Kristina is blogging again

[3_and_counting]

15 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

As a parent I try very hard not to pass on my anxiety about stuff to my kids. I don't want my kids to have to recover from their childhood like I have to.  

I totally get that.  I am trying to do the same, although, Kloe is starting to exhibit some signs of anxiety.  She talks a lot about her stomach hurting.  So, I'm now hoping that instead of shielding them, I can teach them how to handle it if, and when it happens to them as well.

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, 3_and_counting said:

, I can teach them how to handle it if, and when it happens to them as well.

My oldest also shows signs of worrying a lot, but she does seem to be able to handle it. When she gets upset about things we try to sit down and talk them through and see if there is something she can do to change what is upsetting her or if there isn't talk through how she can deal with her feelings. 

Mental health problems are no longer being hidden away, so hopefully churches will catch up with the times and be willing to support people instead of shaming them. Were you anxious about going public with your anxiety? Did you receive any backlash for doing so? I'm not sure I could have gone public and spoken out. Just the thought of facing that makes me anxious. 

[Briefly]

2 hours ago, 3_and_counting said:

I totally get that.  I am trying to do the same, although, Kloe is starting to exhibit some signs of anxiety.  She talks a lot about her stomach hurting.  So, I'm now hoping that instead of shielding them, I can teach them how to handle it if, and when it happens to them as well.

It's very hard to realize that your daughter is in her late teens or early 20's and having the same anxiety and depression issues her mom (me) had to deal with at that age.  I wish so much that I had come to the same awareness that you have, when she was young.  It's a process and I missed a lot of things that I should have seen.  You are aware of things and that will help you as well as your daughter.

[3_and_counting]

11 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Mental health problems are no longer being hidden away, so hopefully churches will catch up with the times and be willing to support people instead of shaming them. Were you anxious about going public with your anxiety? Did you receive any backlash for doing so? I'm not sure I could have gone public and spoken out. Just the thought of facing that makes me anxious. 

I did have some anxiety about it.  I grew up hearing that mental illnesses were demonic possession, or demonic oppression, So, I was a bit scared to know what others may have thought about it...but I quickly got over it.  I've never been one to shy away from saying what I think needs to be said, and no matter what people thought about it, I would rather them say it to me (which most have) than to talk among themselves.   I am very opinionated, and that hasn't changed concerning this topic. It NEEDS to be talked about, and it NEEDS to be said in detail so others get the picture of what daily life with anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and PTSD is like.

11 hours ago, Briefly said:

It's very hard to realize that your daughter is in her late teens or early 20's and having the same anxiety and depression issues her mom (me) had to deal with at that age.  I wish so much that I had come to the same awareness that you have, when she was young.  It's a process and I missed a lot of things that I should have seen.  You are aware of things and that will help you as well as your daughter.

Absolutely!  I know there is a reason for this, if for nothing else than to be able to be open, and share about it, and to help my daughter. ❤

On 5/3/2019 at 7:36 PM, Milly-Molly-Mandy said:

I feel more than many fundies she has so much lost potential. Imagine if she had been given an excellent education, gone to college & had a career. Still had her babies but 10 years later. 

She really could have excelled. I hope she’s content with her life but if she isn’t I hope she has the ability to go to college as a mature aged student. 

I do want to go to college, but at this stage...it just isn't possible.   Caleb starts school this year, but I have started a job working from home, and my days will be slammed.  I do hope to get to go at some point though, once finances and such are there to do so.

[3_and_counting]

On 5/5/2019 at 7:00 AM, sableduck said:

When she first married I thought her husband was creepy, but he seems to have turned out to be a supportive and loving husband.  When she was struggling, he supported putting the kids in public school. He supported her ditching skirts only and wearing pants.  They seem to be using some kind of birth control. He has supported her through depression and anxiety.  From just surface appearances, I believe he’d support her going to college.  Kristina has talked about how her homeschooling education failed her, though, and she may feel like she wasn’t educated well enough to go to college. 

Josh has been SUPER supportive.  I really don't know how I would have done it without him.  He took days off of work, he has taken care of the kids, and the house on my really bad days.  He has been my rock!  See...I told y'all you didn't know the man that I know. ?

