Michaela & Brandon Keilen 5: She Goes By Michaela

[kmachete14]

@neurogirl the website where I got my bridesmaid dresses from (dessy) has a similar style to everything the girls are wearing, including Michael's. Which begs the question, why is it a different color??? 

I wouldn't care about one of my bridesmaids wanting her shoulders covered, but then I'd make sure that her modest dress/ all my dresses matched. 

Despite what the Duggars/Bates want you to believe, modest options are pretty mainstream these days. 

 

[NoKidsAndCounting]

Yes, I agree with other posters.  Michaela's shoulders being covered is just fine, but it's not the same purple tone/color as the other dresses and looks out of place.  It reminds me a little of Jinger's wedding with the different purples, and I think that Jill had a really bright purple that didn't quite go with the rest.  I'm not sure.

[FighterJet]

On 5/12/2019 at 6:41 PM, VelociRapture said:

Yeah. Michael isn’t the type of person who really offers much to snark on. Part of that is because she’s much more private about what she shares than her siblings are. I can respect that she (and Brandon too) doesn’t want to share every single part of her life with the public, even though I seriously disagree with her beliefs.

I’m not sure about her working in NICU (or PICU) though. It’s nothing against her specifically, but as a former NICU parent the last thing I would have wanted to deal with is a Nurse who might run the risk of preaching at me about Jesus. You have enough to worry about if you end up in NICU without someone taking advantage of you in a vulnerable moment, you know? We don’t know much about Michael and we don’t know if she’s the type of person who would do that while on the job. I like to think she wouldn’t and I feel a bit bad about doubting her since she seems to take work and school very seriously, but it’s definitely still a possibility and I don’t like to think of other NICU families having to deal with that kind of crap. 

I do think she’d do well working somewhere like Dr. Vick’s office though - a place that seems to cater mostly to Christian women who likely wouldn’t mind if on the slim chance Michael did speak religious to them. I don’t know if it would be a good fit given her battle with infertility though. Same with working in Labor & Delivery or in a hospital nursery - it might cause her more emotional harm or it could be healing for her to help other women welcome children into the world. It really depends on who she is as a person. She might be best off in a Pediatrician’s office, working as a School Nurse at a suitably religious Christian school, or working at a non-pediatric medical office. 

It'll be interesting to watch the Keilen’s journey moving forward. They’re definitely one of the more interesting couples because they’re so private and just seem different from the rest of her family. Their struggle to build a family makes me sad for them because I know they must be hurting (even as I’m glad more kids aren’t being brought up in IBLP), but I also think it could open up some opportunities for Michael specifically that likely wouldn’t have been possible if they had children already. I hope they’re both as happy as they can be with how life is now and they continue to find happiness as the years go by.

I get some kind of self-inflicting-punishment vibe from Michaela. 

I think she suffers more than she lets on, which is unjust as she had to bear the brunt of sistermothering and homemaking when her family was at its fundiest. 

Her husband is fishy. He's as appealing as a tree trunk and looks stern and judgmental in a cowardly way. Compared to the other husbands, he's likely a notch fundier. She probably fell for the "good guy" appearance. Shortly after the wedding, he acted all annoyed that Michael's sisters were visiting. I am afraid he treats Michael poorly.

[NoKidsAndCounting]

1 minute ago, FighterJet said:

Her husband is fishy. He's as appealing as a tree trunk and looks stern and judgmental in a cowardly way. Compared to the other husbands, he's likely a notch fundier. She probably fell for the "good guy" appearance. Shortly after the wedding, he acted all annoyed that Michael's sisters were visiting. I am afraid he treats Michael poorly.

I think you might be right, sadly.  Michaela worked so hard taking care of all her parents' children.  I often wonder if Brandon is the driving force behind why they haven't adopted yet.  I'm sure he fully believes Gothard's crap about "inherited sins" from an adopted child.  I'm conflicted on this, though, because I'm not sure they should be adopting at all.  The child might be under a spiritual choke hold as he/she grows up.  I go back and forth so much.  I feel badly for Michaela but then remember she is drinking some bad Kool-Aid.

