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Georgiana

JRod 97: Now casting for Jill! The Musical

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anjulibai

Can I be the RV? I feel like the RV deserves it's own solo, having to put up with all those kids tearing it apart. 

 

Also, Kaylee should sing a version of "Mr. Cellophane". 

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pook
15 minutes ago, louannems said:

https://redirect.viglink.com/?format=go&jsonp=vglnk_155752278554812&key=79bd9386a12d9ac58a81d42672c87dc4&libId=jviks9jq0102hjor000MAptc0c09u&subId=4722371074&loc=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.freejinger.org%2Ftopic%2F32354-jrod-96-jrod-and-the-101-damnations-the-worst-100-jill-moments%2F%3Fpage%3D22&v=1&out=https%3A%2F%2Fm.facebook.com%2Fstory.php%3Fstory_fbid%3D1916947355210275%26id%3D100006850878192&ref=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.freejinger.org%2Ftopic%2F32354-jrod-96-jrod-and-the-101-damnations-the-worst-100-jill-moments%2F%3Fpage%3D25&title=JRod 96%3A JRod and the 101 Damnations%2C the worst 100 Jill moments - Page 22 - RVfull of Grifting (Rodrigues Family) - Free Jinger&txt=https%3A%2F%2Fm.facebook.com%2Fstory.php%3Fstory_fbid%3D1916947355210275%26amp%3Bid%3D100006850878192

I sat through the whole video of Jill's oldest 4 kids mimicking Sweet Mama's modesty, homeschooling, abortion, and submissive housewife standards.

Kaylee shows graphic pictures of post-aborted fetuses.  One horrific picture is of a severed, blood-dripping head of a full term baby.  Jill says she is going to weep and begins weeping.  

I was amazed when the camera pans back to Kaylee's face and she is full-on grinning, Jill style! I do wonder what she was thinking right then.

I've never heard of full term babies being aborted by severing the neck.  Please tell me this is only propaganda and not actually done.

Everything I've read about late stage abortion is that these were well wanted babies with tragic outcomes and are not compatible with life.

 

Total propaganda bullshit.  Late term abortions never take place by licensed professional physicians just for the heck of it.  There are many testimonies online of both providers and patients who have expertise in this area and in every situation either a maternal life is in jeopardy or the fetus is not compatible with life.

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DangerNoodle
23 minutes ago, louannems said:

I sat through the whole video of Jill's oldest 4 kids mimicking Sweet Mama's modesty, homeschooling, abortion, and submissive housewife standards.

My favorite part is when they explain why they're KJV only. It's because the KJV says so. 

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HarryPotterFan
5 hours ago, snarkykitty said:

As the person who bought the cat, I can work with at least 6-8 cats (cat actors). We can have private rehearsals in my fenced-in backyard (for safety) with lots of grass for eating and critters for hunting.

Yum, grass! My kitties love grass. And they keep noming on a fake-grass like plant we have in a vase with fake flowers. Yum, plastic. 

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Ozlsn
Posted (edited)

I think we need a montage scene of Jill trying to get repeat bookings at churches, set to The Angels "Am I ever going to see your face again?" We could get pastors wives in, entire congregations in different locations.

(For the non-Australians/initiated the chorus of that particular song has a bit of a history* and a semi-traditional call and response from the audience. Basically it goes:

Angels: "Am I ever gonna see your face again?"

Audience: "no way! Get f***ed! F*** off!") 

Obviously we'd need to modify it a bit (although does that word appear in the KJV? It is very traditional English, and was certainly in use in the period.)

A version with surprise guest singer that illustrates it pretty well.

*quick version - there was a strong police presence at a gig in the early 80s. A large part of the audience objected to that, and vented their frustration.

I might have gotten a bit invested in getting that act in.. so here's the scene, behind the cut.

Spoiler

Phone rings. Pastors wife answers, intro starts.

Jill: Hiiiiyee!

So great to talk to you/we're coming down in May!/Can't wait to see you all/we'd love to come and play!

We can't wait to see your lovely church again!

Pastor's wife (with hand over phone): Oh no! Not here! Get lost!

Jill: I can't wait to see your lovely face again!

PW (to Pastor entering): It's her! Can't sing! So not!!

Jill: We've got a new song/that will really touch your heart/About poor crippled Amy/and her motorised wheelcart!

We can't wait to see your lovely church again!

PW: No way! Not here! No Rods!

Jill: I can't wait to see your lovely face again!

PW: Oh Lord! Help please! Get jobs!!