He does support my wanting to go to college, its just not possible for that to happen anytime soon. 

[nelliebelle1197]

56 minutes ago, 3_and_counting said:

Josh has been SUPER supportive.  I really don't know how I would have done it without him.  He took days off of work, he has taken care of the kids, and the house on my really bad days.  He has been my rock!  See...I told y'all you didn't know the man that I know. ?

He does support my wanting to go to college, its just not possible for that to happen anytime soon. 

I do have to say from your blog photos he always looked at you with a great deal of adoration so I am not surprised.

[formergothardite]

Has this experience made you consider how hard it is to get help for mental health in America and do you support policies that would make it easier for people to access help? I know for me, one of the reasons I did not seek help early on because I was terrified of having a diagnosis that would make it difficult for me to get insurance. Even though we had good insurance, part of my anxiety is constantly thinking of the worst that can happen and I was terrified we would lose our insurance and because of a mental health diagnosis insurance companies would turn us down or charge us way more. That was an actual real possibility before Obama. I ended up attempting suicide and I can't help but think that if I had gotten help earlier I wouldn't have gotten to that point. 

Right now I'm lucky our insurance covers my therapy, but many,  many people don't have the ability to get the help they need and that is a tragedy. 

 

[3_and_counting]

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

Has this experience made you consider how hard it is to get help for mental health in America and do you support policies that would make it easier for people to access help?

I honestly have not looked into any of that. I never thought of it since I don't go to therapy, and am not on any medication.  I'll have to look into that before I can answer honestly. Its just something I didn't think about, and since not many talk about their issues...I didn't know.

[formergothardite]

Before Obama insurance companies could deny you coverage for things like mental health issues or they could say they would provide you with insurance but charge you a fortune or not even cover mental health needs. Obama changed all that, access to mental health care became more available and people could no longer be denied or charged more. 

The republican party would undo that. They spent eight year complaining and acting like they had a better plan, but if you read the plans they voted on(and only John McCain saved us from having) they were dismal, and would get rid of all protections for people who suffer from mental illnesses. And if Trump is capable he will remove any protections for people who at risk. 

Obama was a start but there are still way too many people who need mental health care and can't afford it. The republican party has shown zero indication that they care. 

It is good that you were able to find a method that doesn't involve medication or therapy, but there are so many, myself included that need these things to survive and it is scary to see that the government has been taken over by people who look at those with mental illnesses and don't care. 

[Flossie]

I remember how it was before Obama was able to change the system.  My ex started working at the place he's at now in the early 80's.  They started out with one insurance company and a few years later they switched to another.  Suddenly I had to figure out how to get the new company to insure parts of my medical care by finding out I could get a certificate of continuing coverage from the old insurance company.  Insurance companies used to be able to exclude a person from all or some coverage if they had a pre-existing condition.  It was common for people to be trapped in jobs when they could have found better work elsewhere, but if changing jobs meant changing insurance companies, they were out of luck.  

Back in the mid 1990's new laws were enacted to temper that problem by declaring that if a person was covered under one insurance plan when their condition was first diagnosed, their next insurance company couldn't deny them coverage.  But the process of switching companies was often a mysterious and convoluted process.  One person might not really notice the change, while another would find that they were denied coverage, had a higher deductible, or a longer waiting period before the new insurance took effect.  The difference was usually the younger, relatively healthy people were the ones insurance companies wanted on their rolls.  The people with complex medical issues or the elderly weren't greeted quite so happily.  We cost them more money.

Obama made great strides in enabling people to gain access to insurance.  It wasn't perfect, some people found their rates went up and I've heard that some people are still legally excluded from coverage.  I admit that I don't understand it very well, it's a complex issue, but money is at the heart of it all.  Insurance companies are happy to take your money, they're less enthused to spend it on you.

Our current administration <said through gritted teeth> is trying to push back on those reforms.  Some of it seems to be caused by President Trump's <darn, I think I just broke another molar> well known dislike of President Obama.  But the rest of it comes from the Republican Party.  I suspect that if you looked closely, a large number of them own significant shares of insurance companies.  It's to their advantage to keep the people who need the most medical services out of the system.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

3 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Before Obama insurance companies could deny you coverage for things like mental health issues or they could say they would provide you with insurance but charge you a fortune or not even cover mental health needs. Obama changed all that, access to mental health care became more available and people could no longer be denied or charged more. 

