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Seewalds 40 - Threewald is Here! Ivy Jane

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bal maiden

I am going to clarify my point.

I am not saying that Jill can never amount to anything, ever. 

I am not saying that therapy is the only way for Jill to process a traumatic childhood. 

I am saying that Jill would, at this moment in time, in my opinion, make a horrible doula. This is based upon my knowledge of doula training and role, plus my time as an academic studying the Christian patriarchy movement, and its effects on children.

Doulas do more than fetch ice chips and say encouraging things to women in labour, they practice active listening, they debrief women who have had traumatic births, they hold emotional space, and they advocate with healthcare professionals. On the other hand, the circumstances and beliefs with which Jill was raised actively prevented the development of self knowledge, introspection, emotional breadth, empathy, and assertiveness. These contradictory elements are what leads me to conclude that being a doula would not be a good role for Jill AT THIS POINT IN TIME. 

So, what I am saying is that Jill doesn't seem like a likely candidate for (specifically) doula training, based on the specifics of her upbringing, specifically at this specific point in specific time. 

I'd love to see her prove us all wrong though, and excel at something awesome that she loves. 

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I think how I would address this conversation is this: engaging in the Trauma and Oppression Olympics helps no one. Everyone handles things that happen to them differently. What may be a minor setback to one person could be extremely upsetting and traumatic to another. There’s no use comparing how one person overcame X, Y, and Z, so another person should be breezing through life because only X happened to them. People don’t work that way. 

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I doubt that Jill's goals are remotely similar to what we would assume a happy and successful life looks like. Her self-determined perfect life would probably include accepting and being content  in her  role as helpmeet ...Derick's headship, many more children, being a home-birth midwife in the mould of what she was trained to do etc. Therapy or a career would only disturb those goals. I guess that's one of the most damaging impacts of fundamentalism-- that brainwashing makes the recipients set life goals determined by the sect.

 I agree that some kind of part time job like being a lactation consultant or a doula (only to other fundies!) would probably increase her well-being within the current system she lives in. But for her to break out of that system ... something drastic would have to change.

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I feel so perplexed.

I had my first of two children at 20 years old, spent 4 years as a single mum, dated a lot - mostly just socially, then got married and had my second at 28 years old. I packed a lot into those 2 years before I had my first born, and when I was single for 4 years.

On one hand, these women will never know what it's like to build a career, socialise with other adults on a deeper level, travel alone with reckless abandon, get drunk with girlfriends, dance in a nightclub, or even just cut their hair into a chic bob or wear an outfit that their husband doesn't love.

On the other hand, they live in what looks like a bubble of pure happiness.


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Continue talking about Ivy Jane (or Jill) here:


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