PW: Can't stand the singing/like a nail through my brain/And David's preaching/turns me heathen once again

Don't want to ever see her face near here again!

Jill: One night? A week? What's good?

PW: Don't want to ever have her near our church again!

Jill: Cowbells? Medley? We could!

Jill: Nurie's eligible/do you know any good men?/we could start a courtship/then we'd see you all again!

Jill: we can't wait to see your lovely church again!

PW: Lord no! Wedding? No way!

Jill: I can't wait to see your lovely face again!

PW: Not Jill! Not here! No way!

PW: Still have the memories/they're burned into my brain/can't stand the grifting/so the answer still remains

Jill: we can't wait to see your lovely church again!

PW: Hell no! Not here! Get lost!!

Jill: I can't wait to see your lovely face again!

PW: Hell no! Not here! Get lost!

(repeat..)

PW (Spoken): Oh I'm so sorry - we're fully booked out. Maybe next time...

 

 

Edited by Ozlsn
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Don'tlikekoolaid

Maybe we could have a scene where the Rods and the Hawkins are booked at the same church one weekend!  I want to audition for the Bro Gary part.  I could totally rock that part. Like really!  :Mexinoes:

 

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Ticklish
Posted (edited)

Changed my mind. I might want to play Jill's cell phone after seeing that awesome costume 😂

Edited by Ticklish

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thoughtful

Jill asks her father for some money to back the traveling circus that is her life. It's unclear to him why she has to put on such a show, and can't just worship like anyone else. Her answer:

Jill: Some people can worship God
All alone, with no cheering squad,
That's okay for some people
Who don't need the applause.

Some Baptists call Jesus’ name,
Never needing that Facebook fame,
That's perfect for some Baptists
Who’ve gone through menopause!

My gift is I gotta grift!
When I think of that attention I could be getting,
And all the money I gotta beg.
All the things that I could be given.
Things that cost an arm and a leg!

Some Catholics can be content
Giving up something loved for Lent.
I’m preachy to those Catholics,
They’ll burn in Hell, oh, but not me!
Plus, I get stuff for free!

I had a dream,
A wonderful dream, papa,
All about me on the IFB circuit.
Gimme a chance and I know I can work it.

I had a dream.
Just as real as can be, papa.
There I was in Our Lord Jesus’ presence
And He was saying to me, "Jill,
Get yourselves some new orchestrations,
New routines and red velvet dresses.
Get a great big bow for the baby;
Photographs in front of the church there.
Get a sermon from that Dave schmuck
You'll be raking in all the big bucks."

Oh, what a dream.
A wonderful dream, papa.
And all that I need is eighty-eight bucks, papa.
That's what He said, papa.
Only eighty-eight bucks, Papa.

Papa: You ain't gettin' eighty-eight cents from me, Jill.

Jill: Well, I'll get it someplace else! But I'll get it! And make my kids work!

Don’t cry – here’s one piece of pie.
That’s all you get ’til you pull your weight, little baby
All you get ’til you do your share
All you get – or even less, maybe
Hey, you brat, do you think I care?

Some people face Mecca’s stone;
Kneel with loved ones or kneel alone,
That's worship for some people,
For some folks I wish Trump would just kill,
’Cause they’ll all go to Hell!
But not Jill!

 

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NonSOTDRT Teacher
Posted (edited)

Came out of the long...LONG lurking closet to say that if the part of Jill is already taken...I’ll make the much Smaller part of a horrified Michael Bates seeing the rod couple and rodlets on the front row of HER wedding day. Or in the chorus of disgusted church goers of the JRod church congregation. 

 

But Jill’s opening song HAS to be to the tune of the title song from Thoroughly Modern Millie. 

 

Lower your skirts and grow your hair,Haven’t you seen how unmarried heathens kiss?!

Isn’t it destestable?!

Painting lips and green-lining your eyes,Natural isn’t respectable!

Good-Bye, pants-wearing unfeminine Girl! 

You must change here and now!

So blanket train, don’t spare the rod, cause here comes 

ultra-fundie

JILL-IIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE NOOOOOOOW!!!!!!(!!!!eleventy!!!)

 

 

Edited by NonSOTDRT Teacher
Added video

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thoughtful

A number for the first time they travel in the RV:

Jill: Wherever we go, whatever we do,
We're crammed in this RV together.
Nurie: Your arm in my face, we’ve not enough space,
Not dead Tim: We're crammed in this RV together.

Nurie: Wherever I go I know he goes.
Not dead Tim: Wherever I go I know she goes.
Jill: No fits, no fights, don’t challenge
My ego, amigo, together!