I was first diagnosed with clinical depression while I was covered by my parents' insurance, so the very first time I had a chance to apply to get my own insurance as an adult circa 1990, I was rejected by the insurance company for my pre-existing condition. (I couldn't afford the insurance anyway, but the very small business I worked for had to have every single employee apply in order to be able to offer group coverage.) I have spent the majority of my adult life with no health insurance, and I'm certain my overall health is worse because of it.

The Affordable Care Act has meant that my husband and I have health insurance for the first time since he was laid off a job with a large business when the economy tanked in 2008. Even that employer provided insurance started with a very minimal coverage of mental health (3 visits per year), but then completely dropped any coverage of mental health issues. 

I've gotten so accustomed to being uninsured that it took me over a year of having ACA insurance to have a checkup with a GP. My mindset doesn't accept that I can affford medical care. I still haven't tried to find out how much mental health coverage our insurance provides, or which counselor/therapist/psychologist I could see. It's just more effort than I can manage lately. Luckily for me, my low energy and motivation also mean I don't attend church anymore, so I don't get the judgement from the people there. 

Edited May 8, 2019 by WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
clarification

[SuperSluth]

3 hours ago, 3_and_counting said:

I honestly have not looked into any of that. I never thought of it since I don't go to therapy, and am not on any medication.  I'll have to look into that before I can answer honestly. Its just something I didn't think about, and since not many talk about their issues...I didn't know.

My big anxiety triggers were going to the grocery store and driving!  Ugh.  Bottom was when I had no food in the house, I was afraid to eat any of the food that was left, and my car hadn't moved in 3 months.

I really hope you can find a good therapist that practices cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). A CBT therapist will tell you to push through the discomfort and many of the fears, but to do so consciously, so you learn that horrible things you worry about doesn't happen. There is some truth to the fear and doubt, but it is not set in reality.

My therapist suggested this article.  Hope it helps you too!

http://www.cfsgcounselling.com/download/The_Way_of_the_Worrier.pdf

[sableduck]

Our mental health coverage(Blue Cross/Blue Shield) still sucks. U of Rochester system is having an awful time trying to get approvals for kids to see their psychologist for evals.  We just got our denial letter but our son really needs a full evaluation at their developmental pediatrician department and the psychologist eval is part of that.  They told me BC/BS is denying everyone.

And don’t get me started on the $12,000 deductible we have that means I pay $120 every time my child sees his therapist.  Even if the pre existing condition denial is gone, they’re just denying everything else or raising deductibles to outrageous amounts.

 

Kristina, I’ve followed you for years.  Don’t count college out quite yet.  There are many colleges you could take a couple classes online for a relatively cheap price and would qualify for financial aid.  If it’s something you want to do, even if it’s just a class here and there, I think you’d likely find a lot of people on this board who’d help you through the process, myself included.

[formergothardite]

I'm really lucky that our insurance does cover my therapy. It always amazes me that the very party who crows about placing a high value on life look at those who are in need of help and deny them any assistance. 

It always make me so angry that whenever there is a shooting GOP trots out the how it is mental health and not our slack gun laws, yet they do everything in their power to hurt those with mental health issues. 

[Briefly]

3 hours ago, sableduck said:

Kristina, I’ve followed you for years.  Don’t count college out quite yet.  There are many colleges you could take a couple classes online for a relatively cheap price and would qualify for financial aid.  If it’s something you want to do, even if it’s just a class here and there, I think you’d likely find a lot of people on this board who’d help you through the process, myself included.

A friend of mine didn't start college until her children were in upper elementary school.  She started out at the community college with a few courses, then she checked with one of the local universities and that had plenty to offer that would work with her schedule - she was working full time by that point.  It took her a little longer than if she had just gone right out of high school, but she did graduate and is now a teacher.  She said that there were a lot more grants available than she thought, she probably did have some school loans as well.  But it can be done, it just may take longer.  But it's possible.  I hope that you do find a way to make it work at some point, Kristina.

