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Portals to hell not valid reason for buyer backing out of real estate deal


47of74
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LOL (yeah I know, satire)

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A BC court has ruled that nondisclosure of the existence of a portal to hell on a property does not entitle the purchaser to a refund of their deposit if they chose to terminate the deal.

“The home inspection report clearly indicated the presence of a stable fissure in the space-time continuum leading to another plane of reality,” Judge Julia Hammond said when making her ruling. “Once made aware of the existence of such a fissure, the onus is then on the home-buyer to determine the endpoints of all interdimensional portals before signing the closing documents.”

The BC Real Estate Association estimates that at least thirty percent of detached homes in Metro Vancouver and ten percent of condos contain portals to other worlds, but approximately half of them lead to high fantasy realms and increase the value of the property.

“Portals to hell are a niche feature, it’s true,” local realtor Arnold Lee admitted. “They’re more popular with horror movie loving millennials, but unfortunately tend to open when the wealthy make pacts with demons and are therefore mostly found in expensive homes, which millennials can’t afford. So we’re seeing a glut of very high end homes with hell portals on the market.”

 

Edited by 47of74
fixed misspelling
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4 hours ago, 47of74 said:

“The home inspection report clearly indicated the presence of a stable fissure in the space-time continuum leading to another plane of reality,” Judge Julia Hammond said when making her ruling. “Once made aware of the existence of such a fissure, the onus is then on the home-buyer to determine the endpoints of all interdimensional portals before signing the closing documents.”

Oh honey, a little expanding foam sealant will fix that right up. Just be sure to get the kind for gaps larger than one inch. 

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6 hours ago, Cartmann99 said:

Oh honey, a little expanding foam sealant will fix that right up. Just be sure to get the kind for gaps larger than one inch. 

Ok would something like this be enough or should a person seeking to seal off inter dimensional portals order multiple units of this?

foamsealent.thumb.png.0962e901aa658fccce942f8302e15c2d.png

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I may have been half expecting this to read coming from Stull, Kansas (although that is alleged to be the cemetery)

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1 hour ago, 47of74 said:

Ok would something like this be enough or should a person seeking to seal off inter dimensional portals order multiple units of this?

foamsealent.thumb.png.0962e901aa658fccce942f8302e15c2d.png

If it were me, I'd go ahead get at least two. Those fissures to Hell can be tricky. bastards, and if you need to reseal that bad boy at 3am, you'll thank me for suggesting you stock up now. Wear safety goggles and gloves, but not your favorite work gloves. I lost my favorite work gloves to expanding foam sealant a few years back.

*Drops head and observes a moment of silence in honor of her lime green work gloves that died due to the expanding foam sealant incident*

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I have to disagree, it is real!  There is one on my front porch.  It's my windchimes.  Hornets fly in one end of the metal tubes and do not come out the other end.  But when we look inside the tubes, they are not there!

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On 5/9/2019 at 6:30 PM, Briefly said:

I have to disagree, it is real!  There is one on my front porch.  It's my windchimes.  Hornets fly in one end of the metal tubes and do not come out the other end.  But when we look inside the tubes, they are not there!

You should start selling tickets! :pb_lol:

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  • 2 months later...

And on the subject of real estate....

 

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