I’m glad you’re all thin,
So you can fit in.
So we can go put on our show.
With you for me and me for me,
’Cause everything is all about me,
Nurie, Jill and Not dead Tim: That’s gospel, wherever we go.

 

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Gimme a Free RV

@Thoughtful, this has GOT to be your most favorite, most creative thread participation in all FJ history.  

(Is there a jazz hands Emoji?)

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thoughtful

Jill first decides to make her religion pay:

[Jill]
I have a dream...
A dream about new babies
I’d like twenty-two babies
They think that I’m through
But, baby...

I'll be swell, I'll be great
Gonna make some bucks passing the plate
Starting here, starting now
Honey, everything's coming up Jesus!

Smear the lips, smear the lids,
Go and tease up the hair on the kids!
Sing a prayer, take a vow
Honey, everything's coming up Jesus!

Now's my inning
Stand the church on its ear
Send it spinning
Just like Trump, I’m always winning!

Cowbells up, clear my throat,
Who cares if I can hit that high note?
I'll be swell, I'll be great,
I can tell, just you wait!
Perhaps I’ll get a Kitchenaid for free!
Honey, everything's coming up Jesus
For me and for me!

I can do it
All I need is more kids,
I can do it
David is gonna see to it!

Necklines up, hemlines down,
You’ll be beaten if you dare to frown.
I can tell, wait and see
Grab that bell, follow me
And nothing's gonna stop me making dough!
Honey, everything's coming up Jesus and anti-choice,
Everything's coming up Jesus (not Santa Claus),
Everything's gonna be grifting and and baby voice,
Everything's coming up Jesus
For me, start the show!

 

A reprise, singing to David about her plan to bring in funds another way, later in the show:

[JILL]
I had a dream...
A dream about green money
That comes from pink drink, honey
’Cause waiting for you? Not funny . . . ..

I'll be rich, I'll be up
Gonna have the whole world in a cup,
Starting here, starting now
Honey, everything's coming up Plexus!

Clear your head, clear your skin,
Even clear off those zits from your chin!
Blow your mind, clean your bowels
Honey, everything's fixed drinking Plexus!

Cure your sinning
Pour this stuff in your ear!
Room is spinning?
Baby, that’s just the beginning!

Weight is up? Drink the pink!
Please don’t take any time to just think!
If you swell, please don’t sue,
I can tell, that’s just you.
Drink Plexus ’til your baby’s birth is due!
Honey, everything's coming up Plexus
For me and for you!

I can do it,
All I need is some marks.
Get that Lexus,
Momma is gonna sell Plexus!

I feel high, wonder why,
Haven’t slept, and I’m rubbing my eye.
Where are my teen doormats?
Ring the bell, take these brats!
And nothing's gonna stop my Facebook crew!

Honey, everything's coming up Plexus and upline gods,
Everything's coming up Plexus and downline slobs,
Everything's gonna be pink drink and more pink drink!
Everything's coming up Plexus
For me and for you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Apple_green

Also coming out of lurkdom after following from the beginning of the first Rod thread. We need a scene similar to the "Friend Like Me" scene in the Aladdin musical. Jill as the genie, surrounded by her grifted cave of wonders treasure trove. Extolling her virtues as such a wonderful friend/sister. Perhaps one of the very long suffering ladies from Jill's church beside her...reacting in disbelief...

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Ash
Posted (edited)

I want a scene where Biblical Jesus crashes onto the stage like the Kool-Aid man, singing:

"Stop right there! I want to know right now,

Before you go any further, do you love me...."

[Someone better than me needs to add to this.]

Edited by Ash
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Rowan
2 minutes ago, Apple_green said:

Also coming out of lurkdom after following from the beginning of the first Rod thread. We need a scene similar to the "Friend Like Me" scene in the Aladdin musical. Jill as the genie, surrounded by her grifted cave of wonders treasure trove. Extolling her virtues as such a wonderful friend/sister. Perhaps one of the very long suffering ladies from Jill's church beside her...reacting in disbelief...

 

Well Michelle D had them 19 kids
And a show on TLC
But Plexus! you're in luck 'cause you never did
Seen a grifter the likes of me
I've got some indolence in my corner now
Some SEVERE laziness in my camp
You got some Plexus, pizzazz, makeup and wow
See all you gotta do is dust that lamp
And you'll say...

