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Jinjer 49: Westward Ho!


Coconut Flan

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I feel like the Duggars would object to this thread title and insist it be changed to “Westward Ho(sanna)!” instead. So, ten points to whatever Hogwarts House @Coconut Flanwould be sorted into. ?

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On Wiki someone put the courting dates of all the couples but what struck out to me was that Jinger supposedly started courting in December 2014! Do you think it's a typo?

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@VelociRapture referring to your comment about sewing - I learned how to sew when I was in grammar school, but really started doing it a lot in high school.  I loved making costumes for renaissance fairs, halloween, whatever.  I even applied to college as a costume designer and was accepted, although ultimately I changed my major to something I felt would provide me with a more stable career.  I definitely found that I could NOT sew if I was anxious, angry, or excessively mentally distracted.  It wasn't the same if I had people with me to chat with, but as soon as my mind was thinking about too many other things I'd be ripping out every seam.  That was a great exercise in clearing away mental clutter to focus on the task at hand.

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5 hours ago, eveandadam said:

On Wiki someone put the courting dates of all the couples but what struck out to me was that Jinger supposedly started courting in December 2014! Do you think it's a typo?

It’s absolutely a typo. Jeremy wasn’t even introduced to Benessa until the Fall of 2015. He met the extended family for the first time around the time of Jessa’s baby shower with Spurgeon, which was sometime that October. He received permission to speak with Jinger around the time he did a Mission trip with the Duggars during Christmas 2015. They began courting late May 2016, were engaged in July, and married in early November. 

Their official relationship trajectory is actually very similar to the Dills’. I think there’s a matter of one or two weeks difference between the lengths of their “getting to know you” phases to marriage. Derick definitely knew the family - or at least JimBob - much longer though as his first contact with them occurred when he went caroling with a Church group at the TTH during Christmas of 2011, shortly before his mission to Nepal began and he became prayer buddies with JimBob. So he was actually in contact with the a Duggars in some way for about 19 months prior to getting the ok to get to know  Jill, while Jeremy was familiar with the family for all of two months when he got the ok to speak with Jinger.

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Maybe the Duggars and all their extended family and in laws have the best, most Godly mothers on the planet, but I doubt it. Yesterday, in service, our minister spoke about the ideal mother vs the mother that most of us had. It made me happy to hear someone express that most healthy mothers are just average and doing the best that they can. Mothering is hard, hard work, that at times seems endless. It is working in the trenches and messy. I wish they’d shut up with the “Godly” language. God speak does not make anyone Godly or devout.

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2 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I wish they’d shut up with the “Godly” language. God speak does not make anyone Godly or devout.

Maybe I’m just noticing it more lately or they have all started using the word godly a lot, but I find it extremely annoying. I’m sure there are discussions about the word itself that I don’t care to read, but to me, only God is godly. Humans can be good, or great, people, but we are not even close to godly. It hardly sounds meek or humble.

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Looked at the house listing. All I can say is that it looks kind of empty and very uninviting? There no pictures?, books (apart from Jeremy‘s office), plants, signs of the personality of the people living there.... I am by no mean a fan of clutter and while I am no minimalist either I do like many minimalist houses. Maybe they removed the things that felt to personal for them. This might be a good idea for selling as many people cannot envision the rooms for themselves if they aren’t drawn to the way of living they are presented with. But just imagining sitting  down for dinner or on the sofa in the evening... definitely not my cup of tea.

The house itself looks nice enough. I am no fan of tiles in living/sleeping areas but you do you. 

I have to agree about the overdose of wall signs. 

And my two cents about the love of old houses discussion. I wouldn’t call their house old. We are (hopefully) buying a semi-detached from the sixties soon and while we obviously have to modernise (kitchen) and renovate (bathroom, windows) I wouldn’t call it an old home that should be preserved. We are currently living in a flat in a house from 1900. Now, that is worth preserving. Beautiful staircase, high ceilings (3,80m), nice intricate facade, original paneled doors, large windows...,

you find an example from the kind of house under the spoiler. It’s a street nearby and we definitely count us lucky to have lived in such a beautiful neighbourhood for so long. 

 

Spoiler

2647A358-A843-439E-ACBC-E16C1C00F1F6.thumb.jpeg.4f585333b61d10925f318c13646bbe9f.jpeg

 

Edited by just_ordinary
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Our house was built in 1884. Plumbing added later. It's a challenge.

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1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

Maybe the Duggars and all their extended family and in laws have the best, most Godly mothers on the planet, but I doubt it. Yesterday, in service, our minister spoke about the ideal mother vs the mother that most of us had. It made me happy to hear someone express that most healthy mothers are just average and doing the best that they can. Mothering is hard, hard work, that at times seems endless. It is working in the trenches and messy. I wish they’d shut up with the “Godly” language. God speak does not make anyone Godly or devout.

I love my mom but she's like DefCon Five in the guilt department. She can beat Godzilla just by guilt tripping him. I have a lot of issues because of that tbh.

Edited by OyToTheVey
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That mothers' day photo on the insta is hilariously Jeremy - nominally about Jinger, but with the wrong filter so her face is blurry while he's the one in focus!

