Kristina is blogging again

[formergothardite]

Kristina has started blogging again. This time it is about her dealing with anxiety and breaking the stigma that can come with suffering from a mental illness. She is being very honest about how some churches and Christians treat those who have a mental illness. I know that for me personally I think a lot of the shame I have about my anxiety stems from being raised around people who looked down on those who struggle with a mental illness. I remember being told that there was no such thing as depression and anxiety just various stages of being selfish. 

I have not heard of the book she talks about in her podcast, but it does sound helpful. I'm super glad she couldn't afford Plexus because no matter what the claims that stuff is not healthy. Please everyone reading! Don't use Plexus! I'm really happy she is surrounded by support and has found a system that helps her. Anxiety can be so crippling. 

https://kristinakeeps.wixsite.com/savedandanxious/blog/

Quote

Things that can be heard from Christian peers who have never been there are some of the following... (Let me preface this by saying that I have a ❤ wonderful church family ❤ who have prayed for me, and several ladies who have watched me cry, and listened when I needed it. This is a generalization, and not specific to any person or church.)

"Next time it happens, just read your Bible."

"Have you tried to pray it away?"

The bible says that we aren't to be in a state of fear, and when you are in that state, you are disobedient."

"You must have sin in your life."

"Backsliding is why you are dealing with this."

"God is trying to get your attention."

"Just memorize scripture, and that will keep the anxiety away."

"You don't need a counselor, just come to church."

"Medication is not the way to go. You don't need it."

Quote

People stay quiet about their battle with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and so much more because they don't want to become a stigma. They don't want others to "mark" them as crazy, unspiritual, or a backslider.

 

[Briefly]

Good for her, for recognizing that she has something that she needs to ask for help for and for asking for that help.  I really admire her for speaking out, it's hard to do - I know that for a fact from experience.

Kristina, I will you all the best.

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

I feel more than many fundies she has so much lost potential. Imagine if she had been given an excellent education, gone to college & had a career. Still had her babies but 10 years later. 

She really could have excelled. I hope she’s content with her life but if she isn’t I hope she has the ability to go to college as a mature aged student. 

My Dad didn’t go to University until 28. He ended up with a PhD and a very well regarded career. 

[sableduck]

On 5/3/2019 at 7:36 PM, Milly-Molly-Mandy said:

I feel more than many fundies she has so much lost potential. Imagine if she had been given an excellent education, gone to college & had a career. Still had her babies but 10 years later. 

She really could have excelled. I hope she’s content with her life but if she isn’t I hope she has the ability to go to college as a mature aged student. 

My Dad didn’t go to University until 28. He ended up with a PhD and a very well regarded career. 

When she first married I thought her husband was creepy, but he seems to have turned out to be a supportive and loving husband.  When she was struggling, he supported putting the kids in public school. He supported her ditching skirts only and wearing pants.  They seem to be using some kind of birth control. He has supported her through depression and anxiety.  From just surface appearances, I believe he’d support her going to college.  Kristina has talked about how her homeschooling education failed her, though, and she may feel like she wasn’t educated well enough to go to college. 

[nelliebelle1197]

48 minutes ago, sableduck said:

When she first married I thought her husband was creepy, but he seems to have turned out to be a supportive and loving husband.  When she was struggling, he supported putting the kids in public school. He supported her ditching skirts only and wearing pants.  They seem to be using some kind of birth control. He has supported her through depression and anxiety.  From just surface appearances, I believe he’d support her going to college.  Kristina has talked about how her homeschooling education failed her, though, and she may feel like she wasn’t educated well enough to go to college. 

I just hope he is doing nicer things for her to make up for Arby’s.

 

[adidas]

I really wish her all the best and I’m so glad that she has support.

[sableduck]

10 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

I just hope he is doing nicer things for her to make up for Arby’s.

 

I’ll admit that my husband’s proposal wasn’t a great deal better but we’re still happily married after ten years.

Kristina looks happy and mostly healthy on her FB and blog.  

[nelliebelle1197]

21 minutes ago, sableduck said:

I’ll admit that my husband’s proposal wasn’t a great deal better but we’re still happily married after ten years.

Kristina looks happy and mostly healthy on her FB and blog.  

Yeah but yours was private and not on a blog as an example of godly courtship. 

I admit I have an issue with Kristina that comes more from her proximity to me- last time I checked it was around 8 miles and a million universes away - and what  radical right wing Christians like her and her family have done to my state over the last 15 years. 

I feel the same way about the Mortons and the Smiths but it is easier to snark on them since they are four and two hours away. 

Edited May 5, 2019 by nelliebelle1197

[Flossie]

3 hours ago, sableduck said:

When she first married I thought her husband was creepy, but he seems to have turned out to be a supportive and loving husband.  When she was struggling, he supported putting the kids in public school. He supported her ditching skirts only and wearing pants.  They seem to be using some kind of birth control. He has supported her through depression and anxiety.  From just surface appearances, I believe he’d support her going to college.  Kristina has talked about how her homeschooling education failed her, though, and she may feel like she wasn’t educated well enough to go to college. 