[FighterJet]

2 minutes ago, NoKidsAndCounting said:

I think you might be right, sadly.  Michaela worked so hard taking care of all her parents' children.  I often wonder if Brandon is the driving force behind why they haven't adopted yet.  I'm sure he fully believes Gothard's crap about "inherited sins" from an adopted child.  I'm conflicted on this, though, because I'm not sure they should be adopting at all.  The child might be under a spiritual choke hold as he/she grows up.  I go back and forth so much.  I feel badly for Michaela but then remember she is drinking some bad Kool-Aid.

Does anyone think Michaela would ever be able to break free? Would she have it in her? She always seemed the condescending type, but maybe she could change due to age and the struggles she's facing.

[theotherelise]

Hasn't IBLP eliminated all references to the adoption sins of the father thing? There are families in IBLP that adopt and talk about adopting. Even the Duggars have adopted (legally?) their nephew Tyler.

We just cannot know what is going on behind the scenes in their conversations about growing their family. They likely don't have enough to adopt privately through an agency. They might not feel like foster care adoption is something they can commit fully to. They might have decided to continue trying the medical route until a certain point. Maybe they've decided that they only want children if it is biological children. 

It is not encouraged to pursue both fertility treatments and adoption at the same time. I cannot imagine emotionally or financially working on both angles. So for many people, they look to reach a state of acceptance over their biological infertility and then move forward with adoption options.

There is a tendency to judge decisions of infertile couples more than fertile couples. Not specifically calling anyone here out, but you hear a lot of things when you're infertile. "Why spend money on your own desire for children when there are plenty of children out there waiting for families?" Yet no one says "why are Carlin and Evan having a biological child when they could have adopted a child from foster care."

I'm not advocating for any path for the Keilens, just pointing out that these issues are not so straightforward. And no one should ever adopt unless they are doing so with desire and love for the prospective adopted child. 

[Coconut Flan]

46 minutes ago, theotherelise said:

Even the Duggars have adopted (legally?) their nephew Tyler.

They have legal guardianship.  

[scoutsadie]

12 hours ago, Bobology said:

And when something belongs to her/him (which is it?) it would be "can o' peas"

Now I have to put on my mature britches and go keep my grandkids alive for a few hours. 

Ha ha ha

Now tell me - is that Pumpkin in your profile pic? ("It's always something with...Pump-kin! ") That family/show was such a trainwreck, but she cracked me up.

[smore]

I think she re-wore her dress from Tori’s wedding and just had the sleeves altered, hence the different purple tone.

[CarrotCake]

Kelly Jo has adopted siblings and I don't feel they are treated differently so I don't think that the Bates agree with Gothards statement. But maybe Brandon does, and he is the headship.

[FluffySnowball]

1 minute ago, CarrotCake said:

Kelly Jo has adopted siblings and I don't feel they are treated differently so I don't think that the Bates agree with Gothards statement. But maybe Brandon does, and he is the headship.

I really hope what you say is true for the adopted women’s sakes. It might very well be true for Kelly’s parents. But for Gill and Kelly... I'm just not sure. They also had this horrible confederate room in their house, with photos of a KKK member if I’m not very much mistaken. You can’t love your (adopted) siblings and then turn around and endorse people who work to take their dignity and rights. 

[CarrotCake]

1 minute ago, FluffySnowball said:

I really hope what you say is true for the adopted women’s sakes. It might very well be true for Kelly’s parents. But for Gill and Kelly... I'm just not sure. They also had this horrible confederate room in their house, with photos of a KKK member if I’m not very much mistaken. You can’t love your (adopted) siblings and then turn around and endorse people who work to take their dignity and rights. 

You are right that maybe it just looks like that to the outside world.