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3 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Maybe the Duggars and all their extended family and in laws have the best, most Godly mothers on the planet, but I doubt it. Yesterday, in service, our minister spoke about the ideal mother vs the mother that most of us had. It made me happy to hear someone express that most healthy mothers are just average and doing the best that they can. Mothering is hard, hard work, that at times seems endless. It is working in the trenches and messy. I wish they’d shut up with the “Godly” language. God speak does not make anyone Godly or devout.

Thank you! My mom is not an ideal mom - she’s a human being who did the best she could, sometimes under extremely stressful situations. She has her faults and she failed often. But you know what? That’s why I love and appreciate her so much now that I’m a mom myself. Watching her try over and over and fail over and over has provided me with a blueprint for handling failure as a parent and has helped me understand that it’s ok that I’m not a perfect mom for my daughter - something I seriously believed was necessary in the depths of my worst panic attacks immediately following her birth. It’s ok that I feel frustrated and alone and overwhelmed sometimes. It’s ok that sometimes I snap and lose my temper and it’s ok that occasionally I daydream about running off to my honeymoon spot with just my husband because sometimes I’m a bit bored of reading the same book a hundred times (?.) I know it’s ok to feel all those things and to fail because my mom went through all that too - and in spite of all her failings and faults my siblings and I still adore her. 

So yeah. I’m just going to sit here and privately roll my eyes at all those “my mom is perfect in every single way” and “she is such a Godly example” posts our Fundies make. They can keep all that because I’d rather have an imperfect human as a mom than a robotic Fundie Stepford Wife. 

ETA: And because I love trolling my poor mother in real life and too much credit is bad for her ego (even though she’ll never see this), I also learned a lot about parenting from Mr. Rogers and Daniel Tiger. Can’t recommend those two shows enough for toddler parents!

Edited by VelociRapture
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3 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Maybe the Duggars and all their extended family and in laws have the best, most Godly mothers on the planet, but I doubt it. Yesterday, in service, our minister spoke about the ideal mother vs the mother that most of us had. It made me happy to hear someone express that most healthy mothers are just average and doing the best that they can. Mothering is hard, hard work, that at times seems endless. It is working in the trenches and messy. I wish they’d shut up with the “Godly” language. God speak does not make anyone Godly or devout.

I agree mothering is hard, I hope that my kids will realize that while I was far from perfect I did try my best.  Considering the only "roll model" I had for being a mother was/is my own, and that bitch. 

Just a touch of what she's like.  She's 73 she lives in this asininely huge 2800 sq ft house ALONE (because she's not fit to live with man nor beast). Her yard is 3/4 of an acre. She can't maintain it, instead she insists WE do it.  My husband works 2 jobs and DS is working and going to school as is DD, which means I will probably wind up doing most of the mowing because I have more time. *eta She also lives in that house because she "doesn't do shared walls". 

And last week, she texts my brother, my BIL, DH & DS to complain about her landscaping, she needs to get is done and she tried to do but she almost killed herself (she's also a drama queen) so she needs a couple guys to come and do it for her. She just wants it done by the end of May.  So sucker BIL responds, I'll help, as does my son. So of course mom goes great, see you Saturday. BIL was like I'm busy Saturday I have a class to finish for work, she said complained that he said he would help. He replied back yes, but you said by the end of May so E and I talked and said the 18th would be perfect, we don't have any plans blah blah blah.  That didn't go over, she proceeded to throw a temper tantrum to my sister so needless to say BIL & DS did it this weekend, in the rain because she HAD to have it done this weekend.

And all of this, she has the money to hire this stuff done, but she won't, she seems to think her kids will take care of her.  This is also why DH and I are putting our house on the market soon, we have GOT to get out of town. We live 1 mile from her, my siblings both live about 30 to 35 miles north of us.  I didn't do this on purpose, SHE was living 20 miles away when we bought our house. She moved to be closer to her grand-kids and I had the only grand kids for 13 years.

**ETA: Sorry for long post, it just happens when I start talking about that woman. 

 

 

Edited by allthegoodnamesrgone
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3 hours ago, SassyPants said:

most healthy mothers are just average and doing the best that they can.

Love this.  All moms need to hear this.  I will always be grateful to my own mom for telling me about the times that were so frustrating with the 5 of us kids that she would sometimes have to go out to the curb and do deep breathing instead of completely losing her shit.  (She didn't word it quite that way, but that is what she meant.)  My MIL, on the other hand, paints a picture that mothering was all sunshine and roses. 

20 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I also learned a lot about parenting from Mr. Rogers and Daniel Tiger. Can’t recommend those two shows enough for toddler parents! 

So funny that you said that, because I was going to post that @SassyPants's comment reminded me of a Mr. Rogers quote about mothering---and I can't find it now.  It was about how moms don't need to measure themselves to some kind of ideals . . .  just against their ability to cope.  Something like that.  I ❤️ him so much that I've considered getting a WWMRD? tattoo (What Would Mr. Rogers Do?)  I highly recommend his Mr. Rogers Parenting Book.