I only have vague recollections about the Arby's proposal, and I don't even know what it was like for her husband, and if he knew it would be reported on a blog or if he knew or cared how it would look to blog readers.  

How many times have we heard about spontaneous proposals of marriage?  We see them all the time on movies, but I know one woman who was kind of proposed to in the kitchen of a diner she worked at.  She had been dating one of the cooks for only a couple of months, and someone pointed out that several other employees had gotten engaged to each other and asked her if she was also getting engaged to the cook.  Before she could answer, the cook said "Yep.  And our marriage will outlast anyone else's."  She thought he was kidding, but later on when they were alone he told her he was serious.  They did get married, and 20 years in, they were still happy and none of the other couples were still together.  The cook had been planning to ask her, but he was waiting for the right time.  Suddenly, it was the right time.

While it's true that spontaneous proposals aren't always a good idea, I think that when a marriage has lasted over a decade and things are still going strong, it falls in the "Awwww" area and not in the "Ewwww" or "Um, nope" areas.

If Kristina wants to go to college, I think she'll do fine.  She's not completely uneducated and if she has the support of her family, especially her husband, I think she'll do fine.  She simply needs to get tested to see if she needs remedial help in the basics, then go on from there.

[formergothardite]

5 minutes ago, Flossie said:

How many times have we heard about spontaneous proposals of marriage?  

The Arby's proposal wasn't spontaneous. It was planned and he had to hand the ring to her dad to put on her finger. It was all sorts of weirdness. 

[JMarie]

On 5/3/2019 at 7:36 PM, Milly-Molly-Mandy said:

I feel more than many fundies she has so much lost potential. Imagine if she had been given an excellent education, gone to college & had a career. Still had her babies but 10 years later. 

She really could have excelled. I hope she’s content with her life but if she isn’t I hope she has the ability to go to college as a mature aged student. 

My Dad didn’t go to University until 28. He ended up with a PhD and a very well regarded career. 

(cough) like Meredith (cough)

[nelliebelle1197]

@Flossie there was nothing spontaneous about that proposal.

[ViolaSebastian]

I can't snark on the Arby's proposal too hard. I've been asked my two people--the first one was in his uncle's kitchen and the second guy was drunk (and became my now-ex-husband). At least Kristina got curly fries.

[VVV]

The Arby's proposal came across as weird and creepy, but it's in the past and neither Kristina's husband nor Kristina herself has any power to change it. But what they do have the power to change--skirts only/pants; homeschooling/public school--they are changing. Credit where credit is due. I'm relieved and happy for her that her husband seems to be loving and supportive, unlike (for example) **cough** Steve Maxwell **cough**. Steve's proposal could have been more romantic by several factors (and possibly was), and it still wouldn't make up for his being a completely unloving control freak.

[Black Aliss]

14 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

Yeah but yours was private and not on a blog as an example of godly courtship. 

I admit I have an issue with Kristina that comes more from her proximity to me- last time I checked it was around 8 miles and a million universes away - and what  radical right wing Christians like her and her family have done to my state over the last 15 years. 

I feel the same way about the Mortons and the Smiths but it is easier to snark on them since they are four and two hours away. 

I hear you and I agree, but education is really the only way people like the ones we snark on will ever come to see the harm they are doing.

 

[formergothardite]

On 5/5/2019 at 8:20 AM, nelliebelle1197 said:

I admit I have an issue with Kristina that comes more from her proximity to me- last time I checked it was around 8 miles and a million universes away - and what  radical right wing Christians like her and her family have done to my state over the last 15 years. 

She can cut her hair and put on pants but she is still a radical right wing Christian. 

Remember her abortion blog where she shared completely fake things? People showed her absolute proof the stuff she posted was fake and she didn't want to believe it. I'm not sure education would help her change beliefs she didn't want to change, she would just ignore the new info. Kristina reminds me of a smarter Alyssa Bates who stuck on pants but kept the terrible beliefs. 

[nelliebelle1197]

17 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

She can cut her hair and put on pants but she is still a radical right wing Christian. 

Remember her abortion blog where she shared completely fake things? People showed her absolute proof the stuff she posted was fake and she didn't want to believe it. I'm not sure education would help her change beliefs she didn't want to change, she would just ignore the new info. Kristina reminds me of a smarter Alyssa Bates who stuck on pants but kept the terrible beliefs. 

Yeah, I agree. And I am not even sure if she is smart. She just seems to have some maturity and decent instincts. That is a long way from being an intellect.

[3_and_counting]

Hello, ladies! No...I am not just showing up since you mentioned me. LOL  I have been reading here for a long time as you know. ?  Just wanted to step in for a sec...

I see we are still stuck on my proposal huh.  It was special to me, and Josh both...y'all know this.  It was where we had our very first lengthy conversation (a big step for us).  It had a special meaning.  Say what you will.  ?  I would probably go back and change my dad putting my ring on, but other than that, I wouldn't change a thing about it!