[Black Aliss]

4 hours ago, Briefly said:

A friend of mine didn't start college until her children were in upper elementary school.  She started out at the community college with a few courses, then she checked with one of the local universities and that had plenty to offer that would work with her schedule - she was working full time by that point.  It took her a little longer than if she had just gone right out of high school, but she did graduate and is now a teacher.  She said that there were a lot more grants available than she thought, she probably did have some school loans as well.  But it can be done, it just may take longer.  But it's possible.  I hope that you do find a way to make it work at some point, Kristina.

Amen to that. I made a couple of attempts at university when I was in my teens and 20's but it wasn't until I was 38 (!) that I was finally able to get serious about college. I graduated 6 years later, having added another baby to the family in the middle of all that, but it was both the hardest and best thing I ever did for myself and for my family. For the rest of my working life I paid more in taxes every year than I had earned before I went back to school.

 

[formergothardite]

I read this article a while back and I thought it was relevant to this topic. I realize that there are many people who find comfort in religion, but this woman's experience is so much like mine. When I first started therapy my therapist asked me to think back to a time where I wasn't anxious and I realized I couldn't remember a time where I didn't live in fear. Threats of hell, stories of the rapture, constantly being told the liberals were going to oppress Christians and lock us up, and being told stories about how we would be killed for our faith, really fucked me up. 

https://themighty.com/2017/04/why-religion-was-bad-for-my-anxiety/

 

[SuperSluth]

On ‎5‎/‎9‎/‎2019 at 5:13 PM, formergothardite said:

I read this article a while back and I thought it was relevant to this topic. I realize that there are many people who find comfort in religion, but this woman's experience is so much like mine. When I first started therapy my therapist asked me to think back to a time where I wasn't anxious and I realized I couldn't remember a time where I didn't live in fear. Threats of hell, stories of the rapture, constantly being told the liberals were going to oppress Christians and lock us up, and being told stories about how we would be killed for our faith, really fucked me up. 

https://themighty.com/2017/04/why-religion-was-bad-for-my-anxiety/

 

That article is OK, but I see a much more insidious problem when religion collides with anxiety.

There is a very real component to anxiety/OCD called "magical thinking". At the end of the day, how is checking the oven 500 times to make sure it is off any different than praying 500 times that it is off?  It is obsessive thinking and when "something bad" doesn't happen, it only reinforces the approach to "worry problems away".  

Many people confuse intrusive thoughts with prayer/messages from god.  

Most people really need to work with a therapist to navigate through.

Edited May 13, 2019 by SuperSluth
grammar

[KnittingOwl]

On 5/7/2019 at 3:11 PM, 3_and_counting said:

I totally get that.  I am trying to do the same, although, Kloe is starting to exhibit some signs of anxiety.  She talks a lot about her stomach hurting.  So, I'm now hoping that instead of shielding them, I can teach them how to handle it if, and when it happens to them as well.

I have anxiety and depression as well. I also found out about the anxiety in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. 

My 7 year old is exhibiting signs of anxiety too. I’m starting to work on coping techniques with her so that she has a better toolkit than I did. We are using the workbook “What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What-to-Do Guides for Kids)” and it’s been helpful. Also getting her to focus on deep breathing and having a stuffed animal that she tells all her worries to. 

[3_and_counting]

I'm back!  End of the year school stuff has begun.  x4!  

I would love to be able to do college now...I just couldn't make it work.  Between my new job, kids and their school, jiu jitsu classes 4 days a week, church, and making time for family.  It just won't be possible, not until the kids are a bit older.  It won't be forgotten about though.

[Sobeknofret]

Dear Kristina,

I'm glad you're back and blogging again. I read your post here about your daughter and her anxiety; I have a child with anxiety, and I am so sorry for the both of you. Anxiety is hard on parents too, and it's awful in kids. I also wholeheartedly recommend the book “What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What-to-Do Guides for Kids).” When my son was younger that book was helpful for him to contextualize his feelings and develop his own strategies for helping himself. He also learned meditation and combined it with yoga breathing to center himself in the present and let the "what if" 's go. It's hard on parents to watch our kids struggle, so I sympathize with you completely. If you'd like me to pray for you and your daughter, I will.