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I am old, am a first born and my parents were young 20s when I was born. I was a child of the “seen and not heard” generation. My mom was an adult child who 100% over depended on her own parents. I’ve mentioned this before, my dad was a firefighter so was away for 24 hours at a time, and my mom never, not once, cooked dinner. She would load us up and descend on my GP’s home. While my mom was a SAHM ( which she hated), my GM worked and my GP was quite elderly. When my GM died suddenly, my mom’s world nearly ended. My dad was a control freak, which only made my mom more child like. Now that my parents are into their 80s all their quirks are coming back to haunt them. My mom wonders why none of her kids dote on her...um, because you never formed intensely close relationships with them, as you were too busy focusing on your parents...still wanting to be the child.

But...they worked hard, stayed together, raised and educated good kids. They are law abiding, church attending, kind and friendly enough. I just think they should have matured before having kids and maybe had fewer. I don’t think my mom enjoyed her kids at all. She’d probably deny that though.

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35 minutes ago, Satan'sFortress said:

Love this.  All moms need to hear this.  I will always be grateful to my own mom for telling me about the times that were so frustrating with the 5 of us kids that she would sometimes have to go out to the curb and do deep breathing instead of completely losing her shit.  (She didn't word it quite that way, but that is what she meant.)  My MIL, on the other hand, paints a picture that mothering was all sunshine and roses. 

So funny that you said that, because I was going to post that @SassyPants's comment reminded me of a Mr. Rogers quote about mothering---and I can't find it now.  It was about how moms don't need to measure themselves to some kind of ideals . . .  just against their ability to cope.  Something like that.  I ❤️ him so much that I've considered getting a WWMRD? tattoo (What Would Mr. Rogers Do?)  I highly recommend his Mr. Rogers Parenting Book.

He really was the best. I was thrilled that his foundation decided to continue his work with children by starting Daniel Tiger. My almost 2.5 year old daughter has learned so much from it! For instance, this morning she watched an episode about sharing. So while we were playing in her room she kept running over to give me a book and then waited a few seconds for me to hand it back to her, all while talking in toddler gibberish about “you can have a turn and then I get it back.” Seriously, that show is amazing because it’s such high quality and helps teach such important life lessons the way only Mr. Rogers could. I don’t even feel bad when she gets extra Daniel time. 

 

11 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

@VelociRapture or anyone old enough to have enjoyed Mr. Roger's show while it was on air.  Did you watch the Mr. Roger's documenary?

I didn’t see it! My husband and I haven’t been to the movies since we saw Dr. Strange right before our daughter was born. I heard it was pretty fantastic though. Someone I know from college went to see it with his mom and he wound up crying once according to her - when it started and it lasted the whole way through. ?

This guy actually came here from another country in his late teens, I think specifically for college. When he was a kid his family would visit his grandparents here though and he watched Mr. Rogers a lot at there. The show actually helped teach him how to speak English to an extent - Mr. Rogers spoke slowly and clearly and was very good about handling objects he was talking about, so I can see how helpful that could be for someone learning English. 

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32 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

@VelociRapture or anyone old enough to have enjoyed Mr. Roger's show while it was on air.  Did you watch the Mr. Roger's documenary?

 I cried through the whole thing.  What a beautiful human being.

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20 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

I didn’t see it! My husband and I haven’t been to the movies since we saw Dr. Strange right before our daughter was born. I heard it was pretty fantastic though. Someone I know from college went to see it with his mom and he wound up crying once according to her - when it started and it lasted the whole way through. ?

This guy actually came here from another country in his late teens, I think specifically for college. When he was a kid his family would visit his grandparents here though and he watched Mr. Rogers a lot at there. The show actually helped teach him how to speak English to an extent - Mr. Rogers spoke slowly and clearly and was very good about handling objects he was talking about, so I can see how helpful that could be for someone learning English. 

It is out on video, we rented it from Red Box. 

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I have not only seen the Mister Rogers documentary, I bought a copy when Target had it for $10 bucks or maybe even $5.  I've also got a copy of Mister Rogers Talks With Parents. 

@Satan'sFortress, a WWMRD?  tattoo sounds pretty cool!

@SassyPants and @JDuggs,  I'm another one that hates the word "godly".  Maybe I should start asking people which god they're referring to.  Zeus?  Krishna?  Loki?  Pele?  (the Hawaiian goddess of volcanos but the football great was pretty godlike on the field)

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Damn these horrid people with their adorable AF kids. 

7 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

I have not only seen the Mister Rogers documentary, I bought a copy when Target had it for $10 bucks or maybe even $5.  I've also got a copy of Mister Rogers Talks With Parents. 

@Satan'sFortress, a WWMRD?  tattoo sounds pretty cool!

@SassyPants and @JDuggs,  I'm another one that hates the word "godly".  Maybe I should start asking people which god they're referring to.  Zeus?  Krishna?  Loki?  Pele?  (the Hawaiian goddess of volcanos but the football great was pretty godlike on the field)

I too love the WWMRD tattoo, I might have to steal the idea I want another one, just to make hubby twitch, the 2 I have now are each about 2" high and 1 1/2" wide. 

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I think Felicity's hairbow can double as a dishscrubber.

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