If they do treat them differently, they are smart enough to make it appear otherwise. 

[FluffySnowball]

2 minutes ago, CarrotCake said:

You are right that maybe it just looks like that to the outside world.

If they do treat them differently, they are smart enough to make it appear otherwise. 

Maybe the Bates actually treat them well, I can imagine they do. Have a cup of coffee every couple of months (I have no idea how close they are) is easy enough. 

What we do know is that no matter how warm and loving their relationship might be, it didn’t stop Gill and Kelly from essentially teaching their children that some racists are not only ok but worth putting on display at home. And they also send their kids to Crown College where students need a special parental permission if they want to date someone of a different so-called “race”. Fuck that! 

[Bobology]

10 hours ago, scoutsadie said:

Now tell me - is that Pumpkin in your profile pic? ("It's always something with...Pump-kin! ") That family/show was such a trainwreck, but she cracked me up.

Yes. I chose her (for now) because she's sassy on the outside and I'm sassy on the inside. The family is a train wreck for sure.

[Melissa1977]

1 hour ago, CarrotCake said:

Kelly Jo has adopted siblings and I don't feel they are treated differently so I don't think that the Bates agree with Gothards statement. But maybe Brandon does, and he is the headship.

Kelly rarely posts pictures of her mother and siblings. Bates are way closer to Gil's parents side. The fact that Kelly appears smiley with her adopted sisters does not mean that there is a great relationship, it just shows they are all polite and nice with each other when they meet (which does not seem to be often).

Bates have never been publicy against adoption, but they endorsed Bill Gothard who was fierce against adoption. And their kids go to a racist college where people of different skin colour cannot date without permission. And they had all those racists pictures in their walls. So no, in no way they consider Kelly's adopted sisters as equals. 

 

 

 

[Melissa1977]

16 hours ago, theotherelise said:

Even the Duggars have adopted (legally?) their nephew Tyler.

Adopting a nephew is very different of adopting an unknown child. It may not even be seen as adoption, from an emotional perpective or for some cultures. For many people, fostering a nephew is natural, something you for a relative in need. But some of these people wouldn't do the same for a stranger, because they see it as a totally different process.

 

[just_ordinary]

Maybe one or both of them just don’t want to adopt? Just because they want to have children doesn’t mean they have to want to adopt. It’s absolutely ok to be devastated because of infertility and don’t seek fertility treatments or adoption. Both processes take a turn on your life and aren’t easy paths. If just one isn’t fully on board it might be better not to do it (or separate- which is no option in their case though).

I think they are both very well suited as they seem to be equally devoted to their way of fundamentalism. Brandon doesn’t strike me worse than any other of them. 

[rebeccawriter01]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

Kelly rarely posts pictures of her mother and siblings. Bates are way closer to Gil's parents side. The fact that Kelly appears smiley with her adopted sisters does not mean that there is a great relationship, it just shows they are all polite and nice with each other when they meet (which does not seem to be often).

Bates have never been publicy against adoption, but they endorsed Bill Gothard who was fierce against adoption. And their kids go to a racist college where people of different skin colour cannot date without permission. And they had all those racists pictures in their walls. So no, in no way they consider Kelly's adopted sisters as equals. 

We have to remember Kelly was already an adult with children of her own when Beth and Becca were adopted by her mother. She wasn't even raised with her own siblings, as they were raised by her father and she was with her mother. I still think that has a lot to do with the way Kelly relates socially to her daughters. She treats them more as friends or sisters than her daughters. She makes comments about how she liked it when Josie would come to her and talk about her day or how she likes shopping with them, etc. There is a weird vibe to it that isn't exactly parental. I'm close to my mom, but I wouldn't count her in the list of girls I hang out with on the weekends or invite to my house for wine and bad movies. 