[3_and_counting]

On 5/6/2019 at 8:53 AM, nelliebelle1197 said:

Yeah, I agree. And I am not even sure if she is smart. She just seems to have some maturity and decent instincts. That is a long way from being an intellect.

Well, I must be doing something right in the "smarts" department to be working as a Social Media Marketing Manager building systems for lead generation for 2 gyms that are local to me.  But ya know, them smarts just never got me much of nowhere. ?‍♀️? #YesImASmartAlec #MakeYaSmile #MaybeNot

[formergothardite]

2 hours ago, 3_and_counting said:

I would probably go back and change my dad putting my ring on,

Your parents being right there on top of you and your dad putting the ring on your finger took it from being something that could be cute to being mega strange. Sometimes I see it pop up on like weird things lists and that is what people commenting find the most bizarre. 

Do you find people in your religious life are accepting of your anxiety issues? For most of my life many conservative Christians were very judgmental towards anyone with a mental illness. I still struggle with feelings of shame regarding anxiety and depression and I really think it stems from being raised in a group who looked down one those who struggle with their mental health. 

My anxiety has been almost crippling lately. I have such a negative view on life. 

[3_and_counting]

7 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

Do you find people in your religious life are accepting of your anxiety issues? For most of my life many conservative Christians were very judgmental towards anyone with a mental illness. I still struggle with feelings of shame regarding anxiety and depression and I really think it stems from being raised in a group who looked down one those who struggle with their mental health. 

My anxiety has been almost crippling lately. I have such a negative view on life. 

Some are accepting, but most have a very strict view on what they think I need to be doing to fix it.  And its not in finding a way to live with it, and learn to go about daily life despite of it.   Most want to tell me how to pray, or how much to read my bible, or how to change my life for the "demons" to leave me alone.  It has been a hard battle to fight.  But I've given up on being quiet about it, and I think that is probably what has caused the most issues so far.

I still struggle with some of the simplest things, like a going grocery shopping alone, or driving into town.  But I have gotten SO much better since I have learned how to cope with my "new normal".

Edited May 7, 2019 by 3_and_counting

[OyHiOh]

2 hours ago, 3_and_counting said:

Hello, ladies! No...I am not just showing up since you mentioned me. LOL  I have been reading here for a long time as you know. ?  Just wanted to step in for a sec...

I see we are still stuck on my proposal huh.  It was special to me, and Josh both...y'all know this.  It was where we had our very first lengthy conversation (a big step for us).  It had a special meaning.  Say what you will.  ?  I would probably go back and change my dad putting my ring on, but other than that, I wouldn't change a thing about it!

One of the true gifts of insight, that really only comes with time and distance, is learning how to view personal experience through the eyes of people who weren't there.  It's kind of like a person who is so involved in an abusive relationship that they no longer see their abuser's behavior as negative.  They share stories they've come to see as charming or cute, only to have friends or co workers recoil a bit because the stories are anything but charming or cute.  Get that reaction often enough and an abused partner may start to reconsider their partner's behavior.  Get enough time and distance and they can see the violence they endured for what it really was.

Your engagement story is special to you for a bunch of sentimental reasons (and would that we all have our sentimental stories that look less than romantic from the outside!) but if you can give yourself permission to set aside the sentiment, the whole thing is pretty odd and doesn't read the same way.

[formergothardite]

3 minutes ago, 3_and_counting said:

Most want to tell me how to pray, or how much to read my bible, or how to change my life for the "demons" to leave me alone.  It has been a hard battle to fight.  But I've given up on being quiet about it, and I think that is probably what has caused the most issues so far.

I deleted most of the conservative Christians off my FB page but there were a couple left and when I posted about dealing with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts one of them told me Jesus was doing this to get me back in the fold. She promptly got deleted. I do think having someone still in the religious group speak out does help because they know you. When it is someone on the outside it is easier to point and claim the people suffering because of spiritual reasons. 

I did have my anxiety pretty under control until the last couple years. I have been trying to force myself to deal with things instead of avoiding them.  But right now it is just all the negative thoughts. In the past I could talk myself through by finding reasons why these things will ever happen, but I can't do that now because things I didn't even consider worrying over have come true. 

[3_and_counting]

5 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

I did have my anxiety pretty under control until the last couple years. I have been trying to force myself to deal with things instead of avoiding them.  But right now it is just all the negative thoughts. In the past I could talk myself through by finding reasons why these things will ever happen, but I can't do that now because things I didn't even consider worrying over have come true. 

A book called Dare by Barry McDonaugh has helped me a lot! 

[formergothardite]

4 hours ago, 3_and_counting said:

A book called Dare by Barry McDonaugh has helped me a lot! 

I have it on hold at the library. 

It does seem like there is a lot more anxiety in people today. Probably the constant news cycles don't help. We live in a world where there is so much hate. It seems like the hate is growing. 

As a parent I try very hard not to pass on my anxiety about stuff to my kids. I don't want my kids to have to recover from their childhood like I have to.