 

[formergothardite]

5 hours ago, SuperSluth said:

There is a very real component to anxiety/OCD called "magical thinking". At the end of the day, how is checking the oven 500 times to make sure it is off any different than praying 500 times that it is off?  It is obsessive thinking and when "something bad" doesn't happen, it only reinforces the approach to "worry problems away".

That is a very good point. There is very much an element, especially among fundamentalist where you need to live a certain way and do things a certain way or you are outside of God's will. It is very easy to obsess over making sure you are doing things the "right" way. 

One thing I have noticed that the republicans I know(and not just the conservative Christian ones) will make a huge deal about mental health, but flat out refuse to discuss how the republican party hurts those who are mentally ill and that the democratic party does more to help those who have a mental illness. Kristina, is that a conversation you would be willing to have? Are you open to the idea that the republican party doesn't treat mentally ill people well at all? There is plenty of evidence that the republicans tried and Trump is continuing to try to push plans that will hurt plenty of people. 

[3_and_counting]

16 hours ago, formergothardite said:

 Kristina, is that a conversation you would be willing to have? Are you open to the idea that the republican party doesn't treat mentally ill people well at all? There is plenty of evidence that the republicans tried and Trump is continuing to try to push plans that will hurt plenty of people. 

I'm open to it. I'm not a republican. LOL  I don't claim any party.  I have no doubt that there isn't much being don't for those who struggle with mental health, but like I said, I have never thought to look into any of it.  

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, 3_and_counting said:

I'm open to it. I'm not a republican. LOL  I don't claim any party.  I have no doubt that there isn't much being don't for those who struggle with mental health, but like I said, I have never thought to look into any of it.  

Sorry to assume you were! But you go to admit that Trump and the GOP has a cult following with the majority of conservative Christians in America, so most of the people I run into who are conservative Christian worship Trump and the GOP. My parents who were life time republicans changed to independent over Trump, but it seems most have stayed with him no matter what he does. 

What are your thoughts on the Affordable Care Act(Obamacare)? Despite the propaganda by Fox News, Obama's plan(which was actually based on a republican plan) did help a lot of people.  

https://www.healthinsurance.org/obamacare/how-obamacare-improved-mental-health-coverage/

Obviously there are still major problems with how people with any sort of illness gets treated but it seems like people with a mental illness have a terrible time getting help. Trump and the GOP are doing everything in their power to make accessing treatment even harder for those who have mental illnesses. I don't know if this is because the GOP tends to lean more conservative Christian and there is the idea that being mentally ill is a spiritually flaw, or if it is because they despise everything Obama did and will undo it no matter how much harm it causes(I think this is the reason for Trump) or it is because they really give no shit about people once they are born. It could be all three, but the more control they have the worse it will get for some of the most vulnerable people in America. There is really no good reason to pass the laws they want to pass. 

 

https://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/opinion/editorials/2018/06/26/gop-health-care-undermine-progress-mental-health-obamacare-nami-parity-medicaid-iowa-legislature/731567002/

 

https://www.cbpp.org/research/health/latest-republican-aca-repeal-plan-would-have-similar-harmful-impacts-on-coverage-and

 

[3_and_counting]

On 5/14/2019 at 1:07 PM, formergothardite said:

 

What are your thoughts on the Affordable Care Act(Obamacare)? Despite the propaganda by Fox News, Obama's plan(which was actually based on a republican plan) did help a lot of people.  

https://www.healthinsurance.org/obamacare/how-obamacare-improved-mental-health-coverage/

https://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/opinion/editorials/2018/06/26/gop-health-care-undermine-progress-mental-health-obamacare-nami-parity-medicaid-iowa-legislature/731567002/

https://www.cbpp.org/research/health/latest-republican-aca-repeal-plan-would-have-similar-harmful-impacts-on-coverage-and

 

I have to admit I have not read these yet.  I have been swamped with work, end of the year school activities, and jiu jitsu classes.  I will try to read these soon.