For all the smiles and hugs, I gather than Kelly has a strained relationship with her mother and siblings. They get along, but there is not a closeness that you would expect given how she acts sometimes. For example, one sister had not even met the mother's fiance before the wedding. While it could be the television cameras, they just don't appear to know what is going on in each other's lives and just show up for special events. 

Yes, I think there is some cognitive dissonance when it comes to Kelly's racial beliefs and the identity of her adopted sisters. Additionally, the one who got married on the show had a child out of wedlock. That had to be hard for Kelly's belief system to handle. 

 

 

 

 

17 hours ago, theotherelise said:

Hasn't IBLP eliminated all references to the adoption sins of the father thing? There are families in IBLP that adopt and talk about adopting. Even the Duggars have adopted (legally?) their nephew Tyler.

 

That doesn't erase it from the minds of those who were raised on his teachings or dumped into it. It will take generations to erase much of what he did. in the name of his own version of religion. Many of them are starting to follow the evangelical thinking of international adoption as a way of spreading God's word. My daughters are from Taiwan. I chose international adoption because of the laws in Georgia being stricter about single adoptions (assuming we must be LGBT if we don't have a spouse). At the time it was the best choice for me to become a mother.  However, at the orphanage I found that I was the only one who wasn't fundy and/or evangelical (including some IBLP). I did some research to find that many are believing that they can adopt and save a child from some heathen religion in another country. 

In terms of the Duggars, they (the grown kids) are all talk at this point. A family adoption or guardianship is not the same thing. They would see that as saving or rescuing a child from a bad existence, as well as a family responsibility since he is related. However, I don't see them jumping in and taking in foster children or those who have been abused. All of the talk of adoption for anyone in that family has always been about China or the countries in Central America - saving a child from a heathen existence and bringing them to a Christian home.  

 

In terms of Michael and Brandon, I could see how it would be hard to reconcile their beliefs with their desire to be parents. It is ingrained in these people than infertility is a sign that things aren't right with their relationship with God. To adopt or have more invasive treatment would be (in their eyes) an admission that they were not trusting God to provide them with what they need and/or want. That's a huge step for many people (religious or not) to admit that they are unable to give themselves what they desire without intervention. It was a huge step for me and I'm not religious. I can't imagine how difficult it is for Brandon and Michael to accept that they will have to go through extra steps to become parents without adding in the guilt that those childhood and adult teachings have provided.

[kmachete14]

The interracial dating thing is so awful. What's worse is that they define dating as just talking to a member of the opposite sex, or sitting with them at church and meals. So you have to have written and verbal permission just to sit with or talk to a member of the opposite sex who is a different race!

I don't know how diverse Crown college is, but are there equal amounts of different races? Or is there just a handful that are now ostracized because to date ANYONE they need themselves and the "date" to have permission? 

Also, is this just based on skin color, or is there a questionnaire filled out? What counts as race? Is it just if you look Asian/black/etc.? Does a really tan Italian girl and a Hispanic woman (who look similar) have different "races"? What about the Rodrigues family and their "dark" children -- would they be counted as a different race because of the last name and skin color? What about biracial students? 

There are so many contradictions in the bible or old/new rules that DON'T require permission forms -- which makes it obvious this one has been singled out because they are racists. 

On the other hand, I went to a Catholic college, which formally doesn't recognize same-sex couples as being morally right. I disagree with that teaching, but I like my college and got a wonderful education. I'm sure many fundies just say oh it's a small detail I don't agree with (and maybe they secretly do who knows). The permission form and enforcement is the real scary part.

ANYWAYS its f*ed up, racist, and disturbing. Crown could also easily avoid calls of being racist (although it seems like no one cares and it wouldn't influence the school income) by saying that every parent needs to be notified of anyone who wants to date anyone. 

 

 

[FluffySnowball]

3 hours ago, just_ordinary said:

Maybe one or both of them just don’t want to adopt? Just because they want to have children doesn’t mean they have to want to adopt. It’s absolutely ok to be devastated because of infertility and don’t seek fertility treatments or adoption. Both processes take a turn on your life and aren’t easy paths. If just one isn’t fully on board it might be better not to do it (or separate- which is no option in their case though).