Mama dearest, ma'am
What will your pleasure be
Let me take your order
Jot it down
You ain't never had a friend, just me

Life is your NICE Olive Garden
With a table for only 2 or 3
'Cuz mama needs a date night now
You ain't never had a friend, just me

 

(and Kaylee), give ME a wish or maybe two or three
I don't have a job, you big nabob
You ain't never had a friend, NEVER had a friend
You ain't NEVER had a friend, NEVER HAD A FRIEND,
YOU AIN'T NEVER HAD A FRIEND - JUST ME!

 

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Alice in Fundieland

Here is more proof that Jill cannot do anything for anyone unless she is getting something out of it. I know it’s Mother’s Day weekend here in the U.S., but every day is Mother’s Day in the Rod house and Jill doesn’t need any more treats. 

Spoiler

3D25221C-D306-49BA-9BD4-A8BB57F48492.thumb.jpeg.250d09a5c8d157ed56a9944d435a29ab.jpeg

 

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Seahorse Wrangler

She keeps her teddy bears

in her pretty cabinet

Let Dave eat cake she says

Just like Marie Antoinette

A built in remedy

with Plexus and microbiome

At anytime an invitation

She won't decline

 

eyeliner and long dress

under-versed in etiquette

extraordinary  she cries

 

She's a grifter queen

ill-fitting shoes for a teen

Gatecrashing Halloween

Guaranteed to dramatically cry

Anytime

 

with apologies to Queen. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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purjolok84
Can we do a West Side Story type dance routine for David and his friends when he was a mall rat before he was saved at the mall?  You are my people!
Yes.

I'm slightly astounded that you would think to ask such a thing when it's a definite given. Shame. You will be clicking your fingers in the back row. Go on.

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Meh
Dandruff

When I'm not (maybe) playing Plexus Cleanse, I could be a Rod neighbor who still doesn't know WTF hit the neighborhood.

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Depressed
ChickenettiLuvr
Posted (edited)

Guess I'll have to audition for the heathen musician / mother/ teacher/ working/ sluttish pants or short skirt wearing NIV thumper.

I'll be happy to accompany the musical numbers with ungodly satanic beats emphasized. 

Plus I demand a fainting couch + gifts for a Pamper Me A Wee Bit sprinkle. A private suite goes without saying.

'Twill supply & bring my own doggy girl who shall not be forgotten. 

Also have substantial liquor cabinet contents to contribute. (Just let someone else handle making the popcorn.)

That's all I have. 

[it appears I may have missed some/all of the point of the Musical; if so, please disregard & excuse my futzy brain]

Edited by ChickenettiLuvr
P.S.

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thoughtful
Posted (edited)

Mealtime at the Rods. Jill and David sit at the table, with the children around them. Costume and makeup for the kids should suggest Picasso's blue period, or perhaps something out of Dickens. They look longingly at the food as Jill sings:

Have a drumstick, darling David,
Have a napkin, have a chopstick, have a chair.
Have a spare rib, darling David.
Any spare rib that I can spare I'll be glad to share!

Have a dish, have a fork, have a fish, have a pork.
Put your feet up, ’cause the kids,
They won’t sup, they’ll give up
All the food and the makeup
For your tummy and my lids!

Have a lychee, darling David.
Tell me any little thing that I can do.
Feeling preachy, darling David?
Write a sermon, write two!
Everybody give a cheer.
’Cause his sperm is why you’re here.
Darling David, I love you!

 

Edited by thoughtful
forgot the video!
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wallysmommy

Disgraceful saying her daughter treated her to dinner at the NICE Olive Garden. I guess (and Kaylee) was on babysitting duty. The BLESSINGS probably ate hotdogs while deadbeat David stuffed himself on pasta.

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Wine time!
Markie

I will take on the role of Caterer, if it isn’t taken. I promise to make Jill and David share their chicken legs!

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thoughtful

Jill explains that simply preaching is not enough -- you've got to have . . . well, you know.

You can cry out to Jesus
Til old Hades freezes,
Plead for His love as a gift,
But you gotta get a gimmick
If you wanna do that grift.

Me, I sacrificed my sacro
’Cause my goals were macro:
Keep having kids ’til I’m dead!
Kids by dozens are my gimmick
And I’m gonna get ahead!

You can uh, you can uh,
Groans heard near and far,
That's how all kids are born!
So I uh, and I uh
Thirteen times (so far!)
’Cause Dave’s always on the horn!

Once I was a schlepper
Now I'm full of pepper,
With my brood, so shabby, but cute,
You gotta have a gimmick
If you wanna make some loot!

 

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LovelyLuna

I would like to be the courting bench, that way I’m only vaguely involved with no real commitment.  

*I love you guys so much, I haven’t laughed this hard in a while.*

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