare and military medicine in general is pretty stingy with u/s nowadays.  My primary care with Baby was at a military hospital, but I did get three u/s with her since I was over 35 (NT at 13 weeks).  Since the NT and anatomy scans were normal, I didn’t see her again until she was born.  If I had been under 35, I would have had a dating scan and an anatomy scan only. 

I had a civilian OB with Sporty.  She thought two scans weren’t enough so she justified two additional u/s to Tricare for me even though everything was normal. It was a relief to see her at 32 weeks...she was conceived after a loss and I was scared for most of my pregnancy.  

[VelociRapture]

3 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I was born in an Army hospital in 1970, my mother said that they had just gotten an u/s machine in a few days prior to my mom going into labor, so she was the 1st person they got to use it on.  She also said all the doctors and nursers were so interested in how the machine worked they just kept scanning and scanning, and they didn't stop until she screamed "is someone going to deliver the baby or do I have to do that myself too".  She said they finally stopped, but I was out before the doctor got gowned up, my mother was NOT amused.  I guess that is life in military medicine you get what you get and there is no point complaining about it. 

My mom and dad enjoy telling the story of when I was born. I’m a second child and labor usually doesn’t take as long after the first pregnancy. My poor mother wasn’t able to get an epidural because I came too fast, so she had an unplanned unmedicated birth. To add insult to injury, I made my dad miss watching his favorite baseball team on tv actually winning a game for once at the same time. 

Now that I think about it, I’m honestly not sure why I was ever surprised that my daughter turned out to be such a troll when I’ve been trolling my parents since birth too. ?

[nvmbr02]

With my first (2003) I was active duty military and only had one u/s at almost 23 weeks and she was very happy to show she was a girl. . My first appointment I was roughly 12 weeks (irregular cycle) but I was being seen off base since we didn't have OB on base and Tricare would not approve a u/s for dating purposes alone. They couldn't find the heartbeat at that appointment but my doctor said it wasn't abnormal at that point, especially if I wasn't as far as I had thought. I went 2 weeks later for a heartbeat check and they still didn't find one and the doctor was unable to get a u/s approved at that point either. Finally two weeks after that they found her heartbeat. I had the u/s 3 weeks after that point and they decided I was 23ish weeks at that point, which wasn't too far off from my due date from LMP). I am thankful I was fairly ignorant at that point because I would have been terrified had I already gone through the losses I had later. 

With my second (2005) I was a military dependent and was seen at an overseas military hospital. I had an u/s done at my first appointment which was 11 weeks with the OB and then again at 20 weeks. For the 20 week u/s they referred me off base to one of the local Italian hospitals. They weren't able to tell me the sex but they did give me a lot of pictures. The nurse (or tech of some sort) didn't speak any English and the doctor only spoke broken English. So we made sue with our broken Italian and the doctor's broken English. We did at least feel comfortable that everything was ok and the baby was healthy. 

With my third (2009) I had already had a couple of early miscarriages and one late one just before 20 weeks so everything was completely different from day one. I started spotting at abut 6 weeks so I had a u/s then. There wasn't a heartbeat so I went back a week later to make sure it was a viable pregnancy. After that appointment I went in weekly to check the heartbeat via doppler but when they couldn't find it right away they did a quick u/s to check. I had a NT scan at 12 weeks, a u/s at 18 weeks to confim the sex (they guessed at the 12 week u/s) and then a level II u/s at 22 weeks. Then I had a few later in pregnancy to confirm position because she was breech and then transverse and really flipped around right until the end. 

55 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

My mom and dad enjoy telling the story of when I was born. I’m a second child and labor usually doesn’t take as long after the first pregnancy. My poor mother wasn’t able to get an epidural because I came too fast, so she had an unplanned unmedicated birth. To add insult to injury, I made my dad miss watching his favorite baseball team on tv actually winning a game for once at the same time. 

Now that I think about it, I’m honestly not sure why I was ever surprised that my daughter turned out to be such a troll when I’ve been trolling my parents since birth too. ?

My second was an unplanned unmedicated birth too. I liked the epidural with my first so had planned on doing again, but labor was only 3 hours and he was crowning by the time I got to the ER triage (L&D closed at night so you had to be admitted through the ER). So he didn't even make it to the delivery room. Thankfully my OB happened to be in the hospital with another patient and headed down to the ER when we called to let her know we were coming and contractions were coming fast.

It wasn't too bad though, my third was a planned unmedicated birth and hers was not as pleasant. 