I think they are both very well suited as they seem to be equally devoted to their way of fundamentalism. Brandon doesn’t strike me worse than any other of them. 

That could very well be the case. In fact, I know of a couple who struggled with infertility (they never had children) and while one of the two wanted to adopt a child, the other did not. So they didn’t. They aren’t religious so I’m not sure if they tried treatments or not, but for one reason or another, they remained without kids.

What’s sad about the situation of Michael and Brandon (aside from the actual infertility of course, although I don’t want people so steeped in the cult raise a child) is the fact that we can’t even discern what might be their honest wish and decision and what are requirements of their beliefs. Maybe they both don’t want to adopt. Maybe they want but feel they shouldn’t for moral reasons. Maybe they want and am working towards that goal. Maybe they eventually try IVF. We don’t know but we also don’t know if what we see them do now is really their choice. 

[lexiloumarie]

1 hour ago, FluffySnowball said:

That could very well be the case. In fact, I know of a couple who struggled with infertility (they never had children) and while one of the two wanted to adopt a child, the other did not. So they didn’t. They aren’t religious so I’m not sure if they tried treatments or not, but for one reason or another, they remained without kids.

The other teacher on my team last year is in a similar situation. They had tried for a few years with basic intervention, but found x and y would make it difficult. I think further fertility treatments are an option but one one didn't want to and so it's just come to a stop.

They have been discussing adoption but I think were leaning towards either the big brother/ sister program or fostering which, if they could hold back the judgy/preachy bits would be good outlets for Michaela who seems to be very natural with children. 

[meee]

...wow.

Okay, what is the source for no interracial dating? Because the bible I know says that Moses married Zipporah, a Midianite. Boaz married Ruth, a Moabite. Esther married a Persian king. Solomon's wives were from all over the place. So unless the new testament says "and by the way, make sure you only marry a white person" which I can't believe based on what I know about it...none of this makes any sense. 

[Lgirlrocks]

42 minutes ago, meee said:

...wow.

Okay, what is the source for no interracial dating? Because the bible I know says that Moses married Zipporah, a Midianite. Boaz married Ruth, a Moabite. Esther married a Persian king. Solomon's wives were from all over the place. So unless the new testament says "and by the way, make sure you only marry a white person" which I can't believe based on what I know about it...none of this makes any sense. 

They take it from the scripture that talks about not being with someone who is unequally yoked. The scripture is refuting to marrying or dating someone that isn’t of the same religion but you know fundies...

[Exposedknees]

I am white, my ex husband is Asian, so my daughters are biracial. They have cousins who are black and Asian. ( They identify as black not African-american). A few years ago,in her women's study class, My daughter wrote a paper on racism and stereotypes from her and her cousin's perspectives in being both multicultural and female. I was shocked at comments that were made at the expense of my niece. My daughter was described as

" practically white" while her cousin was sometimes rejected by both whites and African Americans.

Luckily we mostly live in a very progressive area of NC...with many cultures of people  represented, but it still happened. We have a rainbow family of races and genders.?

I wonder how Crown would deal with multi- racial people?? I bet mostly white evangelicals attend. 

PS. I didn't get a note signed to date my ex-husband when I met him at UNC ?

[nolongerIFBx]

17 hours ago, Lgirlrocks said:

They take it from the scripture that talks about not being with someone who is unequally yoked. The scripture is refuting to marrying or dating someone that isn’t of the same religion but you know fundies...

Well, intermarrying didn't work out so well for Solomon. There were a lot times in the OT where God told them not to marry the locals. Abraham insisted on finding Issac a bride from Abraham's hometown rather than the local Edomite women. But there's also plenty of times when God said, "Take their daughters for your wives." See,s like it was more of a case by case basis then a hard and fast rule.