[AussieKrissy]

I am pretty sure in Australia there is a minimum of two (free) scans a 12/13 weekish one (most prob for dating and to check for down syndrome) and an 18 weeks one for anatomy. There may be a mandatory later one,  but I became high risk and I saw my baby at least every two weeks or every month, so I don't know if one of them was a normal scheduled one. 

I am so happy that Australia (in comparison) to other countries does seem to take care of it's Mums and Bubs. Our public system is flawed. But I walked out a healthish Mumma and Healthy Baby and not a 100k in debt. 

[Smee]

^I didn’t have any u/s after the 19wk anatomy scan with any of my 3 (in Australia), although they did check for heartbeat with a Doppler at every midwife appointment.

I had 3 babies in public hospitals, all vaginal but with one baby slightly premature and one birth that had me in surgery under a general anaesthetic after he was out. There would have been at least a dozen prenatal appointments per pregnancy, and 2 scans each. I stayed in hospital for 3 nights, 1 night and 2 nights respectively, and was fed hospital meals during that time.

I did not pay a cent. Yes, Australia’s health services are underfunded and have their problems, but I am still extremely grateful for them and feel lucky to have had my children here.

[Ivycoveredtower]

so this was shared over on the Jill and Derick thread and man it's a mind fuck but I'm only half an hour in and if you go to minuet 17 about you can learn some interesting things about Austin. 

 

[PurpleCats]

I’m pretty curious about the “rebellion” Austin was going through.  Smoking and drinking, oh my!  What rebellious activities for a 20 something young man.

[Sullie06]

16 hours ago, PurpleCats said:

I’m pretty curious about the “rebellion” Austin was going through.  Smoking and drinking, oh my!  What rebellious activities for a 20 something young man.

Don't forget the "other worldly things" 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

26 minutes ago, Sullie06 said:

Don't forget the "other worldly things" 

My adolescence would have killed JB and Michelle.  I knew from worldly!

[Antipatriarch]

20 hours ago, PurpleCats said:

I’m pretty curious about the “rebellion” Austin was going through.  Smoking and drinking, oh my!  What rebellious activities for a 20 something young man.

Ah, but see, in their culture, this gives them a great "testimony". "I was rebellious, I smoked and drank, but it was all so empty. I realized my need for Jesus to be Lord of my life, and now I'm all in for him! He totally changed my life, I have so much Joy now!"

In fact, there is such a thing as "testimony envy" -- the kids who didn't rebel only have a "boring" testimony. "My parents raised me in a loving Christian home, I was saved at age 5, and... yeah."

[StraightOuttaArkansas]

15 hours ago, Antipatriarch said:

Ah, but see, in their culture, this gives them a great "testimony". "I was rebellious, I smoked and drank, but it was all so empty. I realized my need for Jesus to be Lord of my life, and now I'm all in for him! He totally changed my life, I have so much Joy now!"

In fact, there is such a thing as "testimony envy" -- the kids who didn't rebel only have a "boring" testimony. "My parents raised me in a loving Christian home, I was saved at age 5, and... yeah."

to the bolded: yes, yes he does, but we really don't need him to shout about it ??

Is this one of those things I need to see myself to the prayer closet for?

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

6 hours ago, StraightOuttaArkansas said:

Is this one of those things I need to see myself to the prayer closet for? 

If you go to the prayer closet, just remember to bring some snacks and beverages to share! 

[CharlieInCharge]

10 minutes ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

If you go to the prayer closet, just remember to bring some snacks and beverages to share! 

Pickles and Koolaid are the only acceptable choices. 

[EmmieJ]

On ‎5‎/‎13‎/‎2019 at 4:59 PM, Snarkasarus Rex said:

Tricare and military medicine in general is pretty stingy with u/s nowadays.  My primary care with Baby was at a military hospital, but I did get three u/s with her since I was over 35 (NT at 13 weeks).  Since the NT and anatomy scans were normal, I didn’t see her again until she was born.  If I had been under 35, I would have had a dating scan and an anatomy scan only. 

I had a civilian OB with Sporty.  She thought two scans weren’t enough so she justified two additional u/s to Tricare for me even though everything was normal. It was a relief to see her at 32 weeks...she was conceived after a loss and I was scared for most of my pregnancy.  

I guess Kaiser (northern Cal) was even stingier with u/s - I got pregnant at 35 and only had one u/s, at around 7-8 weeks.  After that, I had regular ob/gyn visits but no further u/s.  Fortunately, I had no problems during the pregnancy or the birth, but until I started reading everyone else's experiences and it seeming more normal to have at least 2 or 3 u/s during the pregnancy, I am really wondering why Kaiser cheaped out!

[Silas]

My son is eight and I only received one U/S around 20 weeks. That was the only planned U/S anyway. While I was in labor they actually whipped out the old U/S machine to try and estimate his size, my midwife was convinced he was too big to exit my birth canal. Guess what, she was right. But the c-section only happened after a few hours of pushing anyway. Good times. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

This is where I think big practices do such a disservice to pregnant women. If the doctor who delivered ds had known about my tilted cervix and narrow birth canal I might not have had to go through 22 hours of labor and 4 hours of pushing before he would do a c/section.  But he didn't, because he was one of 8 doctors in the practice and a doctor I had only seen once in my prenatal care.  I also had the misfortune of having on a holiday, Thanksgiving, so I labored much longer than necessary and was forced to deal with much more pain because a doctor who didn't know my body and didn't realize that while this baby was 4 weeks early and mom was close to 200 lbs on the inside she may as well have been a rollercoaster,I have a narrow tilted cervix and and tilted uterus. I'm big on the outside I'm small in the inside. I just saw a new GYN this week and he was like , oh yeah you are a fun house in here, I can see why you had so many problems with biopsy and IUD placement.  My son  while 4 weeks early was 8 lbs, he was never going to fit. He is 21 now and is 6'2" he's a big boy. My 2nd I saw a single OB for the entire time I was pregnant, and when I was 36 weeks he said when do you want the c/section? He knew there was no point in laboring, I wasn't going to deliver vaginally, dd was 10 days early and was 9 lbs 2 oz, so he was right, if I couldn't push out an 8lb baby no way I was going to get a 9 pounder out.  I think women would have much more success if they got to see two or 3 doctors and got to know them over the 9 months , but when you have 8 doctors, you see 1 doc a month and then you have they baby, how are they going to know anything about you? 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

42 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I think women would have much more success if they got to see two or 3 doctors and got to know them over the 9 months, but when you have 8 doctors, you see 1 doc a month and then you have they baby, how are they going to know anything about you? 

I agree with you, even though my experience was different than yours. My doctor was (well still is) in a practice with 8 or 9 other doctors, and maybe 3 or 4 nurse midwives (the real deal with an RN), but I never saw any other OB-GYN except him. His nurse did take care of parts of the visits, like making sure I knew how to be safe and healthy while I was pregnant, and answering my questions like, "How much tuna can I eat each week?" But my OB was the only MD I saw, from visit #1 with child #1, until my last postnatal visit with child #2.

(With one exception. I got to the hospital a bit late for child #2's birth, so the hospital OB delivered the baby, and my regular OB showed up about 5 minutes later. Pro-tip: even if you're confident and in control with the second labor, you still might want to try to get to the hospital more than an hour before the birth. Signing papers in between contractions is kind of annoying.)

The continuity of the care I received was reassuring, even though I was lucky enough to have way less difficulties than you did. I even knew my OB's med student from the last few prenatal visits, and I gave permission for her to be in the delivery room. (Hell, I let half my family in the delivery room, but that's another story.  )

We have the same situation with our kids' pediatrician. There are multiple doctors, physician assistants, and nurse practitioners at his office, but we see him unless it's a semi-emergency.

(I'm glad your second OB was more helpful. )

[StraightOuttaArkansas]

@allthegoodnamesrgone I agree with this so much. This time around, while everything turned out ok, from my point of view/experience in those moments, my labor and delivery were traumatic. It's a year later and I still cannot think about it. I cannot watch any show where there is a birth scene, I cannot deal with people I know IRL giving birth without feeling panic. I am 100% sure that all of this could have been avoided if I were not assigned a new random midwife at the last minute. There were other issues with this woman, BUT had she heard (or any of the other doctors who saw me (high risk for BP) or midwives I had during the induction) taken the time to brief each other or read my notes, they would have known my fears and honesty about pain tolerance (I have none and the women legit asked me why I was crying through contractions and had the balls afterwards to say "see that wasn't so bad"?) and that for someone who breaths really shallow anyway that gas & air pain management was not really the way to go (this was discovered partly during a check in the pregnancy because I thought he was not moving enough, the monitor kept going off that I was not breathing, ironically reading about Kendra's holding her breath made me think about this a bit harder and probably made me able to get through it all, thanks Kendra). I know that it is random assignment here most of the time, but changing at the last minute took away a midwife that I had talked to for several hours and had a plan with me, knew my fears, and what I wanted, leaving me the other who wanted me to have an unmedicated, natural birth despite my instance and clarity from the first appointment that no, I did not want that (this was baby #2 so I at least had a bit of experience).